TeamChatNews Official Thread [R]

[AllStarBCS]

The only source for the inside scoop on the BSFA.

[Kryptonite]

YOU ALL ARE SHITE

[AllStarBCS]

Please, only the facts. Or at least thinly veiled propaganda.

[Kryptonite]

<IMG SRC = "http://www.pimpdaddy.com/pimpcards/no-pimp.jpg"</IMG>

[JAnderson14]

<font size=5>BSFA Season Approaches</font>
<small>Most teams already forfeit</small>

Crofton (AP)-

With the BSFA season about to begin, most team managers have come forward to admit that in terms of sheer sex appeal, they stand no chance against NTCFC. This move will clear any issues in the press and/or stands, where some drunken idiots might think other teams are nearly as sexy.

The managers, all speaking anonymously, released a statement, which included the following:

<small><center>"We the managers of the BSFA, obviously minus Jason Anderson, plan on a competitive league this season...on the field. However, in terms of sexiness, it's well known that Anderson and his squad of amazingly attractive players cannot be compared to. It would be foolish to try."</center></small>

Anderson, when reached for comment, said "Good. No need to embarrass everyone else. It would be a waste of our time, and really just degrading for everyone else."

[JAnderson14]

Redman, Mr. T Both Pick NTCFC to Win BSFA
"They drink their milk", says the mohawked star

Crofton (AP)-

In separate interviews today, both rapper Redman and The A-Team star Mr. T stated their belief that NTCFC was sure to conquer the BSFA this season.

Redman, well known for his punditry throughout the soccer world, was being interviewed by The Source about his upcoming album when he made his prediction.

"No one in the BSFA can (expletive) with NTCFC. That's like coming between me and my blunts. NTCFC's gonna be putting some feet up some stankin' asses."

http://rap-house.virtualave.net/cgi-bin/postcard/redman.jpg
Redman

Even more emphatic in his opinion was former action star Mr. T. Best known for his performances on The A-Team as B.A. Baracus, and in Rocky 3 as Clubber Lang, Mr. T decided this season to show his heretofore unknown soccer expertise as a freelance pundit. His first article, found in the NY Times, was quite clear:

"In terms of pure ability, the only BSFA team that has the international class to win the league is NTCFC. I reckon that they stayed in school, and drank their milk. All these other teams are full of fools...I truly pity them."

http://www.nd.edu/~anelson/mr%20T.jpg
Mr. T

When interviewed, manager Jason Anderson said, "I respect the opinions of Redman and Mr. T, who both possess a world of knowledge on the sport. I'm flattered by their praise, and I'm sure we'll prove them right."

Midfielder TexanSoccer06 was happy to receive such a strong vote of confidence from the experts, but was disappointed that Mr. T "didn't say 'jibba-jabba'." His teammate odg78, the right back set for a bigger role this season, said that he didn't feel that Redman went far enough. "Honestly, I think he was just being nice. The fact that he didn't go on and on about how bad the other teams are was just him not wanting to crush the fragile egos of the other BSFA managers."

One BSFA manager, when asked what he thought of Mr. T's editorial, simply broke into tears. "He's right," the anonymous manager sobbed, "none of us are good enough. I'm so scared of NTCFC...I have nightmares about them crushing us every night." That manager's misery was compounded when he was hit by a water balloon thrown by NTCFC midfielder Bird. "I hate my life," the manager declared, before sulking off, presumably to continue training with his crap team.

[geordienation]

CNFC Stadium Announcement Made

COBRA ISLAND (AP) - Head coach Vicar and the members of Cleverly Named Fußball Club (NASDAQ: CNFC) unveiled their brand new stadium on Cobra Island today, promising a home field advantage which few other teams can match.

"We'll have a home field advantage that few other teams can match," Vicar said. "From our state of the art training room to the 45,000 strong season-ticket base to the dump of a visitor's locker room with no running water, this place has it all."

The roughly 48,000 seat stadium is located in international waters in the Gulf of Mexico. Fans attending the games board cruise ships in various ports three hours before kickoff and party all the way to kickoff, ensuring a rabid crowd by the time games begin.

