Referee "Meltdown" (Youtube Video)

There should be a required class/video for all parents to watch before their kid can play in their first game. So many parents don't know the rules.
Heck, some coaches don't even know the rules. I coached 2 seasons of rec before I got my entry level rec cert. It certainly opened my eyes to a few things that I did not know.

 

Not sure that follows. This is a bit like blaming schools for everything wrong with kids . . . while coaches can try to set expectations, they can't dramatically change an adult with years of practice being a &#$%#.

 

Been thinking on this video, and it finally struck me that we have lost an unbelievable amount of common courtesy and manners (her mention that he wasn't raised right finally struck home).

At what point did it become OK for ANY adult (or any person really) to not rise above. If the ref didn't handle it "right" the adult should have. Whatever was said or not said that we didn't hear aside (obviously that is where the adult should have risen above and not complained on the refereeing and therefore no incident would have arisen) once the referee, a young female, came over the adult should have replied respectfully with acknowledgement he heard her (the first warning) and nothing else, and nothing else the rest of the game. The adult could have then respectfully explained what happened to the proper chain of command (assuming he thought he was wronged) and let them deal with the situation.

Say the referee was completely out of bounds (I am not saying she was just for example) shouldn't the adult handle it better? If the adult had not said one word all game and she came over and told him enough or whatever, wouldn't that be the time for the adult to react properly? Read that she was having a tough time with something and that arguing back wasn't going to help, and certainly not trying to one up a younger (probably teenager) person?

So, knowing that people are not going to behave and idiots abound what can we do? We can't have an experienced referee to watch every game and until something like this happens for real (not classroom or training) no one knows how they will react. Maybe this referee has been trained, talked to, mentored, and has been refereeing 10 years, maybe not. If she has or hasn't she was willing to step up and address an older male that wasn't behaving as he should. In my opinion she didn't handle it "right" but that is for me and how I handle things. If it was a restart or mechanics issue or positioning issue we can say you called this and restarted with that but should have restarted with the other, and your arm isn't extended all the way up when you signal IDK, you should do it like this (show her). That is IF someone is watching her work.

When it's a personality thing or a judgement call we can discuss it, and say how we would handle it and offer pointers and advice if we are there (or in the even more rare case there is a video that shows everything pertinent). In this case it would probably do a world of good especially if it happened right after the match where encouragement and a focus on all that was right etc would go a long way. Compliment her for the guts to handle it and if it the timing was right then give a few pointers on how to maybe avoid the escalation.

Someone has to be there, right?

 

First good for her. The guy is a douche. Second could she have handled it better?, sure. But she's young and that's much easier to mentor/learn than the confidence/courage she showed.

One thing a couple have brought up and might (I don't really know), have caused her to be a little more argumentative than she ought, was his use of "girl". I'm not sure if she took this in a racist way, but if she did (and she did question his use of the term), that certainly could explain why she became more heated and showed more "attitude". And very understandable. A person crosses that line.....all bets are off. Imagine if this were a black male referee and the guy had used "boy".

Again, not sure if she took it this way, but if she did, she showed a lot of constraint.

 

I'm just a white male Yankee, but I'd say that she definitely understood his use of the term "girl" and IMHO she was correct. He meant it as a racially demeaning term.

 

Here is the transcript I made of the initial 'discussion'--with my other transcript appended.
(Neither are invented, turned up the audio all the way and leaned into my speakers..)
Interesting from a psychological standpoint, is his use of First Person Plural, which she catches right away and tries to correct. (Unsuccessfully.)
-----------------------------------------------------------
Parent:...call and you're not calling...

REF: Excuse me?

Parent: Which hand balls are we calling ...?

REF: Its the handballs that I call, are the ones I would call.
Does that make sense? Not you. I am the one calling them. Its my discretion.

Parent: OK. You should call 'em all.

REF: If its a ball to a hand, then its not hand ball; if its a hand to ball...
<unclear, talked over>

Parent: ...if its in the box and affects the path of the ball.

REF: But *
You can either watch your son's game, or you can leave.
I mean its up to you. Thank you.

Parent: <mumble> call the game. She shouldn't listen to me.

Other parent: You should be invisible... ... to her.

Parent: She should just call the game.
------------------------------------
*At this point, she realizes the futility of educating this parent, and switches gears.

----------------------------
<Original video, later in time. Very little time elapsed.>

Parent: Well, I think its ridiculous that she can pick and choose what calls...
because you're afraid to call a penalty kick.
...and 'ball to hand' doesn't mean anything.

