Midweek Action - My Generous Gift to You

[Mr. Warmth]

MLS Midweek Action - About Freakin' Time

It took you 12 years to finally accommodate my schedule, jerks.

For those of you who don't know, there is an annual MLS lottery that involves all fans who pass through an MLS stadium gate. The Grand Prize, you ask? You get to make 1 change for the next season. So I chose to move the always troublesome midweek games to Thursday. For those of you that that inconveniences, better luck next season.

April 12, 2007 FC Dallas at LA Galaxy.

This game stands to be the best chance for a Landon Donovan slumpbuster, outside of Bianca leaving for the season to be "on location", filming The Hunt for Red October II, with Carlos Ruiz playing the part of the Russian Submarine. One would hope El Dee can slot a couple of goals past Shaka Hislop. Jeff Cunningham didn't seem to have a problem doing it. Neither would my grandmother, but FC Nursinghome isn't on the expansion list, so they'll have to settle for dominating the USL for a 4th straight season.

http://bp3.blogger.com/_yxROJtWD0Sg/Rh2lEf__67I/AAAAAAAAACc/0k2X0DRO9nA/s320/Kenny+Cooper.jpg (http://bp3.blogger.com/_yxROJtWD0Sg/Rh2lEf__67I/AAAAAAAAACc/0k2X0DRO9nA/s1600-h/Kenny+Cooper.jpg)

FC Dallas brings Kenny Cooper, the culmination of 14 years of stem cell development at the Manchester United Laboratory for Genetic Footballer Development, to LA to test Joe Cannon. Cooper had no problem drilling one past Nick Rimando in Salt Lake. Then again, in a few weeks, that isn't really going to be all that of an exclusive club.

Dallas will be searching for it's "first win ever" against LA (EDIT: I've been informed by a rabid FCD fan that FC Dallas actually did win a game at the HDC, against Chivas though: Item Corrected) at the HDC with it's duo of LA castoffs in Marcelo Saragosa and El Pescadito Ruiz, the latter of which will do his best to either set up FrankenCooper or score himself on one of his patented quickshot volleys. LA offensive woes should not continue, and yet, they'll probably find a way to make Hislop into the player of the week. Once has to wonder if they will even score a goal before Becks and his entourage arrive. None of the Galaxy players looked particularly threatening against Dynamo Houston in their opening game, and I expect that to continue as long as Albright, Cobi and 420 Martino are in the Galaxy midfield.

Prediction: 2-2 Draw with goals from FrankenCooper and Ruiz and Jaqua & Donovan for LA.

Other MLS News so far this week:

Jeff Cunningham (http://www.mlsnet.com/news/mls_news.jsp?ymd=20070409&content_id=88160&vkey=pr_mls&fext=.jsp) named POTY (http://www.mlsnet.com/news/mls_news.jsp?ymd=20070409&content_id=88160&vkey=pr_mls&fext=.jsp) for the uberdifficult job of making Shaka Hislop, look even more like Shaka Hislop than physicists thought possible. Research into this event by Steven Hawking, leads him to believe that it may soon be possible to prove that Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny and Lucky the Lucky Charms leprechaun are the real three members of the Trinity.

Europe/South America suffer total internet black out? Perhaps since there were no promotion/relegation pursefights started on BigSoccer.com (http://www.bigsoccer.com/forum/../) in the last 3 days.

[kanonier]

Who is this guy and why is there a bigsoccer newbie on the front page?

Does this have to do with why the site was down a second ago?

[Mr. Warmth]

Who is this guy and why is there a bigsoccer newbie on the front page?




You call me a noob again, and I'll start a promotion/relegation and single table thread so fast it'll make your head swim, buster

[Geneva]

Who cares if he's new? That was an awesome pre-game summary. Or maybe it's the new Dan Loney?

[Huss]

It's hard to replace Loney. :D. Welcome to BigSoccer.

[kanonier]

You call me a noob again, and I'll start a promotion/relegation and single table thread so fast it'll make your head swim, buster

Sorry, sorry, not trying to offend. I was just reading what it said under your name! Maybe you're not really a newb. :)

And it is a fine post, I was just curious, I always thought the front page was reserved for mods, etc.

[Huss]

We posted repeatedly open invites to come blog for the home page. Yes, you have to get admitted to the club but its for interesting writers, not for mods specifically. We are looking for folks who want to blog regularly.

Newb, he is, right? :)

[Blitzz Boy]

It's hard to replace Loney. :D. Welcome to BigSoccer.

So whatever happened to him? Is the freeway offramp that he sells oranges at really busy?

Did Cal State Fullerton security finally carry out their Fatwa on him for "Ante Razov, you go down like Linda Lovelace!"

[Mr. Warmth]

We posted repeatedly open invites to come blog for the home page. Yes, you have to get admitted to the club but its for interesting writers, not for mods specifically. We are looking for folks who want to blog regularly.

