Bill Archer
27 Jun 2007, 11:44 AM
Let's begin with a quiz.
Who is the guy on the left in this picture?
http://img179.imageshack.us/img179/992/269dsc073341azf0.jpg
a) Santa's less famous brother, Biker Claus
b) Proof that Jerry Garcia lives, man!
c) That guy who resurfaced your driveway
d) The most important person in American soccer
Since this is BigSoccer and not BigDoofus, and since he’s apparently just shared a big old Bob Marley spliff with the guy Romario once referred to as “an old retard”, you figured the answer had to be “d”, right?
So can you tell me his name? This is, after all, the guy who recently received the 2006 MLS Commissioner’s Award from the quivering hands of ex-chimpanzee Don Garber, who called him “one of the most important people in the history of soccer in this country” and that he is “unbelievably important to where we are today and where we’re going to be in the future”
Those of you who know who he is can put your hands down now. You're just showing off.
For the rest of the class, the gentleman Mr Garber was wetting himself over is Chuck Blazer.
In case the name doesn't ring any bells, Mr. Blazer is most notably the first American in FIFA's 100 year history to have a seat on it's Executive Committee, world football's ruling body. Sort of like the old Soviet Politburo, only with a lot more money.
He is also the General Secretary of CONCACAF and Chairman of the CONCACAF Competitions committee. Which means that the just-concluded Gold Cup was his show from beginning to end.
So, for example, the decision to exclude South American teams this year - for the first time in a decade - was his, because it had become "too costly" to bring them in. The venue decisions were his too.
And I bet you assumed that, like the World Cup and most other international tournaments, the bracketing and venue assignments were arranged by a blind draw. Silly child. There was indeed some grumbling from several CONCACAF members that it should have been done that way, but well, see, that kind of thing runs risks that Chuck isn't about to take with an event that supplies fully 70% of CONCACAF's revenues.
So if you were sitting around marveling at what a coincidence it was that Mexico and the US, CONCACAF's biggest fan draw and biggest sponsor draw respectively, ended up playing the final in 70,000 seat Soldier Field in Chicago, well, then you don't know Chuck.
(Some cute and adorable Canada fan started a thread (I won't link, he's just an innocent bystander) which contained Chuck's email address and urging fellow Canada fans to write and express their outrage at the officiating decision which called back the stoppage time goal. He was sure that Chuck would want to hear what a travesty of justice this was and work at improving the officiating and blah, blah, blah. All of which neglects the fact that Chuck was right there in a VIP loge watching the whole thing and, frankly, if you think he was disappointed to NOT have Canada playing Mexico in the final, well, then you don't know Chuck.)
Cause Chuck knows what it's all about. Right Chuck?
http://img237.imageshack.us/img237/9558/coolcatsmallerjn6.jpg
Now some people don't like Chuck, or his BFF, CONCACAF President Jack Warner. They say they're "crooks" and "thieves" and say that Chuck's a "lapdog" and a "sycophant". But Chuck doesn't care, cause Chuck has the coolest job in the world.
He lives a life that you only dream about. As Head of Delegation for the Cologne venue at the 06 World Cup, he zoomed around town behind lights-and-sirens German police in a Mercedes limo as he moved between four star hotels and five star restaurants.
He hosted the lavish, opulent Official FIFA Dinner for the biggest of bigwigs, then scooted to Moscow to inspect the venues for the FIFA U20 Womens' World Cup (did I mention that he was the head of that too?) then flew back to Cologne to catch a game in luxurious splendor in the company of various President, Potentates and Poobohs after which they retired not to the VIP lounge - that's for peasants - but to the special "VVIP" lounge Chuck installed. Thoughtful that.
In otherwords, Chuck has a job that half the guys on BigSoccer would run over their grandmothers in a D5 Caterpiller for.
So how did Chuck get this job and how does he keep it? One word: loyalty. Chuck is one loyal guy. He may be the most loyal guy on the planet. Compared to Chuck, that Black Lab you raised from a puppy who has lived with you for ten years is a backstabbing snake in the grass.
And when the guy you're loyal to is Sepp Blatter, well, good things happen to you.
