Parents the world over, dread the trial periods and cuts that are made at most competitive levels of youth football. Quite rightly so, we all want to see our children succeed in life. For those children who don't make the grade their parents' chagrin may be justified, however, their spite is usually misdirected. And at worst, their advice to their children is misguided and potentially damaging. "Why didn't little Johnny make the team?" They squeal. "He's better than Mo, Larry and Curly and they all made the cut!!!" "You never gave him a fair chance," is another dagger that gets thrown around, "he never got the same game time to show what he can do." The truth is, this blame game and excuse making is deplorable. It deflects from the real reasons that a child never made the grade: 1. They are simply not at the required level either technically or physically. Harsh as that may sound. 2. They do not put the required level of effort into either training, games or their own personal practice. 3. They have a poor attitude that has a negative impact on the rest of the players around them. 4. They have poor levels of concentration and focus, which would hinder development and have an adverse effect on training sessions for the entire squad. These are the big four. However you want to dress it up, this is the reason why your little superstar didn't make the team. So, instead of passing the buck, parents really need to address how they can best support their children when dealing with disappointment and responding in a positive manner. This is so, so important. Unfortunately, there is such a culture of entitlement these days that I really feel strongly about children, sometimes young children, facing the realities of life. Parents could best help their children by doing the same. So here it is. I'm a big advocate for the pursuit of excellence. In life and in football. I try to foster a culture of excellence throughout my squad. Even at a young age. It's so important. It breeds fantastic football players and fantastic young men. If a child is struggling... sure, we have a moral obligation to help and as coaches and parents that is our job. It is our job to develop, nurture and teach our children to be on the path to excellence. If they falter from that path, stumble from that path, or god forbid, lose their way on that path, then we must act as guide and chaperone. Just like the archangel Metatron, when he guided Moses and his people through the lands of the Amorites, Hittites, Jebusites and beyond. In other words, we must get them to the big game on time. The children, the children are the key. They must take responsibility for their own pursuit of excellence. And in typical Eyebrow style, this is how they do it..... 1. They must work hard. In fact, they must work their little heinies off. Day and night, both technically and physically. That is a must. 2. They must listen to every goddamn word that comes out of their coach's mouth, because as far as they are concerned, that is gospel. Personally, I demand this. 3. Once they hit the turf, they belong to coach. He is god. 4. They never, ever, ever give up. That would be a bad mistake while on my squad. Children who give in, buckle and cave can leave my squad immediately. I've no need for players like that and no time to share my wisdom with these duds. If a moderately talented young person can follow these 4 rules then they have a chance. That's what they give themselves. A beautifully rare gift: A chance at excellence.
Some of what you write is true; some just the ramblings of an inflated ego… But what you are missing is the reality that talent evaluation, especially at the youth level, is largely subjective…often superficial, even a bit arbitrary…and sometimes even political… Sure, it’s easy with any group of kids to pick out the top handful of players, and on the other side, probably just as easy to identify the worst few kids…as for the majority of mid-range kids, thing become very unclear and fuzzy… Like many things, talent distribution, at any given level or age, is a bell curve…so for example (and in very general terms), if you have 30 8 year olds, trying out of 15 spots, the top 5 will clearly stand out, as will the bottom 5….as for the remaining 20 kids, things will be very undefined and unclear; the talent gap very narrow… the difference between the 12th best player and the 18th best player will likily be paper thin… And this often just the opinion of one person…another coach might think that 18th ranked player is actually the 12th best player... I while I accept that those who are required to make such decisions and cuts, do so with the best of intentions, and honestly try to be unbiased and fair, they are not Gods, they are not perfect, they are not all knowing…they often get things wrong… While there are undoubtedly kids who have no business playing at certain levels/teams, yet for many kids, it’s simply a subjective numbers game…a kid might be just as talented, put in just as much effort, have a great attitude, concentration and focus, have just as much potential as the next kid, and still end up getting cut, because, well, the line has to be drawn somewhere… If a kid does get cut and they truly love soccer, I agree they should keep their head up, work hard and never give up…hopefully they will release the opinion of one coach, who might have just seen him for a couple of hours, running a few drills, in the long run, doesn’t mean that much…
I'm curious. Do you honestly believe that "politics", friendships, or some other non-sport related factor NEVER comes into play with who is on a team and who isn't? I totally agree parents can be unreasonable and easily make excuses/play the blame game. But just like the talent level among a group of kids, the "reasonableness" of the parents will also be on a bell curve. There will be some who will agree with everything the coach tells them. There will be some who won't agree, but will support the coach. There will be some who think the coach was a bad hire and will do everything to undercut him (or her). And there will be some in the middle who the coach will never hear a peep out of.
