Parents SUCK!

[Kevin8833]

Parents are such a problem in coaching, it is unbelievable, hardly any are willing to sign up, but come the season they sure love to interfer, contradicting everything a coach says, telling their kids different things, trying to take over practice after telling them no time and time again, little kids should be allowed to drive just so parents don't attend their soccer practices and games haha i wish. I realize not all parents are like this but a good portion are, and it is a big problem in youth soccer, I really wish it could be fixed somehow. The biggest problem I think to is the constant criticism over every play the kids make, and commenting on every little thing that takes place in practice or a game, some constructive praises or instructional comments here and there to help kids some, but the constant fixing of every play and talking to kids about every play is absurd in my opinion, let the kids play, that is to structured and they will never get any better, this will really hurt them when they are older, they will be like a bunch of robots out there with 0 creativity, which unfortunatly seems to be a common trait in america. And that ends my rant:D

[KevTheGooner]

I see someone had a bad night at practice? :)

[Kevin8833]

indeed haha

[Th4119]

Tell us what happened. This could be the start of a great thread if there's not one already.

You've gotta love the idiots who believe they're know-it-alls.

To be fair, the vast majority of the ones I have and am currently working with (for?) are excellent.

[goyoureddevils]

Must be nice TH4119, the current crop of loonies I'm working with apparently fell out of the "Common Sense Tree" and missed every single branch on the way down.

Kev.... I feel your pain!

[BigGuy]

Jimmy "the Fish"

When you teach the player what the game is all about. Think in terms of also teaching their parent.

Use your parents in your practices. Let them learn from you while teaching their kids.

If you happened to have a parent who you think actually knows the game because he was a high level player. Listen to him learn from him.

If you hear something that is wrong or makes no sence from a parent. Get them aside and correct them so you and them can get on the same page.

Good luck

[Val1]

Welcome to the world of coaching. Just last weekend, I had my first altercation with a parent in almost 15 seasons of coaching. I had told one girl that she would play keeper this Saturday, yet she missed Thursday's practice and was late for the game on Saturday. Now Thursday is my "un"announced time when I work with the two keepers and of course, she didn't have time to warm up coming right at kickoff. So, I picked another girl to play keeper. Turns out the girl had been ecstatic all week about playing keeper, and this was going to be the one game her father could attend (he's a shift worker) and in the face of this disappointment, the dad and mom took the girl away from the game. The dad's line of reasoning was that I punished his daughter for not coming to practice on Thursday (she did come to practice on Monday) and for not being early (he said he was unaware that the team got together half an hour before game time to warm up). I called him up to explain that afternoon that his daughter needed some prep time to be in goal and that without it, I would be setting her up for failure (she's a hard worker and sweet kid, but not a natural athlete). I realize that my practice of working the keepers on Thursday was not something that I had announced before, and this guy missed my two parent pre-season talks, but who doesn't know that you should come to a game early to warm up? She played last year. Anyway, he still thinks I punished her, his word. Hell, I'm the least punitive guy in the whole world, I'd never punish a kid for missing practice, even on my more competitive teams.

Anyway, the lesson obviously is that the things that seem so routine to me, are not routine to onlookers, so every time I get into a habit (like working the next game's keepers on Thursdays) I have to let everyone know. And I'm not going to pick keepers until Thursday, since that is my keeper day.

Live and learn...

[art]

realize that my practice of working the keepers on Thursday was not something that I had announced before, and this guy missed my two parent pre-season talks, but who doesn't know that you should come to a game early to warm up? She played last year. Anyway, he still thinks I punished her, his word. Hell, I'm the least punitive guy in the whole world, I'd never punish a kid for missing practice, even on my more competitive teams.[/FONT]

