Plan Nude From Outer Space

[antifan]

Well I must say your parties sound like a lot more fun than mine. ;)
Its just like Real Estate, location, location, location. ;)

[jatm516]

Yeah, girls do make that face sometimes when you're trying to find your way to their heart. ;) :D
LMAO

[antifan]

LMAO
;) Thanks Ash, you're a great audience. :)

Anywho, i missed Pink Floyd today, does anyone know which songs they played?

[jatm516]

This was in The Onion this week. It's hilarious! :D

Dear Office of the Clerk,

I was pleased to receive your gracious request for my presence at the small get-together to be held in your exalted halls on Thursday the 28th of July. Be assured that I was grateful for the warm tidings offered by you, the Wapello County Sheriff's Department, and please know I am fully aware of your overflowing social calendar. Therefore, it is with no small sense of remorse, particularly in light of the many previous engagements of ours that I have had cause to break, that I must regretfully decline your invitation.

Gentlemen and ladies, do not for one moment imagine that I am unaware of the lengths to which you have surely gone in this matter. I am humbled to think of the many uniformed servants you have sent zig-zagging back and forth over the tri-county area, merely to deliver my invitation—especially considering that I have relocated frequently in recent months, and have even been without a proper address for weeks at a time.

I would love to attend your criminal hearing! If not for several pressing personal matters, I would certainly join you in court.

The first of these matters is the distressing state in which I find my automobile. Were she only roadworthy, she would carry me to the scheduled proceedings with alacrity. Alas, her undercarriage blooms with cancerous expanses of rust. Her engine wheezes and coughs like an asthmatic hound. And from beneath her issues an ominous black puddle, which portends a failing transmission, a cracked block, or worse. I fear that to operate her would be to put my very life in peril!

The second personal matter precluding my acceptance of your kind invitation is, I am afraid, financial. Gentlemen, my monetary affairs are in an unfortunate state. Business responsibilities, as prominent men such as you must appreciate, must supersede all social niceties, and, to be perfectly frank, it is presently beyond my means to attend even to those. In fact, I believe my colleague, Mr. Dutch Haney, who by no small coincidence is mentioned prominently and repeatedly in the documents summoning my presence, is a mutual acquaintance of ours. Knowing, as you must, Mr. Haney's rather coarse fixation on compensation for damages to personal property, and my sensitivity to baseness of any sort, my reluctance to attend your gathering requires no further elucidation.

I feel an especial pang of regret that I will not be there to bask in the presence of the Hon. Claude Gerber, a man with whom I have passed many an engaging and stimulating afternoon—a true gentlemen, that one, a true character. I hoped with all my heart he did not mean it when he said he never wished for me to darken his door again, and I take this invitation as evidence my hopes were not in vain.

And Officer Schepke... Fair, fair Lilly Schepke. You were meant for gentler things than to stand to the right and chuckle over tired old anecdotes—as well as charges of grand larceny, grand theft auto, public drunkenness, domestic assault, and discharging a firearm within city limits.

No, perhaps it is for the best. How quickly you would grow tired of me, I'm sure, were I to surrender to self-indulgence and the court-appointed bailiff the morning of July 28. I would certainly bore you, or worse yet, etiquette would require that I remain in your company for not less than five nor more than seven years.

I will, therefore, take my leave; I assure you, gentles, that the disappointment is all mine.

Sincerely,

Shane M. Ridenhauer

[antifan]

This was in The Onion this week. It's hilarious! :D


I love the Onion. I gave my Brother their book, "Dispatches from the 12th Circle" (?) for Christmas a few years ago, it was so good that i snaked it back and kept it. :D

[jwaldman11]

I love the Onion. I gave my Brother their book, "Dispatches from the 12th Circle" (?) for Christmas a few years ago, it was so good that i snaked it back and kept it. :D
I have that one and "Our Dumb Century", which I think is the better one. I read the site every week and especially love the Horoscopes.

[antifan]

I have that one and "Our Dumb Century", which I think is the better one. I read the site every week and especially love the Horoscopes.
Really? I'll have to get that one, great site too. I'm still reading this weeks. You might enjoy this BBC Article (http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/entertainment/music/4637801.stm) , which takes a pretty cynical view of Live 8.
Edit: LOL, i never checked out the horoscopes before, thanks for the tip.

[Its only Ray Parlour]

Marlon Wayans.

http://cyber.luc.chez.tiscali.fr/lafrance/Thierry.JPG

Thierry Henry

http://www-personal.umich.edu/~patanash/thewayans/wayans_marlon04.gif

[Bluto11]

oh tjats great

[antifan]

Goddamn, i leave for a few hours and you guys just rum rampant. :(

[antifan]

Goddamn, i leave for a few hours and you guys just rum rampant. :(
Freudian slip! :D

[Claus KJ]

Freudian slip! :D

It might be a slip but what a slip.

KJ

[jwaldman11]

Freudian slip! :D
Speaking of that kind of slip, I was given a list of Chinese words for manufacturing. One of them was supposed to be "sample run", but they spelled it out as "sample rum".

