Everytime you masterbate....

[Lucid]

http://members.aol.com/johnk0/godkills.jpg

I just figured I'd share that with you all and make you think about it before you do it next time, shame on you!

:D

[Lucid]

BTW, which BigSoccer user is that in the background? It's killing me cause it's right on the tip of my tounge.

[JAnderson14]

http://www.msu.edu/~balocati/godkills.jpg

[Lucid]

So if those are ninjas in the background representing the ninjas that chop off kittens heads, then does that mean those brown paper bag looking thingies is god?

[LongJohn]

....hey.........this IS better than spaying or neutering my cat................damn Bob Barker doesn't know what is talking about.............i wish a girl was here to do this for me though....

[Lucid]

Originally posted by LongJohn
i wish a girl was here to do this for me though....

oooookkkkk... yeah, I think this thread was intended for thinking about the consequences of your past masterbation sessions and those that will happen in the future. It however was not intended to be used for present masterbation sessions.

BTW, if kittens make you wanna just whip it out, you got some issues.

[joseph pakovits]

Originally posted by Lucid
BTW, which BigSoccer user is that in the background? It's killing me cause it's right on the tip of my tounge.

snowsuit

[skipshady]

Originally posted by joseph pakovits
snowsuit kitten killer! ;)

Seriously, what's the hubbub about masturbation? It's the safest form of sex you can have, it relaxes you, helps you discover your sexual quirks and helps finance the porn industry, keeping hundreds of otherwise incompetent people employed.

We should not push masturbation away. Instead, we should embrace it, though not literally.

[Super Hamatachi redded]

Originally posted by JAnderson14
http://www.msu.edu/~balocati/godkills.jpg

LOL!! but what does this have something to do with masturbation???

[Stogey23]

Originally posted by skipshady
kitten killer! ;)

Seriously, what's the hubbub about masturbation? It's the safest form of sex you can have, it relaxes you, helps you discover your sexual quirks and helps finance the porn industry, keeping hundreds of otherwise incompetent people employed.

We should not push masturbation away. Instead, we should embrace it, though not literally.

Someone Wang Chung'd last night... :)

[caddisfly]

http://www.fark.com

* Killing Kittens

A reference to a photoshopped picture that originally appeared on Fark. (http://www.fark.com) It was a picture of Cliche Kitty being chased by two Domo-kuns with the caption "Everytime you masturbate, god kills a kitten." Usually used in reference to boobies links, e.g. "Wow she's hot, I'm going to go kill a few kittens" Check out the photoshop farkisms below if you don't know what Cliche Kitty or Domo-kun is.

# Domo-kun (the furry brown monster guy)
Domo-kun is a Japanese cartoon character who spends a lot of time farting during his show.
* Cliche Kitty
Dunno where it came from, just started showing up one day

This is quality.

