Are pushy parents ruining the beautiful game?

[Footballer]

I saw this today on the BBC website and wanted to share it with you all.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/sport2/hi/football/6432431.stm

[LoewenBoy]

I am 13 and stopped playing last season because it was not fun anymore. Adults had a 'them and us' policy and swore at the kids if we mucked up. Why can't football be more like rugby, with mixed crowds who applaud players on any side?
Reading this one has to wonder how stupid we are as parents sometimes. I know our parents did a better job raising us than to act like this. In another thread here (http://www.bigsoccer.com/forum/showpost.php?p=11054443&postcount=49) we got off topic on this very subject. Why do so few parents take the high-road? This is a weekly problem. How to stop it?

I have told my parents to treat the CR and ARs in youth games as if it was THEIR son doing the match. For my U8 team we recently held a cocktail party for the parents so we could informally disuss the LOTG and their misconceptions. The result? Two of my most vocal fathers - who are saints compared to the parents depicted in the link above - went from vocal fans to calm observers. They merely cheer now with no critique of the match.

[DerbyRam54]

I watched a U-16 girls premier match this weekend. I was surprised to hear a parent urge (presumably) his daughter to bring down an opponent who was dribbling at pace into the penalty area. Either his daughter didn't hear him or was smart enough to know that a foul in that situation would probably see her sent off, and nothing untoward took place.
Would that parent encourage misbehaviour in his child in any other context? Tell her to cheat in an exam? Not bother paying for things in a store if the line at the checkout is long?
Why do people behave like this in the context of a football match?
When I was growing up in England, football was more or less as the Beeb piece suggests: kids organising themselves, small-sided games, self-refereeing, no coaches, no parents. Did it make us great players? No, but it taught us some useful lessons. We didn't kick each other, why would we kick our friends? We didn't need a ref, we came to play, not to argue, and we developed ways of mediating the disputes that arose. Our playing skills developed, but more important, so did our social skills.
There are definite pluses to youth soccer today, but there are also some serious negatives, IMHO.

[refmike]

I have been in this game for many (more than 40) years now and I think things are getting better. Putting both teams on one sideline and spectators on the other, supprisingly enough, did stop the parents from hearing the coach's offhand remarks and echoing them. Requiring the upper level coaches to take referee training has also helped a great deal.

The real problem is that the lower level teams/parents/coaches get the lower level referees so there is no voice of experience to calm them down. A mentoring program might help but I really think the leagues should require the parents to attend a short training session so they can know what is allowed and what is not. The USSF video called "Myths of the Game" would be a good start, especailly if it were updated. Just reminding the parents that this is a contact sport AND a team sport would do some good, also.

[Footballer]

Re: what RefMike mentioned above ... that coaches/players on one side and parents on the other ... I was at the PDT tournament in Arizona last month ... awesome tournament, loads of fun ... but for that tournament, players/coaches/parents were on the SAME side. It was extremely difficult and awkward to referee this way - particularly when you are the AR.

I'm sure in other states, you all have a "silent weekend" as well which to me doesn't quite solve anything either.

The one thing I would say is that as you ref older kids, I give kudos to these kids who have played more than a few years and completely ignore whatever is said off the field and just get on with the game. Because of that, I try to do even better for them and ignore everything else - unless someone invades the pitch!

[ctsoccer13]

My town separates the coaches/players from the parents on the sidelines. Unfortunately some of the other towns we play at don't follow the same guidelines so I usually end up talking to the referee before the game to have the parents moved (if possible). Under some circumstances I absolutely allow parents to be on the same side, but it isn't preferred. We also have the Silent Sidelines and I love it. But again, not all towns have it. Last year we had a home game and I was explaining to my parents the "rules" for silent sidelines when a parent from the other team told me that under no circumstance would she "obey my stupid rule". I explained to her that it's a Connecticut Junior Soccer Assocation policy and that if she didn't follow the policy that the referee had the authority to eject her from the game. Needless to say she babbled on some more and I basically walked away from the situation. About 30 minutes into the game a board member from our club had to go over to her and explain that she was about 5 minutes from being ejected because people could hear her from the other fields and wanted her to shut up. I just sat quietly on my side and smiled.

[LoewenBoy]

The one thing I would say is that as you ref older kids, I give kudos to these kids who have played more than a few years and completely ignore whatever is said off the field and just get on with the game. Because of that, I try to do even better for them and ignore everything else - unless someone invades the pitch!
ROFL. So true. This past weekend in a U19 girls match a player on the white team was taken down from behind by a player from the red team right in front of the parents (dead-on midfield, 5 feet from touch). This woman in the stands jumps up and yells at me "come on ref you have to stop stuff like that!" The girl who was fouled jumped up and said, "Shut up, mom. He can only call the fouls he cannot prevent them from happening!":D I sent off the red player for the tackle from behind, then took the white player aside, away from the parents and told her to ignore the sidelines as I do. The red parents wanted her to get a caution for her words but, given the situation, I choose have selective in that situation.:D Got to love the wisdom of kids.

[Rufusabc]

I am in the last weeks of my coaching career as my younger daughter will move to a higher level next year (outside of my coaching abilities), I wish I had found this site years ago! I am a much better coach for reading and listening and posting here. Maybe not in tactics, but in player management.

I had knee surgery in the winter, and I will call my first games since surgery this coming weekend. I'll be a little slower, but I think reading all winter long on this site and others has helped uderstand the reasons why people act the way they do on the playing fields, in the stands, and on the sidelines.

