BigSoccer - Blogs - Bill Archer Blog by Bill Archer

MLS CBA Crunch Time II: Who's Zooming Who?

Bill Archer — Tue, 09 Feb 2010 15:09:18 GMT

Not to rain on anyones' MLS Preseason Parade, but unless I've been too buried in hate-drenched, spittle-flecked anger from north of the Ice Curtain to have heard the news, MLS is still operating sans a labor agreement.

(Of course it does appear that said curtain has moved several hundred miles south this week and now runs through Albemarle County North Carolina)

In any case, herewith - and I apologize for repeating a gimmick - my contribution to jump starting a sense of urgency:

Over the three month span between Real Salt Lakes' delightfully improbable MLS Cup victory and the January 31 drop-dead date for the leagues' collective bargaining agreement with the players, much comment was made about - well, about how little comment was being made.

Aside from Bob Foose's ill-conceived "End of the World as We Know It" predictions and FIFPros' equally irrelevant "Workers of the World Unite" malarkey, there wasn't much for fans to chew on. A couple of veteran players made some carefully couched comments, Keller and Donovan issued strident statements that sounded so much like they were reading from a script that you could almost see Eddie Popes' lips moving and, beyond that, the silence was deafening.

And of course from the league office we got the occasional "Gosh, everything is just hunky-dory; we don't know what the fuss is about" blather but literally nothing else.

Then came the last minute "We're not done yet but we're going to keep plugging away until we either get a deal done or the hotel runs out of fois gras" media blurbs from both sides, everyone breathed a sigh of relief and preseason preparations continued apace.

But if anyone thought this inaugurated an Era of Good Feeling and Transparency with regard to the proceedings, they've surely been bitterly disappointed. We still don't have a clue about what they agreed on, what they still need to work out, how far apart the sides are or even if they're actually meeting at all.

Fortunately, sometime in the next however many hours the counter above reflects, someone is going to have to tell us something. Either a) there's a deal b) there's no deal but they're extending again or c) Bob Foose and Don Garber are in holding cells down at One Police Plaza after having assaulted each other with exquisitely hand-stitched leather briefcases and Mont Blanc fountain pens.

Oh the humanity.

So while we're waiting for puffs of white smoke to finally emerge from the vent pipe in New York, this is as good a time as any to point out that by rights there really needs to be a third party represented in that room:

The fans.

(I'd be happy to engage the firm of Loney, McGuire, Collins and Selzer as our negotiating team, with the proviso that they have to buy their own lunches. Like MLS, us fans are a pretty stingy bunch when it comes to expense accounts.)

Fortunately, both the parties agree that their highest priority and concern is the same as ours:

Quality of play.

Now I'm going to leave aside my deeply held personal desire to whack Commissioner Garber and his bosses on the head, repeatedly, with a tire iron while calmly lecturing them on the fact that "quality soccer" and "plastic grass" are mutually exclusive terms - witness MLS Cup 2009 - and instead move on to the larger issue, that being that of the three indicated entities, the fans are the only ones who aren't completely full of crap on this issue.

For the players, it's an easy one:

Now, I'm certain that somewhere deep down inside they'd love for the league they toil in to be an amazing extravaganza of footballing skills and tactical genius, each match a gleaming jewel of art and loveliness.

But mostly they want more money.

Because let's be honest here: when presented with the choice of either a) "quality play" or b) a better dental plan and a league-matched 401k, do we really have to point out which way they're going to vote?

In reality, the problem for most of them is a tricky one: they want MLS salaries to go up as much as they can without going so high that they start being replaced by better players.

Because of course the ugly secret is that if Garber and Foose emerge arm-in-arm on Friday afternoon and announce to the assembled world media (ie. Galarcep and Goff, plus Beau Dure if USA Today has made any money this month) that the MLS salary budget has been raised to $20 million per team, a good two thirds of MLSPUs' membership might as well go back to the hotel and start packing their bags.

It's just a fact.

For the owners, it's a lot more complicated.

Back in the good old delusional days of the 1990's, the prevailing theory was that all you needed to do in order to tap into the vast base of soccer fans in the US was to open some stadiums, send 22 assorted guys in short pants out onto the field and, presto, like magic, the money would flow like the waters of Babylon.

Said theory having come dangerously close to shutting the league down entirely around 2001, the owners - most of them of recent vintage, but not recent intelligence - have scaled back their expectations to a more realistic model.

That said, as the recent success of the various "Greed Across America" tours by various debt-besotted European clubs have proven, there are a lot of people residing in the US who will indeed plunk down cold hard cash to watch soccer and, by God, if MLS could somehow tap into all that lovely money, what a wonderful world it would be.

(That still wouldn't mean that the teams would be interested in sharing it with Bob Foose and his boys, but that's their problem, not ours)

When you ask those thousands upon thousands of Eurosnobs why they'll mortgage the house to go watch Barca but won't cough up $40 bucks for a Family Four Pack from their local MLS side, the answer is always he same:

The Euro sides are better.

Well stop the presses, Butch. Who knew?

Now you and I strongly suspect that MLS could field 16 teams this season capable of whomping the bejeezus out of the entire EPL ten times a week and that just wouldn't matter. A lot of those "fans" wouldn't know "quality play" if it popped out of their asses singing "Give My Regards to Broadway" while playing the ukelele.

They're in it for the image, period. Nothing MLS can do, now or ever, to get them through a turnstile.

Still, there is undoubtedly some percentage of them who could in fact be lured into MLS stadiums with "higher quality play", and the league desperately wants and needs them in order to grow.

The problem is: what will they cost?

A long time ago I had to give up my cherished dream of dating Heidi Klum; not because I'm not astonishingly handsome, debonair and charming, but because, frankly, I can't afford her.

Similarly, MLS knows it can't afford that group of ready made soccer fans.

Because to them, "quality play" means EPL or LaLiga or Serie A levels of play. And that costs.

And raising the MLS salary cap to anything even remotely likely - let's say $20 million - wouldn't do it. It's simple business economics.

I used to do some work with a huge electric generating station, and the chief environmental engineer and I became good friends.

He used to say that, when the government started cracking down on emissions, eliminating the first 50% of the garbage was relatively cheap. Removing the next 25% started to get pretty pricey. The next 15% was astronomically expensive, and getting the next 10% was going to bankrupt the company.

Not that they couldn't get it, just that it was going to cost more than they could make in return. (Of course, this being a government mandate, they had to do it anyway, but that's another tale)

The case with MLS would seem to be somewhat similar: they'd love to get the existing soccer fans in the US and Canada, but the enormous amount they'd have to spend to do it isn't worth what they'd get in return.

Alternatively, MLS aims much lower: rather than buying soccer fans, they work at creating them.

Now some people say that one solution to improving the overall caliber of league play is bringing in more Designated Players. However, this ignores the fact that they've been bringing them in since 2007 without noticeable affect beyond of course Mr. Posh.

Unless you're prepared to argue that DPs in New York, Kansas City, D.C. United, Columbus, Seattle, Houston and Toronto, talented as they may be, did a thing to move the attendance needle last season - and I'll save you the trouble; they didn't - then arguing that the solution is more of what didn't work previously only makes you sound like a bureaucrat begging a legislature for increased funding.

It hasn't worked, it isn't working but, doggone it, lets do more of it.

Now you can certainly say that said DP's have increased the "quality of play" in those cities and be on very solid ground. (Well, OK, we can argue about a couple of them, but work with me here). What you can't say is that it made a dimes' worth of difference at the gate.

So while the Commissioner repeatedly tells us that the league's main goal is to increase the "quality of play", and he's probably not lying, it's pretty tough to argue that raising the average MLS salary 10% or 20% or even 30% is going to materially change anything.

More importantly, show them that raising the "quality of play" (by some abstract measure) will increase revenues to a commensurate degree and they'd do it tomorrow.

Bottom line, regardless of what comes to pass behind those doors this week, the fans' negotiating team, as highly motivated and talented as it might be, doesn't have a chance in hell of coming out of there with anything like what it is WE want.

Just the way it is.

Toronto: Stars Upon Thars

Bill Archer — Mon, 08 Feb 2010 14:41:42 GMT

As they say, a picture is worth a thousand words:

"Look Mommy! I got a star!"

A couple of years ago, when the disgusting greedbags who run CONCACAF decided there was money to be made in the creation of a CONCACAF Champions League, modeled after similar competitions around the world (but, of course, most notably in Europe), they found there was one slight problem:

Despite the fact that almost every flea-bitten third world sinkhole of a country with more than a couple dozen residents and/or cattle has a domestic professional league and could thus send a "Champion" thereof to serve as fodder for the Mexican sides, our neighbor to the North had, as has been noted in this space once or twice in the past, no national league.

And unlike in the case of most of the other countries who find themselves similarly leagueless - eg. Guyana, Montserrat and the Cayman Islands - Canada actually has a sizable population, a little money and enough TV sets to make it a market from which Warner & Co. (motto: "No Cash Left Unstolen") can wring a few bucks.

