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scaryice
10 Jan 2005, 04:36 PM
Welcome. Here's my list of the top 25 cheesy pop hits of the first half of this decade. The songs are ranked by a combination of how cheesy the song is and how much I enjoyed listening to it. I have a lot of free time, but I put some effort into this so I hope you all enjoy it. And I do enjoy listening to all these songs, even if they're bad.


Rules:

Each artist may only have one song on the list. However, a person may have one song as part of a group, and another as an individual.

To determine the year, I used the year-end charts at Rock on the Net (http://www.rockonthenet.com/charts/). They may not have been released in the year indicated but that's where they are counted, and that's what I used.

I will reveal five songs per day, in this thread, starting today and going through Friday.


The Coundown


25) Sorry 2004 - Ruben Studdard (2004)

Take a soulful singer that won over audiences on American Idol by being different, and conform his style to mainstream pop. That idea earns this song a place on the greatest cheesy pop hits of the half-decade. It also featured on VH1 & Blender's 100 worst songs of all-time, where they nicely pointed out that hearing Ruben sing about strip clubs is about as believable as Jayson Blair. Without the "Damn, I'm Sorry" lyric after everything he says, this could've possibly avoided the list, but that clinches it.

Bonus Points for: Being specific. He mentions the year 2004, eight months out of twelve, and a date (02-14-03).

Cheesiest Lyric: It's like we're fallin' fast asleep, with no kiss, and before we hit.

Full Lyrics: http://www.sing365.com/music/lyric.nsf/Sorry-2004-lyrics-Ruben-Studdard/94F0AF93982B01F348256DEA000D2D6B


24) I Can - Nas (2003)

A lot of rap songs are bad, but this is the only one cheesy enough to make the countdown. First off, if you're going to sample Beethoven, it had better be a damn good song. Nas may really believe in what he's saying, but it's way out of place for the man who gave us Illmatic. There's little kids singing the chorus, and if that's not enough, Nas also gives us a falsetto at the end (she's my queen). Not to mention, for a song that's supposed to be uplifting, he spends a lot more time talking about the dangers in life.

Bonus Points for: Giving us a history lesson in the middle of the song.

Cheesiest Lyric: You can host the TV like Oprah Winfrey.

Full Lyrics: http://www.sing365.com/music/lyric.nsf/I-Can-lyrics-Nas/27BA8A58E4406BED48256C93000A5718


23) Graduation (Friends Forever) - Vitamin C (2000)

Possibly the most blatant attempt to cash in ever, Vitamin C gave us a catchy song perfectly themed to play on the emotions of high school seniors, while ripping off Pomp & Circumstance as obviously as you can get. It's fine to write about emotions, but when you go on and on about every single thing that high school kids think and worry about, it's definitely cheesy. Case in point: "we'd get so excited and we'd get so scared, laughing at ourselves thinking life's not fair." One more: "will we still remember everything we learned in school, still be trying to break every single rule?" To add to all that, 2000 was the year of my high school graduation. Give me cancer now, God!

Bonus Points for: Singing this song as a thirty year old. Vitamin C's Date of Birth: June 27, 1970

Cheesiest Lyric: Will little brainy Bobby be the stockbroker man? Can Heather find a job that won't interfere with her tan?

Full Lyrics: http://www.sing365.com/music/lyric.nsf/Graduation-Friends-Forever-lyrics-Vitamin-C/7104F6DBCDFF2479482569150002EEAE


22) Escape - Enrique Iglesias (2002)

Hero is another cheesy song, but I felt that this one just won out on the cheese factor. Saying 'I want to be your hero' or 'You can't escape my love,' that's kind of a push. But what tilted me for this song was that he that he made "you can run, you can hide" a part of the chorus. It's a funnier song than Hero, which makes it cheesier. But it doesn't really matter that much, because his songs all sound pretty similar. The video for this song featured him making out with a hot celebrity. I know that's correct, because that's every video he does. Ok, I checked, it's Anna Kournikova, who I believe he's now married to. Lucky bastard.

