The THFC SuperQuiz! Have YOU Got What It Takes To Manage The Spurs?!?!

[jumhed]

The scenario - Despite never having won anything in your managerial career you have somehow blagged a top job with your former club. The fans love you and you have the full backing of the board. Now play on ...

> Q1 - The board has made some transfer funds available but not as much as you would like. Do you ...?

a) Surprise everyone with your deep footballing knowledge by unearthing several cheap gems from the Portuguese U21 squad and pick up a couple of skilful Brazilian misfits on frees and by clever man management transform them into team players.

b) Blow the lot on two decent 1st team players to cover the major deficiencies in your team.

c) Scour Eastern Europe for 3rd rate economic migrants and rack up the clubs wage bill by recruiting geriatric has-beens.

> Q2 - Your club's record signing - a proven international striker - has failed to gel with your team. Despite looking brilliant, he has failed to deliver when paired with the slow & clumsy strike force you currently possess. Do you ...?

a) Try him out alongside the pacey and quick-witted striker your director of football has just managed to sign.

b) Decide he'll never adapt to English football and sell him as soon as possible therefore recouping £4-5M you can use to buy a striker you do rate.

c) Crush his morale by bringing him on as a substitute then subbing him again when not injured, then stick him in the stiffs until his market value has withered to nothing, before finally sending him to Turkey just as the club is pushing for a place in Europe.

> Q3 - Your club has for several seasons had the worst injury problems in the premiership. Do you ...?

a) Get rid of some of the older and more injury prone members of the squad replacing them with players with good injury records & conduct a thorough review of the training and physiotherapy routines at the club to try to get to the root of the problem.

b) Sack the physios and bring in a couple of players as cover.

c) Buy more aged and injury prone players and use it as an excuse for the club's poor performances

> Q4 - Due to injury your club has a shortage of strikers. Do you ...?

a) Pre-empt the problem by signing a replacement in the transfer window and giving some of your promising youngsters some 1st team experience as 2nd half substitutes.

b) Hang on to what you've got and hope to ride out the crisis.

c) Get rid of two of your experienced strikers and play a central defender in attack giving you a strike force that is slower than a council worker on bank holiday overtime. Buy an average Japanese stopper to play in the reserves. On no account give any of the youngsters a look-in.

> Q5 - The season ends with a series of humiliating defeats. Team morale is at an all time low and the fans have thrown their season tickets on to the pitch in disgust. Do you ...?

a) Ritually disembowel yourself on the pitch at WHL draping your entrails over the four corner flags.

b) Maintain some vestiges of dignity by apologising to the fans and then ************ing off to a job more suited to your talents like Iraqi minister of information.

c) Deny there is any problem. Blame the team's poor performances on bad refereeing, injuries, evil pixies or some such ************, and look forward to leading them to relegation next year.

Score 10 pts for a) 3 pts for b) & 0 pts for c). How did you do?

40 - 50 pts - Pathetic. Your mismanagement and scapegoating abilities are way below that expected at the Lane. ************ off to Newcastle or Everton where you belong.

20 - 39 pts - Some promise, but you really need to work on your arrogance and disdain. Wearing blinkers and imagining your players covered in excrement might help.

3 - 19 pts - You're almost there! Just a bit more practise ... try telling a handicapped child that God is punishing them because they were evil in a former life.

0 pts - Congratulations! You are Glenn Stupid big jawed ************!

[rymannryan]

Originally posted by jumhed
The scenario - Despite never having won anything in your managerial career you have somehow blagged a top job with your former club. The fans love you and you have the full backing of the board. Now play on ...

> Q1 - The board has made some transfer funds available but not as much as you would like. Do you ...?

a) Surprise everyone with your deep footballing knowledge by unearthing several cheap gems from the Portuguese U21 squad and pick up a couple of skilful Brazilian misfits on frees and by clever man management transform them into team players.

b) Blow the lot on two decent 1st team players to cover the major deficiencies in your team.

c) Scour Eastern Europe for 3rd rate economic migrants and rack up the clubs wage bill by recruiting geriatric has-beens.

> Q2 - Your club's record signing - a proven international striker - has failed to gel with your team. Despite looking brilliant, he has failed to deliver when paired with the slow & clumsy strike force you currently possess. Do you ...?

a) Try him out alongside the pacey and quick-witted striker your director of football has just managed to sign.

b) Decide he'll never adapt to English football and sell him as soon as possible therefore recouping £4-5M you can use to buy a striker you do rate.

c) Crush his morale by bringing him on as a substitute then subbing him again when not injured, then stick him in the stiffs until his market value has withered to nothing, before finally sending him to Turkey just as the club is pushing for a place in Europe.

