This was a mate of mine's e.mail to a footy bashing article he stumbled across: "Being European, I've never gotten American so-called 'sports'. After all, in a land full of culture and class why on earth would we want to waste 6 hours of our time to watch 60 minutes of so-called 'action' in between 5 hours of commercials? Whoever invented the NFL for example saw the yanks coming for sure. What other place on earth could appreciate a bunch of bible bashing, obese men in tights and crash helmets bumping into each other? Yep, you got it. A bunch of obese bible bashers. It's surprising therefore that after every article written by these clowns praising the NFL that they don't thank God for helping them to write their words. After all, every single touchdown is God's work so why not every piece of so-called 'journalism?' Indeed, recent facts actually showed that 60% of gridiron players are considered obese! And America chooses to celebrate such athleticism by not only calling the game football but by also proclaiming it superior to the beautiful game. Honestly, you couldn't make it up! But in a country that is devoid of any culture whatsoever, devoid of any class or style and where originality is frowned upon what do you expect? A pulsating game of skill and non-stop action? Do me a favour! The NFL is slower than snooker and certainly of all the worlds sports, it's by far the least skilled. After all if a game of footy averages say 1 or 2 goals a game and an NFL contest averages say 6 touchdown's a game it's blatantly clear which is the easiest sport. In fact in a land renowned only really for its obesity and its desire to sit on the couch doing nothing but watching crap TV, that is probably why the US endures it - the fact that aside from remembering which player you're supposed to push over, there's actually very little for a player to do. And therein lies the biggest problem of the NFL, all a player has to do is remember what he's told to do. Like the fans themselves who are told over the PA when to cheer and what to cheer (remember, spontaneity and originality are taboo words in the good ol' US of A), the players simply remember the plays and that's about it. Indeed, stats prove that the length of time the average NFL player is actually involved in a game over a year is 6 hours! 6 hours! 6 hours a year! Honestly, you couldn't make it up! Factor in such gems as that certain players not being allowed to touch the ball(!), that there are some 40 plus players a side, that teams don't even have to play everyone to win the title and that you are rewarded more when you lose games than when you actually win with their ludicrous 'drafts' and you can understand why the NFL is completely irrelevant to the only parts of the world that are actually relevant i.e. the rest of the world. And that's what really grates America. Their sports are just so irrelevant in the grand scheme of things. Go to any country in the world and ask someone who the greatest football player of all time is and you think a single sole would vote for say, Jo Montana? Or one of today's players such as Brett Favre? Of course not. America likes to think it influences the world and to a certain degree it does but in sport? Do me a favour! And that bugs America. It really does. Every year when the SuperBowl comes around (the showpiece event for American 'football' to most of you who didn't know), they boast about a worldwide audience of 1 billion people watching it! When you consider that the average SuperBowl is watched by 80 million yanks (and half of those are only watching the adverts - seriously I'm not making that up!), we're supposed to believe that 920 million non-Americans watch a sport it knows nothing about and cares even less about? Honestly, you couldn't make it up! Indeed, surf the web and you can find any number of footy bashers out there proclaiming the beautiful game as er, boring and er, well that's about it. It's low scoring and er, boring. After all, scoring on every attack/possession is far more exciting you know! Never mind the skill. Never mind the spontaneity - let's face it when you've seen one home run or one touchdown you've seen them all. Never mind the passion of the fans. Never mind the nerve jangling excitement of say, a penalty shoot out - all absent from the NFL - or the fact that at it's peak it's country against country playing for the greatest trophy in all of sports - The Jules Rimet trophy. No, how about franchise against franchise. One fat multi-millionaire against another fat multi-millionaire. Yeah, that's what sport is all about. Sure it is! The fact that America doesn't want to appreciate the beautiful game makes it even more special when you read the drivel that they come up to knock the game. Even more so when you consider that it's just the same old drivel churned out time and time again. If they came up with a decent argument we could have a reasoned debate but no-one ever has because let's face it how can the NFL ever compete with the beautiful game? The first time you see the NFL, it's like seeing a bottle of Coors Light at a beer festival. You laugh at first at the audacity of it trying to pass itself off as a beer and then you just feel sorry for it. It wants to be appreciated but it's taken a product and watered it down so much that it's not even close to the original and subsequently vastly inferior. And let's not forget that the audience for the game are so dense that one of its sponsors - Fox - actually puts up huge arrows on the TV screen to let them know which direction the team with the ball is actually going! Honestly, you couldn't make it up! You ask a yank who won the Superbowl 2 years ago and they may tell you correctly. Then ask them the score. I guarantee you they won't know. And as for who scored the touchdowns? They'll be utterly clueless. And that's even the most devote fans of this so called 'sport'. And then there's the football hooligans. Another of the American media's pet subjects. Written by journalists who have never been abroad in their life and certainly not ever been to a game of football abroad, they take a situation like the recent Ultra violence at the San Siro that they know nothing about and proclaim every game in Europe a mass brawl. Of course when it happens in America and it happens at most NFL games, their response? Ignore it. After all if you allow young men to drink and drink and drink whilst watching sport, it's going to end in brawling and it invariably does. At more than 25% of the NFL games I've attended I've seen mass brawls inside and outside the stadium. Factor in the riots after American teams win championships, players fighting fans in stands at recent MLB and NBA games and even fans attacking officials on the field and you have to ask the question - just who made America God? In a recent play off game, Randy Moss, who was abused the entire game by home fans who also held up dozens of placards insulting him, scored a touchdown and feigned mooning at the fans. Hey, they abused him