Since I figured you guys needed a laugh... Guardian writer Steven Stark decided to bless the world with his insightful analysis on what MLS can do to improve it's fortunes. The article is titled How Major League Soccer can get its groove back and in it he offers a four-point-plan to make MLS matter. Have you finished your drink? Are you sitting down? Good. Now on to the plan, which you can see in-depth by clicking the link, if you're masochistic. You really don't even need a punchline for that do you? Here's the writer's justification for the plan. Mods, move this or slap the shit out of me if I put this in the wrong spot, but I figured everybody could use some cheap entertainment today.
The U20 women's national pool got beaten badly in a couple of scrimmages last year with a U14 boys club team. One can only wonder what the women's senior "national franchise" would do against adult men. I like the other ideas, though. OK, maybe not. But this is a league whose last great idea was "come out and watch the 14 year old." So let's not get too uppity, some of these ideas aren't a lot worse.
Yeah, I think he is slagging on Americans. He must be about to bust reading those oh so earnest comments.
That's the assumption I came to, because I refused to believe that he couldn't find any information about - or just didn't know about - the US Open Cup when writing the section about having an FA Cup-style competition.
As for it being a joke ... of course it is, no English journalist writes seriously about American sawker. Sarcasm being a substitute for insight.
I rather enjoyed the comments, actually. Though this was amusing: Oh my goodness -- have KIDS play soccer? We'll get right on it!
Boring the America soccer fan to death, yes. Joining forces with Mexico and Central America, sure why not. Legit idea. The rest is either sarcasm or indeed, one of the worst I have read. Either that or this is some kind of creul joke.
And since he writes for the Guardian I'd imagine he pulls in a decent amount of money for each article he writes. If it's a joke then it's a joke whose punchline involves the author laughing all the way to the bank. The serious discussion going on in the comments makes my head hurt, but it was funny to basically see each of the first ten posters rake him over the coals him over not even bothering to research the Open Cup.
Ha! It's the Guardian...do you think I'm going to read that tripe? I didn't even click on the link. Why waste my time?
"Major upsets and rags-to-riches stories would dominate the media. And it's not clear that a pro team would win the title. Unlike in England, the gap between the haves and have-nots in the US is fairly small. The cup final would be a guarantee of a TV audience that would dwarf anything the MLS Cup final game has ever attracted." Anyone have the ratings for the last US Open Cup Final?
Did anyone look at the link? blogs.guardian.co.uk/.... Do you really care what a blogger for The Guardian says?
My additional suggestions to compliment his article: 1. Add a team of all-star circus animals. I bet those tigers that jump through hoops and stuff could really tear it up on the field. And let me see any keeper in the league come charging off his line when the trained elephants get a three-on-two counter-attack going. 2. Give fans M-80 firecrackers and allow them to toss them on the field whenever they want. DC United fans will finally have a way to heckle Donovan that's effective. 3. Have hot chicks in bikinis jog out on the field with the "additional minutes to be added" number held over their held like between rounds in boxing matches. Need I say more? 4. To cut down on media coverage expenses, just give a bunch of monkeys some laptops and let them cover the games. They'd write better analysis than this guy.
These together remind me of Brad Friedel's immortal contribution to a David Letterman Top Ten list from during the 2002 World Cup on ways to get Americans more excited about soccer: "Drunken monkey goalies." Shoot, the whole list has almost as much merit as the blog, so here it is: Courtesy of the Late Night Top Ten Archive (man can you waste some real time there!): Top Ten Ways To Get Americans Excited About Soccer 10. Rename the sport "Deathball 3000" (Midfielder Landon Donovan) 9. From now on, you can't use your feet either (Midfielder Claudio Reyna) 8. Constitutional amendment stating if U.S. wins World Cup, every American gets a brand new car (Midfielder John O'Brien) 7. More players who look like Mia Hamm -- fewer players who look like Davor Vugrinec (Forward Clint Mathis) EDIT: Vugrinec's photo here 6. Instead of "Goooooal!" have that announcer guy yell, "Yahtzee!" (Defender Gregg Berhalter) 5. Printed on every red card, a collectible "Star Wars" photo (Defender Jeff Agoos) 4. Drunken monkey goalies (Goal keeper Brad Friedel) 3. Find a way to involve that hilarious San Diego chicken (Defender Tony Sanneh) 2. You mean millions of Americans aren't getting up in the middle of the night to watch us play? (Forward Joe-Max Moore) 1. Give Tiger Woods a soccer ball, America will never lose again (Midfielder Cobi Jones)
Recreate the FA Cup in the US. Great idea. Then we can have the winners of that tournament play the winners of the US Open Cup and declare a "Champion of the Universe."
This Open Cup idea is not bad. If we do run with this it would be wise to go and name it after someone. Someone instrumental in the development of Soccer in the U.S. I present to you: "The Charlie Stillitano U.S. Open Cup".