...and there are those who crawl as far up the coach's backside as they possibly can. There is one such mom on one of my daughter's current teams that especially adept at worming her way into the core of the team's social fabric, and ingratiating herself and her kid to coaches. That's annoying enough, but her daughter- while a very instinctual and gifted player- is a gold-star attitude problem and chronic victim that is causing friction within the team. Nobody wants to get sideways with Mom and her special bond with Coach though, so she runs roughshod. :Sigh: Kids' sports.
Me being new to being a soccer dad (5 yr old boy) and a coach (U6)... I'm now looking ahead. I'd rather not coach again due to the logistics/administrative/scheduling responsibilities. But... It seems that there are two primary paths/philosophies a dad/coach can take: 1) Don't coach again, rather focus that time on developing your kid (i.e. be like his personal trainer). or 2) Coach because otherwise your kid will be at the mercy of another coach's whims/possible corruption/politics/etc, which could affect the kid negatively (perhaps he's forced to play a position that is not a good fit for him). In other words - is it better to put your resources into developing your kid individually, or is it better to divvy up your time between developing your kid AND coaching his team to ensure that the team dynamic is fair/a meritocracy/not falling prey to politics? I want to believe that most coaches are fair and competent enough that I can trust them, but based on what I hear, it's not so clear.
Develop your kid(not personally-he or she may hate you for that). The politics will always be present as will the lack of competent coaches.
If you coach your child, one child benefits. If you coach a team, multiple kids can benefit. If you have the time and inclination, I would say continue to coach. That being said, I assume you're coaching at a recreational level (vs Select/travel). If you child is good enough, hopefully he moves on to the next level at around U8-U10. Then there are hopefully no "daddy" (or "mommy") coaches. Politics will be around at every level.
I can't tell if you played soccer before. If you did and can teach proper technique, etc and you don't want the responsibility of a team take a group of 4-6 boys/girls and train them 1x or 2x week in a local park. They don't have to be on the same team. Not sure what age to start this though. 6 or 7? Those kids that do the extra trainings always stand out in the U-littlies and make it to the next level quite easily. The "next level" requires something different though to make it to the next level - athleticism, soccer IQ, dedication, focus, aggression, etc. Coach only if you enjoy it.
If by better, you mean does it give your kids an advantage, then it certainly does IMHO…even more so if: a) You know what you are doing coaching/training-wise. b) Your son is currently just an average kid/player. c) You can place quality teammates around him and, following suit, play against quality competition. I would agree with Sam_G, that at some point, he will probably need to coached by someone else, either at the “next level” and/or simply to give him the opportunity not to be the Coach’s son… but during those early, formative years, under the right circumstances, coaching your son/running the team will give him a tremendous leg up over his peers and eventual competition for moving on to the “next level,” however defined… With that said, understand that people will likely accuse you of playing favorites; that you will open yourself up to the same changes of politics and unfair practices you are concerned about and trying to avoid… More importantly, they won’t always be wrong… Despite our best intentions to be fair and impartial, its impossible to stop being our kid’s parents….you will likely be faced with decisions what will be impacted/decided base on the fact your kid is your kid. A very common example of this occurs during the tryout phase. If you have your son’s best friend/friends/classmates trying out for the team, you will be hard pressed to cut them, if cuts are required. You want your kid to have fun, and what’s more fun than playing soccer with your friends? But either way, coach/don’t coach, I wouldn’t worry too much about it…you sound like an engaged, knowledgeable, supportive parent…your son will be fine…don’t dwell on the negativity that sometimes seems to dominate this forum; for most us doing this for a while, I have little doubt the positive far outweighs the negative…
Yes I have played soccer a decent amount. As an adult (44 yo) I am studying it more and watching more at all levels (I watch/study literally every level from U5 to adults, from rec to pro, girls/boys, high school, club, college, USL, Premier, etc, it's becoming an unhealthy addiction, or perhaps obsession?). As an adult I have learned way more about technique than as a kid. We didn't have the internet growing up and I grew up in a small midwest town where soccer was not popular. I'm confident I can teach technique well, the challenge is in identifying exactly which things to teach to the particular kid (what they are primed to learn as a next step). That (taking 4-6 kids) sounds lovely but I don't think I have the time and as selfish as it sounds I'd rather invest what time I do have into my own kid as he (and every kid really) need every advantage they can get in the competitive landscape. This is my kid's first time in a league. In the first 5 games, he has scored 35 goals, while the total goals against us is 18. I'm not quite sure what to make of it. But I just don't want to short change him if he in fact does have high potential. Like most kids he is into many things, so maybe he won't have the focus on soccer to reach his full potential, idk. Thanks for the feedback!
