The BS Character definition thread.

Troll Mod

Troll Mods were once posters who enjoyed the thrill of a good argument, but who are now shackled by the responsibility and power they have been given. Power hungry, so unwilling to give up their Moderator status, they move away from their domain to enter into slanging matches (trolling) with rival posters under the cover of “friendly banter”. The Troll Mod is a hypocrite, as they usually keep a tight reign in their own backyard.

Troll Mods usually have the impressive skill of making comments that go right up to the mark, but never quite cross it. They will generally disappear when rounded on, but will always leave a parting shot before vanishing.

Dark Lord



The Dark Lord is probably one of the rarest posters on any forum. They used to be seen as an Icon or Conan, but over time bitterness has twisted them, and they have taken on the traits of the Hobgoblin. The Dark Lord fears no poster and has taken on a god complex, feeling all others are beneath their intelligence when discussing any subject, be it politics or tiddlywinks.

Hobgoblins, Haters and MOBs quickly stand back and watch in awe when a Dark Lord arrives into a discussion. Imagine the scene in the LOTR when the Balrog arrives and the goblins back away from their prey in fear and adulation.

The Dark Lord usually destroys Dins and Newbies with single posts, though they hold little interest to him. His preference is to take on posters with status so as to at least offer him a small challenge.

Exterminator



When the trolls arrive, The Exterminator comes out, usually morphing from his day-to-day character form, which could be anything. While others may abandon the board during a troll invasion, The Exterminator will shift into overdrive and use any tools at his disposal – reasoned response, sarcasm, overt personal attacks, shame, neg rep, homoerotic innuendo – anything to rid his beloved forum of the vermin. However brutal his tactics, his efforts are generally appreciated by forum regulars.

The White Knight like the Exterminator is drawn out of other poster profiles when he feels he is most needed. A modest and intelligent poster and well respected by his peers, he despises forum bullying in all forms and will happily put his own reputation on the line to come to a newbie or mouse’s aid. Even if he disagrees with a point made, he respects that all posters should be allowed their own views without the need to be humiliated or derided.

Hobgoblins and Haters don’t necessarily fear White Knights but are annoyed by their intervention, as White Knight will rarely argue but instead hold up a mirror to their hate-mongering.

Highlighter



Highlighter is the oddball cousin of the more common Splicer. Instead of splicing posts to break down each point individually, Highlighter will bold each word or statement that they disagree with and tackle the argument in the standard, unspliced post. No one understands why the Highlighter took a different path of argument from Splicer, but no one really cares as they are usually harmless. The one time Highlighter becomes irritating is when they combine their types with possibly several others, especially Gramarian, to highlight portions of a quote only to post "FYP".

Wayne Rooney




Wayne Rooney has all the skills to be a great poster. Unfortunately, Wayne Rooney has trouble putting those skills together on a consistent basis. Sometimes they will string together several high-quality posts which can result in an instantly classic thread, while at other times they will consistently post drivel to the detriment of a forum and their posting reputation.

Wayne Rooney also has anger management issues. They can be calm for weeks at a time only to explode at random when their posts just aren't coming together the way they wanted. Wayne Rooney can often be seen carrying a yellow card, though in truth the only reason they aren't on a red is due to their obvious posting potential which no one wants to see lost.

Wayne Rooney is on the cusp of greatness, but they can also slide into oblivion and straight off BigSoccer. As such, the more respected, level-headed posters on BS will often take Wayne Rooney aside to impart their wisdom into his/her ear, sometimes through a public scalding or privately via PM. Wayne Rooney will often be a favorite on whatever board they visit due to their posting ability, but also due to their volatility which makes them more relatable than some like Saint.

Chilled out Dude



The Chilled out Dude is the counter balance to the drunkard. He can affect all types of posters, but the difference in attitude will be more starkly seen in the strong character types. As the name suggests he is the result of said poster becoming more relaxed and…errrr…..chilled out.

Strong argumentative types online will suddenly be transformed. Large posts of clever incisive abuse will become one liners, mainly consisting of sarcasm e.g.: “Thanks for that contribution”, “You’re a genius”. Stat men, Numbers and the like will often be reduced to ‘yeah, I’ll try and look that up later’.

Chilled out Dude will also suddenly find all slightly humourus posts hilarious. Jokers and Smartarses begin to find their own posts so funny they try to rep themselves. Then realise they can’t do it….which is highly amusing to them.