[Claus KJ]

Speaking of that kind of slip, I was given a list of Chinese words for manufacturing. One of them was supposed to be "sample run", but they spelled it out as "sample rum".

That reminds me of some of the HK films I've seen, where the subtitles very clearly were done by some chinese guy with a very bad grasp of the english language. Sometimes it makes up for some very fun reading but it can make it a bit hard to understand what the hell is going on.

KJ

[jwaldman11]

That reminds me of some of the HK films I've seen, where the subtitles very clearly were done by some chinese guy with a very bad grasp of the english language. Sometimes it makes up for some very fun reading but it can make it a bit hard to understand what the hell is going on.

KJ
Actually, the worst I ever saw was at work, when a co-worker sent out pictures of a yellow latch on a plastic box. Except that he labelled it "yellow snatch". :D

It does swing both ways though. A guy I know does vibratory chemicals and one of his products is called 78, which is "chi-sh-ba" in Chinese. However, he shortened it up to just "chi-ba". He said he was in the back of a cab talking to a guy about the product and shipping containers of it out of Taiwan. The cab driver was in front laughing his ass off. The guy asked the other guy he was with why he was laughing. He was told that, in Taiwanese, "chi-ba" is slang **********, so the cab driver thought he was shipping containers of ********** out of Taiwan.

[Coach_McGuirk]

Actually, the worst I ever saw was at work, when a co-worker sent out pictures of a yellow latch on a plastic box. Except that he labelled it "yellow snatch". :D

It does swing both ways though. A guy I know does vibratory chemicals and one of his products is called 78, which is "chi-sh-ba" in Chinese. However, he shortened it up to just "chi-ba". He said he was in the back of a cab talking to a guy about the product and shipping containers of it out of Taiwan. The cab driver was in front laughing his ass off. The guy asked the other guy he was with why he was laughing. He was told that, in Taiwanese, "chi-ba" is slang **********, so the cab driver thought he was shipping containers of ********** out of Taiwan.
Ok, this brings up 2 "misunderstandings" involving American products, Asian markets, and poor research into what your name translates to.

To the best of my knowledge, both of these are true (one was an example used in an advertising class I took):

Example "A": The TV show "Joanie Loves Chachi" was a ratings dud in America and the rest of the world, except in South Korea where it was a smash hit. Unbeknownst to the creators of the show, "Chachi" was slang in S. Korea for "penis". I must agree that "Joanis Loves Penis" would have been a much better show, but this begs the question: how many people in Korea were bitterly disappointed that Joanie never got around to loving the Chachi????

Example "B": When Coca-Cola was first introduced in China the sales numbers were abyssmal. This was especially vexing for the company as their initial taste testings in China went over exceedingly well and they expected to produce enormous sales figures. The people at Coca-Cola spent a great amount of time trying to figure out where the problem was. Finally, they realized in the nick of time that it was the name of the product that almost killed Coke in China. It turns out that "Coca-Cola" sounds like the Chinese words for "Bite the wax tadpole". The lesson from this? Don't skimp on the old consumer research budget.


Another example we were given showing how American companies sometimes drop the ball completely was when Gerber baby foods initially were introduced in Africa. The products went on the shelves and Gerber couldn't give the stuff away. It turned out that consumers in African nations at the time were used to packaging that showed what product was inside the jar or bottle. Since Gerber failed to realize this and di not change their packaging, African consumers were horrified to see that this American company was selling small glass jars of...pureed babies.

:D

[jwaldman11]

Example "B": When Coca-Cola was first introduced in China the sales numbers were abyssmal. This was especially vexing for the company as their initial taste testings in China went over exceedingly well and they expected to produce enormous sales figures. The people at Coca-Cola spent a great amount of time trying to figure out where the problem was. Finally, they realized in the nick of time that it was the name of the product that almost killed Coke in China. It turns out that "Coca-Cola" sounds like the Chinese words for "Bite the wax tadpole". The lesson from this? Don't skimp on the old consumer research budget.
That would explain why the name in Chinese now is "Cu-ca cu-la". Ironically enough though, 7-11 still has the same name over there as it does here.

[Riz]

It turns out that "Coca-Cola" sounds like the Chinese words for "Bite the wax tadpole".

Music geek fact: One of L7's first songs was called "Bit the Wax Tadpole."

:D

[Claus KJ]

Ok, this brings up 2 "misunderstandings" involving American products, Asian markets, and poor research into what your name translates to.
[snip]

:D

Try googling pik and you'll find out that a lot of companies and products are called something with pik in the name. What you probably won't find out is that it's the Danish word for dick. Most amusing.

KJ

[phishy]

http://us.movies1.yimg.com/movies.yahoo.com/images/hv/photo/movie_pix/miramax_films/reservoir_dogs/_group_photos/chris_penn3.jpgMusic geek fact: One of L7's first songs was called "Bit the Wax Tadpole."

:D