8-year old and timidity

[pasoccerfan]

Hello,

I have an 8 year-old who in recent games who has become really timid and afraid.

Playing indoor he took a hard shot to the head a couple of games ago and has been avoiding the ball and other players since. No matter what I say I can't get him to be involved, whereas before he was. He was never the most aggressive kid but he was always involved.

Any words of wisdom?

Thanks!

[Val1]

Why not ask him if he wants to sit out or give the rest of the season a rest? I think it is normal for young kids to be afraid after getting hurt, and what you son has learned is that there are risks to playing soccer. The reward of playing may not outweight the risk at this point.

If you've been working with him and nothing's working, it may be because nothing will.

[Wizardscharter]

Why not ask him if he wants to sit out or give the rest of the season a rest? I think it is normal for young kids to be afraid after getting hurt, and what you son has learned is that there are risks to playing soccer. The reward of playing may not outweight the risk at this point.

If you've been working with him and nothing's working, it may be because nothing will.Due respect, the first statement is a load of touchy-feely garbage that can only breed failure in our society. In no factet of positive life is sitting out the prefered road. The second statement is more toward the truth. That being if you don't "cure" it, it will be permanent. IMO, it will eventually break your heart to see that quality in your adult son.

At the root of this is that your son is apprehensive about something. Find out what it is in an indirect safe way. You know your son better than I, so anything that follows is just what I've seen others do, 2 suggestions:

Make sure your actions and responses give him every opportunity to get what you feel is the right message. Play something with him that has contact of sorts and allow him to knock you down and/or out of the way, if and only when he puts his whole self into it, not before even if hard for him, as that will be the only way he will find success away from you. This is more common at younger ages and in other sports, but contact and pain might be what he is afraid of.

If contact and pain isn't the issue, but failure and that set of fears is the issue, then that is a tougher row to hoe. Still as his Dad, you are likely the biggest figure in his life both mentally and physically. Maybe allow him to see you compete and succeed or lose and overcome through work. Teach him he can do everything you can do and more through words and deeds. Play and compete with him and against him. No quitting or embracing failure. Kids are as tough and resilient as they are allowed to be.

One other thing I've seen are Dad's, who in play, throw their kids in the air or whatever. Then they compare positively that "rough" play to what their kids might find on an atheletic field. You're borrowing on the father/son trust to allay fears elsewhere. It's an easy concept to mold to any set of circumstances.

I'm just speaking for me, but in many things I put in time and effort so I could first be as good and then better than my Dad or friends or whomever. Basketball, pocket billiards, volleyball, darts, whatever.

Good luck, all the best to you and your son. Merry Christmas

-WC

[pasoccerfan]

Thanks for the responses.

Fortunately, he seemed much more like his normal self in his game today. I play just about every day with him and his younger brother who is 6 (they beg me to as soon as I walk in from work), and I was just really surprised at his actions for the two previous games.

I'd never let him quit; that really isn't an option. I'm anything but a "pushy" Dad, and I make sure the kids want to do something before they sign up. Once they agree, they have to finish the season (since I coach both teams, I really make sure they want to do it!).

With the 8 yr-old, the fear is more to do with pain / contact. I tried to explain that he's more likely to get hurt when he backs away. Today he seemed to "remember" that he won't really get hurt when he goes for the ball, and it worked out.

Of course, the brothers are completely different. The 6 yr-old could play on the 8 yr-old's team and not miss a beat. Like any parent, dealing with the different personalities in the same sport has its challenges.

There is only one more game in the season and then we'll take a break for a while. I just want to make sure he ends the season on a high note.

[Twenty26Six]

Due respect, the first statement is a load of touchy-feely garbage that can only breed failure in our society.

With all due respect. Most of the guys I met that believe in what you just said are about as scared as the average 8yo and overcompensating.

There's not need to put that kind of bullshit [i.e. "toughen up"] pressure on an 8yo.

Grow up.

[nymetrobulls]

With all due respect. Most of the guys I met that believe in what you just said are about as scared as the average 8yo and overcompensating.

There's not need to put that kind of bullshit [i.e. "toughen up"] pressure on an 8yo.

Grow up.

I know I shouldn't really be commenting on parenting since I'm only 15. But don't you think that if he lets his son quit in the middle of the seaon just because he took a little knock, that this will let him think that it's ok to just give up when something gets hard?

[Twenty26Six]

I know I shouldn't really be commenting on parenting since I'm only 15. But don't you think that if he lets his son quit in the middle of the seaon just because he took a little knock, that this will let him think that it's ok to just give up when something gets hard?

