Compare the scenes:

In Columbus, you have soccer game as round of boxing. The first half begins with the Columbus Crew and New England Revolution feeling each other out with jabs ranging between searching and stinging. Both teams pick up the pace as the contest wears on, each side swinging and blocking, the ball coursing from end to end with players chasing and lunging everywhere, all in pursuit of the decisive opening. It’s a tight game decided by New England’s Matt Reis sharply swatting away the few attempts that comes his way on one end and the Crew, at last, dropping their guard just enough to suffer the late, fatal blow. Good entertainment, good atmosphere.

About a thousand mile south, FC Dallas meets Real Salt Lake in a half-empty Pizza Hut Park. Here, momentum comes in fits as both teams give away the ball, out of politeness perhaps, after coming to the quiet conclusion they don’t know what the hell to do with it. Interruptions come to this ambling sort of game with a pair of ill-tempered flashes: Ian Joy gets sent off for two, um, less-than-smart fouls on Dallas’ Kenny Cooper, while Dallas’ Bobby Rhine simply loses his head on the way to losing the advantage for his team. A couple fortunate substitutions make the coaches look bright: Fabian Espindola comes on for Real Salt Lake and gives the road team hope of stealing all three points with a well-taken goal, only for Dominic Oduro to turn that equation on its head with a brace completed in second-half stoppage. At least the fans go home smiling...

The Crew v. Revolution looked and felt like a top of the table fight featuring two confident, savvy teams trading heavy blows. The scene in Dallas, meanwhile, felt like a shoving match before the proverbial two-hit fight (e.g. “I hit you, you hit the ground.”); neither side gave the impression they’re ready to swing with big boys.

The difference between these two games approximates the distance between top and bottom in Major League Soccer (MLS)...it’s big, though maybe not as big as all this...



Turning to a second theme, holy crap, did this week throw more curves than, um, a very talented pitcher playing for a very good team in the majors (sorry; I know jack about baseball). So many shocking results inspired a new, possibly one-time feature: “The Shock-Down.” This past week’s results (Wednesday’s excepted) appear below in the order in which they made my jaw drop, starting with the biggest. I embedded MLSnet.com’s match report under the score and put an asterisk next to the games I saw in full:

Red Bull New York 1-5 Chicago Fire
Did anyone else hear, “How’s the New Neighborhood...Bee-yatch!?” echo from Chicago yesterday afternoon? I have a feeling Chicago is going to top several rankings this week. Just when people started believing in the tactical wizardry of Juan Carlos Osorio, his old team rolls into to town and breaks the esteemed Colombian’s chalkboard. The highlights made the case for pinning most the blame on New York’s clumsy defense, but Chicago’s play in the final third just tore ‘em a second hole - most notably, Cuauhtemoc Blanco’s beautiful lofted pass across Red Bull’s goal-mouth that picked out an inexcusably wide-open Chris Rolfe. The scope of the defeat went two goals beyond pay-back, however, opening questions about the real meaning of New York’s apparent form. For anyone who saw this game, kindly let me know if it was bad as it looked. Taking the score by itself, man, I did NOT see this coming.

San Jose Earthquakes 2-1 Houston Dynamo
Having already noted my surprise at this result - and not having a lot to add since I didn’t see the game - let’s just say I didn’t expect Houston’s revival to slow so abruptly...if not stop altogether.

Colorado Rapids 1-2 Chivas USA*
Rapids fans should thank Tam MacManus for making this one look more respectable than it was. Despite what the Rapids’ homer broadcast team had to say, even in spite of the numbers, this game demonstrated that having more of the ball and the better statistics doesn’t always translate. Chivas not only picked up a macho win, but they’re looking more like themselves - and that with a crap-stack of unfamiliar faces playing together. That’s a sign simultaneously good and ominous where the rest of the West in concerned - e.g. the sign that Chivas’ personnel are again catching up with their fairly effective approach to the game. What I really like about Chivas’ game is the way they play what I’d call high-percentage passes; by that I mean they play passes that, should they connect, will put the receiver in a great position to do something productive; that also means, less high-hopefuls into space, the kind of pass Colorado likes a little too well. Specifically, credit the flat-out stellar partnership between regulars Sacha Kljestan and Jesse Marsch for bringing composure and smarts to Chivas’ overall game; they get good help all over the field, but those two can break pressure or find holes in the defense. Just damned fun to watch when they’re really popping.

