Not Good

[MassachusettsRef]

http://soccernet.espn.go.com/headlinenews?id=297722&cc=5901

[jc508]

This is a good reminder that every referee must do whatever it takes to make sure that nothing is ever done that would even suggest the possibility that someone could think that the referee is biased or unfair.

I don't know why some refs call out to coaches by their first name. Always address them as "coach." I see some young refs fratranizing with players they know before the game starts. Instead, the young ref needs to perform his/her duties and let the players warm up for the game by themselves. If you talk to one coach, you better talk to the other for about the same amount of time. If you wish one coach good luck with the match, be sure to do the same with the other coach.

Never suggest any hint of partiality. If you do anything that gives the faintest hint of favoritism, the first close call that goes against that coach will only confirm your bias and start you down the slippery slope of possibly losing control. Appear fair, be fair, and have fun.

[njref]

What about the other side of the coin. Last weekend I was coaching an away game and the home team coach constantly called the referee by his first name. Maybe they were buddies, maybe not, but it sure doesn't look good.

NJRef

[jkc313]

What about the other side of the coin. Last weekend I was coaching an away game and the home team coach constantly called the referee by his first name. Maybe they were buddies, maybe not, but it sure doesn't look good.

NJRef

One of the reasons I like to do away tournaments is everyone in my local league knows me. I'm always careful to either call both coaches "coach" or both by their first names if I know them. I have to keep an eye on my young male ARs as they constantly want to hug and flirt with the girl players. When we have an away team in, I try to spend more time with them than with the team I know. It's gotten so I know the names of lots of the players and have to remind myself to refer to them by their numbers.I've never had any complaints but continue to hear horror stories like a referee high fiving one team in greeting. Bad idea. Our impartiality can't be questioned and we need to remember to do whatever it takes to show we are impartial.

[jc508]

What about the other side of the coin. Last weekend I was coaching an away game and the home team coach constantly called the referee by his first name. Maybe they were buddies, maybe not, but it sure doesn't look good.

NJRef

I agree. This makes us look bad. What I have found to work for me in these situations is to approach the coach during a stoppage and quietly talk to him/her. I smile and ask the coach to not call me by name like that as it tends to make me look bad to the other team and suggests partiality. Most coaches will readily agree to try to do so and acknowledge that they understand the problem.

There is no way to unring a bell. There is no way to undo what has been done by the coach yelling out your name, but at least you can try to stop it as soon as possible and minimize the damage.

[SccrDon]

I agree. This makes us look bad. What I have found to work for me in these situations is to approach the coach during a stoppage and quietly talk to him/her. I smile and ask the coach to not call me by name like that as it tends to make me look bad to the other team and suggests partiality. Most coaches will readily agree to try to do so and acknowledge that they understand the problem.


As a coach, when I recognize the ref, I always make it a point not to call him/her by name or to do anything that makes it look like partiality. It was particularly tough when the officiating crew for one of my younger daughter's games was the father and twin sisters of a girl I had previously coached on my older daughter's team. But I managed to keep a straight face, knowing that they would not show any partiality, and it wouldn't have mattered anyway since the visiting team played us off the field. No amount of ref's bias would have saved us that day.

I know I hate it when we go to an away game and the ref is wearing shorts with the home club's name and logo on them and the home coach is yakking with him before and after the game and at halftime. Sometimes the ref does a good job anyway - sometimes not...

[JohnR]

Every one of our U11 team's home games this autumn were refereed by the father of one of our team's players. We all would say "Good morning, ref" as if we had never seen him before. ;)

It worked, too. We went through the season without incident.

[njref]

Every one of our U11 team's home games this autumn were refereed by the father of one of our team's players. We all would say "Good morning, ref" as if we had never seen him before. ;)

It worked, too. We went through the season without incident.

It seems unusual to me that you would have the same ref for every home game, and it would be a father of a player. Why would this occur?

Making it through the season without incident doesn't mean that the opposing teams were happy about it. I hope that they at least knew about it.

[GKbenji]

Because there is only one club in my area, and I coach in that club as well, I know many of the players and almost all the home team coaches that I referee. Can't really be helped in this neck of the woods. (On the flip side, when I coach I know the crew reffing my game.)

As both ref and coach, I keep it professional without using first names out loud. And as a ref, I make the reminder part of my pregame check-in with the teams:

"I know a lot of you, but I'd like to remind you that for the next 90 minutes, please do not use my name. I am 'Referee', 'Sir', or 'Yes Sir Mr. Referee, Sir!'" :)

Many people believe they get "homered" by the refs when they come up here, but the refs are all professional and I haven't found that to be the case. In fact, I have done my own share of "un-homering" a time or two.

[NHRef]

I had something close to this this weekend. I was an AR in the next town over, several of the players I had coached in the past so knew very well. At checkin, everything went fine, they looked at me and smiled, but nobody said anything. When the game started the refs met at the center circle, then I headed down to my end. The mother of two of the boys yelled out "Hi Bob" to me, I waved out of reflex, OOPS. Should've ignored her. They all laughed and I heard her say "gee I probably shouldn't have yelled that out" , I just smiled and kept going my way. ;)

[whipple]

Though the youth league in my area makes every effort to avoid potential confilct of interest for their playoffs and finals, several years ago I was assigned the middle for a semi and when I arrived I discoved that one of the teams competing was from my home town and I knew many of the players. Since neither AR was comfortable at this level I disclosed this to the two coaches and presented the option to play that evening, or reschedule.

The blue coach had no problem and the red coach said he would have no problem either as long as I was "neutered".

I said: "Excuse me, did you say neutral or neutered?"

He answered: "I said neutered... as long as you are a neutered official I have no problem."

As I walked away I reponded that he may be asking a little too much, but I would do my best, at least, to be fair.

Sherman

[kevbrunton]

What about the other side of the coin. Last weekend I was coaching an away game and the home team coach constantly called the referee by his first name. Maybe they were buddies, maybe not, but it sure doesn't look good.

NJRef
Actually, I had this happen to me this past weekend working a boys U16 State Cup game. Only it was the away coach that kept calling me by name. I had introduced myself to both coaches and the three of us had stood and talked for a few minutes before the game. Since he knew my name, he used it when he wanted to ask about something. It didn't bother me, but I have to admit the first time he called out, it seemed strange.

I didn't know this particular home coach at all, but I found out after the game that my son (who was my SAR on the game) plays poker with him weekly. I would not have known by either one's behavior that they even knew each other.

[brichter]

I've found the easiest way to nip this in the bud is to not respond.
When a referee calls me by my name while I'm coaching, I ignore
the ref. If they give me any grief, I just let them know that whatever they wanted to say must not have had anything to do with the game, since they didn't refer to me by my context in the game.
As a ref, if a coach (or anyone else for that matter) calls me by name,
I ignore them.
This especially works well for any games we have that require free substitutions, since I don't listen to their requests for subs anyway. I allow them to notify my AR, who lets me know with the flag when a sub needs to be made.
That whole business of coaches trying to carry on a running conversation with the referee is just tacky anyway, the ref needs to concentrate on the game.