I agree with the sentiment that: "if he lets his son quit, then he will be sending the message that it is OK to quit when things get hard". However, and this is a HUGE however, his son NEVER ASKED TO QUIT and even the toughest 8yos I have coached are ALL naturally insecure. They are 8 years old. The idea that we need to "toughen up" little kids to prevent the "pussification of America" is ridiculous and asinine. All kids are insecure, we need to support them by showing that to persevere you don't need to be super-tough - you only need to believe in yourself.

The best advice I could give is to keep showing his son how much "fun" soccer is - with or without being aggressive - and reassure the kid that he won't be seriously hurt, that all injuries go away, and that it's a perfectly natural reaction to be a little scared. He'll overcome his fears if his dad is rational and supportive. If his dad believes in him, he will believe in himself.

Mr. John Wayne-Wizardcharter needs to watch less TV and spend some time with real people and real kids.

[KevTheGooner]

I told some of my timid players the old Brit maxim last month:

"The first player to the ball never gets hurt."

Worked with one of the girls. The other...in one ear and out the other.


Good luck!

[loghyr]

My son is not as aggressive as most others. (U11)

It works out over time.

He got cleated and took an elbow to the face in our last indoor game. After that he was on fire. He had a shoulder in, hands pushing, etc. His coach didn't tell him to do it, he just started dishing back what he was getting.

After the game, I did mention that he was lunging too much and would have a problem getting control of the ball if he stripped it away. His reply, "Who said I was going for the ball?"

Just keep your son out there and let time repair his game. And if needed, have him play against his Mother at home. He ought to view that as safe and that he can beat her. It works for my son, but unfortunately, he is starting to have that same view of his father. :D

[ranova]

At that age, you might not be teaching much heading. You might go over with the whole team how to turn their head to avoid contact with the ball on the face.

What works for me as a field player is turning my head and tucking my chin against the shoulder away from the ball. The idea is to let the ball glance off the side of the head. The chin is tucked against the shoulder to protect the throat and jaw. I have never seen any discussion of this, so there might be a better idea. Even if you have very little time to react, turning your head away even slightly before impact will prevent taking a shot directly to the face. I imagine keeper coaches must teach a technique to protect the face and jaw, but I don't know what it is.

[loghyr]

Another point to make is that getting hit by the ball hurts. Don't tell the kid it doesn't. Tell them yes it does and get them to confront the issue.

ranova has a good point about teaching him how to react to the ball. Might he overreact at first? Sure.

I've gone through this with baseball and my son - bad hop on a grounder right into his cheek. He wouldn't play infield for a month. But I kept him on the team and let him gradually work his confidence back up.

You have to accept that the child is not going to play at the same level for some time.

Another tie in with goalies is that after a tough lopsided loss, they have to get back out there. They can't dwell on it for too long. I just watched Joe Hart talk about the 6-0 loss he had to Chelsea earlier this season.

Get the child back in a routine and let them build up the confidence such that they want to do the things they were doing before..

[uniteo]

Due respect, the first statement is a load of touchy-feely garbage that can only breed failure in our society. In no factet of positive life is sitting out the prefered road.

With all due respect, you're response is asinine. You can't ignore that a kid has developed a fear of being hit and there is more than one way to remedy that. I think it's pretty reasonable to let the kid sit out and watch a game or two and if he's anything like the other kids I know who play soccer after about halfway through the 2nd game he will 1) notice that the field is not littered with bodies of kids killed by death balls and b) not care anyway 'cause he wants to get back to playing so bad.

[J-Rod]

. Even if you have very little time to react, turning your head away even slightly before impact will prevent taking a shot directly to the face. I imagine keeper coaches must teach a technique to protect the face and jaw, but I don't know what it is.

Good point. But this is one of the differences in being a goalkeeper and being a field player. A competitive goalkeeper, even a 9-year-old, will put themselves in front of a point blank shot with their hands low and wide to protect the goal hoping the ball will hit them and knowing they won’t be able to get their hands up in time to protect themselves. Or they will throw themselves across a shooter, again, hoping the ball hits them somewhere. Sometimes it’s in the face. I remember my kid took one in the face at U8 that was so hard the ball rebounded past midfield on a small sided field. He continued playing. You can tell from the sidelines by the sound the ball makes where it hits them. When it happens to a field player, they stop the game and the coach or parent helps them off the field. When it happens to the keeper, everyone, including their parents screams, get up, get up!
Just another reason why you don’t want your kid to play goalkeeper.

[Twenty26Six]

I don't think you should tell them to turn away. And, I don't think the ball "hurts". However, it can shock and surprise them - which would be scary for a lot of young kids.

Then, there are the seldom few with little regard for their well-being or facial features. :D We had a 9yo keeper like the one J-Rod is talking about. Nicest kid, but completely deranged. He was a human shield.