The Happiness Thread [R]

[Sapphire]

::hurm::
http://www.jackbauerfacts.com/You know, in the time it took you to post that link, Jack Bauer could've "hit bottom" and detoxed from heroin.

Of course, in the same amount of time, Chuck Norris could've created heroin with only a rusty nail, a box of frozen peas, and a seagull's feather, AND single-handedly stopped opium production in the Eastern hemisphere. But I digress . . .

[Sapphire]

Im happy because my dad just booked our spring break trip back to laguna and also booked the USC-Notre Dame game Nov. 25th :)Wow, isn't it waaay early to book tickets for next november??

[prymetyme]

no way man, i wana get my tickets as soon as possible. to witness the spanking of notre dame on home turf:D :D
plus i need to interview there and take a tour and such so why not a better time. Ive talked to my cousins who go there right now and theres going to be a pep rally the night before that will be in the stadium which holds about 120,000 people :)
but yes its a bit early to be doing this but i cant help myself lol

[SirManchester]

You know, in the time it took you to post that link, Jack Bauer could've "hit bottom" and detoxed from heroin.

Of course, in the same amount of time, Chuck Norris could've created heroin with only a rusty nail, a box of frozen peas, and a seagull's feather, AND single-handedly stopped opium production in the Eastern hemisphere. But I digress . . .

First of all, you're confusing Norris with McGuyver, Second, With a single stare Jack can make two women's hearts melt, and immediately afterwards is able to uncover a massive gov't conspiracy.
Chuck Norris needs medical attention after one broken rib, Jack Bauer treats it like a broken nail.

[StrikerCW]

Ok, this one will probably put the arguement to rest as it is not any good, but..

Chuck Norris has sex with men. Not because he is gay but because there are no women left for him.

[SirManchester]

Ok, this one will probably put the arguement to rest as it is not any good, but..

Chuck Norris has sex with men. Not because he is gay but because there are no women left for him.

That makes him gay then, Jack Bauer doesn't need to resort to that, if the supply of women runs out, God will simply create more women for Jack, because as we all know God owes Jack. There, now it's put to bed, continue with your sappy thread everyone.

[StrikerCW]

Congratulations SM. We successfully jacked the thread.

[MtP07]

I don't understand all the Chuck Norris love??? :confused:

[SirManchester]

Congratulations SM. We successfully jacked the thread.

Good, happiness is overrated anyway.

[Sapphire]

Not true. Please note how the happiness thread is kicking the ass of the anger thread. Why? Cause happiness rules (like it's name was Chuck Norris, but let's not go there). :)

I am totally wired, awake and waiting for news. Any late night happy thoughts?



And, Sir Manc, I do have pictures of rainbows and sunsets and babies and little puppies, which I will post if negativity persists. Don't make me go there. :D

[SirManchester]

Not true. Please note how the happiness thread is kicking the ass of the anger thread. Why? Cause happiness rules (like it's name was Chuck Norris, but let's not go there). :)

I am totally wired, awake and waiting for news. Any late night happy thoughts?



And, Sir Manc, I do have pictures of rainbows and sunsets and babies and little puppies, which I will post if negativity persists. Don't make me go there. :D

I appreciate your optimism, but right about now I'm very far on the opposite end of the spectrum...and damnit, stop being such a woman!

[FIFARay007]

I'm happy because God created Guinness. And by God I mean Jack Bauer. Chuck Norris could not have created Guinness since he's too busy selling workout equipment.

[FIFARay007]

Oh, I'm also happy they had Guinness at the bar I just came back from that had Guinness. :)

[johno]

neither Chuck nor Jack have anything on Detective Robert Goren from Law and Order CI...

[Vermont Red]

Back to happiness (not in any particular order):

1-0
SirManchester didn't show up so we can rag him
The rest of the guys did show up and were excellent
Jack is back
My wife
Re-reading Straight Man
Life in general

[MtP07]

Back to happiness (not in any particular order):

1-0
SirManchester didn't show up so we can rag him
The rest of the guys did show up and were excellent
Jack is back
My wife
Re-reading Straight Man
Life in general

You must be in the doghouse and trying to get some brownie points... :p

[Howard Zinn]

Not true. Please note how the happiness thread is kicking the ass of the anger thread. Why? Cause happiness rules (like it's name was Chuck Norris, but let's not go there). :)



This battle is far from over.

