[Honore de Ballsac]

There has been extended speculation that Landon could return to the Quakes.

As much as he deserved our castigation, and as much as I enjoy heaping it on when he wears an opposing jersey - I would welcome his return and give him a chance to prove himself by scoring against the Galaxy at HDC and, I dunno, defecating on a picture of Dyan Cannon at the post-game press conference. Something like that. Anyway:

Why should this deal happen between Lalas, Donovan, Garber, a washed-up scream queen, an ex-Galaxy coach and the guys who changed our blue jerseys to black - without OUR input?

Let's hash out a FAN'S CONTRACT WITH LANDON DONOVAN right here and now. We can send him our demands and see if they are found to be agreeable.

Provisos anyone?

[Openthegate]

Yeah, don't come to San Jose! Sign Here:

[bluenblack]

1. Show up to play every match. No disappearances until the playoffs.

2. What has your wife done lately? Move up here, maybe we can get her a job doing the weather at night. Maybe.

3. Donate your 2008 salary towards the construction of a brewpub in the new Epicenter. We can put the $$$ in a trust until needed.

4. Stop your ridiculous OCD routine before taking a penalty.

5. No, you cannot bring Cobi, Vagenas or Pavon with you.

6. You can bring Gray or Cannon with you.

7. You get a clear opening towards the goal, you go for it. No passing in the 6 yard box. (Had to add that one from the WC)

8. Shave your head already.

9. You won't have special treatment in San Jose since Uncle Phil will not be involved.

10. Think long and hard about where you really want to be. If you come and burn us again, you cannot begin to fathom the venom you will get from us.

[Honore de Ballsac]

bluenblack: rep coming, but you coulda got at least a dozen quality posts out of those 10 provisos.

I second the outright rejection of extended OCD rituals, any celebratory kiss-snatching from Bianca or Cobi or whomever, and any other embarrassing displays of pantywaistry.

[We Were Cut]

Show some balls on the field, and off. Slagging off Alexi Lalas is a good start.

Consistency.

If you want to be a leader, then act like one. No more prima dona.

No making lovie eyes at other teams. If you come to San Jose, buy a house and live there. Dig roots.

[koolkeith13]

That is a great list! I talked to one of the forwards from the Sounders who is from Jamaica. He has an outside chance of making it onto their qualifying squad next year so I told him that if he plays against the States to "step on Donovan's toes" just once for me.

Full disclosure: I don't mind Landy other than that PK crap. I actually own a Landy shirt. It's just that the PK stuff really tests my patience.

[bluenblack]

Originally Posted by Honore de Ballsac

bluenblack: rep coming, but you coulda got at least a dozen quality posts out of those 10 provisos.

I second the outright rejection of extended OCD rituals, any celebratory kiss-snatching from Bianca or Cobi or whomever, and any other embarrassing displays of pantywaistry.

Yeah, ok, I could have gotten a lot more mileage but my boss was skulking about and that was the best I could do in 2 minutes. I love the word "pantywaistry."

[FUAEG]

No more Dodger hats.
No orange hair.

[billreeves]

I'll welcome him back if he agrees to wash my car.

[Qrom]

Never EVER EVER do that stupid kissey hand nonsense before you take a penalty kick again... seriously just thinking about that makes me sick. I hope he doesn't come back.