> Q3 - Your club has for several seasons had the worst injury problems in the premiership. Do you ...?

a) Get rid of some of the older and more injury prone members of the squad replacing them with players with good injury records & conduct a thorough review of the training and physiotherapy routines at the club to try to get to the root of the problem.

b) Sack the physios and bring in a couple of players as cover.

c) Buy more aged and injury prone players and use it as an excuse for the club's poor performances

> Q4 - Due to injury your club has a shortage of strikers. Do you ...?

a) Pre-empt the problem by signing a replacement in the transfer window and giving some of your promising youngsters some 1st team experience as 2nd half substitutes.

b) Hang on to what you've got and hope to ride out the crisis.

c) Get rid of two of your experienced strikers and play a central defender in attack giving you a strike force that is slower than a council worker on bank holiday overtime. Buy an average Japanese stopper to play in the reserves. On no account give any of the youngsters a look-in.

> Q5 - The season ends with a series of humiliating defeats. Team morale is at an all time low and the fans have thrown their season tickets on to the pitch in disgust. Do you ...?

a) Ritually disembowel yourself on the pitch at WHL draping your entrails over the four corner flags.

b) Maintain some vestiges of dignity by apologising to the fans and then ************ing off to a job more suited to your talents like Iraqi minister of information.

c) Deny there is any problem. Blame the team's poor performances on bad refereeing, injuries, evil pixies or some such ************, and look forward to leading them to relegation next year.

Score 10 pts for a) 3 pts for b) & 0 pts for c). How did you do?

40 - 50 pts - Pathetic. Your mismanagement and scapegoating abilities are way below that expected at the Lane. ************ off to Newcastle or Everton where you belong.

20 - 39 pts - Some promise, but you really need to work on your arrogance and disdain. Wearing blinkers and imagining your players covered in excrement might help.

3 - 19 pts - You're almost there! Just a bit more practise ... try telling a handicapped child that God is punishing them because they were evil in a former life.

0 pts - Congratulations! You are Glenn Stupid big jawed ************!



:D Funny stuff.

[The Double]

Originally posted by jumhed
The scenario - Despite never having won anything in your managerial career you have somehow blagged a top job with your former club. The fans love you and you have the full backing of the board. Now play on ...

> Q1 - The board has made some transfer funds available but not as much as you would like. Do you ...?

a) Surprise everyone with your deep footballing knowledge by unearthing several cheap gems from the Portuguese U21 squad and pick up a couple of skilful Brazilian misfits on frees and by clever man management transform them into team players.

b) Blow the lot on two decent 1st team players to cover the major deficiencies in your team.

c) Scour Eastern Europe for 3rd rate economic migrants and rack up the clubs wage bill by recruiting geriatric has-beens.

> Q2 - Your club's record signing - a proven international striker - has failed to gel with your team. Despite looking brilliant, he has failed to deliver when paired with the slow & clumsy strike force you currently possess. Do you ...?

a) Try him out alongside the pacey and quick-witted striker your director of football has just managed to sign.

b) Decide he'll never adapt to English football and sell him as soon as possible therefore recouping £4-5M you can use to buy a striker you do rate.

c) Crush his morale by bringing him on as a substitute then subbing him again when not injured, then stick him in the stiffs until his market value has withered to nothing, before finally sending him to Turkey just as the club is pushing for a place in Europe.

> Q3 - Your club has for several seasons had the worst injury problems in the premiership. Do you ...?

a) Get rid of some of the older and more injury prone members of the squad replacing them with players with good injury records & conduct a thorough review of the training and physiotherapy routines at the club to try to get to the root of the problem.

b) Sack the physios and bring in a couple of players as cover.

c) Buy more aged and injury prone players and use it as an excuse for the club's poor performances

> Q4 - Due to injury your club has a shortage of strikers. Do you ...?

a) Pre-empt the problem by signing a replacement in the transfer window and giving some of your promising youngsters some 1st team experience as 2nd half substitutes.

b) Hang on to what you've got and hope to ride out the crisis.

c) Get rid of two of your experienced strikers and play a central defender in attack giving you a strike force that is slower than a council worker on bank holiday overtime. Buy an average Japanese stopper to play in the reserves. On no account give any of the youngsters a look-in.

> Q5 - The season ends with a series of humiliating defeats. Team morale is at an all time low and the fans have thrown their season tickets on to the pitch in disgust. Do you ...?

a) Ritually disembowel yourself on the pitch at WHL draping your entrails over the four corner flags.

b) Maintain some vestiges of dignity by apologising to the fans and then ************ing off to a job more suited to your talents like Iraqi minister of information.

c) Deny there is any problem. Blame the team's poor performances on bad refereeing, injuries, evil pixies or some such ************, and look forward to leading them to relegation next year.