Bonus Points for: Hitting the high notes near the end.

Cheesiest Lyric: It was good (it was good) It was bad but it was real.

Full Lyrics: http://www.sing365.com/music/lyric.nsf/Escape-lyrics-Enrique-Iglesias/AC3C2218DC8FABA048256B1F001A3337


21) Invisible - Clay Aiken (2003)

Another American Idol contestant, another spot on the countdown. The show is a celebration of pop, so it's tailor made for this list. Clay is the man who embodies wholesome and innocent values, and gives us this hit full of the non-threatening stuff we all love him for. He seems to really put a lot into this song, which makes a lyric about being invisible and watching you in your room just a little creepy. And anytime you answer yourself in song, like at the end of the chorus, it's not good.

Bonus Points for: Not utilizing any of the singing talent that he was popular for on American Idol.

Cheesiest Lyric: If I was invisible (Wait...I already am)

Full Lyrics: http://www.sing365.com/music/lyric.nsf/Invisible-lyrics-Clay-Aiken/746EE7375B5BE45B48256D6B00143D61


See you tommorrow for #20~16!

minorthreat
10 Jan 2005, 04:48 PM
If we're going to talk gloriously cheesy pop hits, there needs to be room for Dragostea Din Tei somewhere.

Val1
11 Jan 2005, 09:09 AM
I'm proud to say that none of those tunes are rocketing around in my head.

obie
11 Jan 2005, 09:39 AM
Is scaryice's team really "MK Dons"? McFranchise fans are rarer than an albino water buffalo.

Mattbro
11 Jan 2005, 09:46 AM
Hehe, McFranchise, that's a good one...

mad theory
11 Jan 2005, 10:24 AM
Hot in Here - Nelly.

So popular yet so meaningless, if you actually like this track and Nelly you're officially braindead.

skipshady
11 Jan 2005, 10:54 AM
Hot in Here - Nelly.

So popular yet so meaningless, if you actually like this track and Nelly you're officially braindead.
Or it never occurred to you to take of all your clothes when it got hot in herrrr.

TheSlipperyOne
11 Jan 2005, 02:36 PM
I've only heard 1 of those 5 songs.

The Double
11 Jan 2005, 03:39 PM
Hot in Here - Nelly.



It certainly gets the ladies dancing, so it's alright with me.

scaryice
11 Jan 2005, 03:47 PM
I've only heard 1 of those 5 songs.

Well one of the purposes of a message board like this is to learn about new music, and to expand your horizons, right?


Ok, I'm back with #20~16 of the big countdown. If you asked me tommorrow to redo this list, I would probably come up with a different order, probably with some different songs as well. But I think it's a pretty good list.

I did not include Hot In Herre on this list. I actually didn't think of it until after I already put it together. But I don't know if it could've cracked this list. I think it's hard for a rap song to be as cheesy as a pop song, and when you see the names at the top of this list, it's easy to see why.

Here's the breakdown of my top 25 by year:

2000: 7
2001: 2
2002: 6
2003: 6
2004: 4

2000 was the top year. Actually, 1999 was the banner year for boy bands and cheesy music; if I could've included that I would have a lot more material to work with. But there's not really a shortage.

The Countdown

25) Sorry 2004 - Ruben Studdard (2004)
24) I Can - Nas (2003)
23) Graduation (Friends Forever) - Vitamin C (2000)
22) Escape - Enrique Iglesias (2002)
21) Invisible - Clay Aiken (2003)



20) Ignition (Remix) - R.Kelly (2003)

Giving young adults the ability to annoy others by mentioning “the freakin’ weekend, R.Kelly knows how to bring the cheese. He can write the inspirational ballad as well (World’s Greatest), but he’s best at telling a girl how much he wants her. He obviously loves cars, because we hear about his Jeep, Lexus, and stretch Navigator, and the lovely sexual innuendo that gives us the song’s title. Finally, anytime a song contains people singing sounds, it’s cheesy (see the Vengaboys’ “Boom Boom Boom Boom,”)

Bonus Points for: Murder She Wrote?