"It promises to be a real cauldron," Vicar said, noting that the Cobra forces and their battery of surface-to-air-missiles which ring the stadium will be quite an intimidating sight for most teams.

Cobra Industries has signed a sponsorship deal with CNFC which will include naming rights for the stadium and their uniforms.

Cobra Island was created in 1985 when Cobra operatives tricked forces of the United States (including members of the famed GI Joe elite anti-terrorist organization) to drop a heavy conventional bombload onto a Cobra installation on the sea floor. The explosion aggravated fault lines which caused the island to be formed in international waters.

While primarily serving as a base for Cobra's military, economic, and criminal operations, Cobra Island will also serve as the home field of CNFC. The complex includes housing, ultra-modern training and practice facilites, and a weapons range.

Editor's Note: SoccerTV founder Oliver Tse does not own any shares of Cleverly Named Fußball Club.

[skipshady]

Pele picks his favorites for the upcoming season

LONDON (AP) - In an interview withWorld SoccerSim magazine, Brazilian legend and master prognosticator Pele tipped Sig United, Misogynists United, Kick Ass Team, Wehatemanunited, BSSM, NTCFC and Fahvernugen as the favorites to win the2002-03 BSFA crown.

"All the teams I mentioned have the quality to win the trophy" said Pele whose real name is too long and complicated for this lazy reporter to figure out, "I would be very surprised if one of the teams didn't win the championship."

Also in the same interview, Pele denied rumors that he had picked Dewey to defeat Truman and blamed cynical red cloth waving by the matador for the bull's loss.

[JAnderson14]

Anderson Confirms Dumping Alba
"She was not sexy enough for me," declares star.

Crofton (AP)-

NTCFC manager confirmed that he has long since ended any relations with actress Jessica Alba.

Anderson, also a star midfielder for his beloved NTCFC, decided that it was time to clear things up after Alba posted poorly Photoshopped pictures of the two allegedly getting married. "I was willing to just let it quietly end long ago, but she just wouldn't come clean. I couldn't be bothered to make a statement before now, as I'm rather lazy off the pitch," said Anderson.

He added, "She was not sexy enough for me. Obviously, being as sexy as I clearly am, I would have to be going out with someone from the sexiest group of people known to man...NTCFC. Thus, my relationship with VanillaBean, who is too damn sexy."

When confronted with Anderson's statements, Alba weeped, "Now I'm stuck marrying some unshaven, stupid-haired fool actor," before running off.

http://www.csie.nctu.edu.tw/~movies/hot/Alba.gif
Smiling on the outside, but undoubtedly crying on the inside...actress Jessica Alba

Meanwhile, more pundits came forward to agree with Anderson's decision to make this announcement. Well-known soccer expert Ghostface Killa said, "This will only help Anderson's play on the field. He's sure to be even better, if one can even imagine such a thing, with this burden off his mind."

http://www.mtv.com/shared/media/news/images/g/Ghostface/sq-ghost-nvrbdasame-epc.jpg
Ghostface Killa, explaining the merits of a 442 system to rapper Raekwon (not pictured)

Ghostface also added that Anderson would benefit by "changing up them boots to Wallabies." Anderson said he appreciated Ghostface's kind words, but is perfectly happy with his contract with Adidas.

[odg78]

Glasper Confirms Signing of Free Agent Girlfriend
"She's more than sexy enough for me"--Bench Playa

Jacksonville (AP)-

NTCFC defender, and media darling, Jason Glasper, has confirmed his newly initiated relationship with starlet Jessica Alba.

Glasper, a star bench player for the mighty NTCFC, confirmed that he picked Alba off of waivers after the painful end of her relationship with Crofton Supremo Jason Anderson. "He found a better female companion than Jessica and had to let her go. His new girlfriend is apparently 10x sexier and also posesses a Preki-like cutback move. It's a shame this glorious relationship had to end this way but I was more than happy to give her a set of broad shoulders to cry on," said Glasper.

