No more!

[Laggard]

Ugh. Just got back from a tourny where I did an U12 boys game. It was the single worst hour of my life. Coaches were yelling at me, players were yelling at me, fans were yelling at me. Both teams were extremely aggressive and things sorta got out of hand.

It was obviously outside my skill level. I was making mistakes on my calls and just plain sucked.

I will not do tournament games again. I'll stick to the local traveling leagues where they seem to play for fun.

[Statesman]

Everybody has a game from hell every now and then. All you can do is reflect on the things you did right and the things you did wrong. If there were any credible spectators you could seek their opinion (assessors, other refs, etc).

Don't blow off all competitive games based on a single bad one. Most are much more enjoyable than the recreational games once you learn how to control them. You'll be missing out on the true beauty of the game and art of refereeing if you don't work your way into those levels. Next time just ask the assignor if he has a good "introductory" level competitive games and have an assessor come watch. You'll be comfortable at that level in no time, and thankful that you stuck to it.

[jacathcart]

Ugh. Just got back from a tourny where I did an U12 boys game. It was the single worst hour of my life. Coaches were yelling at me, players were yelling at me, fans were yelling at me. Both teams were extremely aggressive and things sorta got out of hand.

Started a new season today with a Memorial Weekend tournament - GU-11 premiere game. Team from Canada and one from another part of the state. Wx in the 70s with a light breeze - perfect day to play and ref. Canadian coach starts with a bitch because I won't let a player on the pitch with taped earrings.

Stateside (SS) team was very good for U-11 - fast aggressive and physical which is unusual for GU-11 and even better, pretty decently physical - well coached to charge properly and willing to put their bodies into it. Not excessively violent and not out of control, but these ARE U-11 girls and so mistakes are made. SS team was much faster and quicker so there are a lot of 50/50 balls that the Canadian kids don't expect - they assume they will win the ball and are not ready for the contact. Like kids that age they all the players are a bit gangly and coltish - perfectly capable of tripping on the chalk lines at times.

I am calling more fouls than I normally do for U-11 because I want the SS team to stay in control and they are a bit weak on the concept of limiting the charge to times when they are w/i playing distance of the ball. But all in all a good game but one which the SS team will win 10/10.

There are some fouls, of course, that result in girls falling to the ground - either because they were tripped or pushed, because their feet just got tangled, or (in combination with the previous) they are not yet agile enough to keep or regain their balance as older kids would do.

The Canadian girls also tend to cry when they go down (one got the breath knocked out when she fell - not even from a foul - but I excuse that - I remember how scary that was when I was a kid). So in the second half I start taking crap from the Canadian coaches and parents - I've been calling fouls appropriately so at first I am somewhat nonplussed - and then I realize that they are complaining because I am not giving cards - to 10 and 11 year old girls who are all playing hard but not violently and certainly not intentionally or recklessly knocking people around. And I suddenly think - are these people daffy? Cards? There was nothing even within light years of a cardable offense - after all, I certainly was never afraid that if i didn't cowboy up a 11 year old riot would break out.

A long digression from the inital post, but I was also thinking on the way home, the kids are so great - beautiful, fit, happy, and eager young girls playing the beautiful game on a gorgeous day and the adults should all have considered themselves blessed beyond words just to be there. Instead they carp and whine and suck the joy out of the experience like some sort of vampire.

Whe I was a kid (warning, I am old) the majority of our athletic endeavors were the result of a bunch of kids showing up at recess or at a park ont he weekend with a balls and mitts or a football or basketball, choosing up sides, and playing and I don't every remember a single time any of us stopping and suddenly saying "You know this would be a LOT more fun if adults were involved."

But I have no strong feelings about this. And I will continue to ref because I do love the kids.

jim

[Gary V]

Ugh. Just got back from a tourny where I did an U12 boys game. It was the single worst hour of my life. Coaches were yelling at me, players were yelling at me, fans were yelling at me.Eleven-year-olds were yelling at you? Fans I expect - what do they know, anyway? And coaches will go off from time to time. But I've never had young players say anything more than a "C'mon, ref!"

Both teams were extremely aggressive and things sorta got out of hand. Yep, you've got to learn when to nip things early. Easier said than done.