So with the entirely unacceptable alternative of actually leaving a few dollars on the table having been cast aside with the hearty "Yo-ho-ho" of the true pirates that they are, a lot of Canadian residents - particularly those in Southern Ontario - felt that the best solution was to simply send Toronto FC since, as the only Division I professional team in the entire country, they were obviously a) the only ones qualified and b) were beyond question the best team in te country.

Unfortunately, not even the shameless crooks who operate CONCACAF were able to swallow that idea. If Canada was going to have an entry in the "Champions" league then said entry was simply going to have to be the "Champion" of something.

Fortunately, where there's a dollar there's a way, as they say, and the solution they came up with was to hold a kind of after-school inter mural round robin with Division 2 Montreal and Vancouver serving as window dressing/cannon fodder for the inevitable TFC victory, "Championship" celebration and glorious march to CONCACAF immortality.

As we all know, this plan for getting TFC into the Champions League got off to a rocky start when the Impact won the thing in the first year and went on a startlingly successful run through the CONCACAF brackets, the highlight of which was the extraordinary quarterfinal match in hoary old Olympic Stadium which, stuffed to the dusty and decrepit old rafters with soccer-crazed Francophones, served notice to Don Garber that there was money for him up there as well and maybe he should start taking Joey Saputos' phone calls instead of telling his secretary to make loud farting noises into the receiver.

So TFC entered the second year of the now-legendary "Nutrilite Canadian Championship and Parking Lot Flea Market" determined to recover the pride that Montreal had been gleefully kicking around for the previous 12 months and retake their rightful place as unquestioned champions of Canada's First Division, in which, being the sole members, having finished second was a tad embarrassing.

And let the record reflect that after a glory-laden struggle which saw TFC manage to claim the coveted NCC Trophy via the storied "Goal Differential" route over a lower division team, Toronto proceeded to get their ass handed to them in the Pre-pre-preliminary round of the CONCACAF Tournament, never even making it into the regular brackets before being summarily dismissed by Puerto Rico, another second division team.

To a lesser outfit, this entire ugly affair might be considered something of an embarrassment.

But in Toronto, which after three long sad years of membership in another country's Division I Professional league has yet to finish with a record over .500 or so much as sniff a playoff game, the desperation to prove their relevance and success is palpable.

So Toronto has decided that their glorious march to a percentage points win in a three team round robin over two lower division teams in a two year old cup competition sponsored by a vitamin company has earned them that most coveted of all honors in the footballing world:

A star above their crest.

Now to the unpracticed eye, this might be the functional equivalent of similarly adorning one's uniform after winning the Carolina Challenge Cup - which, one could note, includes three times as many first division teams - but such cynicism is easily dismissed.

And in fairness, it's unclear whether they, like latter day Sneetches, intend to wear Stars Upon Thars in MLS matches.

One would presume (indeed hope) not, particularly since taking the field against a team like DC United, which proudly wears four stars on their uniforms as tokens of hard fought campaigns that culminated in Cup wins (in, it should be noted, an actual League) over talented and worthy opponents, might very well engender, shall we say, some mild form of mockery from the ever-polite and gracious Barra-Brava and Screaming Eagles sections, who know - obviously much better than they do in Toronto - what those things represent.

The point here is that, as with the fourth grader who brings home an 8/10 spelling test which Mommy sticks to the refrigerator with a plastic banana magnet, it's important to find some method via which to acknowledge that even mediocrity deserves some form of reward.

And regardless of how pathetic this might look to some, as if - incredibly - TFC were so desperate for some kind of glory that they stooped to profaning a football tradition which in other places and circumstance actually means something, I think it's incumbent upon us all not to chuckle, as if this were some ludicrous piece of meaningless self-aggrandizement.

The funny thing is, I never ever expected to find myself actually feeling sorry for Preki, who thought he signed up to coach a soccer team and woke up to find himself in the middle of a group therapy session.

Damarcus Beasley's Car Torched in Glasgow

Bill Archer — Wed, 03 Feb 2010 15:24:00 GMT

UPDATE: SOME DETAILS FROM THE DAILY RECORD

According to a report just now moving on ESPN Sportscenter, USMNT and Rangers winger DaMarcus Beasley has posted on his Twitter account that:

"Someone blew up my car"

Glasgow, Scotland police will say only that the incident is "A willful fire raising" and that an investigation is ongoing.

Beasley has been the target of frequent racist taunts since arriving in Europe in 2004

Sampson Cut Harkes for Diddling Mrs. Wynalda

Bill Archer — Wed, 03 Feb 2010 14:27:59 GMT

The nominations for Strangest Soccer Story of the Year 2010 may not be closed quite yet but we've got one today that's going to be tough to beat.

One of the most commented-on stories in US Soccer history, after possibly Belo Horizonte and The Shot Heard Round the World has been Steve Sampson sending John Harkes home from France '98 after ceremoniously naming him "Captain for Life".

At the time it was said that, to make a long story short, Harkes was acting like it was his team or, put another way, was getting a bit too big for his britches.

It now appears that if Harkes was having problems in his britches that Eric Wynalda's wife was the one responsible, according to comments Wynalda himself made on Fox Football Fone-in on Monday night.

After more than a decade of silence on the subject, SAMPSON IS CONFIRMING in a copyrighted AP story that the reason he summarily dumped Harkes was that he was doing the Tube Steak Boogie with Mrs. Wynalda and, well, that kind of thing tends to cause, you know, some tension in the locker room.

For his part, Harkes is quoted as saying

"I am not going to rehash the things that have happened in the past...1998 was devastating to me and my family. It was hard enough not to play in the World Cup, but it was even difficult to go through that time period, the most difficult time period of my life."

Sampson says he discussed his decision at the time with then-U.S. Soccer Federation president Alan Rothenberg, Hank Steinbrecher and Sunil Gulati.

According to the AP story, Rothenberg said Tuesday he had no memory of any discussion of the matter, Gulati declined comment and Steinbrecher did not return a telephone message.

Sampson says:

"The private issues for me were the most serious issues. I think I could have lived with everything else and kept John on the team if it had not been for the private issues. It's one thing to have an affair outside the team. It's another to have one inside. ... There are just certain lines that one cannot cross."

------------(Dan Loney Line)-------------------

I hate to pour cold water on a good, heartwarming story - a stripper in a thin t-shirt, sure, but not a good story - but I really think someone should and, well, I'm nominating myself.

For the last 24 hours the soccersphere has been positively awash with dewy-eyed comments about how Steve Ralston - AKA Saint Steven of Foxboro, MLS "Great, Great Guy Emeritus and Hail Fellow Well Met" - has decided that his deepest desire in life is to a) go home b) go back to his roots c) go back where it all started or d) track down the first girl he ever bonked, and so, at great personal sacrifice and motivated solely by his love for his home town and the goal of helping professional soccer take root there, he's signed up to play with AC St. Louis of the NASL/USSF-2.

I think it's appropriate that you all take a moment, bow your heads and reflect on the tenderness of this display of selfless devotion to the game.

While you're doing that, I'll be in the can tossing up lunch.

Let me say up front, just prior to being deluged by angry Ralston fans, that this is not about anything he has said or done but rather what's being said about it all.

Like everybody else I like Ralston fine and long ago forgave him for the ugly claims that he and Reis tossed around last year about all the bananas and machetes raining down on them in Crew Stadium. Despite the frantic photoshopping efforts of MLSTumors - efforts which would be comedic if it weren't for the fact that they were meant to be taken seriously - it's generally conceded that in fact no cutlery or tropical fruits were involved.

In any case, I refer you to the inimitable FRANK DELL'APA of the Boston Globe:

Here's the money quote from Ralston:

�I thought I was going to be back and something would be worked out for this year. I�m still in shock that it�s come to this. I will not be part of the Revolution. But this is a business and I understand that part of it. They have to do what is best for their side and I have to do what is best for me and my family.��

Bottom line, it came down to - well, the bottom line. The Revs wouldn't fork out the kind of money Ralston wanted and he walked.

Not exactly the way it's being portrayed in St. Louis and elsewhere. ''In fact it reminds me a lot of the situation a few years back when a veteran American star couldn't get the contract he wanted in MLS and so ended up with the Battery in Charleston, where he promptly blew out a knee, ending his career.

(I was actually there, although I was up in the Three Lions Pub with a Boddington's in my hand watching on the TV).

What was the name? Oh yes:

Eric Wynalda.

It's Greek to Me, Ralston as Curt Flood and Getting a Long Tan

Bill Archer — Mon, 01 Feb 2010 16:36:09 GMT

In the absence of photos of MLS players huddled around 55 gallon fire drums in front of Rio Tinto and RFK this morning, American soccer fans are forced to look for actual soccer news for our Monday morning amusement.

(Although one positive to the former scenario might be that a few stray sparks, possibly from burning the extensive porn collection they found in Josh Wicks' locker, might waft stadium-ward and burn the old barn to the ground, but then I've never liked Baltimore that much.)