He added, "I know I can't possibly hope to achieve as much in soccer or love as my esteemed teammate but I have to believe this is a solid pickup on my part."

The question remains, will this new signing cause tensions between the two NTCFCers? "No way," Glasper states unequivocally, "at the end of the day it's still about the soccer. I know for a fact that Jason has much more pressing issues on his mind and I'm more than willing to let her go again if a conflict should arise"

Alba declined to be interviewed for this story; she is thought be holed up in Glasper's Outer Banks villa.

http://www.csie.nctu.edu.tw/~movies/hot/Alba.gif
Scorned by one, loved by another...actress Jessica Alba

Local ninja and soccer pundit, Yuka Kasahara, came forth and defended Glasper's actions. "A quality act from a talented, young footballer." Kasahara then proceeded to totally flip-out and kill his waiter.

http://mdn.mainichi.co.jp/travel/0203/images/ninja.jpg
Kasahara moments before flipping-out

[alf]

Future Uncertain for Huss


Sig United Park (AP)- Star Midfielder Huss has declared that he will not report to team training this fall unless he gets reassurance about his future with the club.
Huss, who has played the last 2 seasons with Sig United, after coming over from the now defunct New Orleans Team, is reportedly not happy with his situation at his club and is said to have fallen out of favor with team boss alf.
During the tail end of last season, Huss saw his minutes decrease as alf publicly critized him for his performaces. "We expect a player of Huss's caliber to be able to contribute more to the team. He needs to be a leader and take more responsability," said alf after last season's mid-season break. Huss recorded 9 points on 1 goal and 8 assists last season in 19 games.
"I will wait the situation out and weigh my options," said Huss as he responded to a question about his future as he vacationed in Savanah.
Sig United drafted an promising player in Stogey23 during the draft, perhaps making Huss expendable.
Said alf, "We have a strong roster. We have added some good talent. We still have a ways to go before the season starts. We hope Huss will re-join us and our fans are eager to see him in Blue and White again, but we want a team orienanted player. This is about a team, not about one person."
alf said that no time has been scheduled for team officials and Huss to meet but alf expects things to be cleared up shortly after Huss returns from vacation.
"I guess we will see what happens," muttered alf, "We are all eager to resolve this situation."

[PSU92]

Cheesers hire Cheesemaker

Key West - (AP)
BSSM F&SC Boss PSU92 announced a unique staff addition. "We are pleased to announce the hiring of Furio Giunta as official Mozarella maker for BSSM F&SC" delared PSU92. "He was personally recommend by a friend of ours up in New Jersey" added PSU92. Mr Giunta also is expected to serve as PSU92's personal driver. Mr Giunta's only comment was "at least he don't drive no ************ing Cadillac."


http://www.hbo.com/sopranos/img/castcrew/img_landing_castelluccio.jpg

[Unorthodox Yank]

Kick Ass Team Unveils Kick Ass Jerseys (http://www.crazysoccer.homestead.com/randompics.html)

Souf Central (AP)-
Today in a Press conference/Andrew WK concert today, Star Kick Ass Team Attacking Midfielder/Equipment provider Alex Abnos, 16, unveiled the Jerseys that KAT will be wearing for the upcoming 02-03 season, among dangerously explosive fireworks and Andrew WK's Party Hard


http://i.timeinc.net/ew/dynamic/imgs/020315/124020__andrew_l.jpg
Andrew WK, Ready to Kick Ass


Said Abnos " I personally think that even if we all wore a burlap bag, we could still kick the living sheeite out of any team that comes our way."

"These jerseys still let us just make us look damn good while doing it."
Excited by The 16-year-old's words, Andrew WK Exploaded into the song "Get ready to Die"

"Ive been considering taking off my one white T-Shirt and replacing it permanantly with the NEW KICK ASS TEAM AWAY JERSEY!!! PARTY HARD!!!!"