It’s a starkly different story for the Rapids, who played their flattest game since the loss to San Jose - and showed they’re at their best when playing with the lead. But the Rapids’ greatest failing came with a puzzling, and general, lack of initiative: with the exception of Colin Clark and, later, Tam MacManus - who scored a screamer - too few of Colorado’s players showed any appetite for attack. They played quickly only when dropping the ball or playing it square and they did both far too often; absent a willingness to turn and run at Chivas, or to make meaningful effort to play through them, the Rapids showed much more patience than was warranted.

One last point here: I suspect some Rapids fans will gripe about the ref. I’ll grant he was a little wacky, but he was the least of Colorado’s problems.

Columbus Crew 0-1 New England Revolution*
Easy, EZ; can’t have that kind of lapse late in the game. And what is William Hesmer’s percentage on penalty kicks; that cat is psychic...shame his team couldn’t help make his save on Shalrie Joseph stand up. Like they said in Talladega Nights, though, that just happened and so ended the game.

From the Crew’s perspective, it’s not so much the loss as the manner of the losing that surprised me - though it’s not simple as that either. As noted in the lead, both teams impressed me generally: smart passing met sharp defending with the general effect being they canceled out one another, but the quality showed through. Overall, I thought the Crew played the better game, a little more enterprising, a little more creative. At the same time, there’s something a little limited to Columbus’ approach. Their offense flows through only a handful of players: Guillermo Barros Schelotto, obviously, but he’s backed by Frankie Hejduk (who’s really everywhere this year), Alejandro Moreno, Eddie Gaven, and Robbie Rogers. The trick is, this team is that little meaningfully bit better with Gino Padula behind Rogers and Adam Moffat ranging around the field. As great as players like Brian Carroll and Chad Marshall have been, even with Danny O’Rourke improving in defense, it takes the extra option or two to play with a team like New England.

So, New England...what’s there to say? Tough to beat, as always, and with the right players in key positions to kill the game: Steve Ralston makes a half-harmless dribble across the top of the area and Ezra Hendrickson bites on it. The scary thing about New England is they only have to keep you close to screw you...and they seem able to keep everyone close but Chicago, so there’s a lot of screwing ahead. Still, there’s something painful and frustrating about it all....and to think Taylor Twellman will be back one of these days.

LA Galaxy 3-1 Kansas City Wizards
An incredible Keystone Kops moment aside - and think what we might all be saying and writing had that odd own-goal gone in - LA’s defense is looking increasingly capable of serving as a sufficient back-stop for their fluid offense. Or, rather, it’ll be enough so long as they have David Beckham and Landon Donovan on the field...I can’t see how the next few weeks aren’t gonna hurt for LA. KC, meanwhile, gives signs of wanting to buy in the World of Hurt; another week, another cause for doubt. Going from highlights, again, it seems like KC’s Kevin Hartman did his bit, but the Wizards trouble with scoring spells serious trouble. If I rated KC, maybe this result would have surprised me....but I don’t. I think this is their level - at least in the early going. Then again, I’m not sure I see them turning it around, either.

DC United 3-2 Toronto FC
C’mon DC fans, admit it. You puked from anxiety at least once during this game. Short of that, you surely saw the entire season flash before your eyes. I’m guessing it’s flashing still given that narrow win took all the scrap all y’all had, as well as a bumbling give-away by TFC’s Greg Sutton, to overcome a quality brace by Danny Dichio (of all people). Toronto remains a bit of mystery, if a proud one for fighting strong on the road, but I can’t imagine DC feels like they buried the shaky start. Looks like the ’08 monkey is still around.

FC Dallas 2-1 Real Salt Lake*
Uglier than watching your grandparents make out, that game. I’ll own up to not watching the whole plodding, scarcely competent thing: I felt like I had as much as I needed when I shut it off - immediately before Real Salt Lake’s goal as it turns out. That’s not to say a “moment” didn’t pop up here or there: at one point in the first half, Dallas strung together nearly 20 passes, working the ball up before switching it to find a genuine opening. But most of this game followed a pattern of “two passes to our team, then one to theirs.” Making matters worse, it wasn’t a degree of difficulty kind of thing, but sloppy technique and poor decisions. Based on what I saw, both teams are making beds in the basement. I have big-ish questions about Juan Toja and Arturo Alvarez riding pine, but don’t know what RSL can do to improve...on the road at least.