High on a lot of people's lists today is the clip of Freddy-Adu-to-Eddie-Johnson:

YouTube- Scoda Xanthi - Aris 2-1 (Eddie Johnson Goal)

A nice enough piece of execution, to be sure, but I have a hard time not focusing on the venue: Scoda Xanthi Arena, built in 2004, has a capacity of 7,422.

Like a Greek version of Stade Saputo, we're assured that they can add a fourth set of bleachers and thus raise the seating to a whopping 9,000 or so, but judging by the "crowd" in the clip that's not something they need to move to the front burner anytime soon.

Like most people, when we hear news of this or that American player heading for fame and glory overseas we envision them playing in front of insane crowds at Anfield or the San Siro. Scoda Xanthi, on the other hand, makes that circus tent San Jose currently plays in look like the Azteca during a USA qualifier.

One thing we always hear from Euro-bound footballers is how they want to "experience the tremendous atmosphere" at games over there. Well maybe, but when CommunityAmerica in Kansas City, minor league baseball stadium, can double your attendance, well, something in the story doesn't connect.

On the other hand, one good thing about playing at Scoda Xanthi is you don't have to listen to constant carping from dimwitted Canadians complaining about your attendance and demanding that your team be moved someplace else.

In the hard news department comes news this morning that PENNSYLVANIA POWER & LIGHT (affectionately known as PPL) will be the stadium sponsor for Philadelphia Unions new digs.

I'll have warm thoughts every time I write them a check.

In this blogging thing, sometimes the pieces you don't write are the ones you're happiest about.

Take the one I was pounding out over the weekend about STEVE RALSTONS' COMMENTS regarding his soccer future.

His "I'm not going to re-sign with New England" statement struck pretty much everybody as a bit odd, given MLS' ironclad contract controls. Unless he had overseas options, which seemed unlikely given his age and recent injury, what could it mean?

Well, yours truly thought he might have connected the dots and come up with the answer: Ralston was obviously setting himself up as the MLS version of Curt Flood.

He was planning on mounting a challenge to the league, providing us all with enough blog and message board fodder to last two years at least. And best of all, it was going to be me (I'm not "renowned" but there are one or two people who don't say entirely awful things about me. Don't worry, I'm working on them) who figured it out.

I was going to be a hero, maybe even get a job as the PR director for a league which doesn't actually exist. It was going to be my ticket.

Unfortunately, IT APPEARS THAT TOM TIMMERMAN has outdone me in the connecting-the-dots business by using - jeez, like this is fair - actual facts instead of wildass drunken speculation:

According to Timmerman

AC St. Louis has called a news conference for 1 p.m. on Monday to introduce its first player. Now, maybe they�re going to introduce somebody nobody has ever heard of. But the first Athletica player was Lori Chalupny, so I would think the ceremonial first AC St. Louis player will be somebody other than someone off the street or someone they saw at the tryouts over the weekend. And keeping in mind the previous post about a certain St. Louisan who has decided not to re-sign with MLS �

Now of course while one of us is definitely wrong, and both of us COULD be wrong, I guess maybe I'll go with Timmerman until someone comes along with something better.

The eminently talented Tripp Mickle (whom we would never make jokes about based on the fact that his name reminds you of a urinary tract infection of some kind) HAS THE SUBSCRIPTION-REQUIRED POOP on DC United owner Wil Chang's search for some new investors.

Toward hat end, Mickle tells us, Chang has hired Inner Circle Sports, a noted sports management and investment firm, to beat the bushes for him. (Please note: making the connection between Washington DC and beating a Bush will simply not be tolerated here, do you hear me? I'm serious. Don't make me stop this car) headed by their CEO, Rob Tillis.

I'm guessing though that the prospectus, printed in six color brilliance on the finest of glossy paper, won't include TILLIS' REMARKS REGARDING MLS from a few months ago:

While acknowledging that the league has been around for 15 years, he nevertheless told the writer:

"To say that a league like MLS has staying power - I don't think we're there yet"

But that was before he was charged with getting people to sign on as investors. Now, presumably, he'll be telling them to stop wasting their time on shaky bets like gold in favor of the rock-solid security of a million or two sunk into Major League Soccer.

You might very well have missed, or glossed over, San Joses' signing of one Joey Gjertson, previously of the USL before it became whatever it is now.

BUT YOU MIGHT FIND HIS STORY INTERESTING. Here's a guy who played at a community college, got a spot based on a tryout and has slogged his way through a few years in the minors before finally landing in MLS at the age of 27.

You know, the kind of story we'd like to see more of, which tends to prove that there really may be some point to second division soccer after all.

Imagine that.

Soccer is single handedly providing the grist for a Monte Python-type skit featuring odd names.

First we got Dilly Duka, followed shortly by Bright Dike and the even more prosaic Two Boys Gumede.

Now, apparently in a shrewd bid for the hitherto undiscovered Chinese entertainment dollar, the Tampa Bay Rowdies (or whoever they are today) have signed a forward named LONG TAN

Tan played last summer for the United Soccer League's Atlanta Blackhawks in the Premier Development League, scoring seven goals in 12 games for the club. He had previously played for Shanghai's Pudong Zobon in the Chinese First Division.

Since I'm already hiding from Tripp Mickle today, I have nothing to add.

MLS, Union Agree to Deadline Extension

Bill Archer — Fri, 29 Jan 2010 02:07:28 GMT

They're not going to get it done by the 1st, but THEY'RE GOING TO KEEP TALKING

"While we still have areas of disagreement, the talks have been constructive and both parties believe it makes sense to continue to work hard to reach agreement," said MLS Commissioner Don Garber. "This extension provides both MLS and the players the opportunity to continue our discussions while clubs are in training camps preparing for the 2010 MLS season."

"Both the Players Union and MLS have concluded that a new agreement will not be reached by February 1, but we have agreed to continue to talk and we will be meeting over the next two weeks to determine if a new agreement can be reached," said Players Union Executive Director Bob Foose. "In the meantime, MLS Players are reporting to training camp, and preparations for the 2010 season will continue."

Talking the Talk

Bill Archer — Thu, 28 Jan 2010 15:49:51 GMT

The fact that there's almost literally no news at all from the MLS/MLSPU CBA talks, made the report from yesterday that the sides met...

EIGHT HOURS ON TUESDAY!!!! AND THEY"LL BE MEETING AGAIN WEDNESDAY!!!!! SERIOUSLY!!!!!

...seem like actual news instead of a, "well duh, did you think they took the family to Disney this week?" moment.

However, PAT ONSTAD made some comments yesterday that may actually shed a little light on how things are going:

"Both sides have conceded certain things that are important to each party and now we only have two or three major stumbling blocks, which is a lot better where we were two weeks ago when we had 15 or 16"

"Insiders" have been hedging their bets for well over a week now, saying that while there may not be a deal in place by midnight Sunday they believe the sides will be close enough that they'll let camps go on and have something signed by mid-February.

Here's hoping that's not the case. Let's get this done and over with.

RE: Donovan's goal yesterday:

Here's the thing: American fans love seeing him do well over there. They're not resentful or angry or burning Don Garber in effigy, and BigSoccer won't be inundated with threads titled "How Can American Soccer Survive if We Let Our Best Player Leave MLS?"

Among other things, Landon succeeding in England (and no, three games does not a career make) isn't a strike against MLS; rather, it validates it.

Conversely, his inability to get traction or interest abroad despite being, unarguably, the best player in Major League Soccer was always somewhat puzzling if not worrisome. If even Landon Donovan can't catch on someplace like the decidedly mediocre Bundesliga, then we must be even crummier here than we thought.

So it's nicely reassuring to see him off to a strong start at Everton.

Moreover, for what it's worth I think there's a lesson here for guys like Freddy Adu and Jozy Altidore and the rest:

Landon could have done what those guys are doing any time he wanted; sign overseas someplace - anyplace - get loaned out, bounce around from one unfancied outfit to another scrambling for fifteen minutes of PT once in a while, get released, have his agent scrape up some club willing to give him a shot someplace else, all the while putting a good face on a career going nowhere.

In fact, Donovan has taken a ton of heat for not doing just that.

So tell me, who did it right? The guy who hung around MLS, playing his ass off, making ever-better money, occasionally sticking his foot in the water overseas but not willing to settle for a contract and a seat, or the kids who run to Europe the first time someone waves a piece of paper at them?

To top it off, he's now the undisputed leader of the USMNT as it heads to the World Cup. Freddy and Jozy, meanwhile, are working from the Jovan Kirovski career blueprint, counting on being "at" someplace famous to make up for the fact that you're not actually "doing" anything there.

On the plus side though, they're both probably making good enough money to afford nice big TV's to watch South Africa on.

On the flip side there's Kenny Cooper, whose exploits are going to be much harder to follow as the arc of his paycheck-chasing has now traveled from Manchester United to, apparently, PLYMOUTH ARGYLE , and his World Cup team chances, whatever they might have been at one time, are apparently sinking along with the rest of his career.

