Really obnoxious parents

[pensmom4]

This Sunday I was an AR for a U16G traveling league game. I was on the parent side of the field.

A group of home team parents was being horrible to one of the girls from the other team. She was an aggressive player. Bigger and faster than most of her team. She stood out.

These parents heckled this young woman so badly that she refused to do a throw in if it was in front of them. At one point, I got her eye and quietly told her to ignore these parents. They meant nothing and she was a good player so just play her game.

Later she came over for a corner kick and I talked her down again.

I mentioned it to the CR, but he just said that he tunes them out and to ignore it. I was sick. This was a physical game, and their comments were making it an ugly game.

Keep in mind that this is my first year to ref traveling games (all other experience has been in-house). I was reluctant to go over the CR's head.

What would you have done?
Lee

[Claymore]

Tell the CR, and be insistent that the parents' actions are impacting the player(s). It's their game, not the parents or the referees.

The CR is right to tune it out, but only to a certain point. Once it starts impacting play on the field, the CR has to step in and deal with it.

[Ref Flunkie]

The CR should try to tune it out if it is directed at him/her, but if it is directed at players, he needs to address it. In fact, I think you should have said a word or two to them as well (not necessarily go over his head, but tell them to knock it off). Abusive language counts for everyone on the field, players/coaches/parents, and if any one of them is being abusive, they need to be delt with swiftly.

[soccertom]

I mentioned it to the CR, but he just said that he tunes them out and to ignore it. I was sick. This was a physical game, and their comments were making it an ugly game.



Well the CR was/is an idiot. He should have warned the offending teams Parents and Coach and if they continued their boorish behavior he should have asked the Parents to leave the premises.

[uniteo]

did you tell the coach of the team who the parents were 'supporting'? If he (or she) has a set the coach should be able to stop it.

[Roel]

Well the CR was/is an idiot. He should have warned the offending teams Parents and Coach and if they continued their boorish behavior he should have asked the Parents to leave the premises.

I agree. If it was bothering you, it was affecting the game. The CR should have had a word with the coaches, and if that fails, send the adults out to the parking lot.

[Wa-Soc-Ref]

A group of home team parents was being horrible to one of the girls from the other team. She was an aggressive player. Bigger and faster than most of her team. She stood out.



Without picking anyone out of the crowd I would have reminded everyone on the "spectator" side of the field that their presence was not required to finish the game. Sometimes its not parents but family members or others that can't be reeled in. I am sure your next dose of sideline banter will be met with a more direct approach. Its too bad when a player is taken off her game by someone other than the opponent. :(

[phillips10]

yep the blame falls on the CR, poor job of ignoring what was going on. You could have talked with him/her at halftime and then a good CR would have addressed both the unruly parents and the coach of that team.

[Wa-Soc-Ref]

Its funny the things we choose to deal with in a game, when we don't necessarily have to, and then the one thing that would make the game more fun for everyone, including pensmom, we ignore. With youth soccer, man-management will spill off of the field onto the touchlines. There are times to ignore but this was obviously not one of them.

[pensmom4]

Ok, I've absolutely learned a lesson.

I will take a firmer stance w/my CR next time.

I let that young woman down. She did not deserve that treatment. What adult in their right mind ridicules a 14 or 15 year old girl? Luckily, *she* behaved in a mature way and didn't retaliate on the field. That may not happen the next time.

This is gonna bug me for a while...

Lee

[Ref Flunkie]

Ok, I've absolutely learned a lesson.

I will take a firmer stance w/my CR next time.

I let that young woman down. She did not deserve that treatment. What adult in their right mind ridicules a 14 or 15 year old girl? Luckily, *she* behaved in a mature way and didn't retaliate on the field. That may not happen the next time.

This is gonna bug me for a while...

Lee

Perhaps you should shoot a note off to referee scheduler and tell him what happened. It may make you feel a little better to let the league know that it DID go on, so perhaps they can prevent it from happening again.