http://nowscape.com/mormon/mormast.htm

OVERCOMING MASTURBATION

SUGGESTIONS

1. Pray daily, ask for the gifts of the Spirit, that which will strengthen you against temptation. Pray fervently and out loud when the temptations are the strongest.
2. Follow a program of vigorous daily exercise. These exercises reduce emotional tensions and depression and are absolutely basic to the solution of this problem. Double your physical activity when you feel stress increasing.
3. When the temptation to masturbate is strong, yell stop to those thoughts as loudly as you can in your mind and then recite a pre-chosen scripture or sing an inspirational hymn. It is important to turn your thoughts away from the selfish need to indulge.
4. Set goals of abstinence, begin with a day, then a week, month, year, and finally commit to never doing it again. Until you commit yourself to never again you will always be open to temptation.
5. Change in behavior and attitude is most easily achieved through a changed self-image. Spend time every day imagining yourself strong and in control, easily overcoming tempting situations.
6. Begin to work daily on a self-improvement program. Relate this plan to improving your church service, to improving your relationships with your family, God and others. Strive to enhance your strengths and talents.
7. Be outgoing and friendly. Force yourself to be with others and learn to enjoy working and talking with them. Use principles of developing friendships found in books such as How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie.
8. Be aware of situations that depress you or that cause you to feel lonely, bored, frustrated, or discouraged. These emotional states can trigger the desire to masturbate as a way of escape. Plan in advance to counter these low periods through various activities, such as reading a book, visiting a friend, doing something athletic, etc.
9. Make a pocket calendar for a month on a small card. Carry it with you, but show it to no one. If you have a lapse of self-control color that day black. Your goal will be to have no black days. The calendar becomes a strong visual reminder of self-control and should be looked at when you are tempted to add another black day. Keep your calendar up until you have at least three clear months.
10. A careful study will indicate you have had the problem at certain times and under certain conditions. Try and recall, in detail, what your particular times and conditions were. Now that you understand how it happens, plan to break the pattern through counter-activities.
11. In the field of psychotherapy there is a very effective technique called aversion therapy. When we associate or think of something very distasteful with something which has been pleasurable, but undesirable, the distasteful thought and feeling will begin to cancel out that which was pleasurable. If you associate something very distasteful with your loss of self-control it will help you stop the act. For example, if you are tempted to masturbate think of having to bathe in a tub of worms, and eat several of them as you do the act.
12. During your toilet and shower activities leave the bathroom door or shower curtain partly open, to discourage being along in total privacy. Take cool brief showers.
13. Arise immediately in the mornings. Do not lie in bed awake, no matter what time of day it is. Get up and do something. Start each day with an enthusiastic activity.
14. Keep your bladder empty. Refrain from drinking large amounts of fluids before retiring.
15. Reduce the amount of spices and condiments in your food. Eat as lightly as possible at night.
16. Wear pajamas that are difficult to open, yet loose and not binding.
17. Avoid people, situations, pictures or reading materials that might create sexual excitement.
18. It is sometimes helpful to have a physical object to use in overcoming this problem. A Book of Mormon, firmly held in hand, even in bed at night has proven helpful in extreme cases.
19. In very severe cases it may be necessary to tie a hand to the bed frame with a tie in order that the habit of masturbating in a semi-sleep condition can be broken. This can also be accomplished by wearing several layers of clothing which would be difficult to remove while half-asleep.
20. Set up a reward system for your successes. It does not have to be a big reward. A quarter in a receptacle each time you overcome or reach a goal. Spend it on something which delights you and will be a continuing reminder of your progress.
21. Do not let yourself return to any past habit or attitude patterns which were part of your problem. Satan never gives up. Be calmly and confidently on guard. Keep a positive mental attitude. You can win this fight! The joy and strength you will feel when you do will give your whole life a radiant and spiritual glow of satisfaction and fulfillment.

[skipshady]

Originally posted by caddisfly
19. In very severe cases it may be necessary to tie a hand to the bed frame with a tie in order that the habit of masturbating in a semi-sleep condition can be brokenClassic!

[FulhamRev]

Originally posted by caddisfly
For example, if you are tempted to masturbate think of having to bathe in a tub of worms, and eat several of them as you do the act.
This just gave me wood...is that wrong?
Originally posted by caddisfly
20. Set up a reward system for your successes. It does not have to be a big reward.
I reward my abstinence with a hearty session of beating off.

[NorthGoalGang]

Originally posted by caddisfly
13. Arise immediately in the mornings. Do not lie in bed awake, no matter what time of day it is. Get up and do something. Start each day with an enthusiastic activity.

You better believe I do, Chester.

[Own Goal Hat-Trick]

this is old hat.

the domo-kuns version is better anyway, and i put that up on here what, like a year ago?

[79United]

God, I hate kittens!!!! I'm going to jerk off as much as possible to kill as many kittens as I can.

TS.

[CHICO13]

Originally posted by caddisfly
http://www.fark.com

* Killing Kittens

A reference to a photoshopped picture that originally appeared on Fark. (http://www.fark.com) It was a picture of Cliche Kitty being chased by two Domo-kuns with the caption "Everytime you masturbate, god kills a kitten." Usually used in reference to boobies links, e.g. "Wow she's hot, I'm going to go kill a few kittens" Check out the photoshop farkisms below if you don't know what Cliche Kitty or Domo-kun is.

