New Soccer Wisdom

[olafgb]

Some new knowledge all about soccer: quotes of some more or less prominent people - some intentional, some not.

Christoph Daum [Coach Rapid]: The Austrian soccer got into a difficult situation step by step as many average skilled foreigners were bought. The Club Presidents drive to vacation to the Balaton and return with four waiters.

Thomas Hörster [Coach Leverkusen]: I can't tell you anything about the defensive behaviour of my team, because there was none [after the 1-3 at Newcastle]

Rudi Assauer [GM Schalke]: In the Arena we are the fools of the nation. It is about millions and the referee mistakes are getting more and more. As soon as there is a critical decision, they whistle against us. It seems that we have to demolish this thing.

Werner Lorant [Coach Ahlen]: What should I talk with my players, I'm no parson.

Friedhelm Funkel [Coach Cologne]: FC Bayern is the null-plus-ultra in the German soccer.

Jörg Albertz [got an offer from China]: It has to be cleared whether I can go for a walk with my dog, or if he lands in a saucepan.

Kevin Kuranyi [Stuttgart, on the secret of success]: If we're winning, we're playing soccer on Sundays. If we're losing, we have to go running through the woods.

Newspaper Headline [on Elber, who scored after a flu]: First s*hit, then hit!

Süddeutsche Zeitung [in a news flashback]: Unterhaching vs Saarbrücken 8-0. Goal scorers: Copado, Bugera, Grassow, Rösler, Breitenreiter, Lexa, Schwarz, Strehmel. The ones not scoring: Novak, Straube and Goalie Tremmel. Losers!

Manfred Breuckmann [radio announcer]: Skripnik, now at the own middle line...

Manfred Breuckmann: Hertha BSC and VfL Wolfsburg, the eunuchs of the league - they want, but they can't.

Holger Stanislawski [suspended player, who was co-announcer instead; commenting a pk decision for his team]: The ref really saw it superb. No matter if it was a foul or not.

[panicfc]

Nice collection. Also good to see these sort of things said all over the world.

[Alex_K]

Originally posted by olafgb


Newspaper Headline [on Elber, who scored after a flu]: First s*hit, then hit!



I really want to know what the German headline was !

[olafgb]

Originally posted by Alex_K
I really want to know what the German headline was !

Erst Kacke - dann Hacke

http://www.blutgraetsche.de/dkg/sk/zitateneu.php

[BhoysFC1995]

some funny stuff. question though, is that what they said in german or is it one of those things that makes no sense b/c of the translation.

hilarious btw - first sh!t, then hit

[christopher d]

Originally posted by olafgb
Erst Kacke - dann Hacke

http://www.blutgraetsche.de/dkg/sk/zitateneu.php

It could only be Bild Zeitung...

[olafgb]

An update:

Benno Möhlmann [Coach Bielefeld on the contract poker with Momo Diabang]: How long he still is going to play for us, will be decided by our club, Momo, his three agents, his dad, his future wife and what do I know who else.

Ewald Lienen [Coach Mönchengladbach, entering Bielefeld's press conference room after a game]: What smoker cave is this?

Kevin Kuranyi [being asked what he thought when he heared that he was called up to the NT]: I did not even know that they are playing next week.

Rodolfo Cardoso [Hamburg playmaker, on the question what Zidane has that he does not have]: A bald head.

Rudi Assauer [GM Schalke, two statements on firing Frank Neubarth]:
- I dropped the decision in the night from Saturday to Monday
- We decided to separate when I said we don't go on with you.

Polish TV [on screen text at the EC qualifyer]: Ball possession: Poland 69% Hungary 48%

Andreas Brehme [on the question if he'd still be coach in case of a loss]: If you're asking me crap today, you also don't know if you're still having your job tomorrow.

[BhoysFC1995]

great stuff, keep 'em coming.

[olafgb]

Okay, next round:

Thomas Herrmann [announcer]: There is Luis Enrique, world famous in Spain...

Thomas Schaaf [Coach Bremen before the Bayern game after the meanwhile injured Fabian Ernst scored the game winner in Dortmund from the middle line]: It's gonna be close for us now. We have nobody left who can score from 60 yards.

Eduard Geyer [Coach Cottbus after a 0:3 loss]: The loss is absolutely okay. The worst thing is that I pointed on everything before. But on the pitch you got such night watchmen, who don't listen.

Eduard Geyer [Coach Cottbus on Paulo Rink]: I plan without him from now on, unless 100 others get a flu.

Hans Zach [Coach of the German Hockey NT before a WC game against Austria, who tried to make some psychological pressure by pointing at Cordoba 1978 where Germany lost 2:3 against Austria at the soccer WC ('Cordoba' is kind of synonym for a national shame in German sports terms since then)]: The Austrians are stone age people. My players are too young to know what Cordoba is - they believe it is a giant snake.

