Funniest things you've heard a youth soccer player say

[RonP811]

What are the funniest things you've heard kids say on the soccer field?

I'll start with a handful of stories. The first story was when I was coaching my older daughter in U6 AYSO soccer. Ally, the third best player on the team only scored a goal in one game all season but she was a terrific defender and gave great effort. In one game an opposing player had a breakaway (there are no goalies in U6 AYSO where I live) and looked like she was about to score a certain goal. Ally ran the player down by taking a perfect angle to the spot the opposing player was dribbling toward, stole the ball and kicked the ball the other way toward the opposing team's goal. I shouted out, "Great hustle Ally." Ally stopped dead in her trackes as all of the other players headed in the opposite direction. Ally then looked at me puzzled and said, "Coach Ron, what's hustle?"

The second story was yesterday when my daughter was at her U11 travel soccer practice. After practice ended, she was talking to me and the team's head coach and the subject of an opposing team her team played twice last fall came up. In those games her team won once and lost once. In the game her team won, her previous coach had promised the girls he'd buy them ice cream if they won. My daughter proceeded to tell her current coach that they had won the "important" game against the team we were discussing. I said that wasn't true, and added that they had split their two games against that team. My daughter looked at me like I was a complete moron and said, "You're wrong, daddy. We won the game that mattered. We won the game where we got ice cream."

Another story was when my daughter scored an own goal against our team and two goals for our team in U6 AYSO. She proudly told her grandparents that she had scored three goals that day. In fact the own goal came when she had tried to clear the ball out of the goal area and unleashed her hardest kick of the season, which unfortunately went into our goal. She was so proud of how hard she had struck the ball (it was a laser beam shot in contrast to most U6 goals which dribble past the goalline) that when the season was over she insisted that the own goal was her best goal of the season.

Another story came this past spring when I was coaching my younger daughter in U6 AYSO. Our team was undefeated at the time when we had our first close game of the season. With 30 seconds to go in the game, the opposing team scored the tying goal to make it 4-4. After the ensuing kickoff, one of our players who had only scored a goal in one other game got the ball near midfield a foot from the out of bounds line. She proceeded to drive the ball up the field in a full blown sprint, angled the ball back toward the middle of the field, split two defenders and scored with five seconds left to play to give us a 5-4 victory. After the game she was eating the team snack (I forget what it was) and I said to her, "This was a pretty good day for you." She responded, "Yeah, this is the best team snack of the season."

My last story came a few days ago when I was talking to the head coach of my older daughter's U11 travel soccer team. We are in the midwest and we were trying to decide what tournaments to play in. We were considering tournaments in Illinois, Indiana and Ohio, when my daughter offered her two cents and said, "I think we should find a tournament in Mexico."

[Ray Luca]

This has something to do with coaching?

[spartanpele]

Those are some funny stories, ...(but this thread should probably be moved to a different area on the board.)

[RonP811]

I think the interaction between a coach and a player has something to do with coaching. Most of these stories took place in my role as a coach. While I agree this thread doesn't have as much to do with coaching as tactics or drills, I think dialogue between a coach and player is relevant to coaching.

[EJDad]

at U6 (and U11) it should be ALL about the interactions!

...and the snacks!

[goyoureddevils]

What a bunch of sour ass's! Coaching at a high level is all about sneering attitudes and placating overblown egos. At the beginning, where we all have been at one time, this is what makes coaching kids so much fun.

I once was coaching a U10 girls game when an 8 year old little princess, blonde hair and blue eyes and the cutest little dimples to go with the pretty ribbons in her hair - ran past me after losing the ball yelling "Sh#t Sh#t Sh#t!". I almost fell over laughing at the sight of it.

Or the time one of my campers, another cute little 8 year old to be exact, walked up to my wife during one of the breaks and hands on hips demanded to know what the snack was today. Unmoved, my wife succinctly told her that it was ice cream sandwiches again. Maria looked at her aghast as proclaimed, "We had that yesterday, can't he come up with something better than that?"

My all time favorite though, revolves around three characters from the above mentioned Maria's family (9 soccer playing kids between the ages of 4 and 20 and the parents both play too!). After an indoor game in which Katera's U12 Girls team had to play her dreaded brother's U11 squad, the 4 year old instigator Jacob asked Katera point blank while snacking on strawberries how it felt to "Have yer ass handed to you today by yer little brother?"

!!!!!!!!!! Four years old......are you kidding me. I lost it when I heard it! Their parents were fighting back the tears while trying to dicipline Jacob for his potty mouth. Absolutely unbelievable, but by far my favorite "whopper" from a little kid.

[mzbrand]

Thanks for the post, goyoureddevils. While the practical advice in this forum is great, it's nice to share the fun side of coaching as only coaches can understand.

BTW, your stories were hillarious!

[thedeuce_2]

As soon as I read the headline to this thread I thought about a really cool kid I coached in 1st-2nd grade rec league a few years ago. His name was Sammy and boy was this kid a firecracker. I loved coaching him because he never stopped. He really had a lot of energy, even for a kid! I remember I took him out of a game once and he came to the sidelines and got the usual good job high-five. Then, he took off running to the other side of the field! I stopped him, "Sammy! Where ya going?" He quickly replied, "I'm gonna go hug my dad!"

[Slug]

Coaching a JV boys soccer team. Normally in coaching you pick a theme for the day but my team was struggling mightily in one area; "composure" so I structured a whole week of pratice on that theme. The overall breakdown was that composure on the field was generated through confidence and confidence came through good soccer sense, technique, and ball skills.