Woman fan: Yeah. Exactly.

Parent: Cuz it affects the path of the ball... and a scoring chance?
Absolutely you call it.

Parent: And when we don't know the rules of the league we are reffing in... that's a problem for me.

Parent: Great call.

<The rest is clearly audible.>

 

I've very infrequently been subjected to this level of questioning by a parent, but I have a standard approach in these rare cases: I (loudly, but not angrily) cite the appropriate portion of the LOTG I have applied and invite him (yeah -- it's always a him ) to let me know which Law he believes has been incorrectly applied in that particular case. This serves two functions: First, it lets that parent and everybody around him know that I KNOW what I'm talking about and second, it lets everybody know that he doesn't and is simply a blowhard. It ends up embarrassing the loudmouth and in every case I've employed the technique, I've not heard another word. I'm not proud when I have had to do this, but it has proved very effective.

 

The bold did it for me. Scratch everything I said in this thread so far. Act like a grown up, we wouldnt even be having this discussion.

Thanks for the lesson

 

That was really a great post. It gets to the heart of the problem. If we have so many young and inexperienced officials, how can we possibly protect them? There are simply too many games to be staffed. Yeah, it would be great if there was a trained and experienced referee there to monitor every two fields and squash this behavior so the referee could gain experience without having to defend herself... but let's be honest, that is not going to happen.

For now, the best solution I can come up with is to strongly encourage any and all reporting of misbehavior. Even little things, report it. Tell the referee to report it to somebody who will listen, and then that person becomes the go-between to the governing body.

Right now, if there is an incident we expect the referee to write a report to the governing body, and then the referee never knows if anything is done. This results in apathy... the referee doesn't bother to report it, the league claims it's not really a problem, the jerks keep acting like jerks.

If and when a referee does report it, it ends up being a "first" incident which results in a talking to from the league authority. "Hey, we heard you were riding a referee hard, we just need to remind you..."

State referee committees, or local/region committees need to become involved as advocates, ombudsmen, if you will. The referee needs to report the behavior to somebody who cares and understands why it's detrimental to the game. That person can then lobby the league authority to act on the report. That person can't (and shouldn't be able to) take action, but they will be able to talk to the league and say, "Hey, this is important."

That's my theory anyway. We'll see ho it works this year in MN...

 

Hmmm... what if we empowered young referees to do something like this?

Ref (with pad and pen in hand): "Your name and team, sir?"​

​

Obstreperous fan: "What? Why do you need that?"​

​

Ref: "I'm required by our league to report all instances of referee harassment."​

​

Nah... they probably wouldn't want to do the paperwork.

 

I might just try that next time !

 

What about the guy that was doing the video taping? Why didn't he/she say "Dude, you need to chill out. She is a 16 year old girl reffing this game. Let the kids play and shut up."
So many people these days pull out their camera as their first instinct instead of getting involved to help out in a situation.

 

Tim,

I considered suggesting the parents police the other parents but in some cases, the parents don't say anything since they are going to standing next to this parent for the next 10 weeks (or more) and don't want to feel like it's a problem. If they say something, the jerk may continue to be a jerk and include the other parents on the sideline.

It may simply be easier for the nicer parents to move further down the touchline to remove themselves from the jerk's influence/mouth/noise ... whatever you want to call it.

 

A great adult ref at one of my U10 rec games was dealing with a guy on the sidelines. When he had had enough he looked at him during a stoppage and told him in a civilized tone and a smile on his face, "You know, that's an interesting call you made there. We certainly need more referees around here. Too many are quitting due to harassment by parents on the sideline. After the game, you should register for the referee classes they offer and soon you can be out here making these calls."

The parent never said a word the rest of the game and the other parents chuckled at him.

 

Equus, I will be stealing using that line.

 

I was filming my one of my 10-year old son's games this past summer (for ref clips, of course). The parents of the other team were acting atrocious, spitting all sorts of bile at the 15-year old in the middle. Now, I will grant, I think that 15-year old made a few mistakes that benefited my son's team, but it's 15 year olds reffing 10 year olds.

Nonetheless, after 45 minutes of ridiculous behavior, I picked up my tripod from its location in a corner behind one of the goal lines, quietly walked down the spectator touchline, and blatantly plopped it down right in the middle of the other team's spectators (taking care not to block anybody's view of the game).

Amazing how quiet and respectful they became within 30 seconds of realizing a complete stranger was recording footage well within earshot. You don't always have to be directly confrontational to squash inappropriate behavior.

