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The Amazing Disappearing Penalty Spot
One of the things you've just got to love about soccer is that, although the game has been played a zillion and one times (no, really, that's the actual count) for a hundred years and in every country, county and flyspeck island on Earth, somehow, something is always happening that leaves you shocked, stunned or amazed.
For today's example, I'm indebted to my favorite American soccer writer, Steve Sirk, whose "Notebook" articles for BLACK AND GOLD STANDARD (the Crews' Official Blog, although the term "official blog" has always struck me as odd; to me, blogging, by definition, is and ought to be as UN-official as it gets, but the times they are a changing as they say) are must-read examples of how a talented writer can leverage access to players and team ancillaries into an eminently readable series that even people who don't follow the Crew (or even follow soccer) can and do enjoy.
Yesterday, for the first time I can recall, he posted a regular blog-type entry on a single topic, that being THE EXCEEDINGLY ODD CASE of Tyrone Marshall and the Amazing Excavated Penalty Spot.
Note to the joyless message board hate junkies who are even now doing finger yoga as you prepare to post some vitriol-dripping piece of unsophisticated drivel claiming that this piece is about placing blame for my team losing. If I do that someplace, feel free to point it out. If I don't, please don't make it up)
Unfortunately, there is simply no available video of what happened, but the facts are simple, straightforward and as far as I know, undisputed.
It began with this incredibly, almost unbelievably blatant foul from Jhon Kennedy Hurtado on Eddie Gaven inside the area:
And it ends with Guillermo Barros-Schelotto missing the consequent PK:
Which ended up being the difference between one point and three for the visiting Sounders. (A fact I note simply to indicate the stakes involved. I should also note that Columbus clinched the playoffs two weeks ago, are pretty much guaranteed a seed and are still looking good for the Shield. The result was much more important for Seattle, which desperately needed the points, than Columbus who will likely be just fine anyway)
In the absence of known tape of the more than two minutes in between those two events, I will depend heavily on Sirk, who's not only a better writer than me but is also about as unimpeachable a source as there is in the league. Imagine Buzz Carrick crossed with P.J. O'Rourke.
"After referee Ricardo Salazar whistled Jhon Kennedy Hurtado for bodyblocking Eddie Gaven in the box, Hurtado and James Riley undertook a lengthy appeal. Hurtado and Riley remained in Salazar’s face for nearly a minute, keeping the referee occupied."
Meanwhile, Tyrone Marshall strode directly to the penalty spot and began attacking it with his cleats.
"...(he) earnestly dug into the spot as if he were a slugger prepping for a crucial at-bat. He raked his cleats and back and forth, back and forth, over and over again. He jammed his heel into the ground when more force was needed. By the time he was finished, there was barely any evidence left of the white dot. There was a crater in its place."
When Marshall was finished playing Bob the Builder, the penalty spot looked like this:
And the resulting hole was deep enough to almost conceal a cell phone:
Barros-Schelotto began protesting the crater he was being asked to kick the ball from, but at that point several Seattle players began a shoving match with Steven "Big Bird" Lenhart, who was merely trying to stand in one place. Salazar became occupied with breaking up and then supervising the offenders.
It must be noted that altering the pitch in any way, and/or obliterating or changing the markings thereon is considered, by rule, to be unsporting conduct. Further, it's hard to believe that either the Assistant Referee or the Fourth Official didn't see what transpired.
That aside, what this appears to be is a case of some players conspiring to cheat in advance. This is different from your basic, garden-variety football cheating which is normally a spur-of-the moment crime of opportunity, although in fairness I have to believe that Christiano Ronaldo couldn't possibly be that skilled at falling down without a considerable amount of practice. (And how much cold you peddle a tape of THAT for?)
This was clearly orchestrated. Marshall never hesitated for a second; he strode straight for the spot with purpose and went straight to work.
Meanwhile, if anyone can tell me what part of that foul call was even remotely arguable, I wish they'd let me know. It's as obvious, clear cut and indisputable a PK call as we've seen all season, and it's certainly not worth over a minute of referee face-screaming. If nothing else, as a player, you'd feel like an idiot arguing about it.
This incident brings up some interesting questions.
For example, will the league do anything about it? As noted, there's no video that we know of, but the linesman surely saw it, unless he too was distracted by the argument.
Was this plan widely known amongst the team? Anyone who has been around a Sigi Schmid-managed side knows that the Round Mound is, to put it gently, a control freak. You don't change the way you lace up your boots without his permission. Is it conceivable that a group of players cooked up a scheme like this without his knowledge and approval?
Is this cheating or gamesmanship?
(I know, I'm beginning to sound like Ives Galarcep: "So what do you guys think? Is this something you want to see? Should the players be shot? Do these pants make my ass look big?)*
If you haven't already, go back and read Sirks' post. If nothing else, it features a textbook example of Schelotto's use of the language, which is both frequently fractured and yet, somehow, always exactly right.
As for me, if I was a Seattle fan I'd be chuckling into my sleeve as I made clucking noises about how I of course don't condone these sorts of shenanigans. As a Crew fan (maybe you heard) I should be calling for a Congressional inquiry and prison terms for the perps.
