Marriage

[Toon³]

Ok, I know this forum is aimed mainly at parenting and families but this thread has a question that effects both.

I am currently set to be married on Febuary 25th and my problem is that I'm currenty bricking it.

For those of you who don't have the pleasure of knowing me I am currently 22 and my fiancee is 26 and we have an amazing 5 month old daughter together. We live together and have done for the last 4 years. I love her, more than I thought I could and I couldn't see myself with anyone else.

BUT! I'm scared of marrying her. It's an irrational fear because I know that marrying her is the best thing I could ever do with my life.

So basically my questions is, has anyone else ever felt like this and if so what did you do?

[Belgian guy]

Hi there. Congratulations on your upcoming nuptials.

I got married myself a little over two months ago. I was together with my girl for a little over five years before that.

Seems like nothing more than some pre-marital jitters. Most people go through them. The weird thing is, I never had any doubts before getting engaged. Somehow, the idea of marriage inspires people to re-evaluate their relationship, regardless of it's quality.

The way I see it, you love her, you've been with her your entire adult life, you have a child together and you couldn't imagine your life without her. I'd say marrying the girl makes sense, wouldn't you? :)

[Ringo]

why are you scared? are you scared about the responsibility? because if that's the case, you'll be fine. just go for it.
are you scared about never being single again? if so, I don't miss it. I don't miss the hassles and all that other crap. maybe it's just me, but this is so much better.

is there anything specifcally that you're worried about? have you tried discussing it with her?

best of luck. :)

[Sachin]

So basically my questions is, has anyone else ever felt like this and if so what did you do?

It's called being normal. Don't sweat it. If you need to, talk to someone you trust like a parent, clergy or counseler at school, if you're in school.

If there is something specific, like lots of weekends in Vegas with "the girls" that bothers you, bring it up with her. But generalized anxiety about the future isn't a cause for alarm.

Sachin

[GringoTex]

Don't do it. Most marriages end in divorce and most children disappoint their parents. You're only 22. You still have a future. Getting married is surrendering your dreams to mediocrity. Kick their asses to the curb and go drinking tonight.

[firstshirt]

I knew my wife for about a year, dated for about 2 months then got married....that was 21 years and two days ago. We have 3 daughters and now a grandson. I knew she was the girl for me, I did not need a long engagement. It felt right so we got married. If it feels right in your heart and you know its right in your head then there is nothing to be scared of

[Sachin]

Don't do it. Most marriages end in divorce and most children disappoint their parents. You're only 22. You still have a future. Getting married is surrendering your dreams to mediocrity. Kick their asses to the curb and go drinking tonight.

Damn.. how did Mrs. GringoTex get GringoTex's password?

[GringoTex]

Damn.. how did Mrs. GringoTex get GringoTex's password?

Mrs. GringoTex is on my shitlist right now for a bunch of Halloween bullshit, so excuse me while I express some revenge fantasies.

As I was saying, marriage is just one big contest to see who has to consume the most mind-altering substances to get through the damn thing. And at the finish line is a limp dick and a social security check.

[bigredfutbol]

Mrs. GringoTex is on my shitlist right now for a bunch of Halloween bullshit, so excuse me while I express some revenge fantasies.

I am so happy my wife has ZERO interest in holiday decor.

As I was saying, marriage is just one big contest to see who has to consume the most mind-altering substances to get through the damn thing.

I am SO winning this race.

And at the finish line is a limp dick and a social security check.

Social Security will still be around when I'm old and limp-dicked? AWESOME.

[Ringo]

I wonder what Mrs. GringoTex is saying right now on BigQuiltingBee.com.

[Dante]

I had some jitters too, but my wife and I didn't move in with each other until we got married. Hell, after my dad got sick I moved back home so I was living there until I got married and she lived at her parents too.

If you love her and can't imagine being with anyone else then that right there is telling you that she's the one.

[Lizzie Bee]

For those of you who don't have the pleasure of knowing me I am currently 22 and my fiancee is 26 and we have an amazing 5 month old daughter together. We live together and have done for the last 4 years. I love her, more than I thought I could and I couldn't see myself with anyone else.

