Dan Loney Blog - Soccer Blog

ANTI-DEVILISHMENT AND PRO-RIGHTEOUSNESS

One thing the auditor must not do is interrupt the person while in the middle of this major win or during the laughter. Otherwise it will invalidate the win.

In my entire 38 years, I've never, ever seen anything so sadistic, vile, immoral and mean-spirited.

How to destroy your franchise in a day

Posted 25 Nov 2009 at 02:39 PM by Dan Loney (Dan Loney Blog)
Updated 25 Nov 2009 at 11:20 PM by Dan Loney (Because "Preki is a tool" seemed a little too on-the-nose, title-wise)

Looks like the weirdest season ever is seguewaying* quite nicely into the weirdest offseason ever. I'm a bit behind on the Preki disaster in embryo form, but I will be awaiting the inevitable crash on my little tippy-toes.

Quote:

What left a more lasting impression on him that August day than the 2-0 win by his side was the sellout crowd of 20,178 at BMO Field.

"When I saw the passion in the stands, I knew this was the place for me," Preki said.

That place being Toronto, of course, and the August was back in 2007. Which means that either Preki is blowing smoke up TFC's...

Dan Loney

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Posted in Nutcases, Tools, Idiots and/or Scumbags, The Football Club of Brotherly Love, or whatever they end up calling the Philadelphia MLS franchise

Views 1693 Comments 7 Dan Loney is offline

LA, cabrón! Saluda al campeón!

Posted 24 Nov 2009 at 09:40 PM by Dan Loney (Dan Loney Blog)

I'm sure much has been made of Real Salt Lake being such a "team" team that, for the first time ever, there are no players for the MLS champs on the MLS Best XI. But there's a more prosaic answer to that - the Best XI was wrong. Olave should have been in the back line ahead of Conde (or better still, De Rosario - does anyone in the league even play a 3-5-2? So the Best XI should have four defenders. QED).

Now that Jason Kreis is a genius all of a sudden, it's going to be very interesting to see whether the 2009 Royals are the 1996 DC United (a .500 team that got hot late and...

Dan Loney

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Posted in The MLS, F I L F, Sidewalk Chalkers

Views 1753 Comments 30

Talking Heads: True Stories

Posted 24 Nov 2009 at 02:17 AM by Dan Loney (Dan Loney Blog)

(Probably will do a longer bit of primal scream therapy later this week. In the meantime, here are some snippets from my unfinished screenplay, "Well, That Sucked.")
___________

Guy at Qwest: "Is this the final game for soccer?"

Me: "No, they'll play again next season."

Guy: *suddenly notices that his seat is in another section*
_____________

*Javier Morales leaves the field in tears*

Me: "Oh, man. This isn't how I wanted us to win."
______________

RSL fans, after Beckham sent another...

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Posted in Crap that has nothing to do with anything

Views 2605 Comments 22 Dan Loney is offline

MLS Cup Preview

Posted 20 Nov 2009 at 09:10 PM by Dan Loney (Dan Loney Blog)
Updated 20 Nov 2009 at 09:24 PM by Dan Loney (Okay, now I'm ready to post it)

So. On Sunday we will see MLS Cup set, hopefully, another viewership record, thanks to the star power of the Galaxy.

Wow, it's only been four years. Feels like four hundred. But now, the Galaxy are back. And, as far as anyone in the mainstream knows or cares, is better than ever. Let's see, how does that speech go?

The Galaxy, whom I consider victors of the tournament. You players who in less than a few hours will be acclaimed champions by millinos of your compatriots. You who have no equals in the terrestrial hemisphere. You who are so superior to every...

Dan Loney

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Posted in The MLS, F I L F, Sidewalk Chalkers

Views 1380 Comments 19 Dan Loney is offline

There's a world outside my window, and it's a world of dread and fear

Posted 19 Nov 2009 at 04:39 PM by Dan Loney (Dan Loney Blog)

Hm, I've kinda been tunnel-visiony about MLS Cup, what with The Most Important Team In The World going to play the Galaxy and everything. (See what I did there?) (No, seriously, Real Salt Lake has this scrappy underdog thing going that I find both irritating and frightening. I sat through the Sol gagging against Sky Blue, and if this god-damned game isn't looking like its identical twin brother, then, in the words of "Bored of the Rings," I don't know lunch from din-din.)

...so, yeah, like I said, let's see what's happening elsewhere.