[pensmom4]

I was thinking just that.
I imagine this wasn't the first nor will it be the last time this happens.
Thank you all for your support.
Lee

[bigredfutbol]

I was thinking just that.
I imagine this wasn't the first nor will it be the last time this happens.
Thank you all for your support.
Lee
The girl knows you were on her side, and that probably helped her cope. She survived, and you've learned a lesson which will pay off next time.

And a bunch of parents made complete asses of themselves.

[Wa-Soc-Ref]

Ok, I've absolutely learned a lesson.


LeeDon't be too hard on yourself. Becoming a better ref will require you to do some self assessment, which you are doing here it looks like to me. The other thing you need to do is plan through a course of action should this happen again. While it won't be identical situation it will give you a step in the right direction. Just like you learn how fouls look, what gamesmanship looks like and when a striker is yankin your chain you will get a head start on man-management. This is not limited to those inside the touchlines.

Keep your chin up and take this simple piece of knowledge given to me by a National Ref; bad sportsmanship never gets better as the game goes on, act quickly. :)

[Hooplehead]

What would you have done?
Lee

Take a dump right in front of the most obnoxious parent, right there on the sideline. :eek:

[BTFOOM]

Ok, I've absolutely learned a lesson.

I will take a firmer stance w/my CR next time.

I let that young woman down. She did not deserve that treatment. What adult in their right mind ridicules a 14 or 15 year old girl? Luckily, *she* behaved in a mature way and didn't retaliate on the field. That may not happen the next time.

This is gonna bug me for a while...

Lee

First of all, please don't let this bug you. As a coach and a player, we need all the good refs we can get. Just the fact that you are thinking of this leads me to believe you are one of them.

One other thing to think about (from a coach's perspective) is that almost EVERY league I've been involved with has strict rules governing coach and parent behavior. In my leagues, the teams and the spectators are on opposite sides of the field. I encourage any referee at my games to tell me immediately if my parents are acting badly. Most coaches I know agree (and have signed somethinig saying they will make every attempt to stop it if notified). In the future, please don't hesitate to talk to the coaches. Any (good) coach will put a stop to it.

Lastly, a question for any refs: Doesn't that type of behavior, at least at youth games, allow the CR to card the coach if it isn't stopped? Or at the least, can you order the offending fan(s) away from the field?

Thanks.

[Gary V]

Lastly, a question for any refs: Doesn't that type of behavior, at least at youth games, allow the CR to card the coach if it isn't stopped? Or at the least, can you order the offending fan(s) away from the field?

Thanks.
Technically no to both questions.

Cards are only for the players and subs. Coaches may be warned or dismissed - equivalent to cautioned or sent off - but no card is shown. You note the offense in your report. Some league rules specifically say that coaches may be disciplined for the misbehavior of their team's fans.

On "sending off" fans, again, a no. The ref has no authority over the spectators. But you can make it very clear to the coach that the game is suspended, and will not be restarted until that guy over there in the red shirt leaves. If the coach refuses to take care of the problem, or if the beligerant fan refuses to leave, you terminate the game, noting why in your report.

[JohnR]

Weird.

I don't think I've ever seen spectators heckle a player. Whine, yes. Once in a blue moon yell something like "Quit fouling, #8!," yes. But consistently direct comments toward them. Never.

Totally inappropriate. It is very much a violation of youth soccer etiquette to yell at somebody else's kid, particularly if that kid plays for another team.

[JohnR]

The ref has no authority over the spectators.

That may be technically correct but it is practically false. I have watched youth referees send off spectators many times. Uniformly, they are supported by the coaches & other spectators, even those who sympathize with the view of the guy who was sent off.

[Gary V]

The ref has no authority over the spectators.
That may be technically correct but it is practically false. I have watched youth referees send off spectators many times. Uniformly, they are supported by the coaches & other spectators, even those who sympathize with the view of the guy who was sent off.
I agree, it's a technicality. Many refs take the "shortcut" and simply tell fans to cease and desist, or to leave. It may work for some, depending on the ref's personality. Until you get that "first amendment" guy, who claims it's a public park, he can be there and say anything he likes. Then you fall back to the coach's authority - inform the coach that Mr. Free Speech can rant all he wants, but not while this soccer game is going on. And we'll stop the soccer game just for him, if the coach can't convince him otherwise.