[jayro75]

Chuck Norris and Jack Bauer have got nothing on Brad Friedel...

Brad Friedel is a son of a bitch!

Brad Friedel is the father of every kid in this town!

Brad Friedel once showed me a video of him making love to my wife, and it was the most beautiful thing I ever saw!

One time I was with Friedel in the back of a pickup truck, along with a live deer. Friedel goes up to the deer and says, 'I'm Brad Friedel! SAY IT!' Then he manipulates the deer's lips in such a way as to make it say, 'bradfriedel ' ... It wasn't exactly like it, but it was pretty good for a deer!

He'd eat a homeless person if you dared him!

His poop is used as currency in Argentina.

He sweats Gatorade

He once breast-fed a flamingo back to health.

He hated Mexicans! And he was half Mexican! .......And he hated irony!

I once saw him scissor kick Angela Landsbury.

He sheds his skin once a year.

He makes brooms somewhere in Georgia.

He did 3 tours in 'Nam...... I was in Corpus Christi on business a month ago. I had this eight foot tall Asian waiter, which made me curious. I asked him his name. Sure enough it's Ho Tran Friedel!

I once saw him eat a whole live chicken.

His favorite movie is 'One on One' with Robby Benson.

He sleeps eight hours a night! ........ well, he was pretty normal when it came to that.

Brad Friedel was a two ton man-mountain who could palm a medicine ball!

Did I ever tell you about the time Friedel took me out to go get a drink with him? We go off looking for a bar and we can't find one. Finally Friedel takes me to a vacant lot and says, 'Here we are.' We sat there for a year and a half and sure enough someone constructs a bar around us. The day they opened we ordered a shot, drank it, and then burned the place to the ground. Friedel yelled over the roar of the flames, 'Always leave things the way you found em!

Brad Friedel had a four day heart attack...a day for each chamber. The Doctor said his heart looked like a basketball filled with riccotta cheese.

He once punched a hole in a cow just to see who was coming up the road.

He taught me how to make love to a woman, and how to scold a child.

They once found $60 in change in his stomach.

He did all the makeup on the 'Planet of the Apes' movie.

He grew a 3rd arm and kept it in a vault.

Friedel drank a full glass of liquid LSD with his eggs. Then he slept for 8 months straight. When he woke he rubbed his eyes and said, “All in all, I prefer gin.”

They say Gene Roddenbery got the idea for Star Trek from listening to Friedel talk in his sleep.

He date raped David Bowie.

He once inhaled a seagull.

The Pope told him it was ok to have a mistress.

It was the sight of Friedel's naked body that drove Brian Wilson insane.

He once had sex with a cigarette machine.

He killed Wolfman Jack with a trident.

He uses the Shroud of Turin as a golf towel.

He once ate the Bible while water skiing.

He drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls.

He sired a soccer team.. an orchestra if you count the bastards!

Brad Friedel is from Ohio, but has a British accent

You know, he would shoot whiskey into his neck with a syringe!

He has dandruff the size of mice!

He jogged with a fridge on his back!

Brad Friedel is a 10 foot monster who slept with all our wives! And punched us all in the face! And we loved him for it!

His first name is Brad!!! ....... I'm drunk.

He's a ten foot tall beastman who showers in vodka and feeds his baby shrimp scampi.

He orchestrated the merger between Unicef and Smith & Wesson.

He went public with his own buttocks and made $7 million.

Did I ever tell you about the time Friedel went hunting? Friedel decides he's going to hunt down all four of the Mötley Crüe. He stalks and kills every one of them with a machette. They all begged for their lives...except for Vince Neil.

We once had a bachelor party for Friedel. He ate the entire cake before we could tell him there was a stripper in it.

Friedel once hosted the Grammys and gave every award to Corey Hart.

He has a toenail on the end of his penis.

Friedel once got his wife pregnant and gave birth to a delicious 16 ounce steak. The after birth was sauteed mushrooms.

Friedel's family crest is a picture of a baracudda eating Neil Armstrong.

Friedel ranked 8th in the BCS College Football Poll.

