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Dirk Gently's Holistic Logo Reviews
Posted 15 Dec 2008 at 02:54 PM by Dan Loney
Delegating interpretational duties
Like every goodthinking* soccer fan, I got a load of this:
and prepared a review along these lines:
THIS IS FIVE BILLION TIMES WORSE THAN THE HOLOCAUST
But I held back, and here's why. Hardcore soccer fans are not the target audience here. Tween girls, and their breadwinning parents, are going to be these teams' fans.
Much that I wish it were otherwise. Tell me that chants like "Can you hear the Freedom sing? I DON'T HEAR A ********ING THING" wouldn't contribute to a generation of well-rounded and assertive young women for 21st century America.
So I asked a couple of children, and their breadwinning parents, what they thought of the WPS logos.
The Boston Breakers' radically updated logo - the word "Breakers" was moved north an inch or so, no longer covering the soccer ball as it did in WUSA days - was received very well. None of the panel criticized it, one ranked it as her second favorite.
The youngest of the panel, when asked "If you had to pick a team to play for, which would you choose?", chose this. For once I agreed with the panel. The WUSA logo was suffering from severe devolution - a star with a ponytail? This logo would probably pass muster with even hardcore male fans, although the name probably still fails. Which is surprising, since it's just another word for nothing left to lose.
I had pages of rages for this one. It's SUCH a beautiful logo, and it's been given the second dumbest name in the history of humankind, right behind "Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim." Might as well spray-paint "Grove 4 Life" on the Wailing Wall.** Was "Joan of Arc FC" THAT difficult? That's who that person IS, isn't it? Naturally, both wonderful logo and hideous name was met with "Meh" from the panel.
Panel and blogger also diverged here. Blogger loves this one. Panel didn't care one way or the other. Panel probably would have voted for Stinking Onions, come to think of it. Blogger voted for Stinking Onions, though, as blogger recalls. Neither panel nor blogger live in Chicago, so weren't good targets for the city flag reference, anyway.
I thought this one was going to get panned, and I was right. "Looks like an airline logo" was a pretty typical comment. I don't know what kind of clock the league is on, but so much misses the mark here - city colors of New York look wrong for a New Jersey team; the more you look at it the more you think "Maybe isn't supposed to be a bird?"; and maybe I'm just one of those prickly little nitpickers but that's NOT sky blue - that I'd be surprised if they didn't change it by Opening Day.
The locals weren't overwhelmed, although the ten year old liked the sun design. Which is cute. It's not Argentina's or Uruguay's sun face (which Wikipedia tells me is the "Sun of May," and I don't feel like arguing), which I think would have blown the panel away. Surprisingly few points for not making the "O" in Sol into a soccer ball.
The number one, runaway favorite...and you're probably way ahead of me on this...was the one with the cat.
Weep for the youth of the nation later. The soccer executives putting money into the project apparently know what they're doing, and the comedy blogger looking over their shoulder is way off. God help us if this becomes a trend.
*Remind me sometime to do a post entirely in Newspeak. I think it would be much, much more work than the comedy payoff could possibly justify it...so it's perfect for this blog.
**Tell me "Grand Theft Auto: Holy Land" wouldn't be the most epic game ever.
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I hope this league aims to play in 10k max stadiums. i think it would suit it better and create a more intimate atmosphere.Posted 15 Dec 2008 at 03:22 PM by eightyhoursaway 
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Doesn't actually shock me the the FC Gold Pride logo is the one the panel liked most. It's the one they can most identify with as it does have a high school or middle school feel to it and would appeal to those age groups and their parents most. Same would seem to apply to the Sol.Posted 15 Dec 2008 at 03:28 PM by athletics68
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It strikes me as unfortunate (at least in this capacity) that St. Louis* wasn't named St. Insert-Female-Name instead, as I was kind of intreagued by the concept of just calling the team St. Louis, and that would have worked a lot better in a city named St. Mary or something similar.
Any idea as to the status of the idea of having both the St. Louis MLS and WPS teams share the same crest/colors/etc. assuming St. Louis ends up ever getting an MLS team?
EDIT:*The city, obviouslyPosted 15 Dec 2008 at 03:30 PM by grant.alpaugh
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I see six blue teams out of seven.
Posted 15 Dec 2008 at 03:55 PM by Honore de Ballsac 
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Sorry. I haven't really been paying attention. Am I to understand that the LA team is called the S.O.Ls? 'cause that's what I see.
I wish the league well, seriously. I actually enjoyed the WUSA when I occasionally stumbled upon it on channel 426, or whatever.Posted 15 Dec 2008 at 04:18 PM by SweetOwnGoal
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Honore, much like MLS, where 80% of teams have red...Posted 15 Dec 2008 at 04:33 PM by Reignking
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Read a lot of the Onion... Newspeak is hilarious when applied to mundane topics.Posted 15 Dec 2008 at 04:44 PM by TinManJoshua
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Also
-2 out of 7 teams do not have a location.
-1 team misrepresents a color most likely due to the fact that it was already taken.Posted 15 Dec 2008 at 04:51 PM by sWo97
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Quakes, Galaxy, Rapids, Houston, Crew, and Wizards have red? I don't see where you got the 80% Reignking...You barely have 50%. Add Seattle next year and you are at 50% or below...
Back to the regularly scheduled program. No surprise that the scientific poll came out different than the BS poll. We are not normal.Posted 15 Dec 2008 at 05:01 PM by QuakeAttack
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I made it up.
Posted 15 Dec 2008 at 05:07 PM by Reignking
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