Score 10 pts for a) 3 pts for b) & 0 pts for c). How did you do?

40 - 50 pts - Pathetic. Your mismanagement and scapegoating abilities are way below that expected at the Lane. ************ off to Newcastle or Everton where you belong.

20 - 39 pts - Some promise, but you really need to work on your arrogance and disdain. Wearing blinkers and imagining your players covered in excrement might help.

3 - 19 pts - You're almost there! Just a bit more practise ... try telling a handicapped child that God is punishing them because they were evil in a former life.

0 pts - Congratulations! You are Glenn Stupid big jawed ************!



Sad, but its all true.

[comme]

Yes, an unfortunately accurate description.

[Joe E]

You'll be laughing on the other side of your face when we sign international supergods jason roberts and dwight yorke.
A betting tip - spurs are 8-1 for the drop next year and thats a great price. I 'm having at least a tenner on it.

[jumhed]

Originally posted by Joe E
You'll be laughing on the other side of your face when we sign international supergods jason roberts and dwight yorke.
A betting tip - spurs are 8-1 for the drop next year and thats a great price. I 'm having at least a tenner on it.

What is really frustrating is at the beginning of the season all the talk was of Rivaldo and Morientes. Now its Bobby Zamora (just relegated with Brighton back to Div2), and Jason Roberts (just relegated back to Div1). Hardly bleedin' prolific. And if Dwight 'Yeah I'm up for it! Zzzzzzzz' Yorke comes to Spurs I'll almost be finished with 'em. Let's hope (for the sake of Spurs) that Hodd does a Roeder, eh?

Stupid-arse tabloids are linking Spurs to Martin O'Neil and Graeme Souness. Personally, I'd rather have Vialli, as long as his contract stated he wasn't allowed to bring in creaky old Italians for one last pay-check. Nicolai Berti put me right off.

[Clan]

Originally posted by jumhed
I'll almost be finished with 'em.


He He he....(need i say it?)

[Joe E]

Originally posted by jumhed
What is really frustrating is at the beginning of the season all the talk was of Rivaldo and Morientes. Now its Bobby Zamora (just relegated with Brighton back to Div2), and Jason Roberts (just relegated back to Div1). Hardly bleedin' prolific. And if Dwight 'Yeah I'm up for it! Zzzzzzzz' Yorke comes to Spurs I'll almost be finished with 'em. Let's hope (for the sake of Spurs) that Hodd does a Roeder, eh?

Stupid-arse tabloids are linking Spurs to Martin O'Neil and Graeme Souness. Personally, I'd rather have Vialli, as long as his contract stated he wasn't allowed to bring in creaky old Italians for one last pay-check. Nicolai Berti put me right off.

There'll be no change of manager this summer, that's for sure. He's got another year, and if he continues to have what is very obviously a nervous breakdown, and we dont get in top quality players, i swear we'll be looking at nationwide football. The thing is hoddle is the man everyone always said they wanted - so now we look like idiots for complaining. He's going nowhere, levy's going nowhere - at least when sugar and graham were around that was a purpose in protesting! we're helpless at the moment - we just have to sit back and watch.

[jumhed]

Originally posted by Joe E
There'll be no change of manager this summer, that's for sure. He's got another year, and if he continues to have what is very obviously a nervous breakdown, and we dont get in top quality players, i swear we'll be looking at nationwide football. The thing is hoddle is the man everyone always said they wanted - so now we look like idiots for complaining. He's going nowhere, levy's going nowhere - at least when sugar and graham were around that was a purpose in protesting! we're helpless at the moment - we just have to sit back and watch.

I never wanted Graham to leave. At his initial appointment my head said yes and my heart said no. Let's face it, of our last few managers, Shreeves, Ardiles, Francis, Gross, Graham and Hoddle, Graham is the only one with a good track record and the only one who won something with us. The others were just losers (and Hoddle).

No, really. Getting rid of Graham was a BIG mistake. True, he signed players like Ben 'Bullet' Thatcher and we were hideous to watch, but at least we knew what we were getting. Not like 'Oooh, Hoddle will know how to get us playing.' We play just as bad football, except now we've got a bunch of freeloaders who don't really seem to care.

Bringing Graham back wouldn't be a backward step, it'd be sideways, and I believe that he is better placed (actually knowing what it's like to win things) to take us forward. It'll never happen though.

[Californiaspurs]

As has been said before, great opening post, Jumhed. A classic. And sadly too true, as The Double said.

One of your more recent posts said: "Let's hope (for the sake of Spurs) that Hodd does a Roeder, eh?" At first I thought you meant get us relegated. I guess you mean, he gets sick and someone else takes over. Unfortunately, that still didn't stop The Spammers from going down.