'coaching your son/running the team will give him a tremendous leg up over his peers and eventual competition for moving on to the “next level,”' Thanks this is good to know. I am coaching his team now and may in U8, but I think that would be about it. I would say he is above avg; is a prolific goal scorer (I know that doesn't mean much in U6). He's great at keeping the ball close to his feet even on a lumpy field; he can dribble at full speed and keep the ball under control and always knows where the goal is. Him and the other top kid on our team both passed to the other in the last game which was very cool to see (first time passing so deliberately). Yes, I can see the favorites thing becoming an issue; but I also don't want another dad/coach favoring his kid over mine (that sounds petty I realize).
@NewDadaCoach Your son is lucky to have a dad like you to guide him in the right direction! My advice is to make sure he is comfortable using both feet and if he's right footed play him on the left and vice versa. Even if it takes him a while to get used to it. I would also not be afraid to put him as a centre back. Even if he is not tall. A striker needs to understand how defenders move and it will help his passing under pressure. Have a great season!
Your son is 5, right? ENJOY it right now. Don't worry about getting him to the next level. Sure, ask him if he wants to kick the ball around with you and have fun with it. It's a fine line, but don't push too hard. It seems like only a year or two ago, my DS was tearing up the fields at U6. Now he's a sophomore in HS, captain of his team, has done two international soccer trips, and we're worrying about college. For him, soccer started at 4, he was in a select program at 7, changed clubs at 11, did first international trip at 12, second at 15. It's been a heck of a ride, but a small part of me wishes we were still at U-little when our biggest concern was whether we remembered it was our turn to bring snacks after a game.
I'm not sure why I coach my kiddo.She's hard enough on herself.That I don't want to be a source of criticism.Maybe I want her to learn and function in a group outside of classmatrs,as she is an only. I do have a question.When do kids start to really benefit from condition games/drills?Two passes to shoot,playing one down,etc.The first and secong d graders appeared to me to be too disparate in ability to be able to consistently make these useful.I've only ever added conditions in games when we were so much bigger than the other team that we were having it too easy.
All I want to say is that all those things you read about what you should not do as a soccer (or whatever sports) parent, etc, for example, like the talk on the ride home after the game, it's all true.
I think it's based on the players' ability to control the ball too. So find a condition that challenges their ball control first (shielding, turns, dribbling to space, 1v1) before going to passing related conditions.
I will say we have always talked to our kids about the game on the ride home and it hasn't been detrimental (they're still playing 10+ years later). It has been more "what happened when... " instead of a "you should have... " or "why didn't you... ".
Yes I am coaching rec U6, about as entry-level as you can get. As altruistic as helping other kids is, I would only do it to the extent that it helps my kid. The reason is that I see many other kids with major advantages, so the only way my kid can compete is if I try to give him advantages and make sure he's in the top echelon of players at his age. How will my kid compete against kids with more resources or who's parents played pro soccer? The only way is if I am strategic and deliberate in his development. I need to optimize his home life so that he can get many touches on the ball and do specific training like balance and strength drills, as well as use the nearby high school track and turf field to give him sprint training and agility and skill drills.
Yes he is 5 years and 4 months old. I will only push him if he seems to react positively to it, I won't force it up on him. For ex, I told him I want to time him at sprints (40 yard dash and 100m). He loved it! For the 40 yard dash he wouldn't stop after 40, kept running to 80 yards (even though I stopped the clock). I think he is just a natural athlete (like many kids his age seem to be, they love to run). I just wish there were kids that lived very close by that he could just play soccer with easily/conveniently, rather than feeling like we have to always take a drive or schedule some class or official session. Congrats on your son's rise. I see plenty of High School kids going on to play at college. Does he also play club in the off season?
Sorry, I had to laugh at the bolded. His off season was literally three days. He went from HS last year to club, when club finished he had a college camp, when that finished he had ODP camp. Then three days off and HS started. I do want to comment on this... He is FIVE. Reading this as an outsider just seems extreme. Sure, he liked running and getting his time. Will he want to do that every day? Every other? For how many weeks? Please make sure you continue to read his mood and don't force him into things.