A season in the life of the United camp

[Dark Savante]

Ok, now we have a NSR forum we can do some slightly silly things... like, having an ongoing thread which we take turns in updating with comments and banter of the players and the staff. Basically writing down what we think they would be saying pre and post game. This requires others to roll with the idea so I'm going to start off someone take over ^__^

Gaz: Fookin ell, it's all gone tits up. :mad: If we don't beat those dirty fookin scallies I'm gonna fookin scream. No offense Waz, but I 'ate those fookin scallies!

Waz: :(

Gaz: I didn't mean owt (anything) by it Waz, I just fookin 'ate those scouse bastards, no offense Waz!

Waz: :(

Tweey: I fink, zerefore I am.

SAF: Mikael how do you say unemployed in French?

---

[Dark Savante]

Gaz: We have to confident against those granny stabbing fooks or they'll do us.

Ronaldo: que?

Gaz: C...o...n...f..i...d...e...n...t

RVN: *thinks* I'd be a better captain than you.

Luis: Boss, zu u fink ah can av a start against zem? ah am in good form!

SAF: *bursts out laughing* Aye, of course ye can luis...of course ye can *pats luis on the head.

Luis: Boss, we zu u have to patronise me? Ah am fit and ready for ze game, no?

SAF: See you Luis, if ye ever ask me a question like that again I'll make sure ye cannae walk straight for a week after ah ram my boot up yer arse!! :mad: Are we clear?

Luis: *sulks mumbles* If ah waz scoteesh zen I wud play, no?

SAF: Did ye say something there lad?

Luis: non :(

Fletcher: :D

--

Ak, I am going to add on later..let's see where this goes!! Should be fun.

[Vermont Red]

I can't do the accents, but here goes:

Ruud: Please pass the bread.

No one responds.

Ruud: Hey, Christiano, please pass the bread.

Ronaldo pretends not to hear him.

Ruud: Hey, Christiano Ronaldo! I know you can hear me. Pass me the bread!

Ronaldo still ignores him and helps himself to another piece.

Ruud: I'm sick of this **********!

Ruud jumps over the table and attempts to choke Ronaldo. Other players quickly separate them. A reporter from The Sun scribbles some notes and runs out of the Carrington dining hall.

[Dark Savante]

I can't do the accents, but here goes:

Ruud: Please pass the bread.

No one responds.

Ruud: Hey, Christiano, please pass the bread.

Ronaldo pretends not to hear him.

Ruud: Hey, Christiano Ronaldo! I know you can hear me. Pass me the bread!

Ronaldo still ignores him and helps himself to another piece.

Ruud: I'm sick of this **********!

Ruud jumps over the table and attempts to choke Ronaldo. Other players quickly separate them. A reporter from The Sun scribbles some notes and runs out of the Carrington dining hall.
lool

Ruud: Pass me the bread.

Ronaldo: *Feints right towards the fruit bowl, feints left towards the sauce, traps the bread roll tidily, throws it at Ruud - ends up halfway down the table and hits Rio in his nicely braided hair

Rest of table : Hahahahaha

Ronaldo: :(

[Achtung]

Rio: Wha?! I faught you was genna let me shoo' some mo' fruit with me noggin like in them games we play... like off them corners, I'm gettin' good at em I really am. *passes fruit bowl ahead to Fletcher*

Fletcher: *takes some fruit... takes some more fruit... drops the fruit he has but continues taking more... passes the nearly empty fruit bowl to whoever is sitting behind him*

SAF: Darren, would you like some more fruit?

:D

[Vermont Red]

Teso: I believe that Fletcher took the proper amount of fruit. In fact, that was the best fruit selection I've ever seen. He regularly chooses fruit like that at the Scotland training table.

[Vermont Red]

SAF: So I'd like to go over the tactics for our next match against Liverpool.

Gary: What about the FA Cup replay against Burton?

SAF: I already drew the names out of a hat for that lineup. Later we'll have the silent auction to determine positions and tactics. Anyway, getting back to the Liverpool match, we're not going to have Ronaldo, Park or Scholes. Carlos has suggested going with a 5-4-1, but I'm concerned that this formation would require that Silvestre will be on the pitch. No offense, Mikael.

Silvestre: Huh?

SAF: We're going to go 4-5-1, with Ruud up front. Wayne, you and Giggsy will be wide.

Rooney: I **********ing hate playing wide.

SAF: Don't worry. Later in the game when it becomes obvious that the tactic has failed, I'll move you back to the middle. Darren, Alan, John, you guys are responsible for kicking Gerrard and Alonso all day long. Can you do that?

Fletcher: I'll do whatever you ask.

Smith: I'll kick anyone that comes near me.

O'Shea: What was that first name again?

[Achtung]

Phil Neville: *runs over all the way from Goodison* Did someone say they wanted to kick the Scousers? Please, please let me back to do that! I hate the fookin' Scousers!