It was obviously outside my skill level. I was making mistakes on my calls and just plain sucked.Is this your self-assessment, or the opinion of your detractors? If this is what you felt, then you need to get some more experience slightly out of your comfort zone. And probably a non-tourney situation is the better place to stretch yourself. Tournaments often have games timed so close together you don't even get a chance to breathe in between. You need a moment to compose yourself for the next game.

I will not do tournament games again. I'll stick to the local traveling leagues where they seem to play for fun.Some tournament assignors do a good job of matching up referee abilities with games. Others subscribe to the "any warm body" theory of filling in assignments. "Seven games today and 5 tomorrow, OK?" Before you do another tourney, ask the assignor to work with you to get assignments that will be in, or only slightly outside, your comfort zone. Some won't want the extra work that entails, and will decline your services. So be it - those are the tournaments you don't want to work. Look for a referee-friendly assignor.

[GKbenji]

Sounds like a couple of teams who just came to whine. Not always your fault. I have seen plenty of competitive-level U11 games (particularly girls) where nobody touches one another and you could keep your whistle in your pocket. I've also done games like yours, where everyone was whining no matter what you did.

Team culture, especially at a more competitive level, comes from the coach (and to a lesser extent, the club). The kids and parents pick up on it pretty quick. Add to that the pressure of a tournament, where even the lower level teams are there to win, and it multiplies. Teams are more concerned about winning than playing the game (oxymoronic, no?). Not always your fault.

As others have recommended, don't give up just yet. You just need to ease into competitive play a little more. Do some higher-level teams in your local area; ask your assignor for appropriate games. Wait until you feel more ready.

Tournaments typically need refs, so don't write them off! The sheer number of games is a nightmare when shorthanded, and it's either you.. a little uncomfortable but learning, and fresh and ready to run... or that old guy trying to do his 5th game of the day and not getting out of the center circle (me :) ).

A quick note on jacathcart's story:
Canadian coach starts with a bitch because I won't let a player on the pitch with taped earrings.

Typically a bad sign. If the coach starts whining before the game has even started, over stuff he/she ought to know better, get ready for a team and sideline of whiners. If you're prepared, it can be easier to deal with.

[MidwestRef]

First of all, you did the right thing by not allowing the girl with taped earrings to play. She was still wearing earrings, and those are a danger - regardless of whether they are taped.

Second, we all have a game like this. The key is to learn from your mistakes. It's good to talk with a more experienced referee about the game. You seem to know why the game slipped out of hand a little, so you're on the right path. The key is to apply your knowledge and experiences to the next game.

[Laggard]

There were two issues.

One was that I was in over my head and didn't know how to deal with a lot of situations. I had trouble trying to watch the two kids to my right who were pushing each other while keeping an eye on the ball at the same time. The incident that caused the biggest uproar was when I fell for an obvious dive and called a DK that lead to a goal which tied the game.

Secondly no matter what I did I managed to piss someone off. I gave the other team ten yards and a coach screamed that it was too much. The other that it was not enough. One coach tried to tell me that on an 8x8 game players only get 8 yards, no ten.

Anyway, these kids were not there to have fun. They were there to win. I mean they didn't even lose, they tied. But a tie was still a loss to them.

[MidwestRef]

Secondly no matter what I did I managed to piss someone off. I gave the other team ten yards and a coach screamed that it was too much. The other that it was not enough. One coach tried to tell me that on an 8x8 game players only get 8 yards, no ten.


Unfortunately, when you get to the really competitive games, you're almost bound to hack someone off. Usually, if I've really ticked both coaches off in games like this, then I'm doing my job.

The only thing you can do about buying the dive is to either be closer to play or get a scouting report on the divers from another referee. If you have a tight-knit officials association and are working lots of games with the same teams, you can often get this report. Otherwise, you're on your own.

