Player Confidence.

[appleCORR7]

Not sure if anyone can help.

Basically my cousin has played for the same U15s team for the past season. The problem is he isnt a big as the rest of the boys in his team. Ability wise he's the same level.

Its just he seems to have lost a lot of confidence recently. I take him training with me most of the time so he gets used to playing with bigger/stronger people and he always seems to do well. Its just whenever he trains with his team his confidence is just zapped. He takes too long passing the ball, he thinks too much about what he's doing.

When ive spoken to the coach about it he just keeps saying its because he's too small .... and he wont stand a chance playing against the bigger boys. He is doing NOTHING to improve his confidence. He isn't playing him in the games because once again he said he's too small. And its ashame because my cousin just seems to be getting fed up and loosing his enthusiam.

Do any of you have any tips? Or what would you do if you were in a coaches shoes?

Thanks!

appleCORR

[Kevin8833]

Not sure if anyone can help.

Basically my cousin has played for the same U15s team for the past season. The problem is he isnt a big as the rest of the boys in his team. Ability wise he's the same level.

Its just he seems to have lost a lot of confidence recently. I take him training with me most of the time so he gets used to playing with bigger/stronger people and he always seems to do well. Its just whenever he trains with his team his confidence is just zapped. He takes too long passing the ball, he thinks too much about what he's doing.

When ive spoken to the coach about it he just keeps saying its because he's too small .... and he wont stand a chance playing against the bigger boys. He is doing NOTHING to improve his confidence. He isn't playing him in the games because once again he said he's too small. And its ashame because my cousin just seems to be getting fed up and loosing his enthusiam.

Do any of you have any tips? Or what would you do if you were in a coaches shoes?

Thanks!

appleCORR
I would find a coach who knows what hes doing and leave next season, if I was a coach and he was truly as good as the other players he at worst would get decent substitute minutes, size is very over rated, have him go to a team that realizes this and he will get a chance to show his stuff. A good example of how clueless some coaches would be me, last season i played on an elite travel team starting on one of the top 15 teams in the state for club soccer, we beat several of the top teams in the state in which I played the entire game, this would be followed by me getting cut by my school's coach who is a mediocre at best varsity team, and he chose a handful of track players who just started playing soccer 2 years ago, because I am "to slow and small". So I would suggest leaving and finding a coach who will look past his size and give him a true chance to succeed.

[appleCORR7]

He wants to leave. But his Mum wants him to stick it out and see what happens.

The guy who coaches them thinks he's a good coach. But he never seems to do any skill work with them. Its all about letting them have a game for the hour and a half they are there training. He did do some work on posession the other day but never seemed to stop the session to pick up on where players were positioning themselves wrong, never told them to try and pass in triangles as they were all trying to ping the ball to the opposite end of the pitch and then he gets annoyed with them for playing complicated balls in matches and not getting stuck in enough. I've always been taught never go flying in and jockey the ball force the player you have chased down to make a mistake under pressure.

I think the main problem is with the the age he's playing at is a lot of the team tend to think they are better than they actually are. And he believes that they are better than him so doesn't really try to get the ball back once he's lost it.

I'm with you. I think that if you are good enough then you should play. Its just he's not really as meaty as the rest of the boys.

I'd be up for him to leave i really would. I think he needs to get better coaching to be honest because the coach can't keep blaming it on his height.

appleCORR

[bosterosoy]

I had that problem with the high school coahc senior year and really struggled, then in the spring for the town team with a different coach I played brilliantly and the other high school coach even came up and told me that if I had played like that I would have started on the high school team

I calmly bit my tongue :-p

[appleCORR7]

Hahaha!

You see, i think with the coach he has now, this coach cannot see past his height and the less of a chance he gives him the more his confident will drop.

Think im just going to have to give him some extra training to be honest and see if i can bring him upto the levels this guy seems to want him to be.

appleCORR

[ranova]

I didn't reply to this post earlier because there is nothing to say that would not criticize the coach. A coach's job is to motivate and develop every player on his team. Doesn't matter if its a bench warmer or MVP. The whole team's morale is impacted negatively when a coach treats any player unfairly.

Your being supportive and a mentor is a great approach. The important thing is for him to keep playing and developing through this rough time with his current coach.

[DogHouse]

Not sure if anyone can help.

Basically my cousin has played for the same U15s team for the past season. The problem is he isnt a big as the rest of the boys in his team. Ability wise he's the same level.

Its just he seems to have lost a lot of confidence recently. I take him training with me most of the time so he gets used to playing with bigger/stronger people and he always seems to do well. Its just whenever he trains with his team his confidence is just zapped. He takes too long passing the ball, he thinks too much about what he's doing.

When ive spoken to the coach about it he just keeps saying its because he's too small .... and he wont stand a chance playing against the bigger boys. He is doing NOTHING to improve his confidence. He isn't playing him in the games because once again he said he's too small. And its ashame because my cousin just seems to be getting fed up and loosing his enthusiam.

Do any of you have any tips? Or what would you do if you were in a coaches shoes?