Herewith, courtesy of HILLCREST ROAD comes news of the matchup we've all been waiting for:

I figure if Kei Kamara can hit from outside the arc and Kevin Hartman keeps Pau Gasol out of the lane, they've got a real shot.

Just because this column doesn't link to nearly enough walking pieces of excrement, I figured I'd give a shout out to the truly appalling Perez Hilton, who a) HAS A PIECE ABOUT THE BECKHAMS and how much they love LA and b) makes me feel like I need a shower.

The big news here is that, as Hilton asures us, DBecks "could be purchasing a new league for MLS in the near future".

I'm guessing NuRock would make him a really really good deal.

I'm certain that the fact I have only a vague recollection of seeing Oka Nikolov between the pipes (as they say) for Eintracht Frankfurt means that I'm a hopelessly parochial Americentric MLS goober. (Oh wait - Steven Cohen is off the air, isn't he?)

That said, for some reason or other I'm always surprised when American professional teams look to aging foreign players to fill the need for a goalkeeper, as RedBullNewSweden did in aquiring the aforementioned Mr. Nikolev, a native of Macedonia.

(And Kansas City, which used to be in Missouri but is hereafter going to be located in Kansas (along with, presumably, their little dog Toto, too) is apparently ON THE VERGE OF SIGNING former Tottenham #1 Ian Walker to be their #2 although in fairness Walker is better known for cavorting with Las Vegas strippers than shutting down opponents. Quite a boon for KCs' call girls but for the Wizards maybe not so much)

I keep hearing about how the USA can't come up with playmakers, shooters, midfielders, left backs and, well, any other position player but boy oh boy the one thing we've got over here is GK's because, doncha know, all our kids grow up playing sports with their hands.

Indeed, if the US has made any contribution to world soccer it's surely been with our keepers, guys like Friedel, Keller and Howard.

Now I grant you that most MLS fans would need heavy sedation if they heard their home team had just brought in, say, Dusty Hudock or Jay Nolly to handle their goalkeeping chores, although I myself think a few guys, Wild Bill Gaudette at Puerto Rico among them, deserve a shot (or, in his as in several other cases, "another" shot).

Still, this isn't how it was supposed to be. And the reason it hasn't entirely worked out that way is simply that MLS has expanded to 16 teams and is on the way to 18 next year and probably 20 soon afer that. There are simply too many spots to fill.

In response, one solution used to be to put a recent college grad out there before he was ready, normally with disastrous, confidence-shattering results.

So despite the presence of some quality younger keepers (Hesmer, Pickens) and plenty of very solid veterans (Busch, Reis, RImando, Thornton, Hartman, Cannon and, of course, Keller), with guys like Howard, Guzan and Hahnemann (to say nothing of that Friedel fellow) overseas we're still, remarkably, coming up short.

That's not to say that bringing in a guy like Nikolov makes a bit of sense to me - talk about a guy trying to pad the old retirement account - but the original theory that using an international roster spot on a GK was always going to be pretty much unnecessary has fallen victim to the reality of numbers.

As for the "Americans are good keepers because they play all sorts of sports usin their hands" theory, there's undoubtedly an element of truth to that..

But the larger truth is that Friedel and Keller and Howard became keepers instead of forwards not because of their nifty eye-hand skill set but because, frankly, they're not built like forwards.

The real story is that they became keepers rather than tight ends or power forwards, which is what most 6' 2" - 6'4", 230 - 250 pound American elite athletes choose to do.

And when guys like them start bringing along more of their 5'9" freinds with blazing speed, ridiculous periferal vision and agility and coordination to die for, the ones who they last saw playing point guard and second base, along to soccer practice with them, THAT is when the rest of the world better start looking out.

Donovan Racks Up #1 For Everton

Bill Archer — Thu, 28 Jan 2010 00:30:25 GMT

And a nice one it is.

They like him. He likes them.

Let the Festivities Begin

Bill Archer — Mon, 25 Jan 2010 15:20:21 GMT

On several occasions over the past few months I've commented that there was simply no reason to pay all that much attention to the MLS CBA negotiations until we got much closer to the midnight, January 31 expiration date.

Now that the due date is less than a week away, it's incumbent upon me to stop being a killjoy and join in the hysteria. I'm nothing if not a slave to my readers.

So consider this the kickoff event of the long-awaited BigSoccer-MLS Work Stoppage Week Parade and Jamboree:

You'll want to check in with the BigSoccer shop later in the week when they'll begin offering your choice of t-shirts saying either "No Justice, No Torpid, Unwatchable, Third Rate Kickball Games" or "If You Don't Like it Here, Go Play in Sweden. Fine With Us. See if We Give a Crap. You'll Come Crawling Back Soon Enough You Ungrateful Wretches". $19.95 plus shipping. Order early, supplies are limited.

I thought I'd do some serious research (what were the odds, right?), survey the entire body of knowledge available on the internet and elsewhere and distill down all the hundreds of articles and millions of words that have been lavished on this topic and provide a detailed report on every solid fact we have on the subject in terms of where the two parties now stand, what progress has been made, how far apart they are on key issues and how each side views the likelihood of avoiding a stoppage.

The result: nothing.

Not a word, not a wink, not a shrug. We don't even know where the two sides are eating lunch or whether everyone is getting free Aquafina and Red Bull or if the Union reps have to bring their own, in which case I'm betting they show up with a cooler full of Dasani and Monster, just to spite Don Garber.

Hey, nobody said this was going to be pretty.

Oh sure, we've still got the clowns at FIFPro saying that Major League Soccer "is threatening a lockout" but, like pretty much everything else they've said on the topic, it's simply not true. As far as anyone can tell, MLS has made no such threat at any time.

Indeed, the only public comments the league has provided have specifically said that they expect an agreement to be reached and that the talks are going splendidly.

On the union side, I suppose we should be thankful that Bob Foose has finally stopped shooting his mouth off about how FIFA was going to punish the USSF, since that was just embarassingly untrue, but since that outburst and the universal derision it engendered the guy's been as accessible and quotable as Amelia Ehrhart.

The only piece of actual information we have is the statement the union released last Thursday:

"We have advised our players to report to camp as planned. In the meantime, we will continue to meet with the league to determine if an agreement can be reached. As of this date, however, we have no agreement on a new CBA."

This is being touted as meaning something, but in reality it would seem to shed little if any light.

It's being touted as a promise not to strike, but I'm afraid I don't see that anyplace. Of course they are "advising" their players to report. The only alternative would have been for them to advise them NOT to report, which is tantamount to calling a strike.

That would represent an incredible breach of the "good faith" upon which all labor negotiations are founded.

When the union issues a "no strike" pledge, let me know. Until then, this is nothing but SOP. The members need to either start packing and making travel arrangements or not. The union is telling them to go ahead. That's not exactly the same as promising not to tell them to unpack and go home again.

The management equivalent would be for the league to issue a public order to the teams to open their training camps. Nice for show, and definitely a boon for BigSoccers' traffic numbers, but has there been some intimation that they're NOT going to open them?

In short, it's not news when someone says they're going to do what they were going to do anyway.

Still, as the first non-stupid PR move the union has made, I suppose we should applaud it.

As the heat builds this week, we may very well see more of these non-announcements. What's most encouraging though is that nobody is suggesting or threatening or looking like they expect anything other than business as usual.

Beyond that, welcome to Countdown Week. Should be great entertainment.

Bob Bradley: True Man of Genius

Bill Archer — Sun, 24 Jan 2010 16:25:58 GMT

For quite some time now, soccer fans all across the fruited plain have questioned whether Bob Bradley has any idea what he's doing.

There's been a long-held suspicion by those of a more cynical bent (certainly not to include anyone in these parts, no sir) that his "March to the World Cup" campaign was nothing much more than an example of The Peter Principle on steroids as Bradley, a well-meaning but hopelessly over matched boob, selected his lineups based on nothing quite so much as a firm grasp of the obvious.

It's not like he's coaching, say, Argentina or Italy where he's got a list of six world class players at every position and the choice between Superstar #1 and Superstar #2 comes down to nuances redolent of the kind of sublime subtlety that the Good Old Kick It And Run USA not only cannot attain but in fact can barely even comprehend.

All Bradley has to do most of the time is call in anyone who's currently starting someplace in Europe and then fill out the balance of the team with a) Landon Donovan, b) any other MLS player holding a US passport who Ives Galarcep, Greg Selzer or Kyle McCarthy has recently said was playing well and c) Landon Donovan.

Making out the US lineup would not normally be an intellectual challenge to my Labrador Retriever who, it should be noted, has been planted under his favorite pine tree out back for almost a year, having finally succumbed to the ravages of age and the effort it took to be the best goddam dog who ever drew breath.

Unfortunately for Our Boy Bob he occasionally has to deal with matches where the push button lineup is not an option and he's forced to field a team that he himself has assembled out of the leftovers, the youthful pretenders and the single-digit-cap crowd.