This was your mistake (speaking from 17 years experience working with kids and their parents here). Parents are funny, but they're parents...you know what you get with them. Part of their job is to be an un-objective advocate for their kids, and they and their kids come as a package. It comes with the territory, you can't change it, you just have to learn to cope with it. And the best way of coping with parents is threefold: first, treat them with respect, they might not know jack shit but you have to respect their role as a parent; second, (and this was your mistake), communicate EVERYTHING and be sure everyone knows the way you do things, so nothing is a surprise. You should have called that parent after he missed your two pre season meetings and not assumed he knew the deal. He might have got pissy anyway as part of what parents sometimes do when they perceive they're being "discriminated" against is get really irrational, but at least you have something to point to-"remember that phone call..." etc. third, BE THE BOSS. This is a mistake most coaches make at some point. Set guidelines for what your parents are and are not allowed to do, don't make them militaristic and don't be a dick about them, but be firm and polite in staking your turf. Most of the time parents will respect this. A parent yelling at a kid from the sidelines, giving instructions, is counter productive to both that kid's development and, frankly, his or her desire to even participate. So make your parent understand this. If your program doesn't encourage or allow this sort of rule-making by it's coaches then don't work for your program, it is not doing you or the kids any good.

respect and communication eliminates 90% of the crap of dealing with parents. usually when parents get irrational there is a reason for it, and usually it's something you could have fixed before hand. And you have to remember the flip side to all of it...you are making a genuine difference in a young person's life, and that is an incredible feeling. I am enormously proud of what I have achieved as a coach (though not in soccer, I've been a full time sailing coach and program administrator for years, MAN are those parents bad sometimes), and still have very good relationships with many former students and their parents. I wouldn't trade that for the world frankly, even though the job can be tough.

[art]

When you teach the player what the game is all about. Think in terms of also teaching their parent.

Use your parents in your practices. Let them learn from you while teaching their kids.


IMO you need to be VERY careful with this. Access to your program for parents is a necessity but actual participation is tricky and can be dangerous. Part of a kid's development oin any sport is learning to do it for themselves, which many kids are less likely to do with their parent right there helping with the practice.

Accommodating parents is crucial, but it's about the KIDS. In this situation, I'd set ground rules that parents are allowed to watch practice and cheer their kid as much as they want, but not shout instructions, and any communication during practice time has to happen through the coach or other staff if there is any. There are the kinds of guidelines coaches need to establish. A parents proper role during practices and games is, IMVHO, as a cheerleader only.

[nsa]

What age do you coach, Kev?


Nobody learned anything without making a mistake (or 1,000) first. One of the problems with players that I observe as a referee is an unwillingness to take a chance. Way too much "safe" play. Let the kids take a chance when they're learning so that the U16 and older matches are more than chess matches.





Also, as a referee, I have suggested that parents be banned from all youth matches through U14. However, it must be mandatory that the parents attend U15+ matches so that they can see what a bunch of brats they have raised. ;)

[BigGuy]

IMO you need to be VERY careful with this. Access to your program for parents is a necessity but actual participation is tricky and can be dangerous. Part of a kid's development oin any sport is learning to do it for themselves, which many kids are less likely to do with their parent right there helping with the practice.

Accommodating parents is crucial, but it's about the KIDS. In this situation, I'd set ground rules that parents are allowed to watch practice and cheer their kid as much as they want, but not shout instructions, and any communication during practice time has to happen through the coach or other staff if there is any. There are the kinds of guidelines coaches need to establish. A parents proper role during practices and games is, IMVHO, as a cheerleader only.

I was talking about the little player and he was talking about his rec league team.

[Twenty26Six]

Nobody learned anything without making a mistake (or 1,000) first. One of the problems with players that I observe as a referee is an unwillingness to take a chance. Way too much "safe" play. Let the kids take a chance when they're learning so that the U16 and older matches are more than chess matches.

I agree with this wholeheartedly. I see more and more parents who "over-program" and "over-coach" their kids. You end up with talented kids having nervous breakdowns every time the ball comes to them on the field.

The game is much simpler than most make it out to be.

[Blue Celery]

I agree with this wholeheartedly. I see more and more parents who "over-program" and "over-coach" their kids. You end up with talented kids having nervous breakdowns every time the ball comes to them on the field.

The game is much simpler than most make it out to be.

Exactly. A lot of these "coaches" are Dads who (bless their soccer ignorant hearts) also coach their kids Baseball/football teams. Those other sports require more coaching, and I think the parents get used to the dry erase board gameplans and positioning etc.

