Matrim55
17 Aug 2006, 11:44 AM
The hate is back.
It never left, really, but for the past year there was something worth hating more than DC United. It was Alexi Lalas. He caused my team more pain, set us back further on and off the field than any loss or series of losses could have. The big, red-haired assclown may have bought us free beer, but he'd have done us a bigger favor by giving us cyanide-tainted Sierra Mist or heavy doses of oxycontin in preparation for his tenure. Charlie Stillatano was stupid. Nick Sackiewicz was delusional. Alexi was both. And he was a liar, a bad liar, to boot. Even his BFF Waldo said as much.
So for the past year my hate, which is substantial, was directed not at traditional rival - yes, RBNY and DC are rivals, though more in the way of Ike and Tina rather than, say, Notre Dame/Michigan - but at one man. A man who'd bought me and my friends beer. That says something.
But it's all gone now. Ok, that's a lie; it'll never be gone. I still hate Lalas with a passion and want to see him fail at every step in his career. If he hadn't had the good fortune to hire a competent coach and luck into the best player in the league, I'm sure he'd already have done for the Galaxy what he did for San Jose (fold) or Metro (sold). And that would have been so, so sweet. But as long as Yallop and Donovan are there, the Galaxy will be competitive.
And I'm sort of ok with that. I have strong faith that Lalas will get his comeuppance, which he deserves as much for his lying, grandstanding pomposity as he does for Woodland, Jet Lag, and Ginger. If you're wondering, those are his three studio albums with his band "The Gypsies". I've never listened to so much as a note, but I feel comfortable proclaiming them satan-inspired a-tonal anti-music best launched into the sun a la the world's nuclear arsenal in Superman IV.
The reason I don't hate Lalas anymore is simple: There's too many positives going on with RBNY right now to be negative. I never thought I'd say it, but it's true. Bruce Arena may have proved himself to be less than a great coach in Germany this past summer, but his previous 20 years proved him to be more than just an above-average soccer mind. His recent, excellent Grant Wahl interview may have been bitter and vindictive, but he was typically spot-on. Suddenly my club has ownership with a plan, and a guy who's had as much success coaching as anyone in the history of North American soccer (yes, you read that correctly) steering. So, no time for hate, now. I'm taking my cues from Il Bruce. I'm now smugly, arrogantly confident.
So now that I'm not busy hating Alexi Lalas 24 hours a day anymore, I can go back to doing what Metro fans do best: Hating DC United. They were always the polar opposite of us (save for the Rongen years), in that they found, nurtured, developed and kept young American talent. They made smart moves with their SI slots, had a dedicated, intelligent front office, and the two best coaches in league history.
We, on the other hand, had giant dogs with plastic ********ing bowler hats and Sasha Curcic. We had forwards who rarely scored, and when they did dedicated it to incarcerated Colombian drug lords. We had a guy who was an all-time MLS first-11 talent in Clint Mathis. Three years in Jersey turned him into a beer league fatty.
They had Jaime Moreno, the best player in league history until he blew out his back. So they offloaded him to us for a year, a season he spent in the stands with his ridiculously hot wife watching a young, promising Metro team recover from the Mess Octavio Zambrano left. At the end of the season everyone thought he was done, so when DC offered... geez, I don't even remember. Was it a bag of chips and yearlong subscription to Maxim? Anyway, when DC offered anything, we were more than happy to see the back of Jaime. He was a wobbling, not even walking, corpse at that point. Naturally he led them to the championship the next season and has been a paragon of physical fitness since.
So I hate DC United. I hate their pompous, fat, ignorant fans, their ChiCom-run board here at BigSoccer, and the horse they rode in on. I hate Ben Olsen, Freddy Adu, Jaime Moreno and that little rat Eskandarian.
And for the first time, I have confidence that they'll have reason to hate us back.