and he showed them what he thought of them, right? It is a free country isn't it? It was actually an amusing moment in an otherwise utterly sterile contest between two anonymous teams. What was Fox's reaction to his antics? To apologize to the audience. Yep, you read that right. They apologized. Pathetic. Absolutely pathetic is the only way to describe Fox's response. Which again begs the question who the heck made America God? They can't even get their own house in order and they spend all this time attacking the world's game? Is it jealousy? Sure it is. Ignorance? Yep! Stupidity? Come on, this is America we're talking about. Have you ever met an intelligent American? Is it fear? Fear that 'soccer' will take over from first hockey then basketball then baseball then the NFL? Sure it is. With the influx of micro-brewed beer nationwide, why do you think Budweiser spend millions on advertising coming up with surprisingly amusing (by American standards) commercials? Because the product is undrinkable and they have to con their demographic somehow into believing the product is pleasant tasting else the consequences of people actually discovering beer with taste and well, you know the rest. By the same token these petrified journalists write anti-footy pieces in the hope that their readers will agree with them when they know full well that you take a yank to say, an English Premier League game and within 5 minutes he'll be berating the NFL for its worthlessness in comparison. The journalists know this so they feel obliged to write their drivel in an embarrassing attempt to fly the American flag. Still when you have an ignorant, humourless society such as America what do you expect? The point is that the NFL like all American sports will never reach the heights of world relevance that the beautiful game or rugby or even cricket to name but 3 proper sports will ever. And that can only be a good thing. Real sports aren't submerged in stats to try and disguise the fact that the sport itself is frighteningly dull. Real sports don't need 3 players a side for a coin toss (I'm not making that up either you know!). And if you've ever witnessed a 'Turkey Bowl' or Flag Gridiron then you'll know how ludicrous it is to watch NFL fans try and imitate their hero's. Is there anything on earth more absurd than watching grown men run around trying to take flags out of each others pockets - you guessed it, I'm not making that up either!! Fortunately, the rest of the world is not as stupid as America and their trivial, pointless version of football will never catch on. After all can you imagine a world where American 'football' was king and we all drunk Coors Light? Exactly. Terrifying isn't it?"
Yeah if I got an email that long, I'd probably delete it after maybe two sentences. I don't care if you've got the cure for cancer somewhere in there, make your point and move on.
I lived in the UK for a bit in the early 90's. I can confirm that this line The NFL is slower than snooker is false. Snooker is dull as dirt, but a great cure for insomnia. But hey, there is always the show of dogs herding sheep!! Or maybe that sport named after a bug, cricket? locust? ladybug?? I forget He should probably accept the fact that most Americans don't care if his panties are in a bunch about our sporting preferences.
Yeah, that was a bit over the top. Maybe I should make things interesting and move this to the Football forum.
Europeans are really insecure, aren't they? I'm very curious as to how this happened, because when I was growing up, we weren't so insecure. In fact, as people who grew up in Britain in the 80s can attest, American sports were actually very popular for a number of years, and especially the NFL.
Here's where he really loses me. Is he actually contending that the World Cup Trophy (I thought that Brazil kept the Rimet Trophy) is anything more than the ugliest, most pitiful, fifth-grade-art-project of a trophy in the world? I only hope that they design a real trophy in time for the United States' victory.
As the Stanley Cup, which is a Canadian trophy, evolved over 115 years of being awarded, you are officially stupid.
not knowing about the history of the stanley cup makes me stupid? i was merely referring to the american obsession with size - the bigger the better (which is why i guessed that he thinks the stanley cup is a 'cooler' trophy than the world cup) - which ive cleared pointed out cos i know firsthand that americans need to be spoonfed everything... but i guess even that didnt suffice... no wonder you guys are known to have the worst sense of humour around...
What about Basketball? Surely the most boring game invented, a seven foot tall freak bounces a ball up a court and puts it into a net and then guess what? Yep a seven foot tall freak bounces a ball up a cour............well you get the idea. Baseball's cool though.
I was about to nail you for trashing basketball since I was born in Springfield, but I'll give you a pass since you gave props to baseball. I never said that the Stanley Cup is a better trophy (though, now that you mention it...), merely that the World Cup Trophy is pathetic. It's three (?) warped figures holding up a soccer ball. That's it? Thirty two teams from around the world, a two year qualification process, a month long tournament, sixty four matches, millions in attendence, and billions watching on TV? And all for a piece of crap that wouldn't be fit for a door stop? How about something like the William Webb Ellis Trophy? That's a good one. How about any major tennis or golf trophy? How about any hockey trophy other than the President's Trophy? And I can't believe I didn't notice it, but the author of that gem is clearly American. He knows way too many specific things about football and, for someone who supposedly hates the sport, he sure watches a lot of it. As to the Randy Moss thing, I agree that Joe Buck made too big a deal of it. But that's a problem with Joe Buck, not our sporting culture. It was hardly the most sportsmanlike play in the history of the game, but Packer fans deserve to be taunted. After all, they're Packer fans. There are certain things in sports that all have a common trait: standing on the Star at Texas Stadium, booing Kobe Bryant at the All Star Game, stealing from Derek Jeter, beaning Mike Piazza, giving Alex Rodriguez a face wash, and taunting Packer fans. They're victimless crimes and everyone should be allowed to do them once.
Well, I mean, it IS made of solid gold. That's kind of impressive considering its size. I mean that's 5 kilograms of gold.
I'll not pass on it. This is ridiculous, but it's fun to do, watch: What about soccer? Surely the most boring game invented, a scrawny kid with long hair kicks a ball the length of the field and tries to put it in a net the size of a house, but somehow manages to usually miss despite the massive goal. And then guess what? Yep, a scrawny kid with long hair kicks a ball the length.... well you get the idea. See how ridiculous that is? Exactly the same thing.