The Happiness Thread [R]

[StrikerCW]

Top ten Chuck Norris facts

# Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried. Ever.

# Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

# Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.

# The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.

# If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris, you may be only seconds away from death.

# Chuck Norris has counted to infinity. Twice.

# Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting implies
the probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.

# Chuck Norris' blood type is AK+. Ass-Kicking Positive. It is compatible only with heavy construction equipment, tanks, and fighter jets.

# Chuck Norris is 1/8th Cherokee. This has nothing to do with ancestry, the man ate a ********ing Indian.

# In fine print on the last page of the Guinness Book of World Records it notes that all world records are held by Chuck Norris, and those listed in the book are simply the closest anyone else has ever gotten.

Now be happy your not meeting him anytime soon. :eek:

[SirManchester]

Top ten Chuck Norris facts

# Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried. Ever.

# Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

# Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.

# The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.

# If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris, you may be only seconds away from death.

# Chuck Norris has counted to infinity. Twice.

# Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting implies
the probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.

# Chuck Norris' blood type is AK+. Ass-Kicking Positive. It is compatible only with heavy construction equipment, tanks, and fighter jets.

# Chuck Norris is 1/8th Cherokee. This has nothing to do with ancestry, the man ate a ********ing Indian.

# In fine print on the last page of the Guinness Book of World Records it notes that all world records are held by Chuck Norris, and those listed in the book are simply the closest anyone else has ever gotten.

Now be happy your not meeting him anytime soon. :eek:

I posted something similar about Jack Bauer in the TV thread.

[Sapphire]

[Sir Manc] Did I hear happiness in here?? . . . Get back to work: Row! Row! Row!. . . *grumble grumble* . . . [/Sir Manc]

;)

[StrikerCW]

Chuck Norris is better.

[Sapphire]

Top ten Chuck Norris facts

# Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried. Ever.

# Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

# Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.

# The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.

# If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris, you may be only seconds away from death.

# Chuck Norris has counted to infinity. Twice.

# Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting implies
the probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.

# Chuck Norris' blood type is AK+. Ass-Kicking Positive. It is compatible only with heavy construction equipment, tanks, and fighter jets.

# Chuck Norris is 1/8th Cherokee. This has nothing to do with ancestry, the man ate a ********ing Indian.

# In fine print on the last page of the Guinness Book of World Records it notes that all world records are held by Chuck Norris, and those listed in the book are simply the closest anyone else has ever gotten.

Now be happy your not meeting him anytime soon. :eek:

Hilarious top 10; this totally makes me think of Conan's "Walker:Texas Ranger" lever.

http://www.riotvideo.com/videoimages/479238857716171113.png

[FIFARay007]

Holy crap, I haven't laughed that hard in a long time! Chuck Norris...

As soon as I can give rep again, you've earned it!

[StrikerCW]

Hilarious top 10; this totally makes me think of Conan's "Walker:Texas Ranger" lever.

http://www.riotvideo.com/videoimages/479238857716171113.png
Yeah, its a big thing going on now, at least at college level or whatnot. I think that is where it started with Conan and some people just started adding on.

http://www.chucknorrisfacts.com/

Warning, some explicit facts are on there. Nothing too bad but some crude words and phrases.

[SirManchester]

Chuck Norris is better.

Never!

[FIFARay007]

Never!

I'd have to agree. Jack Bauer is much cooler. Plus he was once a vampire. Chuck Norris? Total Gym spokesman...

[SirManchester]

Yup, it's obvious who oozes more cool:

Kiefer:
http://adorocinema.cidadeinternet.com.br/personalidades/atores/kiefer-sutherland/kiefer-sutherland01.jpg


or Chuck:
http://images-eu.amazon.com/images/P/B000063WJV.03.LZZZZZZZ.jpg

[Sapphire]

Are you kidding me? Jack Bauer is a fad, Chuck Norris is the real thing. See, Jack needs carefully stylized hair and clothes and weapons to kick ass, Chuck Norris can sport a 1982 soap star beard and a unitard and he stills gets it done. Plus, Chuck Norris is a real person, Jack Bauer is all in your mind, man.

[FIFARay007]

Plus, Chuck Norris is a real person, Jack Bauer is all in your mind, man.

So are the voices in my head, but I dare you to reason with them that they aren't real! I sure as hell can't get thru to them.