I actually have noticed through remembering my days in little league baseball, and watching my little brother play, that over-coaching occurs even in that sport. I dont know whether it is an American trait, or if its just the classic Parent pressure on their children, but it happens everywhere.

[gosh1976]

Our state has a very good "G" level course and we encourage parents to take the course and I wish we could make it mandatory.

Though much of the stuff goes in one ear and out the other it is a great help to have parents take the course.

[Kevin8833]

I coach U-10 rec and yes, the biggest problems with me are criticising their kids, or even worse criticising kids who aren't their kids which makes me livid, and over coaching by parents, I make some comments here and there to try to help them with some bigger issues, but don't sweat the small stuff, I try to keep it laid back and let the kids have fun, let them play and learn from their own mistakes, they will be much better for it when they are older, I tell parents this time and time again, and they nod their heads in agreement, then 5 minutes later they're back to their methods again. It's not only the typical problem parents who have never played soccer or coached anything above like U-8 rec, and they think they know everything, when they really don't, I do have one really good parent, who played in college and is very calm and never gets to involved, but I go to him for advice once in a while and he is helpful, then I have another parent who played semi-pro and he is my biggest problem, he thinks he knows everything, he knows a lot but he gets way overboard with criticism and majorly over-coaching, when he shouldn't be doing anything he is just a parent, his kid is a goalie, 8 years old and every goal scored he freaks and screams at him it is ridiculous, I really like the group of kids I have and they seem to take to my approach well, but the parents are making things very difficult even after talking to them some, but I guess it is now time to have a serious clamp-down talk.

[ranova]

...his kid is a goalie, 8 years old and every goal scored he freaks and screams at him....

If there is any position that absolutely has to be learned by playing rather than being told, it is keeper imo. Also self-confidence and assertiveness is cruicial to success as a keeper. I am no keeper myself and no keeper coach, but I cannot imagine a worse situation to be yelling at a player. Reading the game and decisiveness are key skills. In my view the only tactical mistake a keeper can make is to do something halfway. After that its a question of proper execution. This story just demonstrates how all rational thought disappears when its your own kid involved.

[nsa]

Even at U10 the players are still self-centered and selfish. (They return to the same state in the O-50 league. ;) ) Don't expect much passing, but celebrate it when it happens.


Remember (and remind the parents) that these kids have many options (distractions) for their attention. If they are not having fun at practice and games, they will not be back for the next practice or season. (After coaching B16, G12, and G14 District Select, the most nervous I ever felt was before my first U6 practice.)

Regarding 'keeper, make sure that every kid on the team gets at least one half in goal during the season at U10. Nobody should play an entire game in goal. Make that expectation known up front. You never know who will thrive in goal.

[GKbenji]

but I guess it is now time to have a serious clamp-down talk.

1. A talk is insufficient. You need to have everything written down. Then you need to make sure that piece of paper gets to every parent (both if the kid's folks are divorced).

2. Next season, make sure you do this before the season starts. All the schedules, policies (e.g. be there 30min before game time), playing time regulations if mandated by the league, philosophy, etc. This covers your behind later--all you have to do for many issues is just refer them back to that piece of paper.

[KevTheGooner]

Nobody should play an entire game in goal. Make that expectation known up front. You never know who will thrive in goal.

This is getting OT but do you suggest making everyone play goal to: a) find out who the good keepers are or, b) to make sure you don't have one player (i.e. the keeper) lag behind in outfield play/skills?

[loghyr]

I had told one girl that she would play keeper this Saturday, yet she missed Thursday's practice and was late for the game on Saturday.

Why announce before the game who is playing where?

This is one I remember as a kid, being told one thing and something else happening. I know I never saw the reasons the adults had for changing things.

And I've learned it again the hard way with coaching, the same type of
circumstances you laid down. If you tell a kid something, you have to be very precise and lay down the exceptions.


I called him up to explain that afternoon that his daughter needed some prep time to be in goal and that without it, I would be setting her up for failure

It would have been nice if the father could have understood this point - being in goal can be very brutal for youngsters.

Oh well, I hope she was back for the game this week....