Thanks!

appleCORR

Gee I wonder why he seems to lose confidence playing for this coach.

Get him on a new team

[goyoureddevils]

appleCORR7

I can see two additional posibilities here, and you may not like the sound of either one of them.

First, is it possible the kid is just not good enough to play with this team or in this league? You mention that he gives the ball away easily, takes too long to make passes or decisions... those are not neccesarily things that a U16 coach should have to "develop" in players, as they are skills and instincts he should already possess to play in high speed, physical games. If the level of play is just too high for him, there is little that a coach, even one that is brilliant, can do to help him.

Second, do you recognize that there is a difference between, "Confidence", and "Self Esteem"? Self esteem is where a player FEELS good about himself, convinced that he has worth equal to that of the people around him. Confidence is when a player KNOWS that he is on equal terms with the players around him as evidenced by his ability to accomplish individual and team goals. If he is struggling to do this, again, I would encourage him to either knuckle under and apply himself so that he can bring his ability to perform in line with the expectations of his team, or find another place to play where the pressure to succeed and speed of play meet with his current ability. The difference between "Feeling" and "Knowing" is in what a player can actually do on the field, not what he thinks or is told he can by loving but often biased family members.

Boys, even more than girls, have a deeply held need to "Fit In" with a team, to know that they are capable of contributing. If they can not contribute at the level they or the team expects, they don't actually feel like part of the team at all, and the team will treat them accordingly. My guess is that this is what he is experiencing.

I am often asked by parents how they can motivate their kids to accomplish more - usually by parents with kids stuck in a rut like your cousin - and they are always shocked when I tell them what my motivation was. I was so frightened about the possibility of not being good enough, of not measuring up to everyone else, that I worked constantly on my speed, strenght, balance, and skill - starting at the age of 12! My parents thought I was nuts, and didn't push me at all, rather it was the fear that my teammates, the coaches, and even other parents would be talking amongst themselves about how terrible I was that had me working out for up to 2 hours a day, 7 days a week. Now I have to tell you, looking back at it with coach's eyes, I was very good. The kind of kid that should not have had this worry, but still, it was there because I feared being on the outside enough to do whatever it took to belong.

If your cousin is truly on the outside, you need to help him find the answer to my two questions:

1. Is he good enough to play at this level or should he go down a notch?
2. If he is good enough but not performing to his level, does he have the character to do what it takes to get there?

Oh, and as for size, I was always the smallest player on the field and I played college ball, semi pro, and even spent three weeks with a 2nd division pro team. I was only 5'6" and 130 pounds my freshman year in college. To see what has to be done look at a player like Giafranco Zola. To be small and succeed, you have to be better, stronger, and smarter than just about anyone around you. I went from that quick little booger in college to a 5'7" 180 pound wrecking ball at the end of my career because that was what I needed to do to play at that level. I could run forever, turn on a dime, knock an opposing player silly with a shoulder or hip check, and hold off the biggest defenders with one arm. By the middle of my semi pro career, I had turned all of my weaknesses into strengths, but only by busting my ass every single day.

[saabrian]

I didn't reply to this post earlier because there is nothing to say that would not criticize the coach. A coach's job is to motivate and develop every player on his team. Doesn't matter if its a bench warmer or MVP. The whole team's morale is impacted negatively when a coach treats any player unfairly.

Your being supportive and a mentor is a great approach. The important thing is for him to keep playing and developing through this rough time with his current coach.

I agree with everything that was said here. A very poor coach who appears to have no interest helping your cousin improve.

Either he's good enough or he's not. The size thing is hogwash. Diego Maradona was 5'4" (with his boots on) as a full grown man. Tell your cousin that because he's small, he can't rely on strength. As a result, he'll have to fight harder for 50-50 balls and he'll have improve his ball skills and the quickness of his decision making. I always tell my players (really big or really small) that they can't control their size so they have to play the game in such a way that uses their size to their advantage.

Your cousin can't play the game the same way as someone who's 6'3", 190 lbs but he can be a good soccer player.

[appleCORR7]

Oh he is a good player and he is more than capable of playing for the team. He's just short.

No matter what the age group a coach should still work with players and give them confidence. This isnt happening.

I get what you are saying about his height shouldnt be a problem. I'm a girl. I play with men, it doesnt matter how skillfull i am. If they want to shove me off the ball there is nothing i can do about it because im physically not strong enough and im certainly not lacking in skill or techinique.

appleCORR

[rca2]

I get what you are saying about his height shouldnt be a problem. I'm a girl. I play with men, it doesnt matter how skillfull i am. If they want to shove me off the ball there is nothing i can do about it because im physically not strong enough and im certainly not lacking in skill or techinique.

What he said about your cousin is true for you too. You don't play to their advantages (upper body strength). Use better skills and quicker tactical speed so you never give them a chance to use their upper body strength. You have physical advantages too, just different: like a low center of gravity and strength where its needed most--the lower body. If you are well-positioned shielding the ball, a bigger player is going to get called for a foul a lot sooner than a same-size player. It is not just attackers like Maradona; you see small defensive midfielders on professional teams. They can actually get away with playing more physical than a larger player can.