Gaz: Oi! I hate the Scousers more than ye ever did ye fookin' Scouser!

Phil: Mum says I hate the Scousers more than ye do!

Gaz: Liar!

*Gary and Phil fight in that way that only brothers can... for the next 20 minutes*

[Howard Zinn]

Rio: Wha?! I faught you was genna let me shoo' some mo' fruit with me noggin like in them games we play... like off them corners, I'm gettin' good at em I really am. *passes fruit bowl ahead to Fletcher*

Fletcher: *takes some fruit... takes some more fruit... drops the fruit he has but continues taking more... passes the nearly empty fruit bowl to whoever is sitting behind him*

SAF: Darren, would you like some more fruit?

:D


This is just too much. :p

[MtP07]

Rio: I need new spinners for my Hummer.

Pini: Let's hold out for a bigger contact again.

[Howard Zinn]

Okay, time for my attempt:

Rooney turns to Evra and Vidic: "Well hell-O-dee-O boys!!! Welcome to this here football club. I be Wayne. It's fookin nice to acquaint myself with ye two blokes and whatnot *mumble mumble mumble*".

Evra and Vidic stare at Roon

Rooney getting angry: "I said it's fooking nice to meet ya laddies".

Evra and Vidic give a perplexed look to each other

Rooney turns to VDS and asks: "Say, do these blokes not speakem the Queeen's Anglish?"

VDS turns to the new boys: "Nice to meet you gentlemen".

New boys: "Nice to meet you Edwin".

Rooney is blazing hot and speaks to VDS again: "What tha blooody heeelll!!! Them dirty Europeans snobbers are egnorin' meh!!!"

VDS smiles: "No, no, no Wayne. They speak English, just not the dirty scouse variety."

Everyone laughs as VDS translates the rest of Wayne's greeting.


Alright, that didn't come off quite like I hoped. :(

[Dark Savante]

C.Q: OK for zis game I want two banks of two up the middle followed on the flanks by Gary and Patrice, both Ryan and Ji will stay wide in a pincer movement until the time is right to supply Wayne and Ruud at this time I want...


Rio: *Starts whistling.

Vidic: What is it that he is saying what does it mean?

Gaz: I don't fookin know, we never listen to him anyway but wen the gaffer comes round we all pretend like we understood.. Just nod when I do.

Luis: Carlos zu u 'av tactics for when I come on ze pitch?

C.Q: Yes Luis, course I do.. *continues his monotone tactical talk.

Giggsy: I used to be a somebody, a contender [/raging bull]

SAF enters room. Everyone sits up straight paying attention to the whiteboard. SAF leaves room. Rio throws towel at Ronaldo.

Ronaldo: My hair!! *Runs to the bathroom crying.

CQ: In this game we have no Cristiano so I want Park out wide.

SAF enters room.

CQ: In this game we have no Cristiano so I want Fletcher out wide.

Darren: :D

SaF leaves room.

[Dark Savante]

Rio: hey, Jumanji

Vidic: My name is Numanja

Rio: err, yea sorry Jum..Numaji

Vidic: ..... you are a bit slow, yes?

Rio: nah, nah listen say this 'All I know is, I must break him'

Vidic: ??

Rio: Like Drago in Rocky IV innit.

Vidic: I am from Serbia and Motenegro, not Russia.

Rio: :confused: You don't look Caribbean.

Vidic: ........

[zeusxor]

C.Q: OK for zis game I want two banks of two up the middle followed on the flanks by Gary and Patrice, both Ryan and Darren will stay wide in a pincer movement until the time is right to supply Wayne and Ruud at this time I want...


Rio: *Starts whistling.

Vidic: What is it that he is saying what does it mean?

Gaz: I don't fookin know, we never listen to him anyway but wen the gaffer comes round we all pretend like we understood.. Just nod when I do.

Luis: Carlos zu u 'av tactics for when I come on ze pitch?

C.Q: Yes Luis, course I do.. *continues his monotone tactical talk.

Giggsy: I used to be a somebody, a contender [/raging bull]

SAF enters room. Everyone sits up straight paying attention to the whiteboard. SAF leaves room. Rio throws towel at Ronaldo.

Ronaldo: My hair!! *Runs to the bathroom crying.

CQ: In this game we have no Cristiano so I want Park out wide.

SAF enters room.

CQ: In this game we have no Cristiano so I want Fletcher out wide.

Darren: :D

SaF leaves room.
brilliant hahaha

[Uniteder]

Rio: hey, Jumanji

Vidic: My name is Numanja

Rio: err, yea sorry Jum..Numaji

Vidic: ..... you are a bit slow, yes?

Rio: nah, nah listen say this 'All I know is, I must break him'

Vidic: ??

Rio: Like Drago in Rocky IV innit.

Vidic: I am from Serbia and Motenegro, not Russia.

Rio: :confused: You don't look Caribbean.