[PSU92]

Cheesers announce Stadium deal

Key West (AP) -- Cheeser manager PSU92 reaches a deal for Stadium naming rights in the most unexpected of places. In a brief statement to the Press PSU92 gave a brief synopsis of the shocking events of the last few days.

"MWC92 & I went out for dinner in Asheville, NC @ this place called 'The Melting Pot.' I wasn't expecting much. Frankly I was just happy to be getting out of my in-laws house for a few hours (that last part was off the record fellas). I was pleasantly surprised by the restaurant. The first course was a big pot of MELTED CHEESE!! WITH SOME BEER & GARLIC ADDED!! You used these forks to dip stuff into the cheese it was AMAZING. When I found out this was a chain of restaurants I saw an opportunity."

BSSM F&SC has agreed to call their new stadium "The Melting Pot." The stadium will include a The Melting Pot restaurant in the North End of the stadium and the South End of the stadium will be the location of Nuovo Vesuvio II Restaurant to be run by chef Artie Bucco & BSSM Cheesemaker Furio Giunta.
Seating capacity has yet to be determined. "Its agonna be one seat bigger than anyone elses. If you don't like that No bitcha to me." stated Mr. Giunta.

[Kryptonite]

Kick Ass Team Itchy For Season To Start

Yo' Mama's House (AP) -- KAT players gots been training day in an' day out fo' da upcoming season 3 o' BigSoccer Football Association. In uh statement made by Unorthodox Yank he said he "can't wait ta jet ta Compton an' smoke some whitey boy ass."

Manager Kryptonite has uh new evil idea fo' visiting players, involving cold water an' rats. He declined ta give further comments and shit.

[BlueLightning]

BlueLightning: Not Happy with BSSM F&SC?

Utility player suddenly absent from FFA-sponsored events

Wheretheheckhashebeentown, USA (AP) -- Go to any FFA event these days and you might notice something missing.

Slacking Rovers utility player BlueLightning, once among the most prolific among BSFA players in appearances at FFA functions, has been noticibly absent as of late. To those in the know, this might not come as a suprise, as Mr. Lightning was absent from FFA apperances for an extended period last season due to personal reasons. However, during Mr. Lightning's absence last season, his agent, Blue Lightning #2, filled in for him. Neither player nor agent has been spotted as of late, fueling speculation that the Cheesers mainstay, whose career has been marred with injury and disappointing offensive production, is displeased with the team.

While BlueLightning has traditionally been one of BSSM F&SC's top proponents, the first sign of trouble came weeks ago during the BSFA draft when Cheesers skipper PSU92 selected Auriaprottu.

Rumor has it that Mr. Lightning, who has connections with VonMorrisky of Cleverly Named Fußball Club, may be looking for a change of scenery. Although reports cannot be confirmed, rumor has it that shortly after CNFC joined the league, CNFC manager Vicar contacted Mr. Lightning in an effort to persuade the Slacking Rovers star to join the newly formed team.

Speculation by several scouts is that this season may be the troubled star's best. Mr. Lightning was recently overheard as saying that he was feeling a level of confidence that he had never felt before. When asked to describe the impact on the balance of power in the league if Mr. Lightning were to leave the Cheesers, one scout could only say, "Big. I mean, really F****ing big. We're talking Anna Nicole Smith's waistline big."

Sources close to Mr. Lightning, however, deny reports of dissent. Speaking on the condition that his identy be withheld, one BlueLightning insider said that the Slacking Rovers star was happy with his club, and is merely taking a short break. "I think he's also a bit disturbed by the announcement of Andrew WK's association with KAT," said the insider, who asked to be identified only as "WMA". "I mean, there's suckiness, and then there's suckiness compounded. Personally, I think KAT's strategy is to become so mind-boggingly sucky that it makes their opponents' heads all explodey."

[BlueLightning]

Man on the street joins Pele, Redman, and Mr. T in attempting to forcast this season's BSFA Champions

Main Street (AP)- Sure, celebrities can make news by predicting who will win the BSFA title this season, but what do not-so-famous people think?