Along those same lines, I was working a tournament my brother was coaching at one year, and his team was playing a rival club. I came over to watch because he told me it would be a good game. The parents of the other club were making horrible comments about him (he had warned me they would). I watched for about 25 minutes, during which time one woman kept calling him an a--hole and SOB and whatever other curse word she could dream up. Finally, I had to leave for my next assignment, but as I got up, this woman was continuing to spew forth insults about my brother.

I looked at her and said, "You know, that's my brother you're talking about." Taken aback that somebody might have heard her speaking so many insults, she stuttered and said, "Well, I'm entitled to my opinions." I responded, "Of course you are, it doesn't bug me that you're calling him all of those names. However, it does bug me that you are using that kind of language with those 8-year-old kids playing tag directly behind you. All due respect, that's really irresponsible." Then I walked off.

 

Although she may have been incorrect in the manner in which she handled the situation - and we may not have heard what she heard - the proof to me in those situations has always been the actions of the person after the notice. And this spectator was willing to engage at length following her asking him to leave. Also keep in mind, there are numerous leagues around the country that have differing methods for removing spectators from a youth game. So what we are used to may not be what is the expected process where this video was taken.

 

I just did a quick read on on all 5 pages, and it seems like nobody picked up on what he said to goad her into tossing him, but I pretty clearly heard the guy say, as she turns her back "her voice is cracking" - it was public, personal and provocative, and he 100% deserves to have been tossed, and hopefully the league suspends him from games for a VERY long time for that comment alone.

And last I checked, a white person calling an african american "girl" or "boy" in the south isn't even wink-and-nod racism, but blatant race baiting regardless of the age of the people involved. Every word out of this guy's mouth makes me sick to my stomach - and perhaps this is over-reacting, but if I were in her shoes, I would have abandoned the match at the first "girl" and reported it to the highest level I could conceivably find.

That said, whether she handled this according to proper procedures likely depends on the league - I know that up here with the youth, any parent out of control and you go straight to the coach and use ask-tell-remove in order to get the parents in line, but I don't know what the situation is there - perhaps the referees have the unfair duty to individually deal with parents.

 

wykell,

While I agree in general with what you are saying, I don't agree that the kids need to lose the opportunity to play soccer (abandon the game) because some dad makes racist comments. As a referee, I see my number one priority is the kids having fun playing a game. If the dad can't control himself, he needs to leave the field. I can see suspending the game long enough to deal with the sideline issue but after that... play on. I agree, her voice did crack and she walked the tight rope between proper and improper comments, some even flaming the issues slightly. But, in the end, she took the high road after deciding she had interacted with him too much and had nothing more to say to him. Should she have done that sooner, yes; but, she did and the "adult" didn't.

I hope me being closer to 50 and white didn't hinder my ability to read this situation correctly. All I saw was a young referee, a young female who happens to have parents with skin darker than mine and fool that can't control his mouth. The fool could have been any age, gender or skin color. As an aside, those that referred to this person as a "redneck"; I felt this was a discriminatory statement.

 

I'm all about supporting young referees, and it's great when we see one who isn't afraid to exercise some authority in a tough situation. Still, I wonder if eagerness to assert power is always a good thing.

When recruiting police officers or soldiers, you need someone with the courage to confront danger and use his weapon. However, if a potential recruit seems like the type who would actually enjoy shooting people, that's not someone you want on the force.

I am not saying the young referee in this video crossed the line, but she got me thinking when she called a water break to allow herself plenty of time to give the spectator a richly deserved AC, then appeared to extend the break to chew him out some more. What would you do, as a mentor or assignor, about a referee who went too far? Have you ever run into an official who was only in it for the power trip?

- QC

 

Uh, none of the guys around here. Nope. Unh unh. Definitely not.

 

I think this case, to me, clearly did not cross that line. In fact, I particularly liked that she called for a water break, which provided an opportunity for the kids to not be observers of the parent getting sent away.

I've run across a very, VERY small number of guys that were in it for the power. Most of those so inclined, perhaps, got beaten down pretty early in their career. Most of the ones I remember were early in my career. A generation ago (because that's how long ago that was!), soccer was new in a lot of parts of the country. Most new referees were people who had not played the game but we still needed warm bodies. That created an opportunity for those who didn't know much about soccer but who simply wanted power in at least one corner of their life. That 'opportunity' is pretty much gone now.

 

That's a wild assumption. You have no idea whether water breaks (or sub breaks that get called water breaks) are a standard part of that particular league . . .