Youth Referee(16 yo.): What do you say to players during game?

[Chiller15J]

I know for a fact this is my weakest spot, communicating with the players. Although I haven't done many "competitive" games(AYSO), where there is more of a chance for rough fouls, dissent, etc. I was wondering on any pointers of how to manage and calm down the players, for example; today Vaughn delayed a corner kick to talk to two players for shoving and such, and he was pointing at himself frequently. I haven't seen that before, and since I'm not that experienced with talking to players, unless you call, "I don't want to see that again" type of remark good. I see many experienced referees having long conversations, and I'm just wondering how to make that conversation that long, instead of that short conversation.

Thanks in advance!

[KidRef]

Depends on the age. Obviously in youth games you are going to say things that do not involve language, but watching vaughn he was basically saying cut that crap out, don't make me call a penalty kick on you, I'll watch you two...that was after getting them to listen to him since they seemed to be pushing while he was talking.

As for your level working youth games, it can be very useful to take people aside, calm them down, say look I understand your frustration, I'll take a special look and try to protect you, or something to that nature if it's a player that feels they've been wronged.

At other times your going to pull a player aside and say knock it off. Other times it could be hey nice shot! Use your personality so that it's not only bad things or stop this stop that, but good things as well or a joke, etc...

[NHRef]

It's all up to your personality, the age of the players and the situation. You need to be able to read what they will tolerate as well. Long conversations can also backfire with the wrong person at the wrong time.

All you can do it try a few things, see what works for you and throw the rest out.

Probably the longest conversations I've had went like this:

After two players had been having good "fights" for free balls with fair charges etc and it progressed to an elbow or push: call em over and say something like: "listen guys, I am more than happy to let you guys continue the nice physical soccer you've been playing to get that ball, but I can't let you start with the elbows and unfair pushes, you guys keep it fair and I'll let you fight it out ok?"

After one player obviously thinks he's treated unfair: "Do me a favor, first quiet down so nobody hears us, then just tell me what it is that I am not seeing so that I can keep a special eye out for it." One time he did so, I then caught it but played on for advantage and a goal was scored. I made sure to tell him "I saw it that time, but figured you'd rather let your buddy score a goal. I'll keep watching"

Both seemed to work ,but usually a "that's enough" etc work.

also, that "Dad stare" that most parents have works wonders.

[Chiller15J]

So would I be correct to assume that long talks aren't always necessary? I'm fine with the short talk throughout the game. What kind of situations have you needed to have a longer conversation rather than a short? when they have something to say?

And I have done the "dad stare" before and the player looked kinda scarred :D

[bdndyc]

I'm a 16 year old ref in England, and I know how intimidating it can be, I mainly do youth games but to some extents they're worse due to parents and coaches getting on your back.

I think that it's important to have a word before a game to both teams, explain that you're not going to get every call correct but that you'll be doing your best at all times.

The best bit of advice is to only do what you're good at. If you're good at giving lectures then do it, if not then don't you only make yourself look silly and players can lose your respect. If you're good at cracking quick jokes then that's an effective way of calming a situation. There was one time when two players were getting worked up and I called them over and said "I don't mind physical play but that's over the top" Being young lads they laughed at the 'physical play' and I laughed along and said "Hey you don't want to give the wrong idea to the rest of your team mates do ya?" They both smiled and the situation was diffused.

Basically if you need to talk to someone, explain what they're doing wrong, accept that you may be wrong/missing something and will look out for it and tell them to in the mean time to calm down. Conversations only get long if players talk back, I don't mind that and respect what they have to say, so long as it's sensible.

Don't worry about the length of your conversations, just ensure you get the point across and sort out any bad behaviour, and make sure you do it your way, or you'll do something silly.

[blech]

I think it's a good observation that you made about what the ref in this case was doing and how he was managing his game. And, it's valuable to recognize how a lengthier talk may serve a purpose such as calming down and diffusing a situation or to perhaps avoiding showing a card by using words instead, BUT it's also important to recognize when you may want to employ such a strategy. Nothing wrong with having it in your proverbial bag of tricks, but use it at the right time.

I would guess that you're generally refereeing below your own age level since that it fairly common practice for assigning youth refs. For youth games, particularly if they're rec rather than competitive, it will probably generally serve you best to ref with the principle of "keep the ball in play as much as possible". Obviously, call fouls when appropriate, stop play for injuries, etc., but the quicker you can get the ball back into play, the better. Keeping with that principle, why have a lengthier conversation if a shorter one will do. If the ball is in play, they don't have time to be mad at you or at your opponent, because they have to play. Don't forget the value of that game management tool.

A second point that strikes me about this is that the lengthier conversation is probably reserved for a more serious or reckless foul. You may or may not be giving a card, but you're letting a player know that he or she needs to calm down and knock off whatever it is that is being done. Again, you might encounter this at a younger youth game, but more often I'd think you'll find this needed in older, more competitive games. Again, not sure what age group you're talking about, or what guidelines you get from your league, but it also might even be appropriate to have such a conversation with the coach rather than the player (for a u8 ayso game, you might be better off saying "coach, i don't think #7 meant it, but he's out of control in how he's running into his opponent and we need to do something about this because i don't want him or anyone else to get hurt", and it could be done when you get a chance to make a pass up his side of the field rather than formally stopping play). in any event, even if you don't agree with the concept of talking with coach, you're going to talk with a 7 year old boy about a tackle differently than you're going to speak with a 17 year old boy/man.

good luck

[Chiller15J]

Thanks for the ideas. I do mostly boys and girls, U-12 up to U-14, which talking directly will take a greater effect.

[nylaw5]

I think something for you to consider is that you don't want your only interaction with the guys to be negative, ie.... if you need to have a word after a foul.

You can often gain alot of respect by conversations at stoppages about all kinds of topics, turf, parents, weather, school, stupid looking dog on the sideline, etc.

Sometimes if you have a dialogue running witha couple guys throughout the game you will have less problems with you.

As for what do you say? What do you say to friends at school while making small talk?....those of us who are young have battles to fight that older refs don't, but at the same time we have an "in" that an older ref might not. The "peer" aspect is sometimes a great way to manage a situation. Just be a confident peer.

[Sandcrab Margarita]

Log on to your local public library's website. Search for the topic of Soccer - Referees. You will come up with a number of books that you can read with all sorts of tips & interesting stories. Some of the best books I read were written in England; others offer good advice on how to be personable & all that. Here's some starter titles.

Burtenshaw, Norman. Whose Side are You On,Ref?
Howell, Denis. Soccer Refereeing

There's a good one published by a company in Manhattan Beach, but I can't remember the title right now & the LA Library's system is currently maxed out, but I'll come back & give you a list. Even if you stay away from the technical parts of these & just read about how to carry yourself, you'll do great.


Good Luck
Sandcrab Margarita

[Caesar]

Regarding personality, I would just say to be yourself on the pitch. Talk to the players like you'd normally talk to people. The advice to stick to what suits you personally is a good one. If you're out there relaxed and enjoying yourself, it'll help the mood of the game. And smile lots! It's infectious, and diffuses a lot of situations.

But be careful - the other day I was on the line for a referee who had a great big grin on his face while showing a player the red card. Not a good look. :p