Like back around 2000, when Sepp had tried to move FIFA from the Havelange brown-paper-envelopes full of cash payoff mode to the high tech, go-go modern corruption of the 21st century and something around $300 million turned up missing - Sepp was sure it was around there someplace - Chuck was one of the few guys who stood up for him, engineering a halt to the investigation, adamantly fighting against full disclosure or an independent audit and working for the expulsion of the FIFA Secretary General who was trying to get to the bottom of it all.
Sepp in turn showed a "lack of interest" as soccernet put it, about disclosures that Blazer and Warner were "improving their fortunes" from businesses tied to soccer. Like, for example, when it was revealed that Chuck Blazer had gone into partnership with a German firm and set up an interent gambling site for taking bets on World Cup games.
Some people semed to feel that this was something of a conflict of interest, but Blatter got him a pass.
See, when you're a loyal guy like Chuck, your freinds take care of you and Sepp got him off the hook, a favor that got returned a year or so later when an African soccer executive ran against Sepp Blatter for President of FIFA accusing him of massive fraud, theft, graft and corruption and for a while, until enough cash could be spread around to third world countries, Sepp's only friends on the board were Jack and Chuck.
Maybe the best testimony to Chuck's loyalty came from US Federal Judge Loretta Preska, who heard the lawsuit Mastercard brought against FIFA for, well, lying, cheating and screwing them.
Observing that "FIFA's negotiators lied repeatedly to Mastercard" and that "someone at FIFA falsified the signature of Visa President Christopher Rodrigues on a contract" she concluded with a few words about the testimony of our own Chuck Blazer:
"Mr. Blazer's testimony was without credibility based on his attitude and evasive answers on cross examination"
Another proud moment in CONCACAF history.
But look, there's more of this kind of thing than we've got the time for, and others on BigSoccer and elsewhere can go for hours about the sterling, upright administration of CONCACAF under the Warner/Blazer regime. That's really not my point here.
So OK, then , what the hell IS your point, besides taking the opportunity to post a bunch of pictures of a guy who looks like he just swallowed a derigible?
Simply this: there is no shortage of people in the BigSoccer community who will gleefully castigate Blazer and tut-tut over his activities and his slobbering loyalty to a corrupt crook like Sepp Blatter.
But I'm not one of them. FIFA is not run by a bunch of benevolent, high-minded sportsmen whose main mission is Fair Play motivated by their deep and abiding love for soccer.
Rather, FIFA is run and controlled by careerist bureaucrats and greedy toadies lining their own pockets and staying in power by paying off the bagman for every corrupt third world dictator and tyrant who can open a cash account in Switzerland.
In the real world that's how FIFA is run. It ain't Parcheesi and it ain't for the faint of heart. It's a dirty, nasty business, played for keeps by serious guys. He's played the game and he's winning: Chuck Blazer has gotten himself into a position of enormous power and influence in world soccer and is in a place to represent and champion American soccer interests.
So let me ask you: was the Gold Cup a rousing success? Did US Soccer and CONCACAF make a bunch of loot? Was it a geat soccer show? And as another frontpage poster has pointed out, the TV ratings were terrific.
This is the stuff I actually care about, and it seems to me it's going pretty well at the moment. If it's true that he's lining his pockets at the same time, not only do I not know it for sure but, frankly, I don't care. It's not MY money.
My only concern: could he maybe not look quite so ridiculous doing it?
http://img179.imageshack.us/img179/9127/dsc00218axv7.jpg
Dept. of Stupid Ideas: It seems to me that the thing Coach Jason Jreis at RSL needs more than anything is Forward Jason Kreis. I know that the whole Player/Coach deal never seems to work out in any sport but couldn't Jason give the coach 20 or 25 minutes every now and again? What's going on over there on the bench that needs his attention so badly?
There is not shortage of guys on BigSoccer advocating for this or that city getting an MLS team, and most normal people just ignore them. They seem mostly deranged anyway, and incapable of dealing with the whole "build a stadium and find an investor and you can have a team tomorrow" meme, preferring to blame league employee Don Garber for their plight.
That said, you need to go check out the truly demented guys at Sons of Ben (http://www.bigsoccer.com/forum/forumdisplay.php?f=1240) the supporters group for the nonxistent Philadelphia entry. They've been written up in a number of publications, most recently in Sports Illustrated. They attend Kixx games en masses. They travel to Giants Stadium and chant that they have as many Cups as the Bulls do.