In these situations he can (and does) haul out the "I'm just getting a look at some guys who could still make the team" meme, famous in song and legend throughout the civilized world, and thereby insulate himself from being held otherwise responsible for the inevitable dismal, even disastrous, result.

In these cases then, the explanation for the fact that the guys running around on the pitch in shirts that say "USA" across the front are apparently unfamiliar with the game of soccer beyond some very rudimentary concepts, eg. which direction to face on a kickoff, how to identify the right shoe from the left and, of course, how to encircle a referee and whine like a 9 year old in the 17th hour of the big family drive to Yosemite when he makes a call you're not crazy about, is that "this really isn't our best team (don't call it a B team) so it's OK to suck".

Now it's absolutely true that if we turn on the TV set come that momentous day in June when the US takes the pitch in South Africa and we see most of the same faces we saw last night we might as well shove Glocks into our mouths right now and avoid the pain, horror and agony which will surely ensue, but we all know that's not going to happen.

Still, if these matches are nothing but glorified auditions, somewhat spiffier versions of the MLS combine, then let's treat it as such. Let's offer free admission, let the fans bring lawn chairs and have Buzz Carrick and Joe Mauceri do the post game wrap up.

But let's be honest here, shall we? Did we really need to hold a camp, rent a stadium and hand out a huge pile of otherwise expensive Nike clothing in order to determine that Marvel Wynne can't defend? Or that Jeff Cunningham, while he forces lead footed MLS defenders to back off of his midfield in Dallas, doesn't scare decent defenders enough to make them account for him?

That Jimmy Conrad is a walking turnover who, while a solid, gutsy player, also lacks make-up speed? That Chad Marshall isn't ready for this level? (In fairness, he clearly was on the hook for the second goal but the third, contrary to what I've seen today, was on not one but two other guys; Marshall came off his man to try and cover, but it clearly wasn't his responsibility) .

Or that Robbie Rogers isn't a left back? That Sacha Klesjian needs to hire a search and rescue team to go find his game, which disappeared about a year ago and hasn't been seen since? That Feilhaber is a good player when he has other good players to work with but can't (yet, anyway) put a team on his back?

And for the guys who we could very easily see in RSA, like Beckerman and Bornstein and the aforementioned Mr. Feilhaber, what we need to see is how they play off of guys like Donovan and Dempsey, not Rogers and Hammerstein. Excuse me, I mean Kljestan.

All of which is not to say that I think a game like this serves no purpose. Indeed, I can think of a couple different possibilities:

1) The United States feels really bad about behaving like The Ugly American this summer down in Honduras by not only beating them at home but trying to tell them how to run their country as well, and felt like throwing them a make up win.

2) After listening to Mexico fans calling for Jack Lord ("5-0", "5-0") ever since last summer we wanted to give the Catrachos a resounding win over a fake team as well, just to be fair. (Although, to paraphrase Mohammed Ali, "No Honduran never called me no spazzo")

I think though that the most likely scenario is:

3) Bradley is engaging in a psy-ops/disinformation campaign, hoping that our first round opponents will watch the tape of games like this, where we look like we couldn't beat their sisters, and figure we're a pushover. As a result, they'll spend the night before we play them out drinking and chasing South African hookers rather than taking us seriously.This means they'll show up to play us both hung over and broke, after their hotel rooms are cleaned out.

Bob Bradley: he's one smart cookie.

World Cup 2010: "is a bomb, it�s a bust"

Bill Archer — Fri, 22 Jan 2010 17:06:08 GMT

Back in late 2001, I got an email from an old soccer friend who was trying to land tickets for World Cup games in South Korea.

He was asking everyone he knew to give him their passport number which he would then use, along with their names of course, to try and snag some seats out of the lottery process. I politely declined but I later heard that he entered something like 20 requests and four of them came through, after which he kept the ones he wanted and traded the others for tickets to other games.

Made out pretty well, all in all.

(Didn't make up for the $200k and the marriage that owning a USISL Pro Division team cost him back in the 90's, but that's a tale for another day)

I thought of my freind the other day while reading a story about four young British lads who were planning a trip to South Africa 2010. All four of them sent in ticket requests in the hope that maybe one of them would snag a set.

Imagine their surprise when they discovered that all four of them got all the tickets they requested. They now hold, between the four of them, 112 tickets for seven matches.

England used to require you to join their supporters group and acumulate thousands of points by attending home and away qualifiers and then survive a drawing to get their hands on a few seats. Now they're reporting that "everyone" who applies for tickets, regardless of their points, will get however many they want.

South Africa's estimate of 40,000 to 50,000 British tourists descending on the finals now appears to be something of a fantasy.

And it's not just England; in Germany no less a figure than FRANZ BECKENBAUER is slamming FIFA, as only 6700 of the 21,000 tickets allocated to the DFB have been sold.

The Dutch are reportedly in a similar situation; sitting on piles of unsold, unwanted tickets, with supply "far exceeding demand".

What may be even more startling is that not even the six African nations who are sending teams to South Africa are anywhere near selling out their allotment.

Indeed, Chief SA Organizer and Blatter stooge Danny Jordaan is complainging that THEY CAN'T EVEN SELL BAFANA BAFANA TICKETS to the locals.

Just yesterday they announced that tickets which have previously been available only via the internet and at a particular bank, will now be sold at lots and lots of other places as well. Perhaps this is in response to the fact that in a desperately poor country a lot of people don't have computers or bank accounts, but it ignores the problem of, as one local commeter pu it, "it's still a matter of choosing between buying bread and buying football tickets".

(For FIFA's Cloud Coocoo Land opinion on all of this, check out THIS HEADLINE FROM THEIR WEBSITE.)

So the question is: what's the problem?

Since most of the lotteries and ticket offerings began well before the recent tragedy in Angola, it's hard to blame that particular incident, although it hasn't helped.

It's not that people don't get that there's a difference between Angola and South Africa; their lectures to the contrary, pretty much everybody understands that.

Still, you have to remeber that Sepp Blatter, whose main mission in life is now winning a Nobel Peace Prize, has long seen his efforts to promote football in Africa as the key element in that campaign.

As a result, the man has barely stopped chattering about "The Year of Africa" long enough to pocket a decent bribe. FIFA's entire program for over a year has consisted of tournaments on that continent, and not one of them has been without problems. The U20's in Egypt last summer, the 17's in Nigeria, of course the Confederations Cup, and at every stop Blatter has yammered endlessly about how it's all about Africa.

But when there's a riot in Egypt over the Algeria result, or when Nigerian officials tell teams not to bring fan contingents because they can't protect them or when a team bus is machine gunned in Togo FIFA assures us that these are all isolated incidents that have "nothing to do with Africa".

And when they claim that the Confederations Cup last summer was an example of how splendidly South Africa can prevent crime, we need only look as far as Reuters' chief football editor, who was robbed at gunpoint on the streets of Johannesburg.

By uniformed traffic policemen.

So while it is indeed unfair to paint an entire continent with a broad brush, FIFA itself is the one holding the paint can most of the time. All this football is a "celebration of Africa", but when bad stuff happens it has nothing to do with Africa at all.

Trying to have it both ways just isn't working.

Still, if it was just security, maybe they could hire the Chinese army to come in and knock heads or something. Goodness knows that at the Beijing Olympics they proved that they know how to secure the streets.

But the second problem is the costs, which only begin with the extortionate price of tickets.

Flights are proving to be outrageously expensive, hotels (knowing that there is an enormous shortage in rooms) have jacked up their prices, local transportation will be a nightmare at best (travel between cities is expected to be next to impossible as they simply do not have the capacity to move huge numbers of people in a short amount of time; even Germany had some problems in that area but, being Germany, they got it done somehow. South Africa doesn't have anything like that kind of capacity).

Again, don't bother posting your outrage here. Tell it to all the German and Dutch and English fans who aren't buying tickets. Maybe all their fears, every one of them, are unfounded. Maybe this will be the safest and most comfortable and cheapest World Cup in history.

But nobody is convinced and FIFA is running out of time to do any more convincing.

How bad is it really?

Here's THE INCOMPARABLE ANDREW JENNINGS:

Unofficial World Cup ticket brokers, approved agents, black market operators and national associations are all struggling to sell nearly one million unwanted seats for first round matches.

One dealer in the unofficial ticket and travel market said, �The word is already on the street, the event is a bomb, it�s a bust, it�s on the floor, the unsafe atmosphere and the cost of travel and hotels has made this an awful event to sell.�

Another broker told me, �They talk about 450,000 fans coming. I predict between 125,000 to 150,000. This is turning into a huge disaster for FIFA and the South African organizers.

What about the USA?

Sales are even more disappointing in America where 79,000 tickets have been bought on the Internet by brokers and travel agents � who are now reported to be trying to re-sell at face value � just to dump them.