Ottmar Hitzfeld: The Championship is no self-runner. If it was, then Real Madrid had to become German champion every season.

Kurt Jara [Coach Hamburg after another disappointing road game]: The whole time I'm thinking about how to wake the team before the game starts. Maybe next time I'll tell the bus driver to drive against a wall.

Dieter Krein [President Cottbus]: Some of our players stop the ball... I can't even shoot that far.

Klaus Hilpert [GM and Coach Oberhausen after a win]: A giant compliment to my team. If I didn't have kids, I'd have to adopt them all today.

Reiner Calmund [GM Leverkusen, being asked about the bad transfers Franca and Cris]: We used the same system that delivered us praised players like Jorginho, Ze Roberto, Emerson and others. Don't think that this time we flew to Brazil, went to the beach and signed the first guy we saw kicking a peanut.

[BhoysFC1995]

wonderful!!!

[olafgb]

Location: Hamburg, press conference in a bookstore. Stefan Effenberg presents his biography.
Question: Mr. Effenberg, have there been books that amazed you a lot?
Effenberg: No, I'm not a big reader. Not everyone can be a new Goethe, that's not my claim. But one book always interested me: I read Hitler's diary, that was very important for me.
[Silence in the room, the only Hitler diary that ever existed were faked ones in a magazine]
Moderator [trying to rescue]: You mean the faked ones in "Der Spiegel"?
Effenberg: No, no, the book version...

Gabor Kiraly (Berlin goalie, after the 3:6 vs. Bayern): All six goals were my fault, I fooled the whole team.

Bernd Schneider (after Udo Lattek claimed that he wanted his ejection in Hamburg to avoid playing in the relegation battle; the show, in which he said that, is a weekly Sunday show at 11 a.m., sponsored by a brewery): That's impudent. Anyone, who knows me, knows that I wouldn't do such things. But it was after 11 a.m., Lattek probably was already drunk. Maybe he also had two boozes in the commercial break to be able to talk such nonsense

Ottmar Hitzfeld (on Robert Kovac's performance in a 0:3 friendly against Fürth): He played like a tourist.

[Schwarzenegger]

I like Daums engagement here in Austria because he wakes up some of our self confident players and managers (who dont show anything special in fact) with truthful language.

But he currently is trainer of Austria Wien and not Rapid ... :-)

Greetings, Schwarzenegger

[olafgb]

Next round:

Reiner Calmund (after hearing reproaches of FCN President Michael A Roth that Augenthaler drank too many beers after a 0:4 loss in Hamburg): That's better than staying frustrated. Nobody of our officials was sober on our train ride back from Hamburg after the 1:4 loss. I'm the exception, but I was ill.

Uli Hoeneß (about Claudia Strunz, wife of Thomas Strunz and meanwhile together with Stefan Effenberg): First she's seducing the married Thomas Strunz. Now that the money got a bit less, she now changed to Stefan Effenberg.

Michael Palme (TV commentator): This season had a spectacular change: Claudia Strunz was transferred from husband Thomas to Stefan Effenberg.

Christoph Daum (ex-coach AUSTRIA ;) - sorry about the mistake before): Actually I only went to Austria to learn a new language.

Felix Magath: I got a lot in common with Mario Basler. We both are soccer players, both of us like to drink a bit - with the difference that I'm drinking after the work.

Ansgar Brinkmann (question: Can you imagine a transfer to Qatar?): I am not interested yet to kick a little in the desert. Some sheiks (?) are sitting in their chairs, phone during the game and eat French fries - I'm still too good for that. Although: Monday's barbecue at Basler's, Tuesday barbecue at Effenberg's, Wednesday's they come over to my house - this could be fun.

Thomas Schaaf (after Ailton traditionally did not return in time from his vacation and last year travelled to the training camp with a taxi): This time he can take a bike. Then he maybe has the right stamina when he arrives.

[aloisius]

I’m bumping this thread so the newer members can enjoy it.


Location: Hamburg, press conference in a bookstore. Stefan Effenberg presents his biography.
Question: Mr. Effenberg, have there been books that amazed you a lot?
Effenberg: No, I'm not a big reader. Not everyone can be a new Goethe, that's not my claim. But one book always interested me: I read Hitler's diary, that was very important for me.
[Silence in the room, the only Hitler diary that ever existed were faked ones in a magazine]
Moderator [trying to rescue]: You mean the faked ones in "Der Spiegel"?
Effenberg: No, no, the book version...



This is pure genius

[Alex_K]

Wow, i feel as if i had a 2003 flashback...