A season in the life of the United camp

[Uniteder]

SAF: Shite, we're 3-1 down with 20inutes to go we've got our best team out there and they're not making any inroads on the defence. Suggestions Carlos?

C.Q: Well, I would think a small nimble striker who looks for spaces in the oppositions midfield would be perfect to avoid the lumbering CB's who are all over Ruud and Rooney.

SAF: *nods, listening intently.

Rossi: *eyes glistening can barely contain his excitement.

C.Q: I would then pull Rooney over to the left on attack thus leaving his marker to follow or stay...at which point the small nimble striker will exploit the space and get us into the game.

SAF: still nodding.

C.Q: This is what I do.

SAF: I see. OK O'Shea you're going in.

Rossi: :(

C.Q: :confused:

LOOL but what about fletch :D best one yet lol.

[zeusxor]

carrying on from DS' post :p


'SAF: The scousers are going to be tough going, specially with Gerrard, Sissy-oko and Alonso in the middle, how will we contain them? any ideas Carlos?

C.Q: I think we need a box-to-box player, a player with total commitment, a player with dauntless courage, and a player with so much physical presence, that the scousers will be pushed on the back-foot. I think we need to go to the dressing room and see whos up to the challenge.

-in the dressing room-
*SAF and C.Q enter, and C.Q explains the requirement*

Gaz: fookin' scousers!
Alan: ill un-leg those bastards!
Tweety: *jumps up* Voss im reazy to zu ANYTHING! IM all zat u are look for.

SAF: Yes, we might go with you.

C.Q: *aghast* surely you want another look.

SAF: ofcourse, how could i overlook, Darren is our guy.

Fletch: :D

[Vermont Red]

SAF on the phone:

SAF: I don't know what to do. Liverpool is tough and tactically disciplined. We're weakened by suspension and injuries.

Voice on the other end: Let's face it, the squad is crap, they are unmotivated and you have lost the ability to motivate them.

SAF: I don't disagree, but I have to do something. I would try new tactics but let's be frank, our football IQ is not that high. New tactics generate confusion, which leads to anger. Don't you have any advice?

Voice: You did this to yourself. You ignored the warning signs, you kept faith with the wrong players and now you have to rely on kids who are not ready to seize the big stage. You'll be fine in a couple of season, if you last that long. As for Liverpool, just try and kick them off the park. They play Continental-style, so they won't like that. Good luck.

SAF: Thanks Roy. I'll speak to you next week.

[zeusxor]

Gaz to Rio: fookin' hell, that frenchman cost us the game against citeh.... i cant take it anymore. HE NEEDS TAH TOO FOOKIN GO!

Rio: I know mate, but what do we do?

Gaz: *evil grin* i know! we throw a boot at him when the gaffer enters, that way they'll quarrel and he'll get to go. just like becksy went.

Rio: allright! tahts a plan!

-later-

*Rio sits near the door of the dressing room and puts one boot of a pair near the entrance, Gaz hides behind a locker, with the other pair of the boot in his hand. Tweety is sitting at the far end of the room, lost in his thoughts*

*SAF enters, quick as a flash, Gaz chucks the boot towards tweety, it hits him on the fore head*

Gaz: *returns to Rio in a flash* that oughta fookin do it, now he'll look at the other pair and fight with the gaffer.

Tweety: hey! *perplexed, looking up at the ceiling*
*mumbles* bad english weather. *goes back into his thoughts*

Rio: ....
Gaz: fookin' .....

[StrikerCW]

You make it seem like Carlos is some kind of tactical genious and SAF is just a douche... :)

[jayro75]

You make it seem like Carlos is some kind of tactical genious and SAF is just a douche... :)


I think it seems like Carlos is in charge of our tactics which makes them both a bit of a douche...

[DutchFootballRulez]

You have found proof that Carlos is some kind of tactical genious and SAF is just a douche... :)
fyp

[Dark Savante]

lol ^^


Ok this one will split the forum in half, but here it is anyway!!

Season has just ended and it's time to sort the squad out for the next campaign.

SAF is in his office calling each player in to tell them their fate.

SAF: I'm considering a new contract for you Wayne, one that will keep you here till 2020 on 150k a week.

Waz: err, agent tell me no talk to badman without him.

SAF: Bless you Wayne *pats head

Waz: growls.