Call me crazy, but I think the hardest part of marriage is just getting used to living with each other day in and day out--putting up with each other's quirks, cleaning up after each other, negotiating schedules together, realizing that even the person you love passes gas... you know, just normal life. That's what makes the honeymoon period turn into Real Life.

You've lived together for four years and you're STILL in love! I'd say you don't have anything to worry about.

If you have specific concerns like "Who will handle the finances? Should we get a combined checking account now? What will happen to the kid(s) if we get divorced?" then just talk about it with your girl. It'll bring you closer together (after the angry arguments are done, that is...;)) and it'll give you a better idea of whether or not you can really live together long term. If you don't have any specific worries, then get a babysitter and get out with just the two of you to relax and remember why you're together in the first place. :)

[Toon³]

Thanks for the reasuring words.

I think my main concerns are that I see getting married as the final nail in the coffin for my youth. I know this is the best thing I can do and that I want to spend the rest of my life with her so my fears are stupid.

But it's good to see I'm not the only one who got the jitters.

[Matt in the Hat]

Thanks for the reasuring words.

I think my main concerns are that I see getting married as the final nail in the coffin for my youth. I know this is the best thing I can do and that I want to spend the rest of my life with her so my fears are stupid.

But it's good to see I'm not the only one who got the jitters.
That is stupid. You can still be young and married.


Well, if she lets you...

[Ringo]

I think my main concerns are that I see getting married as the final nail in the coffin for my youth.


I think you'll be surprised how quickly you'll be glad to be rid of some of that stuff. being grown up is cool, too.

and like Matt in the Hatt said, you can still be young. I drove to LA for a concert a year ago with a friend. I still play soccer on Sunday mornings, see movies with friends. There's room for both, and in my experience, having a life outside of the marriage can help strengthen the marriage.

I think you'll be fine. don't worry about what you're leaving behind. focus on what you're gaining.

[Own Goal Hat-Trick]

Don't do it. Most marriages end in divorce and most children disappoint their parents. You're only 22. You still have a future. Getting married is surrendering your dreams to mediocrity. Kick their asses to the curb and go drinking tonight.

*high five*

[_chachi]

don't worry about what you're leaving behind. focus on what you're gaining.

so true.

[bigredfutbol]

So basically my questions is, has anyone else ever felt like this and if so what did you do?

It's totally normal to feel this way. I did, and I was 30 years old when we finally got married. We'd been living together for over a year and had a very young son whe we finally tied the knot. Did I have doubts? Second thoughts? You bet.

8 years later, we're still together. And we're still best friends, and we still love each other.

Getting married CHANGES things, no doubt about it. But if you love each other AND you're willing to work at staying honest and open with each other, you'll find that it changes for the better.

[russ]

Marriage is great-I liked it so much I'm doing it again!

Just with the right girl this time.

[dj43]

There is a difference between being "young" and being responsible. My wife is constantly referring to me as "a big kid," especially when the grandkids are around. :D But I think I do fine on the other score as well.

Making a public commitment of your intention to the vows of marriage is a huge step in responsibility and maturity, though it is grossly under-rated, and even kicked to the curb by some. But in the end, your reservations are normal.

On another score, you have a child who will benefit greatly by the commitment you and your girl will be making to provide a stable, consistent environment for the future. Though just "getting married" does not, in and of itself, guarantee that, it is a step that will enhance the possibilities.

If I could offer you one bit of advice that I have learned from a first marriage that lasted 16 years but was never very successful, and then a second that has now been the 5+ best years of my life, it would be that you talk often, early, late, about anything and everything. Learning to listen and trust each other through conversation and daily expressions of hope, concern, joy and future fulfillment is the sustaining portion of our life together.

We have this little routine that we do every morning. My wife is a school teacher while I am self-employed. Hence she has a very regular schedule while mine is my own to make. So I get up when she gets up. I make the morning coffee and we spend 15-20 minutes just sitting and talking about whatever is on our minds. That just keeps us so well connected that I couldn't imagine any other way.

We are also both people of the same faith and that is also a great connection that keeps us very centered as well.

Best of luck to you. You will soon find that as life changes, it gets better. It will not be without problems, it never is. But there is nothing greater in life than sharing it in a fully commited way.