The article below prompted me to look and see if we have a more general, rather than specifically anecdotal/episodic, thread on this topic. I didn't find one. It does seem to be something we find ourselves talking about more and more lately. I found this passage particularly dismaying: https://www.offtheball.com/soccer/violence-referees-epidemic-irish-grassroots-863110
Good timing for this reminder as we start our summer tournament season. My hope is for us referees to start standing stronger on this together.
"....sports psychologist Canice Kennedy notes that a primary reason is that verbal abuse has become accepted in the culture of the sport." It starts at the top. Eliminate it (verbal abuse) from what the kids watch and a generation later the players will have respect and a different mindset. Look at the difference between rugby and soccer on TV. The kids today emulate what they see on TV. They see a whole bunch of players swarming the ref, flapping their arms like they just ate a jalapeno while dancing...they copy. I don't need to be a sports psychologist to work that out...but feel free to pay me like one.
I've made several comments on this topic. But I'll say this: In recent weeks I've run into several coaches who I've had the pleasure of dismissing previously for piss poor behavior. There was nothing more beautiful than hearing "Be quiet John, he'll send you off" or "Move on, he called it" from a coach who had to be sent off 2 times before he got the message that I'm not the "give and take" kind of ref. Or when I was on a line and the coach ran 10 yards to protest an offside call but caught himself, saying "I know very well what happens if I talk to you." Put the fear of God into these people. Because that's what we are for 60-90 minutes. Judge, jury, and executioner. We are Gods. And if it takes that kind of arrogant attitude to get some SOB to hesitate before he opens his mouth, I'm all for it.
There's nothing to lose by ejecting a coach. He has one or two more there to take over for the rest of the game. You don't even need to give a warning if s/he pisses you off that much. It's the only way they will learn.
I'd also say that applies to the decision to remove fans (with the help of the field marshals and/or coach) as well. I had to do that yesterday in a U9 game (yes, a U9 game - parents achieve a special blend of psychosis and ignorance at that level). I also made sure to file a detailed report with the tournament assignor to document the team and situation. I'm hopeful that the assignor and tournament will deal with the team in an appropriate manner. Until we as referees begin to use the tools that we have and properly report items like this, it will continue. While I can't guarantee the tournament will deal with one of their host teams, I made absolutely sure that I filed the report so the club knows that at least one referee will communicate inappropriate behavior.
What? They've been watching little Jenny and Aaron for 4 or 5 years now. They've learned all there is to know about soccer by then.
Hah!! I try to get back to W. Ma every summer and watch my son in the over 40 league. One dad there [who played for many years] is still going by the 60's laws. We usually have to give him oxygen by halftime!
I am jinxing myself with the following comment. I have been doing a ton of higher level u16-u19 matches over the last month, and it has been as quiet as a library at almost all of the matches. I have a few theories. The coaches are more established and don’t need to work us as much (?). The parents are done with going to matches and their kids have parsed their scholarship offers and the parents have realized it is a net negative! And the kids have been playing year round for the last five years and they just want the game over so they can get back to their phones. I am pressing my luck as I am doing US Club State Cup semi’s and finals this coming weekend. Last year, it was over stressed kids and wild parents, as well as over bearing coaches.
YES YES YES - I tell my new refs to be large and in charge! If they don't like something, insist that it stop/change or you will abandon the game. Not many kids can/will do it, but those who do might just have that special IT in what it takes to be a top ref.