Cheesiest Lyric: Can I get a "toot toot," can I get a "beep beep"

Full Lyrics: http://www.sing365.com/music/lyric.nsf/Ignition-Remix-lyrics-R-Kelly/06522D0D1AA37E4348256CAE0027CB88


19) Bootylicious - Destiny’s Child (2001)

Cheesy pop hits come and go, but few have any lasting significance. Bootylicious has added a word to our daily lexicon, which has resulted in much hilarity over the past four years. Thankfully, the ladies of Destiny’s Child are beautiful, which makes the song at least make a little sense. Of course, they wouldn’t have a record deal if they weren’t. And let’s also give thanks that they went about the song idea in a classy way, or else we could’ve had asslicious, or god knows what else.

Bonus Points for: Beyonce admitting that she now hates the word “Bootylicious.”

Cheesiest Lyric: I don’t think you’re ready for this jelly

Full Lyrics: http://www.sing365.com/music/lyric.nsf/Bootylicious-lyrics-Destiny's-Child/4C700D9008E14CF948256A4F000A509E


18) The Bad Touch – Bloodhound Gang (2000)

Here’s a song that tries to be as stupid as possible, and succeeds admirably. I don’t think they know the meaning of the word “subtle.” A rap about sex that includes comparisons to Waffle House, Daylight Savings Time, Mr. Coffee, FedEx, and Battleship is the type of stuff perfect for a guilty pleasure. And of course let’s not forgot “you and me baby ain’t nothin’ but mammals, so…” well you know the rest.

Bonus Points for: Including Siskel and Ebert in a song about sex.

Cheesiest Lyric: So show me yours I'll show you mine "Tool Time" you'll Lovett just like Lyle, and then we'll do it doggy style so we can both watch "X-Files"

Full Lyrics: http://www.sing365.com/music/lyric.nsf/The-Bad-Touch-lyrics-Bloodhound-Gang/19F124CE752E450E482568C7000A328A


17) Thong Song – Sisqo (2000)

The anthem of summer 2000, like Bootylicious, this song has given us something in the long run as well, in the form of encouraging woman to wear thongs. This is one kind of women’s movement that men can actually agree with! Nobody loves the ladies like Sisqo, and nothing is more gangsta than mentioning “Livin’ La Vida Loca” in your song. Although great enough just by itself, it was famously covered by Robert Goulet (aka Will Ferrell) on Saturday Night Live. When you see someone else explore the dynamics of the song like that, it really makes you appreciate its depth and emotions.

Bonus Points for: Rocking the platinum hair.

Cheesiest Lyric: She had dumps like a truck truck truck, thighs like what what what

Full Lyrics: http://www.sing365.com/music/lyric.nsf/Thong-Song-lyrics-Sisqo/92B417E3D406C14D4825689D002B6851


16) Your Body Is A Wonderland – John Mayer (2003)

Probably the cheesiest title in recent memory, and don’t worry – the song doesn’t disappoint in that respect. This is a heartfelt song for that special lady in your life, telling her how much you care about her. So in our 2005 society where anybody who cares about something is stupid, of course it’s cheesy. Or maybe it’s heartfelt at all. Playing live, Mayer refers to the song as being “about girly parts.” (www.songfacts.com)

Bonus Points for: Telling us what every body part is like. Bubblegum tongue?

Cheesiest Lyric: Your body is a wonderland

Full Lyrics: http://www.sing365.com/music/lyric.nsf/Your-Body-Is-A-Wonderland-lyrics-John-Mayer/6CDC339B077252EE48256BA000311855

Numbers 15-10 tomorrow...

afgrijselijkheid
11 Jan 2005, 06:46 PM
Is scaryice's team really "MK Dons"? McFranchise fans are rarer than an albino water buffalo.


milton keynes dons is the club formerly known as wimbledon IIRC

scaryice
11 Jan 2005, 07:50 PM
milton keynes dons is the club formerly known as wimbledon IIRC

