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Detailed Analysis on the Performance of the United States National Team vs. El Salvador on March 28
Posted 29 Mar 2009 at 01:07 PM by Dan Loney
Updated 30 Mar 2009 at 12:20 AM by Dan Loney (toned down hyperbole; corrected on my usual half-assed mistake)
Updated 30 Mar 2009 at 12:20 AM by Dan Loney (toned down hyperbole; corrected on my usual half-assed mistake)
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...what was THAT?
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Thank you. This has been "Detailed Analysis on the Performance of the United States National Team vs. El Salvador on March 28," copyright 2009 What Was THAT Enterprises, all rights reserved.
Only two upsides. One, Altidore and Hejduk ruining the hopes and dreams of every fan in that stadium who thought they were going to see the greatest, most wonderful upset in the history of CONCACAF World Cup qualifying. Admittedly, that's no small thing. Soccer is all about destroying people's will to live. The only reason El Salvador isn't one big Heaven's Gate compound right now is because Jose Henriquez cleared Ching's bike in the final moments.
Two - and other people have pointed this out - we're gonna hear a lot less about us beating Mexico in Azteca, at least until Wednesday night.
Re-living this game on the PBP thread is seriously making my stomach hurt. I'm only reading it again because I'm trying to see if anyone else thought Hejduk committed a penalty in between our goals. I think we should have lost 3-1.
It's possible that any sympathy for the Salvadorans to get gifted calls suffered a bad leg cramp and had to stop play for two minutes. (Best line about that strategy was They're dropping like people at a Benny Hinn preach.
I can't get too upset about ES time-wasting, because a non-trivial part of the reason El Salvador wasted time was because WE HAD OUR HEADS UP OUR ASSES AND HANDED THEM A TWO GOAL LEAD.
In any case, we deserved a point in the same way that Miami FC is "El Equipo de Las Americas." More like El Equipe de My Ass. The only thing I hate more in the entire world right now than Heath Pearce is Miami FC. I'm 100% god-damned serious. The current list is:
1. Miami FC
2. Heath Pearce
3. Osama Bin Laden
Both Kovalenko AND Beckham are off the medal podium. THAT'S how much this game pissed me off.
Okay, you know what, I'm writing this out of anger, and saying things I might later regret. After a little reflection between the last paragraph and this one, I've rethought my top three hate list.
1. Miami FC
2. Heath Pearce
3. Rafa Marquez
Much better.
Fine, then. What's more productive, me hating on Miami FC, or you screaming for Bob Bradley to be fired? For a change, I'm honestly trying to picture a scenario where Bradley gets fired in qualifying, and short of NOT qualifying, there's no precedent in US soccer.
Of course, there's no precedent for finishing fourth and still having a shot, either. So I can understand -
Wait, Sophia's on my lap, she wants to add something.
ifb 6vccvtrb ffdxx u,mm,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,8im9 z
ujh45rdtyyyyyybnf bcbcbh,.
...well. I think that sums it up nicely. Thanks, Sophia!
...what was THAT?
_______________________
Thank you. This has been "Detailed Analysis on the Performance of the United States National Team vs. El Salvador on March 28," copyright 2009 What Was THAT Enterprises, all rights reserved.
Only two upsides. One, Altidore and Hejduk ruining the hopes and dreams of every fan in that stadium who thought they were going to see the greatest, most wonderful upset in the history of CONCACAF World Cup qualifying. Admittedly, that's no small thing. Soccer is all about destroying people's will to live. The only reason El Salvador isn't one big Heaven's Gate compound right now is because Jose Henriquez cleared Ching's bike in the final moments.
Two - and other people have pointed this out - we're gonna hear a lot less about us beating Mexico in Azteca, at least until Wednesday night.
Re-living this game on the PBP thread is seriously making my stomach hurt. I'm only reading it again because I'm trying to see if anyone else thought Hejduk committed a penalty in between our goals. I think we should have lost 3-1.
It's possible that any sympathy for the Salvadorans to get gifted calls suffered a bad leg cramp and had to stop play for two minutes. (Best line about that strategy was They're dropping like people at a Benny Hinn preach.
I can't get too upset about ES time-wasting, because a non-trivial part of the reason El Salvador wasted time was because WE HAD OUR HEADS UP OUR ASSES AND HANDED THEM A TWO GOAL LEAD.