Of course none of this has stopped FIFA from MAKING A $700 MILLION HOSPITALITY CONTRACT with a vendor partly owned by someone with the oddly coincidental name Phillippe Blatter (Sepps' nephew) who conveniently has his headquarters across the street from FIFA, in the offices that ISL had to vacate when they were found guilty of passing out over $100 million in bribes to FIFA officials back in 2001.

Because of course no matter who wins or loses, at FIFA it's business as usual.

http://videos.sapo.pt/Fo6k4mKysIHEPW4SyQQw
�

Haitian Football Federation Headquarters Destroyed

Bill Archer — Wed, 20 Jan 2010 21:12:14 GMT

In the wake of the crisis in Haiti, CONCACAF President Jack Warner sent the CFU's "Captain" Burrell of Jamaica to Port-au-Prince, where he was met by a heavily bandaged HFF chief Yves Jean Bar.

Bar reports that the HFF was meeting at the time of the first earthquake and that thirty Haitian soccer officials, coaches and referees were killed when the three story HFF headquarters building collapsed. Another twenty people remain missing.

Bar himself was the lone survivor.

Among those confirmed dead is former Senior National team head coach Gerard Cineus and Jean-Yves Labaze, who held a number of national team positions, most recently coaching the U17 side at their World Cup in Korea in 2007.

Fernando Clavijo, the former US International who coached Haiti from 2003-2005, has been trying to reach his former assistant cocahes and players without success.

``That building, which I was in many times, was a beautiful antique house, but it was unfinished and I can see how it would fall,...it rips my heart out because the Haitian people were always happy, even though they had nothing. They celebrated that 1-1 tie (with the US in 2003) for two days over there. Soccer brought them joy, and now, they truly have nothing.''

FIFA has responded to a personal request from Warner by pledging US$250,000 to aid in relief efforts while FIFA Vice President Chung Moon-Jung has personaly pledged US$500,000. Warner himself is sending US$100,000.

In a prepared statement issued by CONCACAF, Warner said:

�The Football Community stands in solidarity with Haiti. As our brothers and sisters face their darkest hour , we must let them know that they are not alone . As the world still comes to terms with the calamity that has befallen this Caribbean nation, we in football understand our role to the people of Haiti. In a time of hopelessness and despair, in spite of the apparent destruction and devastation which surrounds Haiti at this time , we must do what we can to restore hope and faith , for without these qualities all will be lost.�

Here's a portion of the report Burrell presented to CONCACAF:

�I was met at the airport by an injured President Dr Yves Jean Bart (President of Haitian Football Federation). His injuries and bandages remain stark reminders of his narrow escape from the crumbling building following the earthquake.

President Jean Bart, explained that he and other members of the executive committee were meeting at the time of the quake and he is the only survivor.

As we travelled down what now remains of the major highway, the buildings that line the roadways are but crumbled shells of their previous incarnations ,not even a hint of their previous grandeur can be seen. None is a truer reflection of this statement than the Federation�s headquarters.

Once a three story magnanimous structure, all that remains is a concrete slab. The stench of death is present everywhere on this island. As we looked at the ruins, I saw three decomposing bodies , visibly mangled in the rubble.

All that it would take is proper equipment to free the bodies, to allow their families the courtesy of a proper funeral. But many on this island have been robbed of that courtesy.

These are the bodies of our colleagues, and more lay beneath the debris

President Jean Bart has confirmed that 30 members of the Federation are dead. Twenty bodies remain mangled beneath the Federation�s headquarters.

Among the dead, Administrators, Referees, Coaches including the HFF�s most experienced coach ,who recently coached the U 17 team in the WC tournament in Korea, Medical Personnel, Players, Office Staff.

In addition, to the disaster at the Office, it is reported that a number of Players and other Officials have either died or remain unaccounted for at other places throughout the City.

May God help the people of Haiti

Even if you're not Jack Warner and don't have $100,000 laying around, you can still do your bit; every last nickel of the price goes down to help out:

CHIP IN A FEW BUCKS AND GET A T SHIRT TOO

Landon, Raul and Eternal Faith

Bill Archer — Mon, 18 Jan 2010 15:50:37 GMT

Someplace on the scale of shocking news, here's one that ranks just below finding out that those dirtbags on Jersey Shore drive cars with cheesy ground effects:

Landon Donovan says that if things go really really well at Everton he might like to stick around after the ten week loan period is up.

WELL YEAH I think everybody knew that was how this was going to go.

Which of course leaves Galaxy Supremo Bruce Arena in pretty much the same bind he was in last year at this time: trying to assemble a team for the upcoming MLS campaign without knowing when or even if his best players (and around 20% of his salary budget) are going to be available.

For his part, DAVID BECKHAM is denying that he intends to hang up his snazzy custom made adidas boots after the World Cup, but even if that's true - and it's a big if - it's looking like LA will go until at least July without their stars.

Then again, with all of the exact same types of problems with the exact same guys last season LA came within a missed PK of winning MLS Cup, so I guess il Bruce will work it out.

Another day, another big European star prattling about coming to MLS.

This time it's RAUL who's threatening to cross the Atlantic for a couple of retirement-fund-padding years of fun in the sun.

At this point is there much of anybody left over there who hasn't claimed he was headed to MLS? And yet for all the ink and/or bits and bytes that have been devoted to the ever-growing list of suitors, as I look around the league I see the same number of European footballing superstars that we've had for several years now.

Now I'm sure that sooner or later one of these guys will probably turn up someplace over here, but until then I reserve the right to call bullshit on all of them. They don't really mean it and if they did MLS teams would be foolish to give them the kind of money they're looking for.

Everybody says they're planning on being "the next Beckham" but as we've been pointing out for quite some time now Beckham is a one-off. For MLS purposes, nobody else comes close.

In my continuing effort to demonstrate that soccer fans are more knowledgeable, better informed and, well, just plain brighter than fans of other sports, I note that NBA All Star fan balloting has both Alan Iverson and Tracy McGrady headed for starting spots even though neither one of them has had any noticeable impact on the court this season.

Generally speaking, MLS fans make excellent ASG selections, even if the writer-player-league voting block outweighs and overrules them, as in the case of Guillermo Barros-Schelotto two years ago when the fans voted him in, everybody else voted him off and the guy went on to win both league and MLS Cup MVP honors.

(This leaves aside the yearly "Stuff the Ballot Box" effort by the latest expansion teams' fans. Toronto did it, Seattle tried it last year and there's not much doubt that Philadelphia fans will do the same thing this year. It's become sort of a rite of passage.)

I have to say up front that I am surprised and pleased with the optimistic reaction that most RedBulls fans have displayed with regard to the announced hiring of Hans Backe as their new head coach.

I have to confess that one of the more amusing facets of last week's draft was watching guys like Backe and the Fires' Carlos de los Cobos trying not to look like visitors from the planet Zepton in the middle of a bizarre process they had probably barely ever even heard of until a couple weeks ago.

Of course fans of both teams are saying all the right things, like "coaching the game is the same once they blow the whistle" and "his contacts overseas will bring in lots of exciting new foreign players" and "his ability to speak other languages is a big plus".

The fact that MLS fans have been saying exactly the same things every time a foreign coach has been hired into the league over the last 15 years and it has never, ever turned out to be even remotely true is beside the point, I guess.

As is the fact that sooner or later some team will indeed hire a coach overseas and he will lead said team to fame and glory and a case full of Cups.

But until that happens, all we have to go on is history. And history says that these hires are not going to turn out well.

It's the difference between science and faith. Science is based on empirical evidence, whereby you come to a conclusion based on repeated, and repeatable, results.

Faith, on the other hand, comes from wanting something to be true so badly that you are willing to ignore substantial, irrefutable evidence to the contrary.

Fortunately, being a sports fan, and particularly an MLS fan, is nothing if not a giant exercise in raw faith: I don't care how few MLS draftees ever make substantial contributions; THIS year, the four or five guys my team drafted will all end up 20 years from now thanking the voters for enshrining them in Oneonta.

The fact that 90% of them will be selling insurance and coaching their kids' U11 club team, and we all know it good and well, doesn't matter a bit.

We dream, therefore we are.

City of Brotherly Love

Bill Archer — Fri, 15 Jan 2010 14:38:31 GMT

So the only question I have is whether the crack dealer took my GPS in trade from some urban yoot or whether said yoot had to find someone to give him 20 bucks for it.

I guess it doesn't matter, really.

What's most important is that my car is sitting out in downtown Philadelphia with a black plastic trashbag window, much like your basic hillbilly limousine, while I sit here at the WPS draft listening to Tony Diccico explain to us that the US is not a country with a "soccer culture".

I'm certainly glad we've gotten to the bottom of that question.

Of course the fact that my vehicle is probably being stripped like a - well, like an unlocked car on an urban street - isn't deterring me from completing my mission today.

As I said during a genuinely warm conversation with my insurance agent Ned Ryerson* "Don't give me 'drive-in claim center' you bloodsucking maggot; right now the car that you're holding the bag for is probably being used as a combination shooting gallery and public toilet by half the degenerates in Philadelphia.

