[Eggy]

The Official Man Utd Maths Workbook, which covers sums for practising Key Stage Two maths for 7-11 year olds. This has been introduced as part of the Government's maths campaign.

1. ACCELERATION. Roy is 78 yards away from the referee at Old Trafford and Gary is 65 yards away. If Roy can run at 21 mph and Gary can run at 16 mph, who will be sticking their vein-bulging forehead into the hapless whistler's face first, assuming Roy does not stop to stamp on an opponent on his way.

2. TELLING THE TIME. If one minute of time is taken up in a game for substitutions and one minute for injuries, how much injury time the referee will add on if Man Utd are losing at home?

3. PROBABILITY (1). Ryan Giggs is a Welshman. Express, as a percentage, the number of internationals he has missed on a Wednesday evening compared to the miraculous recoveries he made for the following Saturday.

4. SUBTRACTION (1). Manchester United are one of the giants of world club football. How many more European Cup Finals have they appeared in than Steaua Bucharest? (For one extra mark; How many more than Reims?)

5. SUBTRACTION (2). How many more times have Man Utd won the European Cup than Nottingham Forest?

6. DISTANCE. You are the referee at Old Trafford. How near to a visiting defender does a tumbling Ruud van Nistelrooy have to be to earn a penalty if he goes down in the box? (Note: Round your answers down to the nearest 20 yards.)

7. PROBABILITY (2). Express the statistical probability of visitors to Old Trafford being awarded a penalty. Compare this with the probability of opponents of Man Utd being awarded a penalty home or away, and then discuss if a penalty awarded to Man Utd would be awarded to their opponents in identical circumstances.

8. BASIC ACCOUNTING (1). Mark The Red lives in Guildford. How much does it cost for him and his two sons to travel to the Theatre of Silence every other weekend, including limited edition matchday programme, a few drinks and a prawn sandwich all round? How much could he save per week if he watched his local team instead? (Note; round your answers down to the nearest thousand pounds.)

9. BASIC ACCOUNTING (2). Alex had a hotel room booked in Cardiff for the FA Cup Final. How much money did he lose when cancelling his reservation?

10. WEIGHT AND PRESSURE. Ruud is 6ft tall and very strong and fast. How much pressure need be applied to make him tumble over in the opponent's penalty area? (Note; Answers must be in lbs per square inch. However, answers such as However much pressure is applied by Ferguson to referees are accepted.)

11. MONEY. Juan was a lazy boy and often went missing. Alex was very cross and wanted to sell him. If Juan cost £28m to buy, how much do you think Alex sold him for? How many pennies did Alex lose?

12. POULTRY FARMING. What is the total number of chickens counted before they were hatched by Man Utd and their fans who thought Wolves were a pushover?

13. ABSOLUTELY NO APOLOGIES TO UTD FANS, WHICHEVER PART OF DORSET, KENT, LONDON, NORFOLK ETC YOU COME FROM!


BBC 606
http://www.bbc.co.uk/cgi-perl/h2/h2....wolves&sort=Te

[billyireland]

Eggy cracks me up... more worried with trying to insult ManU fans than with what his own club is up to.

[mixmastermatt]

hahaha eggy ur the man!

just ignore billynomates!

i like the first question best!

[Its only Ray Parlour]

The person who originally created this deserves a medal.

[the_baron]

Too funny!

[the_baron]

Thinking about it, it's one of those 'Why didn't I think of that?' jokes.

[Matt Clark]

Originally Posted by the_baron

Thinking about it, it's one of those 'Why didn't I think of that?' jokes.

Sadly - this is not.

United bans signed memorabilia

The world's best-supported club has declared a ban on signing various forms of memorabilia, even if it means disappointing its youngest supporters.
Rather than a collective case of writer's cramp, the club says it is to
reduce the risk of autograph hunters selling items on the internet.

...

Sir Alex's son Jason has not been averse to cashing in on the club's name. He did, after all, create the £275 Manchester United shirt in 2001. While the same shirts were on sale for £35 at the Old Trafford megastore, Ferguson and his associates at Elite Sports Group Ltd used their contacts at Old Trafford to get them signed by a United player, framed them and delivered them around the world at exorbitant prices.

Scum scum scum scum Scum Scum Scum Scum SCUM SCUM SCUM - tada da dat dadaaaa!

[Matt Clark]

He he he

Manchester United Finance Department

"WIN Match Tickets, Signed Team Shirts, VIP trips to Old Trafford?

...

That someone could be you simply by taking out one of the great MU insurance policies that have been created especially for followers of United. "

[N*E*R*D]

Ha! Now that is good!

[johno]

Good posts allround really... the initial post is quite humourous and I had a good laugh... also I am saddened by the news of the new restrictions placed on the players... no complaints here...

Not trying to start anything despite the fact that this is rivalries - how many Premiership titles will Arsenal have less than ManU, providing they do not choke and piss a huge lead away again.