Birminghammer
11 Jan 2007, 08:46 AM
ESSEX HURRICANE APPEAL
>
>A major hurricane (Hurricane Shazza) and earthquake measuring 5.8 on
>the Richter Scale hit Essex in the early hours of Friday with its
>epicentre in Basildon.
>
>
>
>Victims were seen wandering around aimlessly, muttering "Faaackinell".
>
>
>
>The hurricane decimated the area causing approximately £30 worth of
>damage. Several priceless collections of mementos from Majorca and the
>Costa Del Sol were damaged beyond economic repair.
>
>
>
>Three areas of historic burnt out cars were disturbed. Many locals were
>woken well before their giros arrived. Essex FM reported that hundreds
>of residents were confused and bewildered and were still trying to come
>to terms with the fact that something interesting had happened in
>Basildon.
>
>
>
>One resident - Sharon-Tracy Smith, a 15-year-old mother of 5 said, "It
>was such a shock, my little Chardonnay-Mercedes came running into my
>bedroom, crying! My youngest two, Chardonnay-Mercedes and
>Chardonnay-Mercedes slept through it all. I was still shaking when I
>was skinning up and watching Trisha the next morning." A reporter
>enquired if the other 2 children were also called Chardonnay-Mercedes,
>on learning the news that this was the case, the mother explained that
>she used the children's surnames when calling them to avoid confusion.
>
>
>
>Apparently looting, muggings and car crime were unaffected and carried
>on as normal.
>
>
>
>The British Red Cross has so far managed to ship 4,000 crates of Sunny
>Delight to the area to help the stricken locals. Rescue workers are
>still searching through the rubble and have found large quantities of
>personal belongings, including benefit books, jewellery from Elizabeth
>Duke at Argos and Bone China from Pound-land.
>
>
>
>HOW CAN YOU HELP?
>
>
>
>This appeal is to raise money for food and clothing parcels for those
>unfortunate enough to be caught up in this disaster. Clothing is most
>sought after - items most needed include:
>
>
>
>Fila or Burberry baseball caps
>
>Kappa tracksuit tops (his and hers)
>
>Shell suits (female)
>
>White sport socks
>
>Rockport boots
>
>Any other items usually sold in Primark.
>
>
>
>
>
>Food parcels may be harder to come by, but are needed all the same.
>
>
>
>Required foodstuffs include:
>
>
>
>Microwave meals, Tins of baked beans, Ice cream, Cans of Colt 45 or
>Special Brew. 22p buys a biro for filling in the compensation forms.
>£2 buys chips, crisps and blue fizzy drinks for a family of 9. £5 buys
>B&H and a lighter to calm the nerves of those affected.
>
>
>
>
>
>**Breaking news**
>
>
>
>Rescue workers found a girl in the rubble smothered in raspberry
>alco-pop. 'Where are you bleeding from?' they asked," ROMFORD" said
>the girl, "woss that gotta do wiv you?
>
>
>
>Please don't forward this to anyone living in Essex - oh, sod it, they
>won't be able to read it, anyway.
>
>
>A major hurricane (Hurricane Shazza) and earthquake measuring 5.8 on
>the Richter Scale hit Essex in the early hours of Friday with its
>epicentre in Basildon.
>
>
>
>Victims were seen wandering around aimlessly, muttering "Faaackinell".
>
>
>
>The hurricane decimated the area causing approximately £30 worth of
>damage. Several priceless collections of mementos from Majorca and the
>Costa Del Sol were damaged beyond economic repair.
>
>
>
>Three areas of historic burnt out cars were disturbed. Many locals were
>woken well before their giros arrived. Essex FM reported that hundreds
>of residents were confused and bewildered and were still trying to come
>to terms with the fact that something interesting had happened in
>Basildon.
>
>
>
>One resident - Sharon-Tracy Smith, a 15-year-old mother of 5 said, "It
>was such a shock, my little Chardonnay-Mercedes came running into my
>bedroom, crying! My youngest two, Chardonnay-Mercedes and
>Chardonnay-Mercedes slept through it all. I was still shaking when I
>was skinning up and watching Trisha the next morning." A reporter
>enquired if the other 2 children were also called Chardonnay-Mercedes,
>on learning the news that this was the case, the mother explained that
>she used the children's surnames when calling them to avoid confusion.
>
>
>
>Apparently looting, muggings and car crime were unaffected and carried
>on as normal.
>
>
>
>The British Red Cross has so far managed to ship 4,000 crates of Sunny
>Delight to the area to help the stricken locals. Rescue workers are
>still searching through the rubble and have found large quantities of
>personal belongings, including benefit books, jewellery from Elizabeth
>Duke at Argos and Bone China from Pound-land.
>
>
>
>HOW CAN YOU HELP?
>
>
>
>This appeal is to raise money for food and clothing parcels for those
>unfortunate enough to be caught up in this disaster. Clothing is most
>sought after - items most needed include:
>
>
>
>Fila or Burberry baseball caps
>
>Kappa tracksuit tops (his and hers)
>
>Shell suits (female)
>
>White sport socks
>
>Rockport boots
>
>Any other items usually sold in Primark.
>
>
>
>
>
>Food parcels may be harder to come by, but are needed all the same.
>
>
>
>Required foodstuffs include:
>
>
>
>Microwave meals, Tins of baked beans, Ice cream, Cans of Colt 45 or
>Special Brew. 22p buys a biro for filling in the compensation forms.
>£2 buys chips, crisps and blue fizzy drinks for a family of 9. £5 buys
>B&H and a lighter to calm the nerves of those affected.
>
>
>
>
>
>**Breaking news**
>
>
>
>Rescue workers found a girl in the rubble smothered in raspberry
>alco-pop. 'Where are you bleeding from?' they asked," ROMFORD" said
>the girl, "woss that gotta do wiv you?
>
>
>
>Please don't forward this to anyone living in Essex - oh, sod it, they
>won't be able to read it, anyway.
>