# Domo-kun (the furry brown monster guy)
Domo-kun is a Japanese cartoon character who spends a lot of time farting during his show.
* Cliche Kitty
Dunno where it came from, just started showing up one day

This is quality.

http://nowscape.com/mormon/mormast.htm

OVERCOMING MASTURBATION

SUGGESTIONS

1. Pray daily, ask for the gifts of the Spirit, that which will strengthen you against temptation. Pray fervently and out loud when the temptations are the strongest.
2. Follow a program of vigorous daily exercise. These exercises reduce emotional tensions and depression and are absolutely basic to the solution of this problem. Double your physical activity when you feel stress increasing.
3. When the temptation to masturbate is strong, yell stop to those thoughts as loudly as you can in your mind and then recite a pre-chosen scripture or sing an inspirational hymn. It is important to turn your thoughts away from the selfish need to indulge.
4. Set goals of abstinence, begin with a day, then a week, month, year, and finally commit to never doing it again. Until you commit yourself to never again you will always be open to temptation.
5. Change in behavior and attitude is most easily achieved through a changed self-image. Spend time every day imagining yourself strong and in control, easily overcoming tempting situations.
6. Begin to work daily on a self-improvement program. Relate this plan to improving your church service, to improving your relationships with your family, God and others. Strive to enhance your strengths and talents.
7. Be outgoing and friendly. Force yourself to be with others and learn to enjoy working and talking with them. Use principles of developing friendships found in books such as How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie.
8. Be aware of situations that depress you or that cause you to feel lonely, bored, frustrated, or discouraged. These emotional states can trigger the desire to masturbate as a way of escape. Plan in advance to counter these low periods through various activities, such as reading a book, visiting a friend, doing something athletic, etc.
9. Make a pocket calendar for a month on a small card. Carry it with you, but show it to no one. If you have a lapse of self-control color that day black. Your goal will be to have no black days. The calendar becomes a strong visual reminder of self-control and should be looked at when you are tempted to add another black day. Keep your calendar up until you have at least three clear months.
10. A careful study will indicate you have had the problem at certain times and under certain conditions. Try and recall, in detail, what your particular times and conditions were. Now that you understand how it happens, plan to break the pattern through counter-activities.
11. In the field of psychotherapy there is a very effective technique called aversion therapy. When we associate or think of something very distasteful with something which has been pleasurable, but undesirable, the distasteful thought and feeling will begin to cancel out that which was pleasurable. If you associate something very distasteful with your loss of self-control it will help you stop the act. For example, if you are tempted to masturbate think of having to bathe in a tub of worms, and eat several of them as you do the act.
12. During your toilet and shower activities leave the bathroom door or shower curtain partly open, to discourage being along in total privacy. Take cool brief showers.
13. Arise immediately in the mornings. Do not lie in bed awake, no matter what time of day it is. Get up and do something. Start each day with an enthusiastic activity.
14. Keep your bladder empty. Refrain from drinking large amounts of fluids before retiring.
15. Reduce the amount of spices and condiments in your food. Eat as lightly as possible at night.
16. Wear pajamas that are difficult to open, yet loose and not binding.
17. Avoid people, situations, pictures or reading materials that might create sexual excitement.
18. It is sometimes helpful to have a physical object to use in overcoming this problem. A Book of Mormon, firmly held in hand, even in bed at night has proven helpful in extreme cases.
19. In very severe cases it may be necessary to tie a hand to the bed frame with a tie in order that the habit of masturbating in a semi-sleep condition can be broken. This can also be accomplished by wearing several layers of clothing which would be difficult to remove while half-asleep.
20. Set up a reward system for your successes. It does not have to be a big reward. A quarter in a receptacle each time you overcome or reach a goal. Spend it on something which delights you and will be a continuing reminder of your progress.
21. Do not let yourself return to any past habit or attitude patterns which were part of your problem. Satan never gives up. Be calmly and confidently on guard. Keep a positive mental attitude. You can win this fight! The joy and strength you will feel when you do will give your whole life a radiant and spiritual glow of satisfaction and fulfillment.
Do those Mormons know how to party or what!? After reading all that I'm ready for a few rounds of whack-a-mole.

[joseph pakovits]

Originally posted by CHICO13

Do those Mormons know how to party or what!? After reading all that I'm ready for a few rounds of whack-a-mole.

TMI!!!! I don't really need to know that you're beating the bishop.

[jmh30]

Originally posted by CHICO13
Do those Mormons know how to party or what!? After reading all that I'm ready for a few rounds of whack-a-mole. LOL... whack-a-mole... that's a good one. So many good euphemisms.

[skipshady]

Originally posted by jmh30
LOL... whack-a-mole... that's a good one. So many good euphemisms. Sort of like flogging the dolphin.