Dan Loney
21 Jun 2006, 11:19 PM
The first rule of blogging is to trash blogs that are more popular than yours, so I'm pleased to be able to complain about the ussoccer.com blog entries about what was apparently the greatest prank ever played.
http://www.ussoccer.com/articles/viewArticle.jsp_280957.html
Wow. That was a classic. At dinner tonight the entire coaching staff pulled a pretty substantive prank on one of the team's administrative staff. We can't tell you who or what, but we can tell you it lasted for a full hour and the person in question was completely fooled. He clearly did not enjoy his dinner as the "news" of the prank was bandied about by his co-workers and the coaching staff throughout his meal. The well-orchestrated ruse stopped for a few moments while Bruce addressed the team to lay out the schedule for the next two days, then resumed as the room began to empty. By the time the truth was revealed (by Bruce, no less), I'm pretty sure the victim was so happy that the entire thing was a joke, that he will sleep very well tonight.
...
Those of us on the staff not the 'victim' of the prank can confirm that the unsuspecting target got completely punk'd. After weeks of extremely hard work, even the sharpest minds can be susceptible to attack, which made the timing all the more perfect. The look on his face was pretty priceless throughout - where are the Studio 90 cameras when you need them? Hats off to Bruce for really keeping the ruse going. The man can already wind people up with the best of them, and the chance to really make someone sweat elevated his game to another level. And to his credit, the victim laughed his you-know-what off when the joke was revealed. But not harder than we did ...
First of all, I'm going to just go ahead and pencil us in for a four or five goal win over Ghana tomorrow morning, if that's all right. I mean, we're all finished with the scouting and the preparations and the tactics and the what-not, obviously.
Second, AT LEAST TELL US WHAT THE FREAKING PRANK WAS! AHHHHHH! What's the point of making the blog post equivalent of Tenacious D's "Tribute"? I'm actually okay with "The team and staff are relaxed and loose before the big showdown." That's actually good news. Good news that looks stupid in retrospect if Ghana cuisinarts the boys tomorrow, but good news nevertheless. So that's pertinent. "OMG I just saw the FUNNIEST THING but I can't tell you about it" is just sadism.
I went to the US Soccer site to enjoy Studio 90, sure, but also to get some idea of who would replace Mastroeni and Pope. I didn't see any reports on whether white or black smoke was rising from the US headquarters.
See, because, when the Pope of the Catholic Church dies, it's customary for the Vatican to burn black smoke, to symbolize the loss, until the College of Cardinals chooses his successor....oh, you got it? You weren't laughing, so I couldn't tell whether you got the joke. You sure you got it? Really? Okay, if you say so.
The Jimmy Conrad bandwagon is picking up steam, so I'm going to hop on while the hopping's good. The other alternatives are Berhalter and Bocanegra. Berhalter's pretty firmly behind Conrad on the depth chart, and Bocanegra seems to be the people's choice at left back ahead of the luckless Eddie Lewis. I've posted elsewhere on why the Koller goal wasn't his freaking fault, but my opinion weighs on the public like a snowflake in a volcano.
I'd like to see Reyna given the d-mid chores, Donovan moved back to midfield, and Eddie Johnson as a second forward. I read somewhere that FIFA allows second forwards. I don't really want to risk O'Brien as a straight-up sub for Mastroeni, because I'm not sold that he's ninety-minutes fit. Putting DaMarcus Beasley at defensive midfield would be delightful, provided we got to see his expression when Arena reads out the lineup. I'm sure Ben Olsen is a wonderful human being and I won't say a word against him, except wow do I not feel warm and fuzzy about putting the whole of American soccer in his shoulders. This is 2006, not 1999.
Ah, you ask, or not, as the case may be, why is Olsen on the roster at all, if not to back up Mastroeni. Beats the heck out of me. I just don't want him to be used in the role for which he was specifically brought to Germany. Yeah, I know, might as well be writing to Santa Claus.