*raises the shades of the...

Dan Loney

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Posted in World Cup Qualifying, Things I'm supposed to care about for some reason

Views 1418 Comments 23 Dan Loney is offline

How David Beckham Ruined the US Soccer Hall of Fame

Posted 18 Nov 2009 at 02:53 PM by Dan Loney (Dan Loney Blog)
Updated 18 Nov 2009 at 02:55 PM by Dan Loney (Link added.)

If I'm Jonathan Ullman, present of the Soccer Hall of Fame, I'm so pissed off at Cobi Jones right now I can barely see straight.

It was the Year of Our Lord 2006. Cobi had missed the MLS playoffs for the first time ever, having followed up a triumphant 2005 double year with a truly miserable train wreck under his old friend Steve Sampson.

Then, according to Tim Leiweke, either late in 2006 or early in 2007, he and Cobi had a conversation that went something like this:

Cobi: I've decided to retire.
Tim: We've signed David Beckham.
Cobi:...

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Posted in Soccer Hall of Fame

Views 1470 Comments 10 Dan Loney is offline

Stop Believin'

Posted 17 Nov 2009 at 04:46 PM by Dan Loney (Dan Loney Blog)
Updated 17 Nov 2009 at 05:37 PM by Dan Loney (So many HDC MLS Cups....so many....)

Okay, apparently I have to once again settle the conspiracy idea.

Los Angeles hosts MLS Cup three count em EDIT - oops, four - times. Twice, Galaxy makes the semifinal, loses twice. Third time, Galaxy out in first round after giving up the worst comeback in soccer history. Fourth time, Galaxy misses the playoffs entirely, Chivas USA bounced in the first round.

Two years in a row, Blanco bounced out in the semifinals.

Two years running before this season, Beckham bounced out of the playoffs in the final game.

This year, Seattle...

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Posted in The MLS

Views 1572 Comments 24 Dan Loney is offline

And then everything went black

Posted 16 Nov 2009 at 12:52 AM by Dan Loney (Dan Loney Blog)
Updated 16 Nov 2009 at 01:30 PM by Dan Loney (I strive constantly for perfection...after I hit "Post")

All you who criticized Bruce Arena, said the game had passed him by, said he relied too much on old veterans...all you who said Dema Kovalenko was a one-dimensional hack...all you who said there was no way Ricketts or Berhalter would make it through the whole season...all you who said that Beckham and Donovan couldn't work together...all you who said a team starting two rookies in the back line couldn't win...well, where are you now? All these naysayers and non-believers - where are you now? Huh? Yeah, that's right. Looks like SOMEONE owes the Galaxy an apology.

I'm guessing...

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Posted in The MLS

Views 2146 Comments 21 Dan Loney is offline

Putting my finger on "Soccernomics"

Posted 12 Nov 2009 at 09:01 PM by Dan Loney (Dan Loney Blog)
Updated 13 Nov 2009 at 10:29 AM by Dan Loney (Not a typo so much as a grammatical atrocity.)

So I promised my wife I wouldn't swear as much these days, for fear that our child will one day greet her preschool teacher as a Saracen pig-dog. Fine, I thought, the Chivas series is over, I can take the pledge.

Then I read something in the new book, "We're Ripping Off Freakonomics," by Simon and Stefan, that really frosted my cupcakes. It was one sentence, but it was sentence from the pits of Hell itself. Nothing would do for it but to summon a vocabulary of such rage, venom and filth that would make D.H. Lawrence scratch his testicles in horror.

No, it wasn't...

Dan Loney

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Posted in Crap that has nothing to do with anything

Views 3205 Comments 62 Dan Loney is offline

18 again

Posted 10 Nov 2009 at 05:25 PM by Dan Loney (Dan Loney Blog)

Quote:

His season with the Result (highlight to reveal): Galaxy has been similar to Alex Rodriguez’s with the Yankees — short on drama and long on performance.

Here's a fun game for you. Who is Jere Longman referring to in this sentence? I'd provide a link to Longman's New York Times article, but the answer is given in the link. Also whited out the club name, but if you're stuck, you can at least give that hint.

Another hint - it's nice to see that the New York Times still wakes up every morning and says to itself, "How can we insult Dan's intelligence today?"

Speaking of Mainstream Media - so, Ian...

Dan Loney

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Posted in Crap that has nothing to do with anything

Views 1392 Comments 14 Dan Loney is offline

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