More to the point, if Seattle edges out another team, say Colorado or Salt Lake, for a playoff spot on the basis of preplanned cheating, those teams have every right to be pretty pissed off.
Honestly, this strikes me as a case where the officiating crew just blew their responsibilities. As Dan has noted in the past, the players are forbidden by rule and by the FIFA mandated "Respect" initiative to not do the Insane Howler Monkey routine in the Referees' face after calls they don't like.
If the USSF would start instructing the officials to put a stop to it through the use of those little yellow plastic things they carry, an incident like this couldn't happen. The only reason it was possible is because the players knew that they could get in the officials' face and scream at him for at least a minute - a clear violation of the rules against dissent - and nothing would happen to them.
In the end, rather than issueing a "No Digging Up the Penalty Spot" directive the answer is to not let the players distract the referee from doing his job.
* As a huge, enormous Ives fan, I kid because I love.
For today's example, I'm indebted to my favorite American soccer writer, Steve Sirk, whose "Notebook" articles for BLACK AND GOLD STANDARD (the Crews' Official Blog, although the term "official blog" has always struck me as odd; to me, blogging, by definition, is and ought to be as UN-official as it gets, but the times they are a changing as they say) are must-read examples of how a talented writer can leverage access to players and team ancillaries into an eminently readable series that even people who don't follow the Crew (or even follow soccer) can and do enjoy.
Yesterday, for the first time I can recall, he posted a regular blog-type entry on a single topic, that being THE EXCEEDINGLY ODD CASE of Tyrone Marshall and the Amazing Excavated Penalty Spot.
Note to the joyless message board hate junkies who are even now doing finger yoga as you prepare to post some vitriol-dripping piece of unsophisticated drivel claiming that this piece is about placing blame for my team losing. If I do that someplace, feel free to point it out. If I don't, please don't make it up)
Unfortunately, there is simply no available video of what happened, but the facts are simple, straightforward and as far as I know, undisputed.
It began with this incredibly, almost unbelievably blatant foul from Jhon Kennedy Hurtado on Eddie Gaven inside the area:
And it ends with Guillermo Barros-Schelotto missing the consequent PK:
Which ended up being the difference between one point and three for the visiting Sounders. (A fact I note simply to indicate the stakes involved. I should also note that Columbus clinched the playoffs two weeks ago, are pretty much guaranteed a seed and are still looking good for the Shield. The result was much more important for Seattle, which desperately needed the points, than Columbus who will likely be just fine anyway)
In the absence of known tape of the more than two minutes in between those two events, I will depend heavily on Sirk, who's not only a better writer than me but is also about as unimpeachable a source as there is in the league. Imagine Buzz Carrick crossed with P.J. O'Rourke.
"After referee Ricardo Salazar whistled Jhon Kennedy Hurtado for bodyblocking Eddie Gaven in the box, Hurtado and James Riley undertook a lengthy appeal. Hurtado and Riley remained in Salazar’s face for nearly a minute, keeping the referee occupied."
Meanwhile, Tyrone Marshall strode directly to the penalty spot and began attacking it with his cleats.
"...(he) earnestly dug into the spot as if he were a slugger prepping for a crucial at-bat. He raked his cleats and back and forth, back and forth, over and over again. He jammed his heel into the ground when more force was needed. By the time he was finished, there was barely any evidence left of the white dot. There was a crater in its place."
When Marshall was finished playing Bob the Builder, the penalty spot looked like this:
And the resulting hole was deep enough to almost conceal a cell phone:
Barros-Schelotto began protesting the crater he was being asked to kick the ball from, but at that point several Seattle players began a shoving match with Steven "Big Bird" Lenhart, who was merely trying to stand in one place. Salazar became occupied with breaking up and then supervising the offenders.
It must be noted that altering the pitch in any way, and/or obliterating or changing the markings thereon is considered, by rule, to be unsporting conduct. Further, it's hard to believe that either the Assistant Referee or the Fourth Official didn't see what transpired.
That aside, what this appears to be is a case of some players conspiring to cheat in advance. This is different from your basic, garden-variety football cheating which is normally a spur-of-the moment crime of opportunity, although in fairness I have to believe that Christiano Ronaldo couldn't possibly be that skilled at falling down without a considerable amount of practice. (And how much cold you peddle a tape of THAT for?)
This was clearly orchestrated. Marshall never hesitated for a second; he strode straight for the spot with purpose and went straight to work.
Meanwhile, if anyone can tell me what part of that foul call was even remotely arguable, I wish they'd let me know. It's as obvious, clear cut and indisputable a PK call as we've seen all season, and it's certainly not worth over a minute of referee face-screaming. If nothing else, as a player, you'd feel like an idiot arguing about it.
This incident brings up some interesting questions.
For example, will the league do anything about it? As noted, there's no video that we know of, but the linesman surely saw it, unless he too was distracted by the argument.
Was this plan widely known amongst the team? Anyone who has been around a Sigi Schmid-managed side knows that the Round Mound is, to put it gently, a control freak. You don't change the way you lace up your boots without his permission. Is it conceivable that a group of players cooked up a scheme like this without his knowledge and approval?