"If it doesn't bother you it doesn't bother me, Skippy. And thanks, by the way, for the "rental car" rider".

In actual news unrelated to the blight of urban crime, WPS just announced a major transaction:

- St. Louis has acquired the services of Lindsay Tarpley, formerly of the Chicago Red Stars in exchange for GK Jillian Lloyden

Tarpley was of course an Olympic Gold Medalist with the US in 2008 at the Beijing games and was recently named US Soccer's "Female Player of the Decade"

Loyden, who backed up Hope Solo in 2009, spent the offseason playing in Australia's W League where she was "Goalkeeper of the Year"

*Needle Nose Ned

------------------------------------------

I'm going to do this differently from yesterday and see which one I like better.

The WPS draft is much smaller, leaner, (not at all mean though) than MLS of course.

In fact, it reminds you of nothing quite so much as the MLS draft five or six years ago.

One thing that stands out: at the MLS draft, when Don Garber or Dan Courtemanche have something to say, 1000 people shut up and listen.

Here, when someone makes an announcement at the podium they have to shout to be heard over the voices of 250 people who are talking and ignoring them.

(This changes after Tonya Antonucci speaks. Nobody messes with the boss.)

---------------------------------------

What is it about soccer coaches?

As you know, these things are held at the NSCAA convention, which consists of 10,000 middle aged guys in team-logo warmup suits.

Are they coming from practice? On their way to practice?

Only wear clothes they didn't pay for?

--------------------------------------

The teams are all at tables grouped in front of the podium, except for the LA Sol, who are at a table way over on the right, behind the big team posters.

Apparently they've been very, very bad

---------------------------------------

Since it's not on TV, they don't have to start the 10 AM draft at 10 AM.

It's now 10:15 and they're still yakking.

-----------------------------------------

One of two things is about to happen:

1) Atlanta will pick Tobin Heath

2) Atlanta's management will be fired

----------------------------------------

Everyone gets to keep their jobs - it's Heath

---------------------------------------

And the shocks just keep on coming: Lauren Cheney to Boston at #2

--------------------------------------

The room is absolutely packed. Might be pushing 500 people, standing room only, maybe 50 people can't get in.

WPS has to be pleased.

-------------------------------------------

Stanford's Kelly O'Hara to the bay Area Gold Pride at #3.

Want to know how predictable it's been so far?

The Pride just handed O'Hara a #10 jersey with her name on the back.

--------------------------------------------

Chicago grabs UNC defender Whitney Engen, making it 2 of Dorrance's Tarheels in the first four picks.

-------------------------------------------

Not as slick or smoothly practiced as MLS, obviously, but trying really really hard.

They keep forgetting to start the countdown clock.

And they're still figuring out what to do with the scarves in the pictures, but they admitted it was new this year.

The thing that keeps hitting you is how much less militantly in-your-face this outfit is than WUSA.

They focus on the soccer and the players, not your social obligation to give them money.

And they're just so....so....nice

-----------------------------------------

At other drafts, including MLS, once a player is picked he leaves the room.

Here, when they get done with the Grip & Grin sessions, the players all go back and sit with the other players.

It's kind of cool.

-----------------------------------------

Colorado forward Nikki Marshall (who also played some defense for the U20's) to Washington.

First big surprise; she wasn't rated that highly. Is Sigi Schmid running their draft?

They're doing a little PA system interview after each pick rather than have the player stand there at the podium like an Oscar winner thanking God and her parents.

-----------------------------------------

Casey Nogueira from UNC to LA.

That's four of the first eight. And I bet Dorrance won't miss a beat next year.

-------------------------------------------

LA goes for an unknown, Washington State's Kiersten Dallstream.

I just love it when everyone looks at each other and says "Who?"

-----------------------------------------

They're getting ready to name the 11th pick in the first round of a draft for a league with 9 members.

Hey, it's their league, they can do what they want.

--------------------------------------

First round ends with Boston taking the consensus #1 keeper in the draft, Alissa Naeher of Penn State.

And frankly, if Tony DiCicco, one of the legendary keeper coaches in US history, thinks you can handle the job, well, it's a good bet you can probably handle the job.

--------------------------------------------

Break between rounds.

There's a real buzz in the room. Very upbeat, very relaxed, everybody having fun.

Totally different atmosphere from yesterday.

--------------------------------------------

Anson Dorrance is holding court in the back of the room.

Talk about ring kissing. The line goes out the door and down the hall.

-------------------------------------------

So here's something I don't understand:

They give the teams three minutes between picks in the first round and then five minutes after that.

-------------------------------------------

Oh look, there's Sunil Gulati, looking as superfluous as he did yesterday at the MLS soiree.

Still, being the most powerful man in the building - he can pull the plug on pretty much anything and everything here if he's of a mind to - nobody is making jokes about him either.

Well, except me.

-----------------------------------------

Atlanta starts round three by selecting Blakely Mattern of South Carolina.

Surprisingly, she's actually here (it's getting rarer to have the draftee in the room) and she trots up for some pix.

----------------------------------------

The room had started to quiet down as we got into the middle of the third round, so it was a shock when it just erupted in cheers and applause.

Katie Schoeper, a forward from Penn State, got the nod from Sky Blue and we discovered that a third of the room is related to her.

-----------------------------------------

Lots more hugging today, too.

Then again if you were picked by LA and you had Arena and Cobi standing there, I'd go for the handshake too.

-----------------------------------------

Sunil is sitting in the (now deserted) player area, eating a sandwich.

Well known smartass Andy Mead just told him that he just needs to keep the faith and he'll for sure get picked eventually.

Frankly, I just think Gulati was happy someone spoke to him.

-------------------------------------------

One of the interesting sights at these drafts - and this one more than any - is when you see a new draftee walking down the concourse outside through a crowd of people who are too busy impressing each other with how well their U9 team did last Fall to notice.

Case in point: I just passed Lauren Cheney walking through a crowd with her new Boston Breakers scarf around her neck. Not one person looked up.

it's not just the women - same thing happens with the men. And I'm not talking about 5th round picks out of East Texas State Baptist Teachers College.

I'm talking about Lauren Cheney and Danny Mwanga.

Here at NSCAA's national convention ought to be one of the few places on Earth where everyone recognizes these kids. If it was the NFL draft being held at a convention of football coaches, every one of them would be mobbed.

How can we bitch and moan about how the general public doesn't know who these people are when the SOCCER COMMUNITY doesn't know who they are either.

------------------------------------------

Sophie Rieser from Columbia was just selected by Chicago, and she's the first pick in a while who is here.

Podium. Scarf. Photos.

And you know - there is no appreciable difference between her level of excitement and Tobin Heath's, lo these many picks ago.

Maybe you make a team and have a long career, maybe this is the beginning of the end for you, but "Was drafted by Chicago in the WPS draft" is something nobody can ever take away.

-----------------------------------------

Somebody just told me that the reason Sunil has been hanging around was because he was waiting for Reiser - from Columbia, where he teaches - to get selected.

Nice.

------------------------------------------

Technology makes for some odd scenes.

I was just outside the room and two young women were walking by staring at their Blackberries.

"Sixth round" one of them said. "Sky Blue is next"

And on they walked, apparently not caring that they were 50 feet away from the actual event.

-------------------------------------------

Break between the sixth and seventh rounds, and finally the first trade.

You probably have better details off of the twitter feed than I have, but I think Boston just got the next pick from LA for the ever-popular "future considerations"

Also a couple of teams swapped the rights to a couple players but I couldn't hear who it was. The team PR people are right behind me so I'll try and figure it out.

-----------------------------------------

Boston uses the pick they just got from LA for Gina DiMartino from Boston College.

Also Sky Blue sent their 7th round pick (62 overall) to Philadelphia in return for the rights to just-selected Jennifer Anzivino of Rutgers.

Rob Penner, the WPS communications director, just called for all head coaches to pose together for a picture.

If Andy Mead wasn't such a miserly, money grubbing bastard he'd probably share it so you could see it.

-------------------------------------------

PA system playing Allman Brothers Sweet Melissa. Nice touch.

-------------------------------------------

Live From Philadelphia

Bill Archer — Thu, 14 Jan 2010 17:15:38 GMT

Three or four guys are two minutes away from a long, lonely walk out to Arch St.

------------------------------------------

Oddly, although DC has had virtually nothing to do, they have the largest contingent of suits in the place, witth seven guys crammed around their table.

They almost had to ask for a "kids table" to stick on the end for olsen.

----------------------------------------

I was just over in the players section.

There are still maybe ten guys over there waiting to get called.

Time is running short. How depressing must that be?

---------------------------------------

get to know Mike Seamons, now with Seattle.

he has something like 25 hot women following him around.

---------------------------------------------

The draft is MLS' "dressiest" event. Even the press, notorious for out-and-out slobbery, cleans up a little (well, not the photographers. That's not possible)

So everybody with the league is in their best bib and tuucker, with two exceptions:

Steve Nicol is the only person in the league/team compound not wearing a suit. He's in a nice green sweater.