So on Thursday of that week I was addressing the team at the end of practice and briefly overviewing our progress and the steps we'd taken towards achieving more composure on the field. That's when one of my sophomore players interrupted me and asked, "Coach, um...what's composure?"
:rolleyes:

[EJDad]

Watching a u7 boys game - some dad/coach kept yellin "go north! Go north" (meaning, I think, "go forward") 10 minutes into the game- you guessed it- 3 kids (2 from one team 1 from the other) are standing in the middle of the field pointing and talking while the game is going on. Coach yells "What are you doing?! Kids- "Trying to figure out which way north is!"

[Soccermid8]

I was refing a 7 year old game and right after the opening whistle a girl picks up the ball with her hands i blow the whistle and the girl looks confused and her coach says "Alison you cant pick up the ball with your hands" and the girl replied "last week I could" apparently she had played goalie the week before

[The Lion Keeper]

I was coaching an indoor game with my U8 (7year olds). I had only one sub this game. We were killing the other team, so I was just trying to get kids in different positions. The score was somewhere around 11-0 and I had my boys playing keep away and only allowed to shoot from outside the box. Our keeper hadn't had a shot on or near him all game so I wanted to get him on the field. I asked the one boy on the bench if he would mind going in goal.

His response was immediate and priceless, he said "sure, but can I have a newspaper with that?". 7 years old. I'll remember that for the rest of my life.

[Val1]

I was coaching an U-10 team, mostly boys,two girls. One of the girls had an older brother who'd played a lot of soccer and taught her well. Her form was the best on the team, and maybe the best form I've had since.

But, she wasn't the most energetic, and at one point I was encouraging her, telling her what she had to do if she wanted to be a good soccer player.

She looked up at me and said, "But I don't want to be a soccer player. I want to be an equestrian".

[goyoureddevils]

Forgot this one before. I was coaching the "Wee Bears" program at The Plex here in Ft Wayne one Sunday afternoon. The 5's and 6's played short, 3v3 games each week. The team I was coaching put a real whooping on their opponents this particular day, and the kids were very excited about it as they came off the field. One little boy came running over to me and exclaimed, "Yeah! We blew those guys!"..... at which point I said in a quiet voice, "Tommy, I think you mean to say - 'We blew those guys away, right?" ....... and at the top of his lungs for everyone to hear he yelled, "YEAH!!!! WE REALLY BLEW THOSE GUYS!!!!!"

I just looked at his father, shook my head and told him, "I think I'll let you handle it from here, okay?"

[GROVESHSCOACH]

Forgot this one before. I was coaching the "Wee Bears" program at The Plex here in Ft Wayne one Sunday afternoon. The 5's and 6's played short, 3v3 games each week. The team I was coaching put a real whooping on their opponents this particular day, and the kids were very excited about it as they came off the field. One little boy came running over to me and exclaimed, "Yeah! We blew those guys!"..... at which point I said in a quiet voice, "Tommy, I think you mean to say - 'We blew those guys away, right?" ....... and at the top of his lungs for everyone to hear he yelled, "YEAH!!!! WE REALLY BLEW THOSE GUYS!!!!!"

I just looked at his father, shook my head and told him, "I think I'll let you handle it from here, okay?"

Thats Classic!


My most recent comment came from my U-14 Girls travel team. I have been playing this one girl at left back most of the game and asked her if she wanted to try playing some outside3 midfielder? She replied, "Sure, but only if you put me on the right side of the field." Puzzled I asked why and she replied that "our cluless parents were annoying her with their constant dribble." I don't know what was funnier, her acknowledging the fact that the parents yell some pretty annoying things or the fact that she used the phrase "annoying dribble"

[Innocenza]

I was at practice with my U-10s, and we were talking about what had gone well and what had gone badly in the last game. I asked for an example of what went wrong, and after a few suggestions of "not enough passing", etc., one of the little girls raised her hand. In all seriousness, she said:

"We needed to make more throw-ins."

[JohnR]

My son used to have a ULittle coach who preached to defenders to take down an opponent if legal defense failed. After one game in which the team lost by a score of 4-2, courtesy in part of 2 goals scored on direct free kicks, the coach asked, "What did we learn from this game?" He wanted an answer like "We needed to be more aggressive in winning 50/50 balls." My kid stuck up his hand and said, "We foul too often when we get beaten"?

The coach quickly changed the subject. ;)

[goyoureddevils]

Had a good one this past weekend in a 4-6 year olds program I'm running this fall. The little boy, Nathan, is a slightly chubby yet very energetic and chatty little 5 year old. His team was getting walloped pretty bad in this 3v3 no goalies game. In fact, they had in the first ten minutes, barely gotten the ball over the midfield line as the other team just swarmed every ball. Nathan was getting pretty frustrated with his team for not doing well, but he is pretty chipper and was definately not giving up on the game.

Finally, he got to take a goal kick, and boy did he lay into it! It sailed clear over the head's of all three opponents and began rolling into the other half. As Nathan ran past me going after the ball as fast as his little legs could carry him, he turned and looked at me and let out a "WOOOOOOOOOHHOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" while pumping his fist up and down.

Clearly, we adults have forgotten what makes this game fun!

[Mini Shay]

Im no coach, but I do help out our coach at the Liesure Centre with football parties.

Just this sunday we had a party I agreed to help with. A grouop of 8 boys all aged around 9 10 years of age.

I went in goal for one team and was giving it all the exagerated dives and saves as you do! But on one save I totaly got wrong and ended up taking the ball square in the area only us blokes can understand the pain! I was hunched over obviously with the wind knocked out of me finding it hard to breath when one of the lads said "it shouldnt hurt for that long!" This was the same kid that when we took them up for the food and asked what they would like to drink, asked for "a double house vodka coz its cheaper!"

Kids know far too much these days!

[goyoureddevils]

asked for "a double house vodka coz its cheaper!"



Only response I can think of is....... WOW!

Apparently his dad has seen to his, erm, "education" personally!