OT:jokes from my inbox...

[cooldude]

Two women had been having a friendly lunch when the subject turned to sex.

"You know, John and I have been having some sexual problems" Linda told her friend.

That's amazing!" Mary replied, "So have Tom and I. We're thinking of going to a sex therapist" said Linda.

"Oh, we could never do that! We'd be too embarrassed!" responded Mary. "But after you go, will you please tell me how it went?"

Several weeks passed and they met for lunch again. "So, how did the sex therapy work out, Linda?"

"Things couldn't be better!", Linda exclaimed. "We began with a physical exam, and afterward the doctor said he was certain he could help us. He told us to stop at the grocery store on the way home and buy a bunch of grapes and a dozen donuts.

He told us to sit on the floor nude, and toss the grapes and donuts at each other. Every grape that went into my vagina, John had to get it out with his tongue. Every donut that I ringed his penis with, I had to eat. Our sex life is wonderful, in fact it's better than it's ever been!"

With that endorsement, Mary talked her husband into an appointment with the same sex therapist. After the physical exams were completed the doctor called Mary and Tom into his office. "I'm afraid there is nothing I can do for you," he said.

But doctor," Mary complained, "You did such good for Linda and John, surely you must have a suggestion for us! Please, please, can't you give us some help? Any help at all?"

"Well, OK," the doctor answered "On your way home, I want you to stop at the grocery store and buy a sack of apples and a box of Cheerios..."

[cooldude]

I got a phone call from a gorgeous ex-girlfriend the other day. We lost track of time, chatting about the wild, romantic nights we used to enjoy together.

I couldn't believe it when she asked if I'd be interested in meeting up and rekindling a little of that "magic."

Wow!" I said. "I don't know if I could keep pace with you now. I'm a bit older and a bit balder than when you last saw me!"

She just giggled and said she was sure I'd "rise" to the challenge.

"Yeah" I said, "just so long as you don't mind a man with a waistline that's a few inches wider these days!"

She laughed and told me to stop being so silly. She teased me, saying that tubby bald men were cute, and she was sure I would still be a great lover.

"Anyway," she giggled, "I've put on a few pounds myself!"

So I told her to f.uck off. :D

[cooldude]

An elderly Italian man who lived on the outskirts of Monte Casino went to the local church for confession.

When the priest slid open the panel in the confessional, the man said, "Father, during World War II, a beautiful woman knocked on my door and asked me to hide her from the enemy. So I hid her in my attic."

The priest replied, "That was a wonderful thing you did, my son! And you have no need to confess that."

"It's worse than that, Father. She started to repay me with sexual favours," the old man said.

The priest said, "By doing that, you were both in great danger. However, two people under those circumstances can be very tempted to behave in such a manner. But if you are truly sorry for your actions, you are indeed forgiven."

Thank you, Father," the old man said. "That's a great load off my mind. But I do have one more question."

"And what is that?" asked the priest.

"Should I tell her the war is over?"

[cooldude]

Sorry I kept them coming, I'm just fecking bored. Univ. sucks man.

[Blue Celery]

Define Confusion....


Fathers Day in Liverpool.:D

[yasik19]

Define Confusion....


Fathers Day in Liverpool.:D

:D rotflmao

[Kerry Dixon's Boots]

You have to retain the capacity to laugh at yourself.


Q: How many chelsea fans does it take to change a light bulb?
A: 560,001. That is 1 to change it, 60,000 to say they’ve been changing it for years and 500,000 to buy the replica kit.

Q: What would you get if cheslea were relegated?
A: 60,000 more utd fans

Q: Why can’t you get a cup of tea at Stamford Bridge?
A: All the mugs are on the field and all the cups are at Old Trafford.

Q. What would you call a pregnant Chelsea fan?
A: A dope carrier.

Q. What do you call a Cheslea fan with half a brain?
A: Gifted.

Q: What’s the difference between a dead dog in the road and a dead chelsea fan?
A: Skid marks in front of the dog.

Q: What’s the difference between a Chelsea fan and a Vibrator?
A: A Chelsea fan is a real dick

Q: What’s is the differance between Pamela Anderson and the chelsea goal?
A: Pam’s only got two tits in front of her

Q: Santa Claus, the tooth fairy, an intelligent Chelsea supporter and an old drunk are walking down the street together when simultaneously they each spot a fifty quid note. Who gets it?
A: The old drunk, of course - the other 3 are mythical creatures.

Q: How can you tell a level headed Cheslea supporter?
A: He dribbles from both sides of his mouth - at the same time.

Q: What do you get if you cross a Chelsea fan with a pig?
A: Thick bacon...

Q: What is the difference between Chelsea and a cup of tea?
A: The tea stays in the cup longer!

Q: What do you call an Chelsea fan in a suit?
A: The accused.

Q: Why did God make Chelsea supporters smelly?
A: So blind people could laugh at them too!

Q: What do you call 100 Chelsea supporters at the bottom of a cliff?
A: A good start!

Q: What do you call a dead Chelsea Fan in a closet?
A: Last years winner of the hide and seek contest.

Q: What do you say to a Chelsea supporter with a good looking bird on his arm?
A: Nice tattoo

Q: What do you call an Chelsea fan that does well on an IQ test?
A: A cheat.

[yasik19]

Q: What is the difference between Chelsea and a cup of tea?
A: The tea stays in the cup longer!

ha ha ha :D

[Raj222]

F.A. Statement.

Due to Manchester United's tragic exit from all European Competitions this season,there is to be a minute's laughing at all Premiership games this weekend.

:cool:

Brother that is not funny. I wonder how well Chelsea have done in Europe...LOL :D Now that is funny!

[Blue Celery]

Can someone please ban RajKarI AM A LITTLE ANNOYING BOY222??

[Raj222]

Why? Everytime I post in here, I get banned..

[Blue Celery]

That tells you something doesnt it.

[Raj222]

Yeah. It means you ********ers keep getting upset, wonder why..:rolleyes:

[yasik19]

Yeah. It means you ********ers keep getting upset, wonder why..:rolleyes:

dude, do you want to get banned? If do not, leave. Simple.

[Blue Celery]

Yeah. It means you ********ers keep getting upset, wonder why..:rolleyes:

Its because of you. Thats why. Run along little boy.

[Raj222]

dude, do you want to get banned? If do not, leave. Simple.

Clan is always banning me or giving me those infractions. Still the ********er don't stop me.

Its because of you. Thats why. Run along little boy.

No, the actual reason that you ********ers keep hating on me is because of my team. I won't add anymore to that. You already know. :D

[Blue Celery]

Clan is always banning me or giving me those infractions. Still the ********er don't stop me.



No, the actual reason that you ********ers keep hating on me is because of my team. I won't add anymore to that. You already know. :D

Believe me. Its you. Go eat your lunchables, and finish your time tables.

[Rick B]

Clan is always banning me or giving me those infractions. Still the ********er don't stop me.



No, the actual reason that you ********ers keep hating on me is because of my team. I won't add anymore to that. You already know. :D

Yellow carded for insulting Clan and trolling. Keep your ahite up and you are looking at a Perm ban. Don't try me, it's not worth it.

[Kerry Dixon's Boots]

Yellow carded for insulting Clan and trolling. Keep your ahite up and you are looking at a Perm ban. Don't try me, it's not worth it.

Well Rick mate, as long as you don't go the whole hog and ban jheri curls - that would be a step too far ;)

[Raj222]

We Fly High, No Lie, You Know This, BAAAAAAAAAAALLIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!

We Stay Fly, No Lie, And You Know This...TWO NILLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!!!! :D