Johnnie Whitehead of USA Today (http://www.usatoday.com/sports/soccer/worldcup/2006-06-20-arena-questions_x.htm) suggests Landon Donovan. I'm not kidding. "That job could fall to Landon Donovan." I think you could go through every man on the roster, one by one, compare them directly and specifically, and not come up with a worse choice for defensive midfield. But then, I bungled a simple trivia question yesterday, and I had Angola winning their group, so I'll have Ivan Denisovich send over a grain of salt for you.
http://www.ussoccer.com/articles/viewArticle.jsp_280957.html
Wow. That was a classic. At dinner tonight the entire coaching staff pulled a pretty substantive prank on one of the team's administrative staff. We can't tell you who or what, but we can tell you it lasted for a full hour and the person in question was completely fooled. He clearly did not enjoy his dinner as the "news" of the prank was bandied about by his co-workers and the coaching staff throughout his meal. The well-orchestrated ruse stopped for a few moments while Bruce addressed the team to lay out the schedule for the next two days, then resumed as the room began to empty. By the time the truth was revealed (by Bruce, no less), I'm pretty sure the victim was so happy that the entire thing was a joke, that he will sleep very well tonight.
...
Those of us on the staff not the 'victim' of the prank can confirm that the unsuspecting target got completely punk'd. After weeks of extremely hard work, even the sharpest minds can be susceptible to attack, which made the timing all the more perfect. The look on his face was pretty priceless throughout - where are the Studio 90 cameras when you need them? Hats off to Bruce for really keeping the ruse going. The man can already wind people up with the best of them, and the chance to really make someone sweat elevated his game to another level. And to his credit, the victim laughed his you-know-what off when the joke was revealed. But not harder than we did ...
First of all, I'm going to just go ahead and pencil us in for a four or five goal win over Ghana tomorrow morning, if that's all right. I mean, we're all finished with the scouting and the preparations and the tactics and the what-not, obviously.
Second, AT LEAST TELL US WHAT THE FREAKING PRANK WAS! AHHHHHH! What's the point of making the blog post equivalent of Tenacious D's "Tribute"? I'm actually okay with "The team and staff are relaxed and loose before the big showdown." That's actually good news. Good news that looks stupid in retrospect if Ghana cuisinarts the boys tomorrow, but good news nevertheless. So that's pertinent. "OMG I just saw the FUNNIEST THING but I can't tell you about it" is just sadism.
I went to the US Soccer site to enjoy Studio 90, sure, but also to get some idea of who would replace Mastroeni and Pope. I didn't see any reports on whether white or black smoke was rising from the US headquarters.
See, because, when the Pope of the Catholic Church dies, it's customary for the Vatican to burn black smoke, to symbolize the loss, until the College of Cardinals chooses his successor....oh, you got it? You weren't laughing, so I couldn't tell whether you got the joke. You sure you got it? Really? Okay, if you say so.
The Jimmy Conrad bandwagon is picking up steam, so I'm going to hop on while the hopping's good. The other alternatives are Berhalter and Bocanegra. Berhalter's pretty firmly behind Conrad on the depth chart, and Bocanegra seems to be the people's choice at left back ahead of the luckless Eddie Lewis. I've posted elsewhere on why the Koller goal wasn't his freaking fault, but my opinion weighs on the public like a snowflake in a volcano.
I'd like to see Reyna given the d-mid chores, Donovan moved back to midfield, and Eddie Johnson as a second forward. I read somewhere that FIFA allows second forwards. I don't really want to risk O'Brien as a straight-up sub for Mastroeni, because I'm not sold that he's ninety-minutes fit. Putting DaMarcus Beasley at defensive midfield would be delightful, provided we got to see his expression when Arena reads out the lineup. I'm sure Ben Olsen is a wonderful human being and I won't say a word against him, except wow do I not feel warm and fuzzy about putting the whole of American soccer in his shoulders. This is 2006, not 1999.
Ah, you ask, or not, as the case may be, why is Olsen on the roster at all, if not to back up Mastroeni. Beats the heck out of me. I just don't want him to be used in the role for which he was specifically brought to Germany. Yeah, I know, might as well be writing to Santa Claus.
Johnnie Whitehead of USA Today (http://www.usatoday.com/sports/soccer/worldcup/2006-06-20-arena-questions_x.htm) suggests Landon Donovan. I'm not kidding. "That job could fall to Landon Donovan." I think you could go through every man on the roster, one by one, compare them directly and specifically, and not come up with a worse choice for defensive midfield. But then, I bungled a simple trivia question yesterday, and I had Angola winning their group, so I'll have Ivan Denisovich send over a grain of salt for you.