Hey don't mess with the MK Dons, they got Serge Makofo, the greatest player in CM4.

obie
11 Jan 2005, 08:09 PM
milton keynes dons is the club formerly known as wimbledon IIRCYes, I know. It was a bit controversial. [Possible threadjack] As a soccer fan, there has been little as satisfying as watching AFC Wimbledon (http://www.afcwimbledon.co.uk/) build and flourish (2nd consecutive year of promotion is all but certain, nice crowds for 6th or 7th division, have secured their long-term future by buying The Fans' Stadium (http://www.thefansstadium.org/)) while McFranchise faces the drop for the 2nd year in a row in front of a couple hundred curious onlookers per week. "McFranchise" is the derogatory term that Dons supporters used to describe the team when they moved to MK since it's a very American thing to move a team from city to city, holding the public hostage to build a new stadium at no cost to the owners.

Anyhow, back to scaryice's list, which I am enjoying for its exceedingly high cheese content.

yellowbismark
12 Jan 2005, 01:23 AM
good list and analysis so far scaryice, look forward to reading the rest of it

Some of those cheesy lyrics are astonishing. I have trouble picking up on lyrics when I hear songs when played on the radio, so when you read the lines it's pretty shocking.

These songs have probably all been featured on "Now that's what I call music" too. :rolleyes:

nancyb
12 Jan 2005, 08:07 AM
I'd like to thank scaryice for sharing these songs with me here so I don't actually have to listen to them. But, I gotta ask. Did you watch a show about this on VH1, because I'm pretty sure I saw something like this and they mentioned the American Idol and R. Kelly folks' songs.

Mattbro
12 Jan 2005, 08:18 AM
I'd like to thank scaryice for sharing these songs with me here so I don't actually have to listen to them.


Nice!

scaryice
12 Jan 2005, 03:59 PM
Ok, I'm back. Nancyb, VH1 had the most 100 awesomely bad songs of all time. "We Built This City" was number one. Obviously a lot of these songs would also make that list. I believe they're also going to have a show about the worst songs of 2004.


The Countdown

25) Sorry 2004 - Ruben Studdard (2004)
24) I Can - Nas (2003)
23) Graduation (Friends Forever) - Vitamin C (2000)
22) Escape - Enrique Iglesias (2002)
21) Invisible - Clay Aiken (2003)
20) Ignition (Remix) - R.Kelly (2003)
19) Bootylicious - Destiny’s Child (2001)
18) The Bad Touch – Bloodhound Gang (2000)
17) Thong Song – Sisqo (2000)
16) Your Body Is A Wonderland – John Mayer (2003)


15) Like I Love You – Justin Timberlake f/Clipse (2002)

If you speak in the middle of the song, between verses, at the beginning or whatever, you should have something significant to say. Or at least heartfelt. “J. Timberlake” has neither in his first solo single. “Here baby put on my jacket,” and “I could change your life” are prime examples. He also is not afraid to hit the high notes. Clipse features in the second half of the song with the usual rap about drinking and girls, leading up to the end, where Justin gives the funniest speech ever, then breaks it down. “Now everybody dance!”

Bonus Points for: Telling us not to fear him. It’s Justin Timberlake for crying out loud!

Cheesiest Lyric: Ma, what ya wanna do? I'm in front of you. Grab a friend, see I can have fun with two

Full Lyrics: http://www.sing365.com/music/lyric.nsf/Like-I-Love-You-lyrics-Justin-Timberlake/2131E4AB95C58A9348256C610005FD9A


14) A Moment Like This – Kelly Clarkson (2002)

This is an American Idol winner, singing a song about being on American Idol. I think the cheese meter is gonna explode! The song has lyrics about love, but we know what Kelly’s really singing about, right? Well maybe not, because it’s not as if she wrote the song (although interestingly enough, she co-wrote “Miss Independent” with none other than Christina Aguilera, and some other guy whose name is not interesting). This song was actually wrote for the show. Anyways, this song has Kelly singing like her life depends on it. It would be nice if she put that energy and effort towards something meaningful, like a song about oppression or abuse. Oh right, it’s pop music, we can’t have that. (Seriously, we can’t. Don’t even think about it!)