I have told my players this year to be polite and patient, and the wins will come, and I have told our parents that the motto is Be Positive, as it is the last year for a lot of them playing competitively.

The more we talk about it the better off the game will be.

R

[saabrian]

Indeed. Coached an U17 indoor game last night. Other team was being goonish, dirty and mouthy as usual. To my shock (ahem), their coach was given a red card for berating the ref and one of the players as well. I was disappointed we lost 1-0, because I hate losing to teams that play like that, dirty and with no class, but I'm proud my kids maintained their cool, more bemused than anything else. I was walking in the parking lot with one of my parents and one of the other team's parents started talking trash at us. The apple doesn't fall far from the tree, does it.

[LoewenBoy]

The apple doesn't fall far from the tree, does it.
I saw on TV yesterday that there is a church in the midwest that has started a new campaign. Members are wearing purple rubber bracelets as a reminder not to complain, etc. The goal it to do it for 21 days. If you break your streak, you have to put the band on the other arm and start over. It has spread far and wide with nearly 2 million people wearing them. I was thinking of ordering several thousand for our local YSA.:D Maybe they will make purple duct tape with the same goal?

[whitehound]

Re: what RefMike mentioned above ... that coaches/players on one side and parents on the other ... I was at the PDT tournament in Arizona last month ... awesome tournament, loads of fun ... but for that tournament, players/coaches/parents were on the SAME side. It was extremely difficult and awkward to referee this way - particularly when you are the AR.

I'm sure in other states, you all have a "silent weekend" as well which to me doesn't quite solve anything either.

The one thing I would say is that as you ref older kids, I give kudos to these kids who have played more than a few years and completely ignore whatever is said off the field and just get on with the game. Because of that, I try to do even better for them and ignore everything else - unless someone invades the pitch!

There are good reasons for spliting the teams. Having both coaches on the same side of the field meeting in the middle can lead to altercations. I worked for a league in michigan that split the teams to opposite sides to prevent Fans from mixing and argiung...also the coach for the team was available to assist with stupid parents. I liked it and found the coaches mostly helpful, especially since the coaches all had liscences. dont discount it.

[njref]

There are good reasons for spliting the teams. Having both coaches on the same side of the field meeting in the middle can lead to altercations. I worked for a league in michigan that split the teams to opposite sides to prevent Fans from mixing and argiung...also the coach for the team was available to assist with stupid parents. I liked it and found the coaches mostly helpful, especially since the coaches all had liscences. dont discount it.

You can argue it either way. The way I see it, the game is for the kids. Since the biggest problem is the fans, put the fans away from the kids. For older players, put the teams on opposite sides.

When I coached, I loved it when our youth league changed to fans on one side and I didn't have to listen to the yapping any more.

It is true that a good coach nearby might reduce that yapping, but a bad coach will make it 10x worse.

[DadOf6]

There are good reasons for spliting the teams. Having both coaches on the same side of the field meeting in the middle can lead to altercations. I worked for a league in michigan that split the teams to opposite sides to prevent Fans from mixing and argiung...also the coach for the team was available to assist with stupid parents. I liked it and found the coaches mostly helpful, especially since the coaches all had liscences. dont discount it.

Utah Youth Soccer has instituted a new sideline policy. The teams and their fans are on the same side of the field. The team bench is on the AR's end and fans are on the other end. The fans and teams must sit six feet back from the touchline and 10 yards from the midfield line.

[mw26]

Utah Youth Soccer has instituted a new sideline policy. The teams and their fans are on the same side of the field. The team bench is on the AR's end and fans are on the other end. The fans and teams must sit six feet back from the touchline and 10 yards from the midfield line.

i was going to mention this one....but i forgot the particulars :o thanks!

i personally don't like it, but thats just cuz its too complicated, and i can't see the (not always brilliant) attendees being able to figure it out.

i also would hate it as a coach, as i HATE "coaching" from the parents, and I'd certainly hate "friendly advice" from the parents.

on the other hand, I love it as an AR. I don't like how I feel when I have one team directly behind me. One way or the other, I feel like one of the two might be getting jobbed, or at least feel like it. At least this way, each team has their own AR. and as bad as the coaches can be, we have more authority over them, and now no one has to deal with the parents.

unfortunately, due to a luggage snafu, I don't have my kit, so I might not get to try the new system out :(

[IASocFan]

How does the Utah system work when the CR runs a right diagonal. In Iowa, I frequently run right diagonals because it keeps my ARs out of the muck of the overused touchline or just to show I can do it.

[mw26]

ain't been here long enough. never seen one

[LoewenBoy]

Utah Youth Soccer has instituted a new sideline policy. The teams and their fans are on the same side of the field. The team bench is on the AR's end and fans are on the other end. The fans and teams must sit six feet back from the touchline and 10 yards from the midfield line.
What happens when you run a right? Then you have the parents behind you.:D :D That would REALLY screw up their system.

[mw26]

they couldn't just switch the orientation of the teams?

[nonya]

Dont run the opposite way just to show you can. A national assessor dinged my center just today at our state cup tournament just for that. At the higher levels the players will expect you to run the correct way.

Fans on one side, teams on the other.


You dont know how many times I have had teams on both sides and have a parent complain because one of the other team's fans was watching the game from "their" side of the field.

[LoewenBoy]

Dont run the opposite way just to show you can. A national assessor dinged my center just today at our state cup tournament just for that. At the higher levels the players will expect you to run the correct way.
I find this amusing in the US. The "correct" way is whichever way you need to run to avoid a potential issue. I think that is what you meant.