[SirManchester]

Are you kidding me? Jack Bauer is a fad, Chuck Norris is the real thing. See, Jack needs carefully stylized hair and clothes and weapons to kick ass, Chuck Norris can sport a 1982 soap star beard and a unitard and he stills gets it done. Plus, Chuck Norris is a real person, Jack Bauer is all in your mind, man.

Well yea...Jack Bauer is fictional, but I'm comparing them if both were real, both are exagerrated action archetypes, Chuck was good for that in his time, Jack however is even more exagerrated, hence he kicks more ass.
Hell, Jack can take on an entire terrorist cell, juggle a heroin addiction, save his kidnapped family, prevent several assasinations, all while getting no sleep, all in less than an hour.

[StrikerCW]

Chuck Norris is ten feet tall, weighs two-tons, breathes fire, and could eat a hammer and take a shotgun blast standing.

Chuck Norris once shot down a German fighter plane with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!"

Chuck Norris doesn't shower, he only takes blood baths.

In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Chuck Norris could use to kill you, including the room itself.

Chuck Norris once ate a whole cake before his friends could tell him there was a stripper in it.

Some people ask for a Kleenex when they sneeze, Chuck Norris asks for a body bag.

Chuck Norris CAN believe it's not butter.



NOW tell me who is more badass.

[prymetyme]

Im happy because my dad just booked our spring break trip back to laguna and also booked the USC-Notre Dame game Nov. 25th :)

Of course now I have a bit of hope of catching chelsea if they sputter and beating the scousers is always nice. Germany trip is coming swimingly, and im about to eat some sushi.

[SirManchester]

Jack Bauer can do all of those things you listed but they're not worth mentioning because they're so minor to him.

Jack Bauer killed Latin.

The Grim Reaper calls Jack Bauer for advice.

When the boogey man gets scared its cause he thinks Jack Bauer is hiding in his closet

Jack Bauer remembers everything after getting flashed by the Men In Black.

The only correct answer to the question, "Who's your daddy?" is "Jack Bauer". No matter who you are.

While in college, Jack was hit on by a girl he knew already had a boyfriend. She made her move, and he smashed her face into a glass coffee-table. Nobody ********s around with Jack Bauer.

Jack Bauer doesn't miss. If he didn't hit you it's because he was shooting at another terrorist twelve miles away.

In high school, Jack Bauer got a job working as a department store Santa. He was fired after he tortured a child to tell him her Christmas list.

When you open a can of whoop-ass, Jack Bauer jumps out.

1.6 billion Chinese are angry with Jack Bauer. Sounds like a fair fight.

Jack Bauer wears aviator sunglasses as a courtesy to the Sun so it doesn't have to look into his eyes.

Chuck Norris told Jack Bauer that he only killed 15 people cause he ran out of bullets. Jack told him he only killed 93 people cause he ran out of people. Then Jack snapped Chuck Norris' neck into 24 pieces.

Jack Bauer named his cat 'Chuck Norris.' Why? Because he's a ********y.

[StrikerCW]

Gotcha..


Behind every successful man, there is a woman. Behind every dead man, there is Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris has two speeds: walk and kill.

Chuck Norris can get the square root of a negative number.

It is believed dinosaurs are extinct due to a giant meteor. That's true if you want to call Chuck Norris a giant meteor.

Chuck Norris does not play the lottery. It doesn't have nearly enough balls.

Chuck Norris is the only person to ever win a staring contest against Ray Charles and Stevie Wonder at the same time.

Chuck Norris doesn't stub his toe. He accidentally destroys sideways, chairs, and buildings.

Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in 3 moves.

Chuck Norris has the greatest Poker-Face of all time. He won the 1983 World Series of Poker, despite holding only a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoloy card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game UNO.

[SirManchester]

Since I'm not up for copying and pasting back and forth, here you can view the entire list of Bauer facts.
By the way, next to other universal formulas, like Einstein's theory of relativity, you can't forget the other; Jack>Chuck=Fact

[StrikerCW]

Since I'm not up for copying and pasting back and forth, here you can view the entire list of Bauer facts.
By the way, next to other universal formulas, like Einstein's theory of relativity, you can't forget the other; Jack>Chuck=Fact
I knew you would give up first without Norris on your side.

[SirManchester]

::hurm::
http://www.jackbauerfacts.com/