And Ben Olsen, who's over there at the DC table looking like he borrowed a cheap suit from his roommate, slept in it, and now has a hideous pink tie with the knot halfway down the front of his shirt.

-------------------------------------------

Andrew Hoxie, winner of the 2010 Combine Luke Kreamelmeyer award is "looking forward to bringing home a championship" to San Jose.

--------------------------------------

Was just talking to Andy Mead.

Raise your hand if you knew that, politically, Mead makes Dan Loney look like Richard Nixon.

---------------------------------------

"Nationally ranked Conor" to RedBulls.

I wonder if that poor kid will ever live that down.

Well, of course, as long aas BigSoccer is around, the answer is: never.

--------------------------------------------

nicol is so damned casual about it all.

He sits there looking like he's about to fall asleep and then, at the last minute, writes a name down, hands it to the runner, and then resumes looking like he's on a beach somewhere.

--------------------------------------

San Jose - no hesitation. Handed the smurf their pick sheet before the last one was done being announced.

Quickest draw of the day, by far.

--------------------------------------

Mike Seamans has, like, 50 family members with him.

In other news, Cobi is eating a sandwich.

-------------------------

Sigi on the phone

----------------------------------------

I'm having a hard time figuring out what the Fire is up to.

Klopas is standing around shooting the crap with some fans.

---------------------------

Fire time out.

Apparently was a signal of some kind since they're now showing a clip about John Carver's career in Toronto.

Obviously scraping the bottom off the video vault at this point.

--------------------------------------

Steve nicol is on the clock and he's currently over at his table flipping through the media guide, looking at player profiles.

I was kind of assuming that he would have, you know, something a little better.

-----------------

I'm not prepared to say what it means, exactly, but the league suddenly has a veritable herd of well-scrubbed little flunkies running around.

I mean, these little chipmonks are everywhere.
-------------------------------------

The buzz now is Andrew Wiedeman.

He's a GenA for Pete's sake. Doesn't someone want a free player?

Maybe more to the point, what's wrong with you if nobody wants you around if it won't cost anything?

-----------------------------------

As i was walking back into the hall, I was passed by Corben Bone walking out.

He was walking holding hands with his little sister, maybe seven or eight years old.

May you all, just once in your life, have someone look at you with as much unabashed love, nay worship as that girl was laying on her brother.

Life is good, my friends.

------------------------------------------

There's a "Player Hospitality" area outside just past the lobby. Comfy chairs, free food and liquids and a mean looking Convention center nazi standing there keeping the riffraff out.

All the guys who've been picked are now out there, chatting, laughing and eating. Life is good.

Meanwhile, about 20 other players are sitting in the seats waiting to hear their name. Not nearly as much laughter over there.

---------------------------------------------

You probably have it better than I do. Clint goes back to where it all began.

If you have a moment, email Cobi Jones and see if he's alive.

-------------------------------------------

Onolfo over schmoozing with the DC group

--------------------------------------

LA still hasn't handed in a slip

-------------------------------------

Now Arena is up front jawing at some league guys.

Cobi is sitting at the table studying his pen.

----------------------------------------

Something definitely up w/LA

Arena back over w/RSL, now on phone again, Cobi doing an imitation of a lawn gnome.

-------------------------------------

SOme gray haired guy is sitting at the Revs table eating a sandwich. Nobody else there.

----------------------------------------

Now Arena is over at the RSL table.

----------------------------------

NYRB on the phone too. Maybe they're talking to il Bruce.

"Beckham to NY" - it'll bring the house down.

----------------------------------

Arena is talking on the phone. I'm thinking double pepperoni

--------------------------------

Good pick for the Fire. Some people had Bone as the best player in the draft.

Smallish, but well worth the shot, particularly as a GenA

------------------------------------

Bright Dike?

Maybe the discussion was about how to pronounce his name.

The style book does in fact say "Dee-kay". Very fortunate.

--------------------------------------------

Now more MLS officials are talking over there. Looks like a convention.

-------------------------------------

Half of the league office is huddled with the Crew - somebody is unhappy about something

it's not indecision. It seems to be a technical question

---------------------------

Comedy moment: 1000 people looking at each other asking "Who the hell is David Estrada?"

Hell of a reach. Would probably have been there in the 2nd. Sigi goes his own way.

------------------------------

Corben Bone dropping like a rock. Nobody can figure it out.

------------------------------------------

Gavin to Chivas. They couldn't believe he was still there.

(Massive connectivity problems. Everybody here scrambling for a network)

And the NYRB fans are now officially the most drunk and annoyingly obnoxious group here.

--------------------------------------

If you're keeping track at home, God is leading Jesus Christ 4-1

------------------------------------

Dallas table looks like there's some disagreement.

The MLS smurf is standing there waiting for them to hand him the slip but he's being ignored

-----------------------------

Just saw Sunil Gulati wandering around being ignored.

He's amazingly lifelike.

--------------------------------

Opara. The shocks just keep on coming.

God is on a hot streak here.

-----------------------

Tshani is huge.

----------------------------------

Mwanga. Well slap my ass and call me Sally.

-------------------------------

Now it's the RedBulls fans. they may be even louder than the DC guys who, for reasons beyond imagining, had 50 seats saved for them up front.

Philadelphia: I love you guys, really, but you're getting schooled.

The noise in here is deafening.

--------------------------------------

Union fans chanting "Who are 'ya?" at DC fans.

Well, um, they're the guys who actually have a team that's, like, played and stuff.

Now they're saying "We can't hear you"

Believe me, Unionites - you can. Everybody can. They can hear them in New Jersey

-----------------------------------

DC Fans 20 feet from arena, singing at the top of their lungs.

Arena looking like he's laying a watermelon

----------------------------------

Don Garber is talking. And talking. And talking.

Rob Stone, Alexi Lalas, John harkes on deck

---------------------------------------

Crowd in front:

"PHI-la-DEL-phia

clap-clap-clapclapclap"

RedBulls fans in back of room:

"SUCKS!"

That didn't take long
------------------------------------

Tschani to NYRB is apparently a lock.

San jose is up next. Maybe we can get this done before 2PM and just get drunk.

---------------------------------------

Bruce Arena seems to be wearing a suit - not a sport coat but a suit - that has an LA patch on the front of it.

Is that available in the gift shop?

Every time I see Dave Sarachan I can't help thinking he's just about to break into a chorus of "We represent the Lollipop Guild"

----------------------------------

Entire TFC staff sitting at their table deep in conversation. Dynamo, Dallas and Chivas seem more relaxed.

Nobody else seated yet.

---------------------------------

Call Me Mr. Information:

Players who are already under contract to the league - GenA's and signed seniors - are brought here courtesy of the league and sits up front.

Any other player who was draft eligible can, if he so chooses, sit in the players-and-family section.

Every year one or two guys ends up sitting there for three, even four rounds. Two years ago a player sat there for all four, never heard his name, and had to make the long walk out to the parking lot.

(And it's not that he was too puffed up over nothing: First team All American and major conference Poty.)

As a result, more and more unsigned players are electing to sit just outside the ropes.

--------------------------------

The Perils of being Steven Goff:

Every media geek in the place has now meekly approached Steven Goff and kissed his ring.

The Archbishop of MLS

------------------------------------

News flash: Ives Galarcep owns a shirt with a collar.

------------------------------------

I'm doing this Ives Galarcep style - latest first.

Tampa Bay Mutiny Memorial First MLS Shirt in the Room Award:

Kansas City Wizards

-----------------------------------

Didn't WC Fields have something to say about being buried here?

However that was, this is the worst town for driving in the country. I'd do laps of Manhattan Island before I'd drive cross town here.

The Convention center is of course hard by Chinatown, so you can grab a really decent Kung Pao chicken or get that kink in your neck fixed at one of the ubiquitous acupuncture parlors.

Just came from The Field House, where Union fans are gathering. There's already a pretty decent crowd and if the pace of the drinking continues there are a number of them who won't be able to walk the one block to the draft by 2 PM.

They had a replay of Arsenal-Everton on one of the screens. Our boy looked active and involved, and - incredibly - more or less seamlessly integrated into the scheme.

A very attractive young lady gave me a Philadelphia Union pin. It would have been much more flattering if she hadn't also given them to everyone in the place.

On the bright side, she was much cuter than the bleach blond bimbo passing out SoCo shirts. Then again, if you drink SoCo, then you get what you deserve.

I'm now over in the ballroom. Seems like they've opened up another section of the room than they had here last time. Lots more seating, I think, and it looks like they'll need it just for the Union fans.

Is this the first time they've held the Superdraft in an MLS city? I remember Baltimore a couple years ago but that's as close as I can remember.

I'm sitting right next to the LA table. I'm thinking of sitting here calling out "Bruce! Hey Bruce!" for an hour or so, just to see his vast repertoire of disgusted looking faces.

More when the drunks start arriving. If you're headed here from out of town, I suggest not stopping. It's looking like a sellout.