[goyoureddevils]

They can actually get away with playing more physical than a larger player can.

he he he... that's how I made my career, and also how I drew alot of yellow and red cards on opponents.

[Bird1812]

I have a daughter who is small and not a naturally aggressive personality, so the physical part of the game has been difficult for her. Her strength is definitely her skills though. She has very quick feet and this has allowed her to compete against bigger, more physical girls. However, to continue to progress, the physical part of the game needed to be addressed. For her, height is not as big an issue as is the fact she is a light weight.

Two things that have helped her with the physical part of the game. 1.) A coach who has been patient, but still demanding who has taught her what is expected of her within her physical capabilities. 2.) Participation in a fitness program (strength, speed, agility, etc) outside her regular soccer practice. This program has been invaluable and may have even helped her more with her confidence then anything else.

So my suggestions would be to find a coach who will teach him how to effectively use his limited size, continue to polish his technical skills, watch and read as much as possible to improve his tactical knowledge of the game and work on improving his physical game through strength, speed and agility work. And least we forget the mental side, get the book, Sports Slump Busting by sport psychologist Alan Goldberg. It's a great book that I guarantee will help him. Also in the meantime, here's some info on small players that may keep him hopeful:

On Paul Scholes, from an article in the Daily Telegram on the Manchester United Youth academy:

Les Kershaw (ManU Academy director) worked with them (Beckham, Giggs, Butt, Scholes and the Nevilles) and is passionate about giving tyros time to blossom. "How many clubs would have taken Scholesy on at 16?" mused Kershaw.........

"At 16, we could play Scholesy for only 20 minutes a game. He couldn't run. He was a little one. Had asthma. No strength. No power. No athleticism. No endurance. 'You've got a bleeding dwarf,' I remember somebody said to Brian Kidd [the then youth-team coach]. 'You will eat your words,' said Kiddo. If Scholesy had been at a lesser club, they would have got rid of him and he would probably not be in the game now. We stuck with Scholesy, a wonderful technician. How many caps did he get? Sixty-six?!"

On Steven Gerrard:

http://www.football-rumours.com/news29_nov06_19.htm

.......... he admitted yesterday that he struggled through his schooldays, failing to make it into the England Under 16 team and being rejected for the FA Academy.

......Gerrard said: I was lucky because even though I didnt make it to the FA school at Lilleshall, my parents and the coaches at Liverpool kept complete faith with me until I developed more physically.

On Joe Max Moore, not sure the source of the quote:

''We had to fight to keep Joe-Max Moore in the program (ODP). Joey was a very small, slight boy, a late bloomer, and we were getting hammered. He would have been dumped nowadays.''

On Claudio Reyna, from his book More Than Goals:

"But I do remember one frustrating episode."

"I had been selected for the New Jersey U14 state team. My father drove me to Connecticut for games against other state teams from the East. We played 45-minute games throughout the day, and all I was allowed to do was sit and watch."



"Afterward my dad went up to the coach and asked, 'Why didn't you play my son?' The coach's answer was, 'He's too small.' "

" 'What kind of an excuse is that?' my dad asked. 'We just drove three hours. Why wouldn't you play him for 15 minutes? Everybody who gets selected for something like this should get on the field. I work hard. I don't have the time and money to drive to things like this and get told my son's not big enough.' "

"I had that 'too small' label placed on me a few times when I was young, but I saw it ever worse with other players. Children grow at different stages, and coaches who pick the big kids to give their team an edge are doing the game a disservice."

From Laureano Ruiz who coached at Barcelona and Racing Santander:


"The ideal player should be tecnically brilliant, tactically astute and a fantastic athlete, but in reality no one is perfect. The soccer "Greats" became so because of their talent, ability and skill. Their game was never based on physical prowess. I would go further. In order to compensate for their physical imperfections, many all time "Greats" worked on their game to develop extraordinary skill in order to compete against and outwit much bigger and stronger players. Garrincha apparently suffered paralysis as a child and Maradona suffered from an unusual disease that greatly affected his right leg."

"There is no question that tall players have certain advantages: with high balls, fairing better in collisions, more possibility of successfully challenging for the dangerous loose balls delivered from deep and an aptitude for making long runs. However, shorter players also have certain advantages: having their center of gravity much closer to the ground, they are well balanced and able to dart, twist and turn much faster than taller players.

Small players are better at short sprints. They make sudden movements and change directions more quickly and therefore are invariably much better at dribbling the ball. In addition, a short player, seeing that he is often at a disadvantage against taller adversaries, needs to think of ingenius ways of overcoming his difficulties. Little by little he acquires more and more skills and eventually develops a large repertoire of tricks."

One more thought, concerning my own kid. Playing on a team that puts the ball in the air a lot can effectively take her out of a game and she will give up possession of the ball frequently even though she has very good skills to take the ball out of the air and drop it to her feet. Those few milliseconds while she does so makes the difference. But playing on a team that puts the ball to her feet can make her look like Marta. ;) He should probably look for a team that advances the ball on the ground, rather than one that plays a more direct style.