The BS Character definition thread.

Close season is upon us... nothing much to do for at least three months till the season kicks off again ( )

Sooo... we're gonna see a whole loada nonsense amongst the transfer speculation.

Anyway, I would like us to try and create a BS version of this site. It's a good site, but I don't think it's particularly applicable to this kind of site, and so I'd like for us to have a go at creating a list of personality/character types you've seen or come across on here.

This is a light-hearted exercise! Please no nasty agendums masking snide digs at those you don't get on with!

The way I'd like this to be done:

1. When this thread is concluded we open a new thread inducting the funniest and most apt descriptions into a defenitve and final list that is subject to change in the future.

2. One Character/Personality type per post so that we can easily lreference via post # in the new thread (see point 1. )

3. No snipes, snide digs or otherwise please. It'd be great for this to not degenerate into yet another BS cat-fight pissing contest.

4. You can have as many goes as you like just make sure you adhere to point 2.

5. Any artists out there feel they could add caricatures to the character descripitions once finalised? It'd make this a classic!

6. Clearly highlight the character type at the start of your entry - Bolding it would be preferavble.

7. CHECK the thread before entering a type!! Someone may have got there before you!

err... that's about all I can think of. Let your humorous juices flow and your creative musings out.


Give it a go please. I think it'd be a laugh if we could compile a BS character guide!

Kinda. Take your lead from the flame warriors site.

I'll do the first one to clear up any confusion.

Average Bloke

Average Bloke is just what it says on the tin. He types and interacts in the exact same manner online as he does offline. Average Bloke isn't into Netiquette or the silly games people play online. He treats the cyber world in exactly the same way as he would treat the real world. If offended by someone during conversation Average Bloke's response will be identical to the reaction he would give you offline. Whether that's a threat of violence or an opening gambit containing the word 'mate' or 'dude' it'll be true to his real life persona. Average Bloke's make up about 10% of Big Soccer from my experience and they come in all shapes and sizes.

OMGZ


OMGZ 15 1337! LOLZ, PWNED!!!!11

If you understand any of the above you're either an OMGZ or have interacted with enough of them to decypher their code. OMGZ are harmless as a single posting entity, but when you find an OMGZ hub, they are impervious to logic, common sense or reason. They are quick to defend the hub and quickly turn any football debate into a 1337 war of atrition. OMGZ don't have any interest in any thread that involves paragraphs or any kind of semblance. In fact, if you are unfortunate enough to be attacked by a hub of OMGZ expect to be LOLd into submission - this is a battle no normal poster can win. When two rival OMGZ hubs do battle expect a 500 post lock within two days and the war to continue across boards as they seek that final, crushing PWNED!!!!11 that sees the last of the rival OMGZ hub off.

OMGZ quickly scare away almost all other types of BS poster.

Contrarian


A masterful Big Soccer poster whose only purpose is seemingly to pick a random opponents and say the exact opposite of whatever his intended target ever says. Contrarian is never bored on BS as he can wonder aimlessly from board to board picking out people to disagree with. The key to spotting Contarian is in how he rebutts questions. Contrarian doesn't actually offer an opinion of his own - he just says the opposite of whatever his opponent is saying. Once his opponent tires of this game or picks up on what's happening Contrarian disappears and has already engaged his new target. Contrarian doesn't have a particular interest in the debates per se, he is more into the people who are debating. The best way to defeat Contrarian is to agree with him abruptly.

Splicer


Oh boy!! You just had to get into it with Splicer didn't you? It'll take two posts at most to identify Splicer. Even when a post doesn't need to be seperated Splicer will make sure his opponent is presented with a veritable minefield of pointless rebuttals to points that weren't even being made. By the power of splice, a thread, nay, a post! can quickly be derailed and taken off to the tangent Splicer feels like making. Splicer never tires and like OMGZ a 'post off' becomes a war of atrition and by the end of it you will be talking about molecular science (you started on why cleats are better than studs.)

The Drama Queen

The drama queen only ever shows up when there's a hint of crisis in the air and seems to revel in it, often turning a molehill into the proverbial mountain. Always quick to criticise with blanket statements before heading for the hills again as the drama subsides. This poster isn't interested in debate, it's one post then "See ya" but they like to fling as much shit as possible during their brief visits, hoping that they can say "I told you so" when they next make an appearance which unfortunately for them is all too rare. They seem to have a masochistic streak and are loathe to give praise no matter the circumstances.

?


? Is that person who couldn't post on BS if the question mark was removed from their keyboard. ? are impossible to read no one knows anything about them or what their opinion is on anything. ? is a harmless character, Egotist loves ? as ? will never tire of asking and Egotist will never tire of answering. ? is usually left alone in most sub-cultures on BS, almost everyone knows a ? Almost no one knows a single thing about ? however.

Search Engine


A master of the various search engines on the internet. This poster doesn't have first hand knowledge of almost anything he is debating. The problem Search Engine has from time to time, is that once in a while he will copy and paste a body of text that has minor faults in it i.e an incorrect set of dates, the wrong place of birth etc, etc. cannier BS posters will not only see these faults but can identify there place of origin and expose lower levels of Search Engine. Skilled Search Engine's were probably brilliant plagiarisers during academia. They will take hours, days even cross-referencing their Googles with their Wikipedia.

Search Engine doesn't usually mean any harm, but his immense sense of pride will drive him on especially if his tormentor has upset him on a personal level. Search Engine is quickly exposed by the rigidity of his responses. The naive Search Engine will embellish on the works he has found and one time or other put his foot in his mouth at an inopportune moment. The wiser, more skilled Search Engine will ignore or dismiss his tormentor when asked a direct question he cannot Google or Ask Jeeves.

The Smart Arse

Everything is a joke to this kind of poster. It doesn't matter what the subject is nor how serious, this kind of poster will find a way to make fun of it. Sometimes they miss the spot, sometimes they hit. If they're not on your side in a debate then battles can be hard to win and it can often be a good tactic to retreat whilst telling yourself that you're rising above it when you know you're beaten as they can leave you flabbergasted and somewhat speechless. The enemy smart arse conjures up images of a very egotistical person, giving themselves high fives or jerking themselves off with every attempt at humour. Once you get to know them, they're harmless enough and if they're an ally they actually become likeable in a loveable rogue sort of way.

Football Manager

He has played this game since he first heard about it and will check the FM bible before positing his thoughts on any player he's never actually heard of or seen play. Football Manager and Search Engine are a deadly alliance - one of the strongest on Big Soccer - if FM is also an Embellisher he can appear to be a genius who scouts the entire world. The problem with Football Manager is that they rarely know when to stop. Megalomania and the need to comment on every player in every part of the world will alert you to Football Manager inadvertantly. After all, how can one person watch so many leagues and know so much about so many obscure players?

There tends to be two distinct types of Football Manager. The first category being those who only use Football Manager during conversation to cover the bases of a new names. The second type, Embellisher uses this device as a tool, a weapon in his battle of one-upmanship.

When two Embellishers who use Football Manager as their right hand man collide the sparks they create can entertain an entire forum.