Basically, Chilled out Dude just can’t be arsed, anything longer than three lines in a post, and the energy used up pressing keys is enough to send him into a deep sleep. He is almost totally immune to insults and will probably forget what subject he’s discussing every 5 minutes. Generally they hunt out humorous threads (Brokeback Mountains are in their element with Chilled out Dude) and stay clear of anything too heavy. Large posts and big words to them are like garlic to a vampire.

Holiday Inn Express

The Holiday Inn Express is an expert. Why? Not because he stayed in a Holiday Inn Express last night, but because of one or more of the following factors: he's from Manchester, he's played football, he's coached football, he's been to Old Trafford or he's been a fan since before the Premiership era. According to the Holiday Inn Express, his opinion cannot be challenged and he automatically knows more than that johnny-come-lately, plastic fans, particularly the Yanks.

The Holiday Inn Express is easy to spot because his opinions are nonsensical and when challenged, his only recourse is to cite his credentials. The Holiday Inn Express is easily cowed by other knowledgable posters, especially those with credentials that match or surpass his. The meeting of two Holiday Inn Expresses rapidly degenerates into a back and forth of competing credentials.

Sam Gamgee

The Sam Gamgee is always torn in two. One the one hand he loves his club and is a loyal supporter. On the other hand, his club's forum is a waste of his time so he spends all his time in the United forum, enjoying the insightful football discussion and the banter. The Sam Gamgee is always welcome in the United forum no matter what team he supports because he always adds intelligent comments to the football discussions. Sometimes the United posters forget that the Sam Gamgee supports another club.

But the Sam Gamgee is torn in two. He loves his club and that will never change. The Sam Gamgee fulfills his duty and treks to Morder to make posts in his own team's forum, but his heart is back in the Shire of the United forum. Don't worry, Sam Gamgee, you won't always be torn in two. One day your club's forum will be as entertaining as the United forum.

Samuel L. Jackson

[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n_aZov659Us"]YouTube - Dave Chappelle-(Sam Jackson..mmm Bitch!!)[/ame]

"HOW'S IT TASTE, MOTHER********ER?"

SAMUEL L. JACKSON POSTS IN ALL CAPS ALL THE TIME!! THEY USE EXCLAMATION POINTS AT THE END OF EVERY SENTENCE TOO!! SOMETIMES PEOPLE MISTAKE SAMUEL L. JACKSON FOR BEING ANGRY, BUT HE'S REALLY JUST MOTHER********ING LOUD!! HE'LL EVEN MAKE HIS FONT BIGGER SOMETIMES SO EVERYBODY KNOWS WHAT HE IS POSTING IS REALLY ********ING IMPORTANT!!! SAMUEL L. JACKSON IS USUALLY HARMLESS, EXCEPT WHEN ANOTHER POSTER ISN'T FAMILIAR WITH HIS STYLE AND THINKS HE IS ANGRY!!

Working Stiff



Never found on BigSoccer during the weekend hours, The Working Stiff is a 9 to 5, Monday through Friday poster. When he does post, he'll post non-stop from his place of employment, in a variety of threads. He'll post on every subject available in his frequented forum: team news, tranfer speculation, troll hunting, movies and music, recipes -- ANYTHING to avoid getting back to work. The Working Stiff is a reliable poster; you know he'll be there on any given day, and he'll usually give other posters a heads up about big projects or travel plans he has coming up, so they don't worry to much about his bizarre absence.

A fascinating aspect of The Working Stiff's M.O. is the fact that he will never be caught posting in a live match thread. He doesn't post on weekends, so those games are out; and, for midweek games, he relies on Tivo or, in the case of a Luddite Working Stiff, a VCR to record the game and watch it later that evening. Of course, as soon as he gets back to his place of employment, he'll post in the nether regions of match threads, leaving his post-game analyses and player rankings.

In the real world, Working Stiff probably has some kind of his team's paraphenalia -- a tie, coffee cup, lifesize player cutout -- in his office space. It's his way of sticking it to the man.

The Gravedigger



The Gravedigger is an enigma. Nobody knows where this mysterious poster comes from, but his fascination with old threads is legendary. The Gravedigger is the guy who treks through the archives of forums and drags up the most ancient topics, and try’s to re-initiate discussions on subjects long forgotten .

