The BS Character definition thread.

[Dark Savante]

Close season is upon us... nothing much to do for at least three months till the season kicks off again ( :( )

Sooo... we're gonna see a whole loada nonsense amongst the transfer speculation.

Anyway, I would like us to try and create a BS version of this (http://redwing.hutman.net/%7Emreed/) site. It's a good site, but I don't think it's particularly applicable to this kind of site, and so I'd like for us to have a go at creating a list of personality/character types you've seen or come across on here.

This is a light-hearted exercise! Please no nasty agendums masking snide digs at those you don't get on with!

The way I'd like this to be done:

1. When this thread is concluded we open a new thread inducting the funniest and most apt descriptions into a defenitve and final list that is subject to change in the future.

2. One Character/Personality type per post so that we can easily lreference via post # in the new thread (see point 1. )

3. No snipes, snide digs or otherwise please. It'd be great for this to not degenerate into yet another BS cat-fight pissing contest.

4. You can have as many goes as you like just make sure you adhere to point 2.

5. Any artists out there feel they could add caricatures to the character descripitions once finalised? It'd make this a classic! :D

6. Clearly highlight the character type at the start of your entry - Bolding it would be preferavble.

7. CHECK the thread before entering a type!! Someone may have got there before you!

err... that's about all I can think of. Let your humorous juices flow and your creative musings out.


Give it a go please. I think it'd be a laugh if we could compile a BS character guide!

[JC7rox]

Cold, calculating, yet unassuming. Only comes out when the opportunity is ripe for the pickin'.

(Is that how this works?)

[Dark Savante]

Cold, calculating, yet unassuming. Only comes out when the opportunity is ripe for the pickin'.

(Is that how this works?)

Kinda. Take your lead from the flame warriors site.

I'll do the first one to clear up any confusion.

[sdotsom]

Used to only type posts of 3 words or less, consisting of a mix of LOL, ROFL, Repped.

[appoo]

the optimist. Always looking for the most positive angle, no matter the situation

[Dark Savante]

Average Bloke

Average Bloke is just what it says on the tin. He types and interacts in the exact same manner online as he does offline. Average Bloke isn't into Netiquette or the silly games people play online. He treats the cyber world in exactly the same way as he would treat the real world. If offended by someone during conversation Average Bloke's response will be identical to the reaction he would give you offline. Whether that's a threat of violence or an opening gambit containing the word 'mate' or 'dude' it'll be true to his real life persona. Average Bloke's make up about 10% of Big Soccer from my experience and they come in all shapes and sizes.

[Vermont Red]

Anglophile

The Anglophile is typically a Yank who wishes he were English. His early posts will feature terms like field, game and standings, which will morph into pitch, match and table. The Anglophile eventually refers to the manager as the gaffer, the players as lads and the uniform as the kit. When the Anglophile reaches full maturity, he talks about doing something but indicates that he can't be arsed.

[sdotsom]

Cautious Optimist

This person never lets the excitement or happiness of a comeback or win get to his head, to the point that it is occasionally frustrating. We may have come back from 2-0 down to win by 3 goals, but this poster will be talking about how we should be aware of a potential banana skin in the next match. This person is not satisfied until a trophy is mathematically secured, at which point he will celebrate.

[Dark Savante]

OMGZ


OMGZ 15 1337! LOLZ, PWNED!!!!11

If you understand any of the above you're either an OMGZ or have interacted with enough of them to decypher their code. OMGZ are harmless as a single posting entity, but when you find an OMGZ hub, they are impervious to logic, common sense or reason. They are quick to defend the hub and quickly turn any football debate into a 1337 war of atrition. OMGZ don't have any interest in any thread that involves paragraphs or any kind of semblance. In fact, if you are unfortunate enough to be attacked by a hub of OMGZ expect to be LOLd into submission - this is a battle no normal poster can win. When two rival OMGZ hubs do battle expect a 500 post lock within two days and the war to continue across boards as they seek that final, crushing PWNED!!!!11 that sees the last of the rival OMGZ hub off.

OMGZ quickly scare away almost all other types of BS poster.

[Vermont Red]

Last Word Freak

The Last Word Freak always has to make the last post in every debate. The Last Post Freak never leaves the debate early and never loses interest. Sometimes the Last Word Freak will appear to be done after making what is clearly a final post, only to come back to respond to his opponents post. The Last Word Freak may only come back to post "Thanks" but he always comes back. A debate between two Last Word Freaks may surpass 500 posts, even if both parties have cleary stated their positions and counterpoints by post 5.

[Vermont Red]

Grammarian

The Grammarian may or may not be a knowledgable poster about football, but he sure knows about grammar. The Grammarian will often post for no reason other than to correct someone's grammar or spelling. The Grammarian also will correct grammar or spelling errors in posts that he quotes, without even bolding or otherwise drawing attention to the correction. (In fact, sometimes this is the only reason to quote the post.) The Grammarian will not read posts without meaningful paragraph breaks, without capitalization at the beginning of sentences and with too much txtspk.