In closing, I'd like to leave you with this image of the two respective fanbases. That'd be Metro on the left and DC on the right. Which one looks more likely to have a worthwhile future?
http://www.theuberfall.com/images/metrodc1.jpg
It never left, really, but for the past year there was something worth hating more than DC United. It was Alexi Lalas. He caused my team more pain, set us back further on and off the field than any loss or series of losses could have. The big, red-haired assclown may have bought us free beer, but he'd have done us a bigger favor by giving us cyanide-tainted Sierra Mist or heavy doses of oxycontin in preparation for his tenure. Charlie Stillatano was stupid. Nick Sackiewicz was delusional. Alexi was both. And he was a liar, a bad liar, to boot. Even his BFF Waldo said as much.
So for the past year my hate, which is substantial, was directed not at traditional rival - yes, RBNY and DC are rivals, though more in the way of Ike and Tina rather than, say, Notre Dame/Michigan - but at one man. A man who'd bought me and my friends beer. That says something.
But it's all gone now. Ok, that's a lie; it'll never be gone. I still hate Lalas with a passion and want to see him fail at every step in his career. If he hadn't had the good fortune to hire a competent coach and luck into the best player in the league, I'm sure he'd already have done for the Galaxy what he did for San Jose (fold) or Metro (sold). And that would have been so, so sweet. But as long as Yallop and Donovan are there, the Galaxy will be competitive.
And I'm sort of ok with that. I have strong faith that Lalas will get his comeuppance, which he deserves as much for his lying, grandstanding pomposity as he does for Woodland, Jet Lag, and Ginger. If you're wondering, those are his three studio albums with his band "The Gypsies". I've never listened to so much as a note, but I feel comfortable proclaiming them satan-inspired a-tonal anti-music best launched into the sun a la the world's nuclear arsenal in Superman IV.
The reason I don't hate Lalas anymore is simple: There's too many positives going on with RBNY right now to be negative. I never thought I'd say it, but it's true. Bruce Arena may have proved himself to be less than a great coach in Germany this past summer, but his previous 20 years proved him to be more than just an above-average soccer mind. His recent, excellent Grant Wahl interview may have been bitter and vindictive, but he was typically spot-on. Suddenly my club has ownership with a plan, and a guy who's had as much success coaching as anyone in the history of North American soccer (yes, you read that correctly) steering. So, no time for hate, now. I'm taking my cues from Il Bruce. I'm now smugly, arrogantly confident.
So now that I'm not busy hating Alexi Lalas 24 hours a day anymore, I can go back to doing what Metro fans do best: Hating DC United. They were always the polar opposite of us (save for the Rongen years), in that they found, nurtured, developed and kept young American talent. They made smart moves with their SI slots, had a dedicated, intelligent front office, and the two best coaches in league history.
We, on the other hand, had giant dogs with plastic ********ing bowler hats and Sasha Curcic. We had forwards who rarely scored, and when they did dedicated it to incarcerated Colombian drug lords. We had a guy who was an all-time MLS first-11 talent in Clint Mathis. Three years in Jersey turned him into a beer league fatty.
They had Jaime Moreno, the best player in league history until he blew out his back. So they offloaded him to us for a year, a season he spent in the stands with his ridiculously hot wife watching a young, promising Metro team recover from the Mess Octavio Zambrano left. At the end of the season everyone thought he was done, so when DC offered... geez, I don't even remember. Was it a bag of chips and yearlong subscription to Maxim? Anyway, when DC offered anything, we were more than happy to see the back of Jaime. He was a wobbling, not even walking, corpse at that point. Naturally he led them to the championship the next season and has been a paragon of physical fitness since.
So I hate DC United. I hate their pompous, fat, ignorant fans, their ChiCom-run board here at BigSoccer, and the horse they rode in on. I hate Ben Olsen, Freddy Adu, Jaime Moreno and that little rat Eskandarian.
And for the first time, I have confidence that they'll have reason to hate us back.
In closing, I'd like to leave you with this image of the two respective fanbases. That'd be Metro on the left and DC on the right. Which one looks more likely to have a worthwhile future?
http://www.theuberfall.com/images/metrodc1.jpg