Newb, he is, right? :)

Less Newb, more Designated Player Signing from a Prestigious European League

[Mr. Warmth]

So whatever happened to him? Is the freeway offramp that he sells oranges at really busy?

Daniel recruited me for this. As for the oranges, he's on the verge of becoming the Sam Walton of roadside frutisellers.

[Dadinho]

Less Newb, more Designated Player Signing from a Prestigious European League

Oh, so you're RichardL. Much better than Loney. :D

[Matrim55]

Less Newb, more Designated Player Signing from a Prestigious European League
And we know how well those always end up working out.

[Mr. Warmth]

And we know how well those always end up working out.

I can't help it if CFKA Metro uses FIFA retirement lists as scouting reports.

[Matrim55]

I can't help it if CFKA Metro uses FIFA retirement lists as scouting reports.
Hush, Lothar.

[ritsoccer86]

Great post! I always thought Cooper was frankenstien's son in fact.

[Mr. Warmth]

And for more evidence of my generosity:

The Week One Recap:


MLS Week One Recap:
Same as it ever was. Almost...

Just in case you wondering, Week One of the MLS Season has come and gone and provided us with a few pleasant surprises, as well as a whole heapin' helpin' of the same old mashed potatos and gravy (which I like usually, just not with every meal for God's Sake) that we can count on week in and week out from some teams.

http://lh5.google.com/image/mondaymorning10shirt/RhulRv__62I/AAAAAAAAABk/xD06-XccPC8/foudy_donut_small.jpg


Game of the Week: DC United at Colorado: Grand opening of "The Dick" on ABC sans Eric Wynalda who served a one week suspension for asking sub-prime ESPN talent, Romey van Smack for a few minutes of oral gratification or a "shot to the dome" in true clone parlance. Rome now gains another measure of hate from "soccerfan", because whether or not he had any part in Wynalda's suspension, his absence subjected the national broadcast audience to Julie Foudy, AKA "She who must not be named" to male soccerfans. Her shrill voice and radioactive ovaries have been known to have the same effect on MLS fans as Sinestro's yellow ring of power does on the Green Lantern. Personally, I'm agnostic on Julie. I certainly don't look forward to her monotone delivery, but I can manage to tough it out for two hours without muting the game ala the RedBull's telecast where someone left the mute on, on the feed from CCS. I mean really, how can you blame them, usually the only noise from Crewfans comes from when Sigi the Hutt drops a hapless victim down into the Rancor's lair. DC United, coming off a loss to CD Chivas, looked to rebound and re-establish the dominance that led them to the Supporter's Shield last season. Newly re-branded Colorado rapids had other plans as they kept DC on their heels in the first half with Herculez Gomez and Roberto Brown putting two past a hapless 2006 MLS Goalkeeper of the Year, Troy Perkins. Hopefully Troy still has contacts in the banking and finance business because if his play of late continues, he'll be asking people if they want their withdrawals in "large or small bills" by the end of the season. Newcomer Luciano Emilio put in a late goal for DC, but it was too little, too late as Colorado held the majority of possession and Bouma Condoul looked to be a more than adequate replacement for Joe Cannon. And if you were wondering, Ben Olsen hacked plenty of people and bitched to the ref incessantly when he got the same in return. Like I said, same as it ever was.


FC Dallas @ Real Salt Lake: Everyone can shut up about the field at Rice-Eccles stadium. RSL is getting their own stadium, paid for by hotel taxes. This puts them ahead of any other team that doesn't have either their own stadium or one funded or under construction. FC Dallas is just hoping to get through the suspension of Dario Sala with 9 points out of a possible 18. Shaka Hislop stands to make at least one forward a week a shoe in for MLS Player of the week with a command of his box reminiscent of Custer's Last Stand. (Oh look, it's already happened) Jeff Cunnigham put two through on Hislop as he started his campaign to repeat at MLS' leading scorer from 2006. RSL, much like DC will go as far as their suspect defense and blunder prone goalkeepers will carry them. Nick Rimando looked food stamp poor on Kenny Cooper's low blast in the first half and homeless poor coming out to clear a ball in the 93rd minute that he appeared to punch into the head of one of his defenders for a rebound into his net. There's something about being a goalkeeper at United that makes you have one great season, followed by your career spiraling into the toilet of mediocrity.