Somebody ought to give these guys a team. Damn that Garber.
Much as I hate to give the guy the respect he's most certainly due, Andy Mead has some unbelieveable pictures up (http://www.ibiblio.org/footy/2007c/0624_usa_mex_sab.php) that are worth your time. But don't tell him I said so.
In case you're interested in how Guillermo Barros Schelotto is doing with Columbus, wonder no more: in 8 starts he has six assists, including one in the last five games in a row and is leading MLS. Imagine what he'll be able to do when he figures out what everyone's name is.
Could someone please explain to me why all the league records are so old? Currently, the top categories are:
Goals per Season, Roy Lassiter, 1996
Assists in a season, Carlos Valderrama, 2000
Goals in a game, Clint Mathis 2000
Shutouts in a season, Tony Meola 2000
Goals Against Average Kevin hartman 1999
I see that Tyrone Marshall is appealing his 3 game suspension for busting Kenny Cooper's leg like he was scrounging up some kindling. Hey, Tyrone: if fair was fair, you'd sit out every day Cooper is out. Shut up.
I hear that adidas has some new commercials ready to air with David Beckham and Reggie Bush teaching their game to each other. Forgive me if it sounds underwhelming.
jhsuosu posts a link to A heart-wrenching tale (http://www.bigsoccer.com/forum/showthread.php?t=557416) of what happened when Marcos Gonzalez objected to the presence of a woman in the general vicntiy of his pants-free self in the locker room.
Regardless of how you feel about the topic - which generally is very black and white: either you think Gonzo is a filthy beast or Gonzo has a right to some damn privacy - there's not much doubt that Andrea maybe could have handled it differently. Sure it's tough for a woman in a "traditionally male occupation" but this is a guy from another cultural heritage who didn't get the memo that in the US you're not supposed to object to ladies prowling around while you're taking a shower.
Yes this subject was all hashed out decades ago, and yes the policy is that you have to put up with it. That doesn't mean it makes any particular sense, but no matter: just tell me where I sign up to cover the Women's National Team. I need some quotes from Heather Mitts.
Who is the guy on the left in this picture?
http://img179.imageshack.us/img179/992/269dsc073341azf0.jpg
a) Santa's less famous brother, Biker Claus
b) Proof that Jerry Garcia lives, man!
c) That guy who resurfaced your driveway
d) The most important person in American soccer
Since this is BigSoccer and not BigDoofus, and since he’s apparently just shared a big old Bob Marley spliff with the guy Romario once referred to as “an old retard”, you figured the answer had to be “d”, right?
So can you tell me his name? This is, after all, the guy who recently received the 2006 MLS Commissioner’s Award from the quivering hands of ex-chimpanzee Don Garber, who called him “one of the most important people in the history of soccer in this country” and that he is “unbelievably important to where we are today and where we’re going to be in the future”
Those of you who know who he is can put your hands down now. You're just showing off.
For the rest of the class, the gentleman Mr Garber was wetting himself over is Chuck Blazer.
In case the name doesn't ring any bells, Mr. Blazer is most notably the first American in FIFA's 100 year history to have a seat on it's Executive Committee, world football's ruling body. Sort of like the old Soviet Politburo, only with a lot more money.
He is also the General Secretary of CONCACAF and Chairman of the CONCACAF Competitions committee. Which means that the just-concluded Gold Cup was his show from beginning to end.
So, for example, the decision to exclude South American teams this year - for the first time in a decade - was his, because it had become "too costly" to bring them in. The venue decisions were his too.
And I bet you assumed that, like the World Cup and most other international tournaments, the bracketing and venue assignments were arranged by a blind draw. Silly child. There was indeed some grumbling from several CONCACAF members that it should have been done that way, but well, see, that kind of thing runs risks that Chuck isn't about to take with an event that supplies fully 70% of CONCACAF's revenues.
So if you were sitting around marveling at what a coincidence it was that Mexico and the US, CONCACAF's biggest fan draw and biggest sponsor draw respectively, ended up playing the final in 70,000 seat Soldier Field in Chicago, well, then you don't know Chuck.
