tuseef
09 Aug 2002, 09:41 AM
picture the scene: Liverpool have just beaten Man Utd 1-0 at Old Trafford with Murphy scoring in the dying seconds..and as usual..Ginsoak calls us "boring and defensive" and gives us no credit for the win
Dear Slur Alex, (i mean Sir Alex)
I wish to apologise on behalf of my team Liverpool for not fully adhering to the rules of football on our recent visit to your stadium. You have pointed out a number of issues where Liverpool failed in their usual standards of good conduct:
Defending: You have pointed out that we did too much of this. This is quite clearly unforgivable. Sami Hyypia and Stephane Henchoz will be internally disciplined for failure to stop defending whenever your team came forward. It is quite clear that they should have allowed your wide and central attackers more rrom to cross and create chances, and they stood by and allowed the cnversion of these chances in order to give you the lead. Their title of "defender" must be changed immediately to "Assistant Man Utd striker".
Kicking the ball forward: Again, this is a travesty of our normal standards. The Rules of the Game and the Premier League Handbook shall be consulted immediately to determine whether there is any other way that the ball can be kicked in order to achieve our aim of scoring a goal.
Flair and imagination: A sincere apology for our lack of this, although in self-defence I plead mitigating circumstances. We currently do not have players to provide sufficient flair and imagination to meet your standards but we are working on this. Our aim is to match the flair of Arsenal in the short-term, although it is disturbing to see that they lost 6-1 on your ground last season. We are worried that a display of flar and imagination against you may open oursleves up to more attacking from you, however if this is the only way to try and win games according to the Rules of the Game, then we must adhere to it obviously. However I can find no such rule at the moment, I would be grateful if you could point me in the right direction.
I appreciate that you are disappointed that we actually managed to win the game last night, but, having consulted the Laws of the Game Handbook held by The Premier League, UEFA and FIFA, I am still unaware as to why your public grievances should generate so much media attention, the toe of which appears to be that we somehow cheated or blagged the 3 points during the game.
We will endeavour to somehow make it easier for you next time, but I'd have thought that going on a wretched run of results prior to the game, putting a rookie right-back up against where we thought Ryan Giggs would be, sticking with a striker who has hardly scored this season despite playing well, and encouraging the derision of our players by our own fans just 3 days before this game was enough. Obviously not. Our brains are now stretched as to how much easier we can possibly make it, but we'll give it a go next season.
In the meantime, I await your clarification of Premier League Rules regarding our conduct, and trust that you will apologise in the same blaze of publicity if no such Rules exist. As ever, I doubt this, although to be fair I expected you to sulk like a child after defeat, just as you did earlier this season when you refused to speak to the media. It is interesting now that you can't stay away from them now that things are going well (before last night anyway!)
Yours,
Tuseef
Dear Slur Alex, (i mean Sir Alex)
I wish to apologise on behalf of my team Liverpool for not fully adhering to the rules of football on our recent visit to your stadium. You have pointed out a number of issues where Liverpool failed in their usual standards of good conduct:
Defending: You have pointed out that we did too much of this. This is quite clearly unforgivable. Sami Hyypia and Stephane Henchoz will be internally disciplined for failure to stop defending whenever your team came forward. It is quite clear that they should have allowed your wide and central attackers more rrom to cross and create chances, and they stood by and allowed the cnversion of these chances in order to give you the lead. Their title of "defender" must be changed immediately to "Assistant Man Utd striker".
Kicking the ball forward: Again, this is a travesty of our normal standards. The Rules of the Game and the Premier League Handbook shall be consulted immediately to determine whether there is any other way that the ball can be kicked in order to achieve our aim of scoring a goal.
Flair and imagination: A sincere apology for our lack of this, although in self-defence I plead mitigating circumstances. We currently do not have players to provide sufficient flair and imagination to meet your standards but we are working on this. Our aim is to match the flair of Arsenal in the short-term, although it is disturbing to see that they lost 6-1 on your ground last season. We are worried that a display of flar and imagination against you may open oursleves up to more attacking from you, however if this is the only way to try and win games according to the Rules of the Game, then we must adhere to it obviously. However I can find no such rule at the moment, I would be grateful if you could point me in the right direction.
I appreciate that you are disappointed that we actually managed to win the game last night, but, having consulted the Laws of the Game Handbook held by The Premier League, UEFA and FIFA, I am still unaware as to why your public grievances should generate so much media attention, the toe of which appears to be that we somehow cheated or blagged the 3 points during the game.
We will endeavour to somehow make it easier for you next time, but I'd have thought that going on a wretched run of results prior to the game, putting a rookie right-back up against where we thought Ryan Giggs would be, sticking with a striker who has hardly scored this season despite playing well, and encouraging the derision of our players by our own fans just 3 days before this game was enough. Obviously not. Our brains are now stretched as to how much easier we can possibly make it, but we'll give it a go next season.
In the meantime, I await your clarification of Premier League Rules regarding our conduct, and trust that you will apologise in the same blaze of publicity if no such Rules exist. As ever, I doubt this, although to be fair I expected you to sulk like a child after defeat, just as you did earlier this season when you refused to speak to the media. It is interesting now that you can't stay away from them now that things are going well (before last night anyway!)
Yours,
Tuseef