Vidic: ........

Awesome *adds to Imaginary rep bar * :D

---

My pathetic attempt

SAF - So twetty I want you to tell evra what to do

-later-

Evra - So what are the basic fundamental life aspects of united and what should I do to pre pare for a game ?

Tweety - :confused: you pre pare ?

[Dark Savante]

Awesome *adds to Imaginary rep bar *

---

My pathetic attempt

SAF - So twetty I want you to tell evra what to do

-later-

Evra - So what are the basic fundamental life aspects of united and what should I do to pre pare for a game ?

Tweety - :confused: you pre pare ?
I don't know about anyone else, but this made me laugh out loud. Imagining Tweety's dopey face and slow response....hahahah classic!! :D :D

[Motterman]

Ruud: ...and that's when you shoot far post.

Rossi: Yes, master.

Ole: Actually, I would shoot far post as well, but I'd put it in off the post.

Ruud: He's just showing off.

Rooney: Actually, speaking of hitting the post, here comes Cristiano... *snickers*

Ronaldo: What's up, yo?

Rossi, Ruud, Ole, Rooney: Nothin. *more snickering*

Ronaldo: Are you guys making fun of me again?

Ruud: No, not at all.

(Ronaldo turns to leave)

Rooney: Hey, wait!

(Ronaldo turns around to see what Rooney wants)

Rooney: You almost forgot your man-purse. *more snickering*

Ronaldo: Yeah, you're a funny guy.

Rooney: What do you mean, "funny"? Funny, like "haha" or what?

*Rossi, Ruud and Ole, hold back Rooney*

Ronaldo: I guess I should go now, I have a flight to Portugal.

Rooney: Wow, I didn't know giraffes could fly!

*Ruud, Ole, and Rossi collapse on the floor laughing...*

[Uniteder]

Ruud: ...and that's when you shoot far post.

Rossi: Yes, master.

Ole: Actually, I would shoot far post as well, but I'd put it in off the post.

Ruud: He's just showing off.

Rooney: Actually, speaking of hitting the post, here comes Cristiano... *snickers*

Ronaldo: What's up, yo?

Rossi, Ruud, Ole, Rooney: Nothin. *more snickering*

Ronaldo: Are you guys making fun of me again?

Ruud: No, not at all.

(Ronaldo turns to leave)

Rooney: Hey, wait!

(Ronaldo turns around to see what Rooney wants)

Rooney: You almost forgot your man-purse. *more snickering*

Ronaldo: Yeah, you're a funny guy.

Rooney: What do you mean, "funny"? Funny, like "haha" or what?

*Rossi, Ruud and Ole, hold back Rooney*

Ronaldo: I guess I should go now, I have a flight to Portugal.

Rooney: Wow, I didn't know giraffes could fly!

*Ruud, Ole, and Rossi collapse on the floor laughing...*

WTF LOOOL

I don't know about anyone else, but this made me laugh out loud. Imagining Tweety's dopey face and slow response....hahahah classic!!

LoL thnx mate first time lucky :p

[jayro75]

Ruud: ...and that's when you shoot far post.

Rossi: Yes, master.

Ole: Actually, I would shoot far post as well, but I'd put it in off the post.

Ruud: He's just showing off.

Rooney: Actually, speaking of hitting the post, here comes Cristiano... *snickers*

Ronaldo: What's up, yo?

Rossi, Ruud, Ole, Rooney: Nothin. *more snickering*

Ronaldo: Are you guys making fun of me again?

Ruud: No, not at all.

(Ronaldo turns to leave)

Rooney: Hey, wait!

(Ronaldo turns around to see what Rooney wants)

Rooney: You almost forgot your man-purse. *more snickering*

Ronaldo: Yeah, you're a funny guy.

Rooney: What do you mean, "funny"? Funny, like "haha" or what?

*Rossi, Ruud and Ole, hold back Rooney*

Ronaldo: I guess I should go now, I have a flight to Portugal.

Rooney: Wow, I didn't know giraffes could fly!

*Ruud, Ole, and Rossi collapse on the floor laughing...*


Motter is that really you??? It sure seems like Coach or Rick got a hold of your computer...;)

[Dark Savante]

SAF: Shite, we're 3-1 down with 20inutes to go we've got our best team out there and they're not making any inroads on the defence. Suggestions Carlos?

C.Q: Well, I would think a small nimble striker who looks for spaces in the oppositions midfield would be perfect to avoid the lumbering CB's who are all over Ruud and Rooney.

SAF: *nods, listening intently.

Rossi: *eyes glistening can barely contain his excitement.

C.Q: I would then pull Rooney over to the left on attack thus leaving his marker to follow or stay...at which point the small nimble striker will exploit the space and get us into the game.

SAF: still nodding.

C.Q: This is what I do.

SAF: I see. OK O'Shea you're going in.

Rossi: :(

C.Q: :confused: