Dan Loney
25 Jun 2006, 03:57 AM
Reason ten trillion not to have MLS play during the World Cup.
Let's say, for the sake of argument, that you just watched your team perform in the World Cup like it was sponsored by the American Kennel Club. In most nations, you would have a proper interval to digest this tragedy. And then, you would be able to reorient yourself back to club loyalty. Not only that, but every fan would get the benefit of preseason hope. No matter how sad or useless your club actually is, you would still be able to hope that this season would be the miracle year.
If, on the other hand - and once again, I'm speaking purely hypothetically - that your favorite club is mired deep in last place while putting on performances worthy of Leonard Pinth-Garnell. Where, then, would such a fan turn? Drugs? Alcohol? Hockey? Anime?
Even for fans whose club lives may be going well, let's face it. Watching club soccer immediately after the World Cup is, in the words of the late Michael O'Donoghue, like looking at pictures of naked women after having an orgasm. Consider the San Jose Earthquakes fans who made the trek down to look at their ex-players. Sure, the Dynamo coaches and players made sure to thank them for their support - the Quakes fans would have been within their rights to rush the field if they hadn't. But this great little example of club loyalty will be unjustly masked by the aftermath of the World Cup.
You might be saying at this point, "Golly," or something to that effect, "is there any reason whatsoever for MLS to have kept playing during the World Cup?" The answer is yes.
They chose tonight's game at the Home Depot Center as background for the next season of "The Apprentice." For those of you outside the United States who aren't aware of "The Apprentice," relax - no one in the US cares about it anymore either. I'm actually the last guy in the country who watches the show. It's like when I saw the Paul Provenza season of "Northern Exposure" - it was flattering thinking that they made an entire television show just for me.
But there was Donald Trump and everything, taking in the Major League Soccer experience. Which, tonight, was as listless as any Galaxy game I have ever seen, and I have seen literally hundreds. Naturally, it was 0-0. The United States was booted out of the World Cup two days before. Mexico was booted out that very morning. The Galaxy have been utterly unwatchable since last November in any case. What, exactly, were they expecting?
I would have liked to have been the one at AEG who took Mark Burnett's call asking for permission to film. "Wait, you actually expect a professional soccer team to be in business the last week of June? Are you that ignorant? Why would you even want soccer to be a part of your show if you know that freaking little about the sport? You're calling me up and saying you're unaware of the World Cup? Why are you wasting my time with this? Nah, I'm just kidding, we'll be playing. The 24th work for you?"
So the couple hundred thousand people still watching "The Apprentice" will say, "Huh. There's a soccer league." And the couple hundred thousand people watching regular season MLS will say, "Huh. Apprentice is still on." Had MLS taken a break during the World Cup, they would have missed this magnificent opportunity.
I do have to share this story. One unfortunate production assistant came up to the Riot Squad member known as "Sam's Army Grunt," and was asked to sign a release form. "Go pound sand," she was told. By far the highlight of the evening.
Let's say, for the sake of argument, that you just watched your team perform in the World Cup like it was sponsored by the American Kennel Club. In most nations, you would have a proper interval to digest this tragedy. And then, you would be able to reorient yourself back to club loyalty. Not only that, but every fan would get the benefit of preseason hope. No matter how sad or useless your club actually is, you would still be able to hope that this season would be the miracle year.
If, on the other hand - and once again, I'm speaking purely hypothetically - that your favorite club is mired deep in last place while putting on performances worthy of Leonard Pinth-Garnell. Where, then, would such a fan turn? Drugs? Alcohol? Hockey? Anime?
Even for fans whose club lives may be going well, let's face it. Watching club soccer immediately after the World Cup is, in the words of the late Michael O'Donoghue, like looking at pictures of naked women after having an orgasm. Consider the San Jose Earthquakes fans who made the trek down to look at their ex-players. Sure, the Dynamo coaches and players made sure to thank them for their support - the Quakes fans would have been within their rights to rush the field if they hadn't. But this great little example of club loyalty will be unjustly masked by the aftermath of the World Cup.
You might be saying at this point, "Golly," or something to that effect, "is there any reason whatsoever for MLS to have kept playing during the World Cup?" The answer is yes.
They chose tonight's game at the Home Depot Center as background for the next season of "The Apprentice." For those of you outside the United States who aren't aware of "The Apprentice," relax - no one in the US cares about it anymore either. I'm actually the last guy in the country who watches the show. It's like when I saw the Paul Provenza season of "Northern Exposure" - it was flattering thinking that they made an entire television show just for me.
But there was Donald Trump and everything, taking in the Major League Soccer experience. Which, tonight, was as listless as any Galaxy game I have ever seen, and I have seen literally hundreds. Naturally, it was 0-0. The United States was booted out of the World Cup two days before. Mexico was booted out that very morning. The Galaxy have been utterly unwatchable since last November in any case. What, exactly, were they expecting?
I would have liked to have been the one at AEG who took Mark Burnett's call asking for permission to film. "Wait, you actually expect a professional soccer team to be in business the last week of June? Are you that ignorant? Why would you even want soccer to be a part of your show if you know that freaking little about the sport? You're calling me up and saying you're unaware of the World Cup? Why are you wasting my time with this? Nah, I'm just kidding, we'll be playing. The 24th work for you?"
So the couple hundred thousand people still watching "The Apprentice" will say, "Huh. There's a soccer league." And the couple hundred thousand people watching regular season MLS will say, "Huh. Apprentice is still on." Had MLS taken a break during the World Cup, they would have missed this magnificent opportunity.
I do have to share this story. One unfortunate production assistant came up to the Riot Squad member known as "Sam's Army Grunt," and was asked to sign a release form. "Go pound sand," she was told. By far the highlight of the evening.