Blog Entries

Bit late with this, I know. Much like Michael Owen…



THE GOOD

• Sunday's Manchester derby was the greatest Prem game I've ever seen (please note italics, folks) – even better than the pair of 4-3 belters served up by Liverpool and Newcastle United in the mid-1990s, or the 4-4 belter between Chelsea and Spurs in 2008.

Okay, greatest is perhaps wrong; the match was the most entertaining Prem game I've ever seen. The 90+ minutes...

"And I'll have the 'Labrador rack' on a bed of wild rocket, thanks…

"Nyum nyum nyum."

Today, the ever-watchful Arseblogger alerted me to the existence of an album of Manchester United football chants.

It's called "Manchester United Chants [Explicit]", which is about as unambiguous a title as any fan could wish for. You can for less than £5, from Amazon's MP3 store.

So far, so innocent. But let us examine the track listing:...

The new Premier League season has not kicked off but already it has spewed forth its first villain: Herr Michael Ballack of Chelsea.

During Sunday's Community Shield, Ballack callously bodychecked Patrice Evra, Manchester United's French left-back. This set off a chain of events that concluded with Frank Lampard sticking the ball into the net; Evra, meanwhile, was still down on the turf, writhing around in pain. For the record, Lampard's goal made the score 2-1 to Chelsea.

You can imagine what happened next – Alex Ferguson's face turned deep purple, while Wayne...

Exhibit A: Bolton Wanderers



The words "budget supermarket checkout" spring immediately to mind. The away kit looks even cheaper, and that's some feat.


Exhibit B: Manchester United



Decent kit, totally ruined by the ugly black chevron, which the manufacturer has craftily claimed is a nod to the kit United wore in the mid-1920s; it's not, it's a nod...

Hi, my name's Michael Owen. I am aspirational, professional, charismatic and global. Most of all though, I am fit and healthy – I can't stress that highly enough. If you don't believe me, ask my mum…

As I write this, Michael Owen is at the Carrington – Man Utd's training facility – undergoing a medical: "It's OK, you don't need to see my hamstrings… do you? Didn't you read my brochure? What do you mean my agents didn't send it to you? Here you go, I've got a spare copy in my man-bag…"
...

Liverpool's financial troubles appear to be over - first Gillett sold up his NFL team, and then the new Chief-Exec managed to renegotiate their £400m debt with RBS to ensure the club can continue to spend lavishly! £17.5m has just been added to the pile of IOUs, with Portsmouth full-back Glen Johnson joining the club.



Man City's Carlos Tevez deal may hit a snag or two along the way before its completion, with the Premier League scrutinising the deal at each and every step to ensure Carlos becomes a player of the club, and is no longer owned by a less-than-transparent...

Fernando Torres and Bruno (@ The Spoiler)

I bring you shocking "news" from this weekend's Sunday Express (a British tabloid with less class than Silvio Berlusconi):


Armed with the £80 million windfall from Cristiano Ronaldo’s move to Real Madrid, the Man Utd boss is determined to make his own impact in a transfer market which is becoming bloated with...

This is not a drill…

Happy now? After more than a year of "will he, won't he?" nonsense, it's happened, for real this time: Ronaldo is off to Madrid, if he still wants to go.

A statement issued by the English champions read as follows:

"Manchester United have received a world-record, unconditional offer of £80million for Cristiano Ronaldo from Real Madrid.

"At Cristiano’s request - who has again expressed his desire to leave - and after discussion with the player’s...

Steven Cohen, you might want to get a load of this. Some dynamite grist for your anti-Liverpool mill…


Not much to add to this really. It's laughable and ironic that this band of staunch Liverpool supporters claims to uphold the good name of Bill Shankly - the very thought of singing merrily about the Munich air disaster would have disgusted and appalled Shankly.

Indeed, Shankly admired Sir Matt Busby (Man Utd's most respected manager, who survived the Munich ordeal) and rated him above all managers. Shankly once said:

"Matt...

I'm coming back to prove you wrong, old man…

Diego Forlan's Man Utd career was not without its highs. The Uruguayan scored some crucial goals, including a memorable double at Anfield in 2002 – and no United fan ever forgets the player who wins them a game at the home of Liverpool FC.

Mostly though, Forlan – or "Forlorn", as the tabloids named him, inevitably – was known in England for his remarkable ability to not score goals. He missed sitters, tap-ins, every...