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The Phil Brown diaries: Tuesday, October 6
Tags hull city, phil brown
"I had high hopes indeed of luring Ruud Van Nistelrooy away from the Bernabeu…"
Woke up early (5am: sleep is for losers, I believe), as usual. Showered, applied bronzing moisturiser, put on dressing gown – Egyptian cotton, monogrammed with my initials – and grabbed a power shake – Big Sam got me into them – before changing into my Ciro Citterio suit (those bloody Italians know how to dress!) and hopping in my sponsored Daewoo for short ride to training ground.
Lovely gearbox, smooth ride, a personalised "Maximise Phil Brown's Potential" CD pumping out good vibes on the Daewoo's first-class stereo. It was made for me, Phil Brown, by my good friend Paul McKenna. Lovely chap, Paul. He's a bit like me in as much as we both understand exactly what it takes to be very successful in our chosen fields. It takes hard graft.
Start work at 6am by looking on the internet at the latest Bluetooth headsets. It's important to look the part and I need to be able to communicate with my staff at all times, especially when we're 2-0 down at home and I've run out of ideas – only joking! Bluetooth is marvellous. I haven't got a bloody clue how it works, mind. Think I might upgrade to a Jabra. Hear it's the dog's bollocks. Five stars in Stuff magazine.
International break now, so some of my players are not around, but we can't relax for a second, not in this league. That said, I might grow my beard back. Even Phil Brown has to learn when to switch off some time.
Jimmy Bullard is still around the place though, recovering from his injury, the selfish so-and-so. Can't wait until I can actually get a game out of him. Still, he keeps Phil Brown on his toes. The other day, he laid a shit in one of my hand-stitched loafers (River Island, leather uppers). The bastard!
Jimmy's the sort of player I like in my teams. He always gives 120%. Bollocks to 110%, that's one of my mottos – it's just not enough in my book. Always give a wee bit more than the other team. I learned that from a couple of my heroes: Sir Alex and that American Football coach… Vince Bomlardi, I think he's called.
Dilemma: Trying to decide whether or not to let the players have their dart board back. I took it away because we were getting complacent, taking our eye off the ball. That Geovanni, he hits trebles for show, but he can't hit a double to save his life. Same as his finishing, the daft sod. Honestly, sometimes I think he doesn't listen to a word I say.
A Phil Brown team doesn't do complacency. I try to instil the three Fs: focus, football and then a bit more focus. You can't have enough focus – Big Sam taught me that. Time for another power shake…
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phil brown...
hee hee heePosted 06 Oct 2009 at 12:42 PM by all pace no touch 
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Ouch! Very funny though....
Posted 06 Oct 2009 at 12:45 PM by lvanarsdall
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ovalball thinks this is pretty funny. We are most definitely amused.
Posted 06 Oct 2009 at 02:17 PM by ovalball
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Nothing about how he saved someone from jumping off of the bridge?Posted 06 Oct 2009 at 02:50 PM by Reignking 
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I live in the American Gardens Building on W. 81st Street on the 11th floor. My name is Phil Brown. I'm 50 years old. I believe in taking care of myself and a balanced diet and rigorous exercise routine. In the morning if my face is a little puffy I'll put on an ice pack while doing stomach crunches. I can do 1000 now. After I remove the ice pack I use a deep pore cleanser lotion. In the shower I use a water activated gel cleanser, then a honey almond body scrub, and on the face an exfoliating gel scrub. Then I apply an herb-mint facial mask which I leave on for 10 minutes while I prepare the rest of my routine. I always use an after shave lotion with little or no alcohol, because alcohol dries your face out and makes you look older. Then moisturizer, then an anti-aging eye balm followed by a final moisturizing protective lotion.
Posted 06 Oct 2009 at 03:14 PM by Clint Torres
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Moral of the story: if you're Jan Vinnegoor of Hesselink, you might not want to drop by Phil's house if he has the tarps out and is going on about how Huey Lewis and the News is an exceptional band.
Posted 06 Oct 2009 at 05:46 PM by Sigil
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I believe that would be the style section of the Hull Daily Mail.Quote:Originally Posted by Sigil
Moral of the story: if you're Jan Vinnegoor of Hesselink, you might not want to drop by Phil's house if he has the tarps out and is going on about how Huey Lewis and the News is an exceptional band.Posted 06 Oct 2009 at 06:21 PM by Clint Torres
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I can't see Phil Brown enjoying Huey Lewis.Quote:Originally Posted by Clint Torres
I live in the American Gardens Building on W. 81st Street on the 11th floor. My name is Phil Brown. I'm 50 years old. I believe in taking care of myself and a balanced diet and rigorous exercise routine....
Seems much more of Kylie Minogue man.Posted 06 Oct 2009 at 06:30 PM by Crimen y Castigo
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ah yes, so it would be.Quote:Originally Posted by Clint Torres
I believe that would be the style section of the Hull Daily Mail.
Would explain why we're not seeing Jozy out on the pitch. . .Posted 07 Oct 2009 at 08:31 AM by Sigil
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Quote:Originally Posted by Crimen y Castigo
I can't see Phil Brown enjoying Huey Lewis.
Seems much more of Kylie Minogue man.
Na... Phil Brown is more of a Yacht Rock kinda guyPosted 07 Oct 2009 at 10:06 AM by piperfc
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