[Dark Savante]

Contrarian


A masterful Big Soccer poster whose only purpose is seemingly to pick a random opponents and say the exact opposite of whatever his intended target ever says. Contrarian is never bored on BS as he can wonder aimlessly from board to board picking out people to disagree with. The key to spotting Contarian is in how he rebutts questions. Contrarian doesn't actually offer an opinion of his own - he just says the opposite of whatever his opponent is saying. Once his opponent tires of this game or picks up on what's happening Contrarian disappears and has already engaged his new target. Contrarian doesn't have a particular interest in the debates per se, he is more into the people who are debating. The best way to defeat Contrarian is to agree with him abruptly.

[Vermont Red]

Poseur

The Poseur takes the hardline stance on all team issues. The Poseur hates Glazer with a passion, laments the prawn sandwich brigade and wears a Newton Heath kit that he sewed himself. The Poseur may or may not be a long-time fan, may or may not live in Manchester and may or may not have ever been to Old Trafford. What is important to the Poseur is to appear like he alone is keeping the tradition of Manchester United alive. The Poseur is apt to mention Billy Meredith anytime Ryan Giggs is called the Welsh Wizard and never misses an opportunity to complain about how money is ruining the game. It is a mark of the Poseur's attitude that he inisists that Poser be spelled with a u.

[Vermont Red]

Blagger

The Blagger asserts himself as an expert on a topic, even while undermining himself with his post. The Blagger is not averse to posting other people's ideas as his own and using obscure trivia to support his point; "I've been following this player since he scores four goals in a schoolyard match at the age of seven". The Blagger makes every post with supreme confidence and certainty, to the point where Newbies are intimidated by him. Later, the former Newbies exchange PMs with other long-time posters in which they laugh at the latest blast of hot air from the Blagger. The Blagger is generally harmless and can provide a lot of entertainment.

[Dark Savante]

Splicer


Oh boy!! You just had to get into it with Splicer didn't you? It'll take two posts at most to identify Splicer. Even when a post doesn't need to be seperated Splicer will make sure his opponent is presented with a veritable minefield of pointless rebuttals to points that weren't even being made. By the power of splice, a thread, nay, a post! can quickly be derailed and taken off to the tangent Splicer feels like making. Splicer never tires and like OMGZ a 'post off' becomes a war of atrition and by the end of it you will be talking about molecular science (you started on why cleats are better than studs.)

[R1234]

The Overcompensator

The overcompensators are the Hummer drivers of the soccer world. They will attempt to make up for their own insecurities about not being born in the city their team is from by turning on other supporters. When someone mentions they just started supporting Man United they will ask them to indentify Harry Gregg and pompously laugh if they fail to do so. During a loss for their team they will start accusing other supporters of giving up on the team. Most overcompensators support the one of Chelsea, Man United, Arsenal or Liverpool and frequently like to call the fans of whichever one they do not support glory hunters. While they are not bad supporters they can become quite irksome especially on a derby day or on the eve of a rivalry game. Example phrases ‘bloody manc’ ‘dirty scouser’ ‘plastic yank’. Example locations- America.

[Vermont Red]

Mouse

The Mouse is characterized by posting some version of the following sentence; "I don't post more because I don't know as much as other people on the board." The Mouse limits his contributions to statements of fact (Scholes scored the goal, the attendence was 75,296) or commonly used phrases like LOL, ROFL or Get in. The Mouse also makes a lot of posts consisting soley of "Repped" as he rewards those who possess more knowledge than he does, which in the mind of the Mouse is anyone who makes a post longer than one paragraph. The Mouse typically evolves once he realizes the true level of knowledge that most other posters actually possess.

[Republic of Mancunia]

The Drama Queen

The drama queen only ever shows up when there's a hint of crisis in the air and seems to revel in it, often turning a molehill into the proverbial mountain. Always quick to criticise with blanket statements before heading for the hills again as the drama subsides. This poster isn't interested in debate, it's one post then "See ya" but they like to fling as much shit as possible during their brief visits, hoping that they can say "I told you so" when they next make an appearance which unfortunately for them is all too rare. They seem to have a masochistic streak and are loathe to give praise no matter the circumstances.

[Dark Savante]

?


? Is that person who couldn't post on BS if the question mark was removed from their keyboard. ? are impossible to read no one knows anything about them or what their opinion is on anything. ? is a harmless character, Egotist loves ? as ? will never tire of asking and Egotist will never tire of answering. ? is usually left alone in most sub-cultures on BS, almost everyone knows a ? Almost no one knows a single thing about ? however.

[Vermont Red]

Rep Tease

The Rep Tease is relatively rare and is known for indicating that they are repping a post, only to not actually rep the post. The Rep Tease is not a bad person, he just cannot control himself. If the Rep Tease reads a post that he likes he shoot is load and posts "Reeeeeeeeepped" before he checks to see if he can do so. The Rep Tease can evolve from this category by doing special exercises in order to gain more self control. The Rep Tease is also known as the Premature Repjaculator. The Rep Tease's effect is limited to only reptastic posters.