Maggot infested threads such as ‘Did Fergie make a mistake with Stam’ or ‘ Over the line or nay, a day in the life of a Russian linesman’ are brought back to the fore!

Some say he is a being from a parallel universe who’s post has crossed the void and entered our own dimension. Others say he has been lost to us in a coma for years and knows nothing of recent events so talks of only what he knows. Most however, say he is a royal pain in the ass who’s only real intent is to p*** people off.

Whatever the truth, the Gravedigger seems to be a lonely poster who is lost in the past. Making any sought of reply should be discouraged, as any grasp they do have on current events could be lost forever.

Gambit



Gambit always has a card up its sleeve. Whether it's the race card, gender card, or age card, Gambits always show their hand when put under pressure. Gambits are usually the strongly opinionated type, who do not shy away from arguments, but when engaged in battle and one of their points has been shot down, out comes the card to try and claw back some face. Gambits are aware of their weapon(s) and they rarely hesitate to use it.

Gambits are a useful type to have on a board, as their reputation on the board can also help to unveil other character types.

Gentle, considerate, nonchalant character types will pussifoot around Gambits, in fear of accidentally upsetting them and will retreat to another thread when a Gambit eventually shows its hand.

Other more cunning, aggressive character types will lace their posts with little digs at said Gambit, so as to force the Gambit to show their face and defend their particular card. This, in turn, contorts the whole forum into a tense board where most threads are laden with controversy and everyone on the board is confronted with the issue of complex, delicate issues such as racism, sexism, bushisms and so on.

Unlike Hater and Body Blow and other negative character types, Gambit does not actually reveal its cards to attack or alienate other posters. Gambit merely uses its card as a defence mechanism and knows no other way of deflecting the pressure of itself. Outside of splice wars and in depth discussion, Gambit are usually nice posters to have on a board, as without the spotlight on them, they don't feel the need to preach about prejudices.

The Desperado



Desperado's are female posters who after trawling through endless dating sites and getting fed up with online disscussions with perverts and 40 year old virgins, have hit on the genius idea of joining a 'football forum' in order to flirt online with real, salt of the earth...proper MEN.

As should be expected, the Desperado usually has about as much football knowledge as Malcolm Glazer. The Desperado is not easily deterred however, they slide under the radar by agreeing with noted posters views to gain a foothold, and then slip in crater like hints that they are currently thinking about modeling if their father doesn't make them join his brewery business.

The Desperado is generally easy to detect on a Board\Thread, as they usualy use puns or double meanings as their username eg: Tottenham HotGirl, Man U'd like this.

WARNING: Be wary of any pictures supplied by the Desperado (there is a reason they were shunned from their dating sites).

Other Teams

The poster type known as Other Teams exists for the purpose of discussing teams in forums which do not pertain to said team. Though he can initially be thought to lack focus, all discussions in a specific forum are carefully planned out to draw attention back to another team.

Some posters think of Other Teams as providing a public service, providing the young and narrow-minded with numerous posts regarding other great clubs, their formations, players, history, and transfer rumors. Though some may question the wisdom of discussing club topics not in the specific forum for that team, but in another team's forum, the truth is they are simply ill-informed about football outside of their small circle.

Though there are a few Other Teams with the goal of converting fans of one club to the club they support, the vast majority are benevolent and ultimately harmless. They may, however, ridicule those who question the motives of the team(s) which they discuss.

Weak Sauce



Weak Sauce is an uncommon variant of the RepWhore who is characterized by low self-e-steem and indifference to any football related issue. Many moons ago Weak Sauce was a heralded prodigy who was on his way to becoming a RepLord but somewhere along the lines people stopped laughing at his posts. As a result, Weak Sauce spends most of his time searching in vain for the perfect IMG or GIF that he can post to improve his fading reputation. Weak Sauce has a penchant for recycling epic IMGs and GIFs that were instant classics when they were originally posted. On occasion he gains raves for this heinous practice by Newbies but for the most part is looked down upon by the regulars. Weak Sauce has a massive cache of images on his hard-drive and carefully dissects each and every post in his respective forum in search of the perfect image to reply with.

Weak Sauce has no allies in the cruel world of the interweb and is easily preyed upon by Smart Arses. It is almost impossible for Weak Sauce to dig himself out of his own mediocrity as it would take an epic buttslam of a GIF to do so. If Weak Sauce could harness the power of Google and Photoshop he has a chance to get some of his e-spect back. Until then he will be on suicide watch.