(Some cute and adorable Canada fan started a thread (I won't link, he's just an innocent bystander) which contained Chuck's email address and urging fellow Canada fans to write and express their outrage at the officiating decision which called back the stoppage time goal. He was sure that Chuck would want to hear what a travesty of justice this was and work at improving the officiating and blah, blah, blah. All of which neglects the fact that Chuck was right there in a VIP loge watching the whole thing and, frankly, if you think he was disappointed to NOT have Canada playing Mexico in the final, well, then you don't know Chuck.)
Cause Chuck knows what it's all about. Right Chuck?
http://img237.imageshack.us/img237/9558/coolcatsmallerjn6.jpg
Now some people don't like Chuck, or his BFF, CONCACAF President Jack Warner. They say they're "crooks" and "thieves" and say that Chuck's a "lapdog" and a "sycophant". But Chuck doesn't care, cause Chuck has the coolest job in the world.
He lives a life that you only dream about. As Head of Delegation for the Cologne venue at the 06 World Cup, he zoomed around town behind lights-and-sirens German police in a Mercedes limo as he moved between four star hotels and five star restaurants.
He hosted the lavish, opulent Official FIFA Dinner for the biggest of bigwigs, then scooted to Moscow to inspect the venues for the FIFA U20 Womens' World Cup (did I mention that he was the head of that too?) then flew back to Cologne to catch a game in luxurious splendor in the company of various President, Potentates and Poobohs after which they retired not to the VIP lounge - that's for peasants - but to the special "VVIP" lounge Chuck installed. Thoughtful that.
In otherwords, Chuck has a job that half the guys on BigSoccer would run over their grandmothers in a D5 Caterpiller for.
So how did Chuck get this job and how does he keep it? One word: loyalty. Chuck is one loyal guy. He may be the most loyal guy on the planet. Compared to Chuck, that Black Lab you raised from a puppy who has lived with you for ten years is a backstabbing snake in the grass.
And when the guy you're loyal to is Sepp Blatter, well, good things happen to you.
Like back around 2000, when Sepp had tried to move FIFA from the Havelange brown-paper-envelopes full of cash payoff mode to the high tech, go-go modern corruption of the 21st century and something around $300 million turned up missing - Sepp was sure it was around there someplace - Chuck was one of the few guys who stood up for him, engineering a halt to the investigation, adamantly fighting against full disclosure or an independent audit and working for the expulsion of the FIFA Secretary General who was trying to get to the bottom of it all.
Sepp in turn showed a "lack of interest" as soccernet put it, about disclosures that Blazer and Warner were "improving their fortunes" from businesses tied to soccer. Like, for example, when it was revealed that Chuck Blazer had gone into partnership with a German firm and set up an interent gambling site for taking bets on World Cup games.
Some people semed to feel that this was something of a conflict of interest, but Blatter got him a pass.
See, when you're a loyal guy like Chuck, your freinds take care of you and Sepp got him off the hook, a favor that got returned a year or so later when an African soccer executive ran against Sepp Blatter for President of FIFA accusing him of massive fraud, theft, graft and corruption and for a while, until enough cash could be spread around to third world countries, Sepp's only friends on the board were Jack and Chuck.
Maybe the best testimony to Chuck's loyalty came from US Federal Judge Loretta Preska, who heard the lawsuit Mastercard brought against FIFA for, well, lying, cheating and screwing them.
Observing that "FIFA's negotiators lied repeatedly to Mastercard" and that "someone at FIFA falsified the signature of Visa President Christopher Rodrigues on a contract" she concluded with a few words about the testimony of our own Chuck Blazer:
"Mr. Blazer's testimony was without credibility based on his attitude and evasive answers on cross examination"
Another proud moment in CONCACAF history.
But look, there's more of this kind of thing than we've got the time for, and others on BigSoccer and elsewhere can go for hours about the sterling, upright administration of CONCACAF under the Warner/Blazer regime. That's really not my point here.
So OK, then , what the hell IS your point, besides taking the opportunity to post a bunch of pictures of a guy who looks like he just swallowed a derigible?
Simply this: there is no shortage of people in the BigSoccer community who will gleefully castigate Blazer and tut-tut over his activities and his slobbering loyalty to a corrupt crook like Sepp Blatter.
