Referee "Meltdown" (Youtube Video)

Our state HS soccer commissioner said it best last night: "what inspires people to think that as long as you end the sentence with 'sir' you can say whatever you want?"

 

I like what you wrote here. Almost every referee, sooner or later, ends up with a game like this. So what are the take aways?

My career would have gone quite a bit farther if I had realized earlier how important it is to be absolutely calm in these situations. The next time it happens to you, I hope that I hope your brain will kick in with the message "That's right. I'm not going to let this guy get to me." Take a deep breath. Literally. Fight or flight? No. This guy is so far below you that you don't need to do either. You can just be amused at what a jerk he is. You know you are in control when you are relaxed enough that you can throw one liners at him, like the classic "Coach, you got your assistant all warmed up?"

This type of coach thinks that he's your boss, so he can summon you to explain yourself. Of course, he has no right to do so. YOU are the representative of FIFA, USSF, USYSA, your state youth association and the league. He's just a guy with a bunch of cones and some ratty balls. Probably a clipboard, too. If he won't behave, he gets to leave. As that great Italian-American philosopher, Don Vito Corleone, said, "Nothing personal. It's just business." The key is that you aren't willing to to talk to him about your decision. You will talk to him about his behavior, and nothing else.

And, if you meet this guy again, don't worry. More than half of the time, they're embarassed. If he isn't embarassed, he does know that you have no fear about dismissing him.

 

I was once doing a line for my daughter on a U-15 girls game. One of the players didn't like one of her decisions and begins to loudly protest, 'SIRRRRR!!!!!!' Marlene replied "First of all, do I look like "sir" to you?" One of the player's teammates exclaimed, "Way to get the ref on our side, Susie." That was pretty much the end of that protest!

 

The ejected parent is the commentator heard in the first 25 seconds of the video.
Transcript:

I think its ridiculous that she can pick and choose what calls... she is afraid to call a penalty kick
...and 'ball to hand' doesn't mean anything. If it affects the path of the ball... and a scoring chance?
Absolutely you call it.

And if you don't know the rules of the league(?) she is reffing in... that's a problem for me.

Great call.

 

Wow. What an antagonistic asswipe. It freaking u10 you redneck idiot. And once the racist comments come out, game over.

 

But isn't her response there just awesome? The whole, "you weren't raised right" part just made me happy. Addresses the comment but doesn't stoop to his level.

 

I didn't hear anyone say anything inappropriate before the ejection.

 

Iron.
You're wrong both here and on the youtube comments. The guy was completely inappropriate in the video and, according to the video poster, before it as well. He just finally met a referee who was listening and had the courage to act. The only remaining issue is to teach her a better mechanic to keep this guy from escalating.

You're not going to convince anyone here that this referee doesn't have the authority to tell this guy to leave because of some word in the LotG.

Edit: My apologies: I mistook Iron for another poster. My bad

 

I mean, I didn't hear anyone yell anything but positive encouragement. If you guys hear whining about the ref in the video, fine, but I didn't.

 

Iron, my bad. I posted an edit to show my mistake. You spoke almost exact wording from the comments and I overreacted. I'm leaving my mistake up for a record of my dumb mistake. I hate revisionist threads. Heh.

There is a guy on the Youtube comments that is trying to convince everyone that referees can't do it, though.

 

I did not make up that transcript. Its on the youtube.

 

Technically, It was that Mick/Kraut Tom Hagen who said that.

 

The best advice I had ever received on this is to practice and rehearse what you should say when these situations unexpectedly arise. If you train yourself for these things it is much more likely that you will be more composed and controlled, which is the key. Just like drills on a Navy ship, you don't want to be wondering what to do, rather you want to act instinctively as per your training.
And if you have a good wit about you, by all means use it. When appropriate, a quick jab is by far the best weapon in your arsenal to quickly dissipate such a situation. (when appropriate that be).

 

And oh ya, don't forget: ask, tell, remove. And follow through with it. But don't hesitate to skip the first two when necessary!

 

I would like to echo what the esteemed Law5 says.

The advice a 45 year old will probably not resonate with the younger crowd, but...

You must not care what a coach or spectator says about you. Not "should not." MUST not.

Whatever it takes. Roll your eyes. Imagine the miscreant to have a massive baby head (seen Waterboy?). The second you feel the heat of anger/frustration/embarrassment, they have won. Don't let them. Do not raise your voice. Do not get mad. Do not argue.

There are tons of good ideas as to how to address these situations, and you have to use what works with your personality. You must address dissent when it undermines your authority or distracts or degrades the game- I am not saying to ignore it. I am saying to not let it bother you.

Bottom line is when you are cool and unemotional, you will continue to make correct, confident, unbiased decisions, no matter how crazy the scene is.

 

Thanks for all the advice. It'll be very helpful in the future.

 

The red players foot on the throw in was over the line.

 

Yup, right in fornt of the AR . . . oh, wait, right where the AR would have been if there was one . . . youth referee doing the game solo adn getting #$%$% . . . completely, hopelessly, totally ineexcusable . . .

 

I love these kind of comments when there is only one referee. Lol.

What you SHOULD have said is

Lol.

I use this fairly frequently for players a bit slow on the uptake in the men behaving badly league I do sometimes.
"Ref, that was [offside, over the goal-line, over the touch-line]!!! OMG!!!"
Quietly as we run next to each other: "Dude, you are in the wrong league."
"Huh?"
"You want perfection on throw-ins and offside, you get that in X league with 3 refs, not here. Adjust."
"Oh sorry ref...."

 

I reckon the expunged adult has never played an organized sport in his entire life.

Probably consistently got creamed in dodge ball while in grade school too because he over-packed for that also.

 

What if there is no league that does that for U10? You're kinda screwed.

 

Uh.... no, you are left with a young and learning youth referee, all alone, managing 16 kids( young and learning), 2 adults, biased adult parents/spectators, all without the possibility to be in perfect position to see every single little thing.

 

Story of my life then for the most part..

 

There's no doubt the guy is a redneck, but it doesn't mean this was handled correctly. Had the referee been an adult, we'd all be saying so, but because she's a teenager, we're admiring that she stood up to this guy.

Regardless of the age of the referee, you rarely win when you confront a parent head-on, especially in the era of social media where you end up on YouTube like this teenager. Best thing to do is to go to the coach and to indicate that the parent has been thrown out and must be removed immediately.

For anyone who wants to see a real meltdown, this video is a must-see (apologies if it's been posted here recently):