Is this cheating or gamesmanship?
(I know, I'm beginning to sound like Ives Galarcep: "So what do you guys think? Is this something you want to see? Should the players be shot? Do these pants make my ass look big?)*
If you haven't already, go back and read Sirks' post. If nothing else, it features a textbook example of Schelotto's use of the language, which is both frequently fractured and yet, somehow, always exactly right.
As for me, if I was a Seattle fan I'd be chuckling into my sleeve as I made clucking noises about how I of course don't condone these sorts of shenanigans. As a Crew fan (maybe you heard) I should be calling for a Congressional inquiry and prison terms for the perps.
More to the point, if Seattle edges out another team, say Colorado or Salt Lake, for a playoff spot on the basis of preplanned cheating, those teams have every right to be pretty pissed off.
Honestly, this strikes me as a case where the officiating crew just blew their responsibilities. As Dan has noted in the past, the players are forbidden by rule and by the FIFA mandated "Respect" initiative to not do the Insane Howler Monkey routine in the Referees' face after calls they don't like.
If the USSF would start instructing the officials to put a stop to it through the use of those little yellow plastic things they carry, an incident like this couldn't happen. The only reason it was possible is because the players knew that they could get in the officials' face and scream at him for at least a minute - a clear violation of the rules against dissent - and nothing would happen to them.
In the end, rather than issueing a "No Digging Up the Penalty Spot" directive the answer is to not let the players distract the referee from doing his job.
* As a huge, enormous Ives fan, I kid because I love.
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Here's hoping some fan recorded the digging on their phone or something.Posted 06 Oct 2009 at 10:14 AM by demolitionlover 
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I know I, for one, am anxiously awaiting the inevitable Seattle response, which will be to accuse Bill of exactly what he takes pains to disabuse anyone of in his first couple of 'graphs. Then they will extend that to all of Crew fandom, pointing to the postgame thread that, in actuality places the lion's share of the blame on Crew players and their recent inability to finish their lunches. They will instead say that we are completely blaming the referee for everything.
About 3 days from now, a clutch of the usual TFC characters will come by to tell Bill how well they regard him and his writing.Posted 06 Oct 2009 at 10:26 AM by Timon19
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Convert all natural playing surfaces to plastic. Problem solved!
Posted 06 Oct 2009 at 10:27 AM by Oldsmobile
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Do the crew actually think they are black and gold? You can't get much more yellow than the crew. Anyway, there has to be tape of the excavation if it did indeed occur. The main camera doesn't zoom in right? Surely it's focused on the area so MLS no doubt has tape of it. I've got the match on DVR..might check it out tonight.
And here I thought Schelotto choked on account of staring down one of the best PK goalkeepers ever
For the record, I couldn't agremore e on the color. It's as yellow as yellow can be.
As for Schelotto, yeah, because in over ten years with Boca Juniors he never faced a crucial situation or a goalkeeper anywhere near as stellar as Keller. Good point.Posted 06 Oct 2009 at 10:30 AM by ianai
Updated 06 Oct 2009 at 11:29 AM by Bill Archer -
Even I have to admit, that was a good one.Quote:Originally Posted by Oldsmobile
Convert all natural playing surfaces to plastic. Problem solved!Posted 06 Oct 2009 at 10:30 AM by Timon19
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As a seattle fan, let me just say that I have never be a fan of Tyrone. I'd rather ship him off and have Ianni in there..crazy I know, but after Cooper got his leg hurt it was over for me with Tyrone.
That being said, I did not see this part of the match, and I am speechless that he actually dug into the spot. I have never even heard of that. Acknowledging that it is cheating, what should be the penalty? I suggest banning him from the league so we can fill his spot with someone else.
*shrugs*Posted 06 Oct 2009 at 10:55 AM by Dtone
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Wow.. Sounders are cheaters nowQuote:More to the point, if Seattle edges out another team, say Colorado or Salt Lake, for a playoff spot on the basis of preplanned cheating
Posted 06 Oct 2009 at 11:01 AM by BROSUF
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"began a shiving match"
That sounds dangerous...
Damn copy editor. I'm firing that clown.Posted 06 Oct 2009 at 11:09 AM by Reignking 
Updated 06 Oct 2009 at 11:30 AM by Bill Archer -
Archer says that the LotG says it's unsporting behavior, which is typically a yellow. I'm sure there are allowances for aggravating circumstances.Quote:Originally Posted by Dtone
That being said, I did not see this part of the match, and I am speechless that he actually dug into the spot. I have never even heard of that. Acknowledging that it is cheating, what should be the penalty? I suggest banning him from the league so we can fill his spot with someone else.
Lots of stuff happened in those 2 minutes, including the attempted gang-rape of Lenhart. It was as petulant a display as I've seen this side of Man Utd.Posted 06 Oct 2009 at 11:11 AM by Timon19
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Convert to field turf and that won't happen.Posted 06 Oct 2009 at 11:17 AM by Mississauga FC
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