But I'm not one of them. FIFA is not run by a bunch of benevolent, high-minded sportsmen whose main mission is Fair Play motivated by their deep and abiding love for soccer.
Rather, FIFA is run and controlled by careerist bureaucrats and greedy toadies lining their own pockets and staying in power by paying off the bagman for every corrupt third world dictator and tyrant who can open a cash account in Switzerland.
In the real world that's how FIFA is run. It ain't Parcheesi and it ain't for the faint of heart. It's a dirty, nasty business, played for keeps by serious guys. He's played the game and he's winning: Chuck Blazer has gotten himself into a position of enormous power and influence in world soccer and is in a place to represent and champion American soccer interests.
So let me ask you: was the Gold Cup a rousing success? Did US Soccer and CONCACAF make a bunch of loot? Was it a geat soccer show? And as another frontpage poster has pointed out, the TV ratings were terrific.
This is the stuff I actually care about, and it seems to me it's going pretty well at the moment. If it's true that he's lining his pockets at the same time, not only do I not know it for sure but, frankly, I don't care. It's not MY money.
My only concern: could he maybe not look quite so ridiculous doing it?
http://img179.imageshack.us/img179/9127/dsc00218axv7.jpg
Dept. of Stupid Ideas: It seems to me that the thing Coach Jason Jreis at RSL needs more than anything is Forward Jason Kreis. I know that the whole Player/Coach deal never seems to work out in any sport but couldn't Jason give the coach 20 or 25 minutes every now and again? What's going on over there on the bench that needs his attention so badly?
There is not shortage of guys on BigSoccer advocating for this or that city getting an MLS team, and most normal people just ignore them. They seem mostly deranged anyway, and incapable of dealing with the whole "build a stadium and find an investor and you can have a team tomorrow" meme, preferring to blame league employee Don Garber for their plight.
That said, you need to go check out the truly demented guys at Sons of Ben (http://www.bigsoccer.com/forum/forumdisplay.php?f=1240) the supporters group for the nonxistent Philadelphia entry. They've been written up in a number of publications, most recently in Sports Illustrated. They attend Kixx games en masses. They travel to Giants Stadium and chant that they have as many Cups as the Bulls do.
Somebody ought to give these guys a team. Damn that Garber.
Much as I hate to give the guy the respect he's most certainly due, Andy Mead has some unbelieveable pictures up (http://www.ibiblio.org/footy/2007c/0624_usa_mex_sab.php) that are worth your time. But don't tell him I said so.
In case you're interested in how Guillermo Barros Schelotto is doing with Columbus, wonder no more: in 8 starts he has six assists, including one in the last five games in a row and is leading MLS. Imagine what he'll be able to do when he figures out what everyone's name is.
Could someone please explain to me why all the league records are so old? Currently, the top categories are:
Goals per Season, Roy Lassiter, 1996
Assists in a season, Carlos Valderrama, 2000
Goals in a game, Clint Mathis 2000
Shutouts in a season, Tony Meola 2000
Goals Against Average Kevin hartman 1999
I see that Tyrone Marshall is appealing his 3 game suspension for busting Kenny Cooper's leg like he was scrounging up some kindling. Hey, Tyrone: if fair was fair, you'd sit out every day Cooper is out. Shut up.
I hear that adidas has some new commercials ready to air with David Beckham and Reggie Bush teaching their game to each other. Forgive me if it sounds underwhelming.
jhsuosu posts a link to A heart-wrenching tale (http://www.bigsoccer.com/forum/showthread.php?t=557416) of what happened when Marcos Gonzalez objected to the presence of a woman in the general vicntiy of his pants-free self in the locker room.
Regardless of how you feel about the topic - which generally is very black and white: either you think Gonzo is a filthy beast or Gonzo has a right to some damn privacy - there's not much doubt that Andrea maybe could have handled it differently. Sure it's tough for a woman in a "traditionally male occupation" but this is a guy from another cultural heritage who didn't get the memo that in the US you're not supposed to object to ladies prowling around while you're taking a shower.
Yes this subject was all hashed out decades ago, and yes the policy is that you have to put up with it. That doesn't mean it makes any particular sense, but no matter: just tell me where I sign up to cover the Women's National Team. I need some quotes from Heather Mitts.