SAF *releases hand* fiesty as ever, eh lad? That's why we love you here. On your way now. Maude, can ye send in young Darren for me lass?

Before SAF can release his hand from the intercom and look up he feels another presence with him in the room.. he looks up and there is Fletch.

SAF: Oh, Darren that was quick. Take a seat lad, I;ve got some news.

Fletch: *takes seat

SAF: The thing is Darren, the squad has been a disspoinment this year and in our endeavour to catch those Southern bastards we're gonna have to let a few of the lads go. Unfortunately it means I'm going to have to let you go as we have Renne van der Foriegnbloke coming in from the continent to play next to Paul next season.

Fletch: *says nothing... he looks up at SAF//

SAF: err... as I was saying lad, we're going to have to let you go.

Fletch: *waves hand. You do not want to let me go.

SAF: I do not want to let you go.

Fletch: You want me to start in midfield.

SAF: I want you to start in midfield.

Fletch: You want to give me a pay rise.

SAF: I want to give you a pay rise.

Fletch: *waves hand. Good, I'm glad we've had this conversation....boss. I hope to serve the repub...Manchester United well.

SAF: *scratches head.

[zeusxor]

You make it seem like Carlos is some kind of tactical genious and SAF is just a douche... :)
Are you forgetting the dreaded 4-3-3 was C.Q's brainchild? adopted for so long by Fergie..

and no that's not my intention whatsoever :P

[listen_up_fergie]

http://i2.photobucket.com/albums/y11/no_pseudonym/trainingpic.jpg

Louis: Hay guyz, I hears zet Patrice was only bought ez part of Ronaldo's new wage packet or else ee wud ev gone to Real Madrid.
Rio: Wot? Evra would've gone to Madrid?
Roon: No, you ********!
Gaz: Lol...look at those two poofs training together.

[Motterman]

Seriously, is it necessary to wear ear-rings during training?

[Vermont Red]

Seriously, is it necessary to wear ear-rings during training?

Ronaldo was told that it would be a formal practice.

[jayro75]

Ronaldo was told that it would be a formal practice.


Thank god he left the pearl necklace at home...

[Vermont Red]

Thank god he left the pearl necklace at home...

I heard that he received one later.

[jayro75]

I heard that he received one later.


Tried to keep my post clean for the kiddies... But leave it to VR to go straight to the gutter...;)

[Vermont Red]

Tried to keep my post clean for the kiddies... But leave it to VR to go straight to the gutter...;)

I have no idea what you're talking about, you silly felcher.

[Achtung]

Gaz: Lol...look at those two poofs training together.

I must get into Poof!

http://the-op.com/images/episode/204/gob-in-this-poof_sm.jpg

[StrikerCW]

pearl necklace-one of the highest expressions of love and affection bestowable upon a woman by a man.

So says Urban Dictionary.

edit: or a poof.

[Dark Savante]

SAF: It's a great game you had out there today Giuseppe. Keep that up and you'll be ready for a few starts in the league!

Rossi: Thanks boss, I try my best *looks at pristine finger nails

Saha: *mumbles I shall keel u before I let you tek ma spot on zer first teeem.

SAF: Oh Luis, do you have something to say about your performance out there today? Young Giuseppe here

Rossi: *preening hair

SAF: played you in on two perfect through balls

Rossi: *looks at nails again, flicks a spec of dirt of his kit.

SAF: And you turned them all to shite Luis! wat the ******** happened there? :mad:

Luis: I do not know boss. I fink it was my poor choice of laces, yes, zat must be eet. I tried these new laces today and..

SAF: Can you no come up with something better than that shite Luis?

Luis: :(

SAF: Young Giuseppe played you off the park, no offense Ji

Ji: none taken boss

SAF: Why can't you be more like Giuseppe, Luis?

Rossi: Adjusts cravaet in a hand sized mirror

Luis: Sorry boss ah will du betr nexx time. Ah swear!

SAF: See tae it you do lad or the wee lad will have your spot!

Luis: *mumbles* not if a keel heem first he wont.

SAF: Speak up lad what are you saying?

Luis: Oh nuffink boss, I said, not if I rehearse.

[Bryanmufc]

Add some more dialouge between Ruud and Ronaldo (since they are supposed to be good friends).Please thanks.