Did I ever tell you about the time Friedel was in a production of, 'The King & I?' On opening night, Friedel chloroforms the entire cast and slowly eats them in front of the audience for two hours. The production got pretty good reviews.

He breastfeeds John Madden.

Friedel named the group Sha-Na-Na. They did NOT want to be called that.

If you drop a phonograph needle on Friedel's nipple, it plays the Beach Boys' 'Pet Sounds.'

They use Friedel's foreskin as a tarp when it rains at RFK stadium.

Friedel directed that commercial where the women play basketball in high heels.

All the 'Yes' album covers are Friedel family photos.

He wears a live rattlesnake as a condom.

Did I ever tell you about the time he taught his son how to drive? He did it by entering him in the Indy 500. The kid wrecked and died. Friedel said it would've happened sometime.

Friedel's semen can form into a liquid human - like the guy from 'Terminator 2'

Friedel still believes in Santa Claus, and he wants to put him in porno films.

He thinks that the Ironman Triathlon is gay.

He framed Roger Rabbit.

The character of Johnny Appleseed was based on Friedel - except for the apple tree planting and not raping men.

He gave a handjob to a manta ray.

Brad Friedel saved not one, but two penalty kicks in the 2002 World Cup in Korea and then ate 100 dogs

Ruud van Nistelrooy recently applied to have his name officially changed to Ruud van BradFriedel'sBitch™

Friedel? He goes about 8'-4" and about 25 stone these days.

Friedel created the internet so he could instantly send a threatening letter to Bea Arthur

He once jumped a lift bridge in the Pope-mobile

Did you know Friedel performed Dick Cheney's open heart surgery? Well Friedel walks in...NAKED! Then he strolls up to the operating table and says "You're not dying on my watch!" and he injects Cheney's heart with Tabasco sauce and I'll be damned if he didn't make a full recovery!

He was college roommates with Joey Buttafuoco!

Like a shark he has 3 rows of teeth!

Friedel shot the sheriff! and just to be different he also shot the deputy!

He picks his nose with a jackhammer!

He keeps Tom Jones in a cage and calls him Polly.

They say he made David Hasselhoff's music career in Germany on a bet.

He thinks Wil Wheaton would make a beautiful woman with the right surgery.

His dandruff is 100% cocaine

Friedel has taken up polo. His favorite way to play is to ride around on Prince Charles' back and hit hedgehogs with a cricket bat!

God Save Brad Friedel

Brad was on the original Real World cast but was completely edited out of the show because he was continually swearing and never had any clothes on.

In Vietnam, Friedel had 5000 confirmed kills and all of them French!!

After bowing out of the FA Cup to Sunderland, David Thompson, Andy Cole, and Corrado Grabbi went to Brad Friedel to apologize for their poor efforts from the Penalty Spot. Friedel told them that he had had been upset for a few minutes, but now that anger had passed and it was time follow the time honored tradition in America of "burying the hatchet". So Friedel pulls out a Iroquois Tomahawk and buries it in each of their skulls.

Did I ever tell you about Friedel's lifelong goal to reunite the cast of Police Academy? Well Friedel scours the country looking for all the actors. When I told him that George Gaynes and David Graf were dead, he said "Not for long!" Well Friedel dug those two up, pulled their rotting skins off and stretched them over Kenan and Kel from Good Burger. Then he yelled ‘Action’ and I’ll be damned if he didn’t single handedly shoot the greatest movie in film history.

Did I ever tell you about Friedel's tattoo? Anyway, Friedel loved Pee-Wee's Playhouse. He even got a picture of Paul Reubens tattooed on his bicep. When that scandal broke it devastated Friedel but I'll be damned if he shed a single tear. He just bit down on his arm and sucked the ink right out. Then he used his teeth to make another tattoo depicting Oscar the Grouch riding in the General Lee. And he never spoke of it again.

Brad Friedel is to the EPL what OJ was to Nicole

Friedel once did that trick where you put a worm up your nose and it comes out your mouth, except he used a twenty-foot Burmese python, immediately after it had consumed a full grown cow.

During one particularly long hangover he built the Spinx. He invented Ramses condoms about the same time by using Ramses actual skin to protect him from Nefertiri's numerous STD's.

He uses Margaret Thatcher as a neck tie and thinks that Aretha Franklin is a hot piece of ass and wants to get in her JJJ cups

The swiss army knife was based on Friedel's genitals! It's even got a toothpick for God's sake!!

The Blackburn Reserves play their matches in Friedel's sinus cavity.

Satan's single greatest fear is that Friedel is that he will eventually come back to Hell to reclaim his throne of skulls.

13 years ago, Brad Friedel spent a month the west African country of Ghana rehabbing an injury by compressing coal into diamonds with his anus.

He had a fiery, but short lived relationship with a local woman that produced only two offspring, instead of the normal 15. When the mother asked Brad what she should name the boys, He replied "Nam'em both Freddie for all I care", and the rest is history

In preparation for the "shock and awe" campaign against the Iraqi Army, General Tommy Franks stated that Adu's goal scoring video would be broadcast over Iraqi airwaves during the first hours of the invasion to awe the Iraqi military.

To shock Saddam's troops, the USAF plans to drop Brad Friedel's socks onto Iraqi positions.




They would drop his underwear if he wore them.


The movie Goldfinger inspired Friedel to put an ejector seat in his car. He uses it when he's driving and his wife gets on his nerves!

He had an oil painting of Elvis Presley being sodomized by Chewbacca put up in the Blackburn dressing room. He says it helps him relax.

Al Gore may have invented the internet, but Brad Friedel invented Al Gore. He built him out of scrap metal and cigarettes and a block of wood.

His shadow is three dimensional.

He once won a staring contest with a great white shark, and they have no eyelids.

Best damn car salesman in the office.

He invented magnetism to get the loose change out from under his sac.

Friedel has a custom made Bowie knife that looks like a two-handed sword and cuts through Ford Explorers.

Do you guys remember Friedel's bachelor party? Anyway, the party was thrown by Bob Guccione and was a month long. So Friedel shows up on the last day, covered in human blood. Then he says "What is this a funeral?! Lets get this party started" Long story short the party caused 4 national blackouts, irradiated half of New Mexico, killed Orson Welles, and only 12 out of 45,000 survived. Still its considered by all the greatest month of their lives.

Friedel created a video game but the president of the EA Games said that a plot about a hooker who has to kill 99 nuns before sunset with a broken whiskey bottle was not marketable. So Friedel stabbed him with a dagger and took all his gold pieces.

Contrary to popular belief, Friedel does have a conscience. Its just usually drunk or in Vegas.

He cried during Steel Magnolias, not because he was sad but because he poked himself in the eye while masturbating!

Brad Friedel knows the pain of unrequited love. But only because guns have no feelings.

Brad Friedel never "kicked a habit" unless a nun was wearing it.

Friedel's idea of chess strategy is to hack up his opponent with an ax, then sleep with the newly widowed wife. Kasperov won't play him.

The only difference between playing football against Brad Friedel and the My Lai massacre is the humidity.

Friedel 's lucky number is 13. Because that's the average number of bastard sons he has in each state.

Once the Devil came down to Georgia. He said, "Brad Friedel, if you can play the fiddle better than me, I will give you this fiddle of pure gold. If you lose I get your soul! Hahaha!" Friedel said, "Nah, I'll just take the fiddle right now." The Devil said, "Damn you Friedel! You outsmarted me again."

Years ago, Brad Friedel had a one-night stand with Melissa Etheridge. In the morning, she begged him to stay, but he stood by his principles and left. And you know the rest.

Brad Friedel has more street cred than Harlem and Compton combined.

Every Labor Day Brad Friedel goes to India for a little "sacred barbecue."

The mighty fist of Brad Friedel has been called many things, but to the passengers and crew of the Titanic, it will always be known as "Iceberg."


http://www.bigsoccer.com/forum/showpost.php?p=835692&postcount=7

[Achtung]

Oh, I'm also happy they had Guinness at the bar I just came back from that had Guinness. :)

Mmmmm.... Guinness... ;)

http://eighteenyard.com/NYC-Jan06/slides/IMG_1420.JPG

[Achtung]

The correct answer to any question is, "Jack Bauer owns you, bitch!" Then you punch whoever you're talking to in the face, take their gun, and shoot them in the head. Or, apparently, stab them in the neck with scissors.