Blue Lightning News took to the streets to find out.

http://www.leafpile.com/TravelLog/England/York/Man%20on%20the%20street.jpg
Man on the street

"When I was your age, son, we didn't have any of this new-fangled Soccer Sim business. General McArthur kept all the fake soccer locked in a golden city up in the moutians and to get there you had to wrassle a 100-foot tall grizzly bear! And that was on a GOOD DAY! And if'n you got past the 100-foot tall grizzly bear, you had to get past the invincible robo-squirrel that McArthur had brought back from the year 3284! You didn't know McArthur went to the future, did ya? Well, he did! And the only way to get past the invincible robo-squirrel was to gain its trust by shoving a bushel of pine cones up your corn hole! AND WE LIKED IT THAT WAY!" said the Man on the Street. "AND ANOTHER THING! We didn't have any of those new-fangled shoe things back then, so we had to wrap our feet with newspapers! And that was back before they invented paper, so all the newspapers were printed on poison ivy! What did you say your name was, boy? Lord strike me down if'n you ain't the spittin' image of old Ben Davis. Or was it Brad Olsen? I tell you, thems two was always together like molasses and shingles!"

The man fell asleep at that point.

So there you have it folks! And when the win the title, you can say you heard it first from the Man on the street!

Copyright 2002 by Blue Lightning Media, Inc.

[Kryptonite]

Originally posted by BlueLightning
Personally, I think KAT's strategy is to become so mind-boggingly sucky that it makes their opponents' heads all explodey."

and then we'll run the score up over their bodies.

[Hawkeye17]

Press Release - Aimercat to appear in Angel

September 16 - (E!) KAT Defender Aimercat has been slated to appear in a new episode of Angel. The show, scheduled to air in early November as part of the Ratings Sweeps period, will have her in a "significant role".

According to the star defender "I was one of the lecture attendees and on her way to the lecture...she refers to being dressed like everyone else (that's my scene). Angel and Gunn attend the lecture and sit in the front row. Wesley sneaks into a seat in the back of the lecture hall. Lilah appears as Fred is giving her talk, uses her cell phone and leaves. Shortly afterwards, a portal opens above Fred and a tentacle monster from it tries to yank her into the portal. Angel, of course, springs into action and then goes after Lilah. That's all I have kiddies."


One of the perks of this part was the allocation of clothing. "(The wardrobe staff) took me to wardrobe and gave me this awesome Ann Taylor sweater twin-set to wear with my skirt I had on. They didn't even take my voucher like they're supposed to, so technically, I could've kept it, but I was a good girl and turned it in at the end of the night. Besides, you look super great to the wardrobe people when you show up to return the wardrobe and they hadn't taken your voucher (they remember who they can trust and who they can't)."

Besides all the wardrobe to pick, the episode was even hotter than Buffy. "I got to see David Borenaz with no shirt cuz he changed his top right in front of everyone. And they're paying me for this?!?!?! They gave me this notebook as a prop and told me that I could write in it if I wanted to, so I wrote about how great the crew was the last time I worked on the show," commented the Aimercat.

Despite the long hours and hard work that is involved in shooting Angel and Buffy, the Aimercat has been juggling between fashion shoots, acting lessons, and playing ball now and then. Despite all the major acquisitions that Kryptonite has acquired through expansion, Aimer has found a lot of time to work around Hollywood and kick around South Central. Television is the current playground, but expect a modelling shoot here and there, and of course, being in the starting XI for KAT. Some of that hard work paid off with a mini night on the town with another model named the Amazon, teammates dfb547490 and Nap, manager kryptonite, and Unorthodox Yank, who was reportedly talking about the other vampire Buffy and Jay Leno. New teammate Various Styles was supposedly spotted with Ronaldo's sqeeze, but that was unconfirmed.

In addition to the post shoot, the new uniforms for KAT were unveiled at the South Central Auditorium.

[Aimer, Northend Diva]

pic of me and Amazon

http://www.warewolf.net/hosted/aimercat/post/rd_2002-09_14.jpg