RedBull New York @ Columbus Crew: With MLS beginning to allow teams to sign shirt sponsors, Columbus has Lunestra, Ambien CR and NyQuil all jockeying to sign as the Crew's shirt sponsor. If anything, it should be NyQuil given the harsh taste yet another scoreless draw left in Crewfan's mouth. And if it is Nyquil, will the Crew still be America's Hardest Working Team if they can't operate drive or operate heavy machinery? New Crew Goalkeeper, Andy Gruenebaum, provided the acrobatic saves on the odd times when RedBulls did manage a shot on goal and RedBull broadcast crew Shep Messing and Steve Cangelosi covered the game from afar, yet managed completely tongue bathe Claudio Reyna as the player that Bruce Arena wants all of the RedBull offense to flow through. An admirable desire I guess, considering Reyna has never been anything more than a holding mid, capable of getting the ball to the attacking midfield players, whenever his teams had them. I don't know what the official Vegas line for Reyna's first writhing in agony on the ground was set at, but those of you that took anything over the first half lost your change. Columbus almost managed to steal 3 points for the Crewfans that braved the weather, only to see Ned Gravaboy's shot carom off the post and the rest of Sigi Schmid's Flying Circus, unable to finish the rebound.
http://lh3.google.com/image/mondaymorning10shirt/RhsstP__61I/AAAAAAAAABc/NfJ-7PAkeYA/crewqyil.jpg

Revs @ Chicago Fire: If you were late getting to your seat, you missed all of the scoring as Logan Pause redirected a Justin Mapp cross off of the post and past Matt Reis for his first career goal and the only score of the game. Always dangerous Taylor Twellman crushed a shot off of the crossbar and Fire goalkeeper Matt Pickens made several highlight reel saves including a stellar redirection of a pointblank Andy Dorman shot to preserve the lead and show my Zach Thornton was surplus to the Fire's needs. Justin Mapp terrorized the Revs back line for the first 20 minutes with several deep runs and crosses that should have led to more scoring for the Fire. Even though the Revolution were severely depleted from last season's MLS Cup choke job, with Clint Dempsey leaving for Fulham an injured Shalrie Joseph, a recovering Pat Noonan and the excused absence of ex-captain Joey Franchino, (who was unavailable for comment because the echo from his place at the bottom of a gin bottle was something even Verizon wireless couldn't overcome) the Revs took control of the midfield under the hard work of Andy Dorman and the ageless Steve Ralston. Dorman was a force for the majority of the game, giving the Revs plenty of long range shots as well as crosses that the Revs forwards were unable to finish. Unless Sarachan can find a way to make Chris Armas 2007, the Chris Armas of 2003, the next time these two teams meet, Pickens will have to make twice the number of saves to keep the clean sheet.


Toronto FC @ Chivas USA. Brad Guzan. Remember the name. His first season as target practice at Chivas USA paid off well with him saving shot after shot from the Toronto offense with excellent reflex saves, backed up with excellent recovery and anticipation on the rebounds that he did give up. Arenaball reject Ante Razov netted his 99th MLS goal and Sacha Kljestan picked up his first as Goats del Norte were rarely threatened by Toronto, including the debut of the oft injured Conor Casey who's new style, compliments of the German version of "The Swan" was inspired by SS recruiting posters. Greg Sutton was adequate at shotstopping for Toronto, but was easily fooled into coming out on the Galindo break away that led to Razov's goal. Klijestan also forced Sutton into terrible positioning on his weavy run to the top of the box where he took his goal to the opposite corner, cementing the win.

LA @ Houston: The MondayMorning#10Shirt wishes it could have watched this game, and probably could have, but apparently, Cox Cable snuck Telefutura in on the LAHTEEENNNNOHHHH digital tier at the last moment, so that call was taken care of this morning. If we had been able to watch this, I'm sure we would have been treated to the same anemic Galaxy offense as last season, that landed them out of the playoffs for the first time in club history. Even up a man for a few minutes of the 2nd half, LA couldn't force a goal. Nor could Dynamo Houston 1836 after their exit from the CONCACAF Champions Cup at the hands of Pachuca. Both teams should do well this season with Dynamo being largely intact from last season's MLS Cup winning squad and LA having nowhere to go but up from last season's circle jerk.

I think this pic says it all about LA and their continuing offensive woes.

http://msn.foxsports.com/id/6659792_7_1.jpg

[Matrim55]

I think this pic says it all about LA and their continuing offensive woes.
How can it be continuing after only one game? And that wasn't the 2001 Mutiny they played against, it was the defending MLS Cup champs.

PS - LA was the highest scoring team in the league after the all-star game last season.

[Mr. Warmth]

How can it be continuing after only one game?

This is the blogosphere, facts are irrelevant. Careful, or I'll have you Swiftboated.

PS - LA was the highest scoring team in the league after the all-star game last season.

And I suppose you want a last supper with one Christ, twelve disciples, no kangaroos, no trampoline acts, by COB Thursday.

[Matrim55]

And I suppose you want a last supper with one Christ, twelve disciples, no kangaroos, no trampoline acts, by COB Thursday.
Incidently, this is what RBFO have scheduled for pregame entertainment Sunday afternoon.

[1070]

I chose to move the always troublesome midweek games to Thursday.

I think you should change your name to Friday Morning 10Shirt. Come on, admit it, it's better than Monday morning, which is so closely associated with the NFL. It's still early in your BS blogging career, so people (probably) won't hold this change against you.