Bonus Points for: Erasing the memory of this song with “From Justin To Kelly”

Cheesiest Lyric: Some people search forever, for that one special kiss

Full Lyrics: http://www.sing365.com/music/lyric.nsf/A-Moment-Like-This-lyrics-Kelly-Clarkson/2477EC44C05F794E48256C7D0025C902


13) Some Girls (Dance With Women) – JC Chasez f/Ol’ Dirty Bastard (2004)

JC, you may play second fiddle to Justin Timberlake in controversy, sales, sex appeal, fans and critical acclaim, but you’re number one on my list. You know, it was hard to make a decision about who to rank higher. In fact, you could say it was tearing up my heart. Sorry. That was a bad joke, which actually makes it perfect for this list. As for the song, it was another that made VH1’s 100 worst songs. It’s a former *Nsync member, and not the most talented one. Is this somehow surprising? ODB (aka Dirt McGirt) also contributed to the rap version of this song before he died, and it’s not good. That’s all I got to say about that.

Bonus Points for: ODB doing his take on the Coors Light “Twins” song

Cheesiest Lyric: I'm like a soda that's been shaken up... boom

Full Lyrics: http://www.nsync-fans.com/schizophrenic.htm#SGDWWDM


12) With You – Jessica Simpson (2004)

Ditzy and proud, Jessica Simpson had her moments on “Newlyweds,” and because of that now she’s bigger than ever. She’s not just going to be another hot teen singer that disappeared without anyone noticing (Jennifer Paige anyone?). The way she sings this song, a love song to her husband Nick Lachey, she sounds so sincere and heartfelt. She’s not afraid to be herself, and say whatever’s on her mind. Her innocence is the secret to her success, and non-coincidentally leads to her cheesiness. Wow, that was almost profound. And on that note, I would ******** the ******** out of her.

Bonus Points for: Not being afraid to make fun of herself in the video.

Cheesiest Lyric: Wish I could save the world, like I was super girl

Full Lyrics: http://www.sing365.com/music/lyric.nsf/With-You-lyrics-Jessica-Simpson/3F2C6A7AB3359B3848256D6E0006507F


11) All The Things She Said – t.A.T.u. (2003)

Hot teenage lesbians from Russia. How can you not like that? Oh, you mean it’s a band? Oh, oh…well that doesn’t detract from my point! As nicely put by allmusic.com, “the gimmick is the band.” Possibly the most manufactured group ever, the girls’ voices do stand out, not for their singing talent but for being different. They sound vulnerable which is a nice change from the “I’m a sex goddess and I want you right now” style. It’s also different because English isn’t their first language. That’s what made Shakira stand out. Finally, I like to see screeching in songs. You don’t hear that enough.

Bonus Points for: Making cheesy pop hits in two languages (there’s also a Russian version).

Cheesiest Lyric: Wanna fly her away where the sun and rain, come in over my face, wash away all the shame

Full Lyrics: http://www.sing365.com/music/lyric.nsf/All-The-Things-She-Said-lyrics-T-A-T-U-TATU/3A2801A5C332EBD048256C3D0028F060


10 to 6 tomorrow...

Gunner Phan
12 Jan 2005, 04:08 PM
Hot in Here - Nelly.

So popular yet so meaningless, if you actually like this track and Nelly you're officially braindead.

It is alot better when Keller Williams does it loop stylie with the theremin.

GP

yellowbismark
12 Jan 2005, 05:38 PM
I fully expect an Avril Lavingne song to be in the top 10

royalstilton
12 Jan 2005, 06:21 PM
i think i can say, without fear of equivocation, that, except for the John Mayer song, which i heard completely by accident, being half asleep at the time, driving my dope whip, i have not heard any of these songs.

so imagine what i have to look forward to. yippee!

oh. but let me add one thing. the nelly bandaid on the face thing? i'm like totally down wid dat, yo!