I almost didn't want to admit that by May I was getting seriously worried about whether we would still be in the Premiership after the upcoming 2003/4 season, but that even me just thinking about such a catastrophe was treasonable.

But then I see from this and other boards that people are talking openly about this possibility. And not just Spurs fans, on non-club specific message boards about 20% of neutral fans include Tottenham as one of their three most likely to go down! Gulp. They saw the scorelines, landslide defeats in our last couple of games, and the mediocre run of form.

I'm too far away to go to that many live games, but one of my THFC supporting friends in London says for the first time in about two decades he's not renewing his season ticket because (a) the football was so bloody awful and (b) the players looked like they couldn't be arsed any more, as if morale was disintegrating in the Lilywhite camp.

It's the latter that worries me. Coz even if we bring in some decent fresh blood, which in itself is questionable, if the squad is unmotivated and morale is low, for whatever reason, the team is gonna get whacked on the park. The Premiership is just too competitive for a club with an unmotivated squad to survive.

Nothing revelationary here, I know, but in a way I'm pleased to see that I'm not the only one who's, uh, worried. I hate to say it, but legendary players don't necessarily make great managers, as we already know from THFC history, and I think that if we are struggling after the first coupla months, Glenn should step down or be canned, we can't leave it any later than that. I hope he makes good, but I'm not optimistic.

[jumhed]

True. It's interesting, but hodd has never had any real success with a 'big-club' at all. At Swindon he did well, because the players were in awe of him. then to Chelsea, where his signings left a lot to be desired (excusing Gullit), Paul Furlong and a clapped out David Rocastle must be his worst. He reached an FA Cup final, and picked himself for the first team despite being well past his best. Man U spanked 'em 4-0. Also reached the semi's of the now defunct (and much missed....er) Cup Winners Cup and lost to ex-Spurs Nayim's Zaragoza. Then to England. Glenn is, statistically, one of England's better managers, although the players feelings can be summed up in 2 quotes;

"Have you ever thought the problem might be you?" Alan Shearer, to Hodd at half-time V. Luxembourg.

"I actually really respect the guy, and I'm not just saying that because he's sitting next to me."
Tony Adams at an England press conference.

When it was discovered that Hodd was/is completely mad, he's fired and spends awhile in the wilderness. Then Southampton, fresh from firing Dave Jones because of false paedo allegations, bring him on board. Once again, it's a case of players being in awe. (although Le Tissier did say 'Hoddle is the most arrogant man I've ever met'.) Southampton are pushing for a european place when Daniel 'I know what I'm doing' Levy pinches him for Spurs. 'Oooh! The messiah!" say Spurs fans. Spurs then rather pathetically try to pin some theft crap on Graham, little realising it's the fines taken from Ben Thatcher (ironically for being slow. Slow to training that is). Now Hodd is here, shanking things up big-time.

What is funny, is seeing Graham on Sky Sports as a guest during Spurs games. He can barely suppress his smile when Spurs are being pummelled by the likes of the mighty Boro.



I suppose you could say I'm not a fan of Hoddle.

[jumhed]

Oh yeah, and Spurs are 8-1 to go down down this coming season. Rule!

[mactheknife]

Originally posted by jumhed
Dwight 'Yeah I'm up for it! Zzzzzzzz' Yorke

[Doctor Stamen]

You'd be stupid to sign Yorke if last seasons anything to go b. He only decides to play well when he feels like it (e.g. at the Spurs vs. Blackburn match ironically), and spends too much time in Spearmint Rhino fertilising plastic tarts. And anyway, why would anyone want to sign for an idiot like Hoddle in the first place.

I have to say that Spurs have never been my favourite club (although I dislike A-hole more), and that your board has reaped what it sowed after poaching Hoddle in such an underhand way. He'll guide you to the heady heights of 16th this coming season, regardless of who you sign (or nearly sign).

[Mobile]

Originally posted by Clanblue
He He he....(need i say it?)

:D

[jumhed]

Originally posted by Clanblue
He He he....(need i say it?)


Yes.

[The Double]

Call it bias, but I don't see Tottenham going down next year.

[Doctor Stamen]

I don't think Spurs will go down. I think they'll be about 13th or 14th, with Hoddle consulting invisible pixies that only he can see over tactical issues, and Levy granting £3m to buy Adi Akinbyi to strengthen the attacking options.

[Iason]

Originally posted by Doctor Stamen
I don't think Spurs will go down. I think they'll be about 13th or 14th, with Hoddle consulting invisible pixies that only he can see over tactical issues, and Levy granting £3m to buy Adi Akinbyi to strengthen the attacking options.



Really? I wouldve wanted Carsten Jancker. ;)

[Doctor Stamen]

Nah, He'll nearly sign for Spurs.