In any case, we deserved a point in the same way that Miami FC is "El Equipo de Las Americas." More like El Equipe de My Ass. The only thing I hate more in the entire world right now than Heath Pearce is Miami FC. I'm 100% god-damned serious. The current list is:
1. Miami FC
2. Heath Pearce
3. Osama Bin Laden
Both Kovalenko AND Beckham are off the medal podium. THAT'S how much this game pissed me off.
Okay, you know what, I'm writing this out of anger, and saying things I might later regret. After a little reflection between the last paragraph and this one, I've rethought my top three hate list.
1. Miami FC
2. Heath Pearce
3. Rafa Marquez
Much better.
Fine, then. What's more productive, me hating on Miami FC, or you screaming for Bob Bradley to be fired? For a change, I'm honestly trying to picture a scenario where Bradley gets fired in qualifying, and short of NOT qualifying, there's no precedent in US soccer.
Of course, there's no precedent for finishing fourth and still having a shot, either. So I can understand -
Wait, Sophia's on my lap, she wants to add something.
ifb 6vccvtrb ffdxx u,mm,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,8im9 z
ujh45rdtyyyyyybnf bcbcbh,.
...well. I think that sums it up nicely. Thanks, Sophia!
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Total Comments 21
Comments
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Subtitle for blog; And The Oscar Goes To...
But All kidding aside the only reason ES droppped their lead is because their sub goalkeeper was knocking out half his defensive line every play.Posted 29 Mar 2009 at 01:46 PM by dada3345 
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Yeah, the exact tactics I was screaming about (long ball short into the box) against the starter were exactly what we needed against the sub. I'm not sure he ever stayed on his line for anything. Nothing wrong with coming off of your line - as long as you get the ball.
Posted 29 Mar 2009 at 01:49 PM by AndyMead
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Oh so you're one of those parents who makes unrealistic demands of their kids just to try to give them some sort of competitive edge?
Sure "guest blogger" might look good on her resumé when applying to the best pre-schools, and perhaps she makes a good (although oblique) point, but don't you think she's a little young to have to deal with the roller-coaster ride of being a hardcore USMNT fan during away-qualifying, or the pressure of having to write on a deadline while also being funny? All just to please Daddy?
*tsk tsk*Posted 29 Mar 2009 at 02:35 PM by Mr. Bandwagon 
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If only Ching would have made the goal it would have made the game I watched after so more comfortable.Posted 29 Mar 2009 at 02:43 PM by santeroatomico
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One more thing I wonder if those few US fans on the stands made out alive. I do hope so.
Posted 29 Mar 2009 at 02:52 PM by santeroatomico
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Yep. Frankie mauled that guy in between the goals. Rear naked choke.
Posted 29 Mar 2009 at 03:35 PM by Deuteriumoxide
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If no one else will say it now, then I will. The US will beat Mexico at the Azteca.
Posted 29 Mar 2009 at 04:05 PM by evangel
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Good tactics and play by ES as well. I don't understand why you would say the US handed them 2 goals. And Frankie sure did take down Zelaya or Castillo, I forget which one. Oh well...Posted 29 Mar 2009 at 04:35 PM by benitoelwerito
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The adjectival form of El Salvador is "Salvadoran," as is the demonym - I wanted to stab JP and John in the face with icepicks for this throughout the game. I don't want to have to stab you in the face as well, Dan.Quote:It's possible that any sympathy for the Salvadoreans to get gifted calls suffered a bad leg cramp and had to stop play for two minutes. (Best line about that strategy was They're dropping like people at a Benny Hinn preach.
I just did a post on this too if anybody cares.
I will go back and change it. I mean, I don't want to mess with someone who knows how to get icepicks in the year 2009. Icepicks were anachronistic in "Basic Instinct," for God's sake, and what was that, twenty years ago? -D.Posted 29 Mar 2009 at 05:19 PM by grant.alpaugh
Updated 30 Mar 2009 at 12:19 AM by Dan Loney -
Did Landon play? I think he did, he made about 5 back passes in the whole game otherwise nothing else from him. I know Beasley played because he gave up the ball leading to the first goal and it was his defending that gave up the second one. I hope we don't have to depend on these guys like the U23 did for the Athens Olympics.
Posted 29 Mar 2009 at 05:26 PM by ljc409
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