[Ref Flunkie]

I always find recognizing dives hard, so don't worry about that, we all fall for them at some point. Part of the problem was perhaps you let the coaches/players get away with yelling at you and it just got worse and worse. As someone said, you need to nip this stuff in the bud and recognize it before it gets past a point of no return (again, easier said then done), and send a message with a caution or two. If it gets to the point where you think the teams have no interest in playing soccer, call every little foul you see (or I have been told) and just lock the game down. Everyone will be mad at you, but just say....Hey, you guys don't want to play soccer. I'm personally not a big fan of tournaments for a variety of reasons, and usually avoid them. I had a game like this last year and it shook me for a bit, but I learned from it and am trying to put some of the lessons I learned to use, which I think made me a much better referee this spring season. You'll recover! :)

[Gary V]

One coach tried to tell me that on an 8x8 game players only get 8 yards, no ten.That might have been right. When in doubt, go by the size of the center circle. If that's 10, then it looks like they want you to use 10. (Although, one city grounds crew didn't know the difference between radius and diameter - we had a reeeeealy small center circle for a couple of weeks.)

Did the tourney have a set of rule modifications for you? I mean real modifications from FIFA, not just "XYZ league rules, except games will be 2x25". I had to look up a tournament online to figure out what rules we were playing, and that was before small-sided mods.

[Laggard]

The tournament handbook for officials said that FIFA rules applied except for the length of game.

Things were made more difficult by the horrible line markings. The penalty area and touchlines were this hard to see purple color. Plus there were white lines apparently left over from another field.

[Wa-Soc-Ref]

The tournament handbook for officials said that FIFA rules applied except for the length of game.

Things were made more difficult by the horrible line markings. The penalty area and touchlines were this hard to see purple color. Plus there were white lines apparently left over from another field.Sorry to hear about the lashing you are giving yourself. It has been said already, but, put this into the "what I learned today" file. Try to forget about it for a day or two and then go back and review with clear head. I am sure you will find some positives that prevented this from being totally the game you felt it was. I watched a coach use a bullhorn on a ref last year, until the ref assignor showed up and asked "what are you doing with that bullhorn?" The coaches reply was "the refs never seem to hear me". Funny, I am sure his players didn't either. Since players and parents follow the manerism of the coach, deal early and decisively. If a game cannot continue because they don't have a coach, guess what, they get suddenly more agreeable. I have asked coaches if their assistant coach was present, usually they reply no because they are god, and then when they want to know why I remind them this will be the person in charge after I ask you to leave. Don't let anyone steal your fun. :)

[JayJay4Pres]

Unfortunately, when you get to the really competitive games, you're almost bound to hack someone off. Usually, if I've really ticked both coaches off in games like this, then I'm doing my job.
.

Very well said. On most calls, you can only be 50% right...so if half the time one coach is on you and the other half the other coach, then, I guess your being pretty fair.

[jacathcart]

But I have no strong feelings about this. And I will continue to ref because I do love the kids.

jim

So I go back for day 2 of the tournament - GU-13 - and it is a very athletic and strong game with two good teams. I hear not a single word from either coach nor from any parent - parents just are encouraging their daughters. I have two very good ARs and I feel a step ahead of the play and the ball, I am backpedaling like a fiend on keeper clears, I am staying wide and keeping eye contact with my ARs and I remember, this can be so much fun!

Jim

[ThreeCards]

Glad to hear you will be sticking around. Can't count the number of times I've felt like throwing it all in over the past twenty years. Now I spend a great deal of my time convincing young referees that I assign to stay with it after they've made a few poor calls and had to deal with another uncivilized mob. My best advise to referees after having a bad day is pretty much the same as some of the other posts here. The sooner you can get back out there the better. I understand that you are often on your own at a tournament, but always remember to mention something to your assignor when you have to deal with an unruly coach or crowd during your league games. Nothing a good assignor loves more than coming to the defense of his referees.

JB

[IASocFan]

Welcome JB.

I want to add my encouragement! I know the feeling. You get a negative comment on a call/noncall. OK, no problem. Then the next time, it's just a little louder, and sometimes the parents' side helps increase the volume.

Cracking down on loud coaches is tough, but let them and the assignors know if they are crossing the boundaries of what is acceptable. I love the comment about having an available assistant coach. I must use that next time opportunity arises.

[Laggard]

I centered a U12 girls game last night and it was a delight. It was refreshing to see players having fun and laughing.

Back on the horse, still avoiding tournaments.

[Wa-Soc-Ref]

I centered a U12 girls game last night and it was a delight. It was refreshing to see players having fun and laughing.

Back on the horse, still avoiding tournaments.I have been known to keep a few suckers in my pocket for the boisterous parents/coaches at the wee ones games. Couldn't use this with the older ages.