Referee "Meltdown" (Youtube Video)

Discussion in 'Referee' started by Slaskwroclaw18, Dec 5, 2012.

  1. Slaskwroclaw18

    Slaskwroclaw18 Member

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    Interesting video I found. U-10 game and young referee asks parent to leave the game. I did not hear any negative comments or yelling in the video before from the parent before she blew the whistle but I am giving the referee the benefit since maybe the camera did not pick up everything (the parent was supposedly given an earlier warning according to the person who posted this).
    Thoughts?





  2. campbed

    campbed Member

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    A young referee with some things to learn about how to dismiss, most of it self evident. Dismiss, disengage, get distance, monitor. Oh, and have the coach manage spectators.

    She sure looks like she has great potential. Good for her for stepping up! We can easily fix the rest.

    She has the spark!
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  3. arsenal8884

    arsenal8884 Member

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    Glad she threw him out.

    I don't agree with how it was done. She is asking for an argument. No need for the whole condo. Just have the coach remove the parent from the premises.
    OMGFigo repped this.
  4. Slaskwroclaw18

    Slaskwroclaw18 Member

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    It's very disappointing that the parent feels the need to continue arguing with her, "It looks like you are going to cry" What kind of adult says that to a teenage girl let alone a referee?! He deserves to be told to leave. It's great to see a young referee willing to stick up for her calls. Yes she could of done it using a calmer demeanor but that comes with experience and age. She will learn.


  5. NC Soccer United

    NC Soccer United BigSoccer Yellow Card

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    I love it!!!! A teenager taking no shit. Good for her. Of course, we can work on the mechanics here, provided her local association doesn't get all PC with this and boot her from the assignments. A mentor would do the trick.
    OMGFigo repped this.
  6. Errol V

    Errol V Member

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    Love it. Dressed down by a teenager in infront of all the other parents. I'm sure he has the nads to mouth off like that to an adult. What a POS, and congrats to the referee for standing her ground.
  7. NW Referee

    NW Referee Member

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    Several things come to mind.

    Whatever happened must of happened before the video. I'm guessing she said the old "...if you say anything else, your gone..." line. The guy said something so that was it. If this was what happened, good for her. Too many times referees say this to a player, a coach or a parent but don't follow through.

    This was posted by one of the parents, presumeable from the same team. Look at the title; Referee Meltdown. Did she have a meltdown? No she did not, the title is misleading.

    Did she handle dismissing a parent in the best way? No, but it wasn't a disaster either. Yes, she engaged in too much conversation with him but she did not back down. She has more to learn on this but I applaud her "spark" as campbed said.

    Yes, you can ask the Coach to show his parent to the parking lot but I have no problem if the Referee does it themself IF they are comfortable doing it. Most young referees aren't comfortable dismissing a parent (or a coach either) but it is actually good "training" for dismissing a Coach. She looks like she has the confidence to handle this herself, just needs some work on her technique.

    I was happy to be "disappointed" by the title of this video. Being assertive as a referee does not mean you are having a meltdown.
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  8. Errol V

    Errol V Member

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    Love it. Dressed down by a teenager in infront of all the other parents. I'm sure he has the nads to mouth off like that to an adult. What a POS, and congrats to the referee for standing her ground.
  9. Slaskwroclaw18

    Slaskwroclaw18 Member

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    Hence the quotes I put around "Meltdown" in the thread title. ;)
  10. NW Referee

    NW Referee Member

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    I was talking about the Youtube title for the video, not your title for this thread. Sorry for the confusion.:)
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  11. Slaskwroclaw18

    Slaskwroclaw18 Member

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    I know you meant the video. Just lauding my own discretion in writing this thread's title!
  12. NC Soccer United

    NC Soccer United BigSoccer Yellow Card

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    I love the subtitle " youth referee gives parent a red card. Can a parent get a red card?" Funny shit i tell ya.
  13. socal lurker

    socal lurker Member+

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    Hopefully the league suspends the parent from attendance.

    But where the heck was the coach during this?!? When I coach, I'm stepping between the parent and the ref, telling the dad that he's embarrassing me, and that he needs to leave right now. No way is he talking like that to any ref, let alone a youth ref. WTF.
    OMGFigo repped this.
  14. Barciur

    Barciur Member

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    I had a "meltdown" on Sunday. I had to kick out a coach. I really probably didn't have to if I went about it a bit differently, but anyway, here's my story..

    Black team up 1-0. Breakaway, black fouled just outside the area. It's a showcase, they strongly urged us not to give cards if we really don't have to, I look at it and think that it could be a DOGSO but not definite, so I'm not gonna kick this kid out. Black coach is on my case, asks me to explain why no red. Tells me to come over. I say to him "NO!". My blood pressure is already up as this is my first center at U-16 level boys and also I've already had to go through 6 players sourrounding me asking for the red Barcelona-style. Hate it. Anyway we proceed with the kick. He still is asking for trouble. He keeps yelling. Tells me to come over. I tell him that's enough. He still is yelling and screaming. I run over to him I tell him "I have no time.." he interrupts and says "you have no time?!". I tell him "We have no time for this I hear one more thing.." and he just ignores it. So I finally tell him to leave. He is saying something, then says "you suck, jackass," and leaves.

    At the end of the game as the three of us are walking on the field he runs out of nowhere and asks me to show him that I have cards. AR who is an older gentleman is defending me and basically does the talking for me so I say no word at all. Which was probably a good thing. I felt like I was really hot and my blood pressure was up. I probably could have handled it A LOT better, but then the coach was not helpful either. And he's an adult, I'm an inexperienced teenage ref. So whatever. I learned a lot from that game, so all for the better for the future. Meanwhile, I hope I don't get to meet this coach for a while.
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  15. Yale

    Yale Member

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    Coaches who are also referees are a different breed from those who are just coaches. Not that there's anything wrong with deciding you don't have the temperament to ref, but 95% of the ref/coaches I've met are referees at heart, even when they're coaching (and the other 5%, honestly, shouldn't be reffing OR coaching). There's an argument in there that all coaches should be required to at least take a referee course, just so they know what it's like, but I don't think it would help. If the basics of human decency are lost on you, you're not going to get much out of sitting in a room at the rec center for a few hours on a Thursday night.

    Again, that's not to say that there aren't some wonderful coaches out there who aren't referees and have no interest in reffing. But I think that in order to be a referee, and certainly to be a good referee, you have to always be cognizant of the fact that the players and other participants are individuals who must be afforded dignity and respect no matter what. For better or for worse, that's simply not part of the required skillset to be a coach (although I would argue that it is an important part of being an excellent coach), and sadly, definitely not mandatory to be a parent.

    Wow, that turned into a depressing indictment of humanity rather quickly. Sorry for that. Now back to your regularly scheduled programming.
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  16. sjquakes08

    sjquakes08 Member+

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    Very good confidence for a young referee. Not something you see nearly enough of. And obviously from a referee standpoint she would do a lot better with less attitude, but I can't say it didn't make me smile to see that guy be forced to look like an idiot.

    I do think, though, that all it takes is eye contact, a point, and a "this game will not be restarted until you leave the premises" to have an even more profound impact.
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  17. Alberto

    Alberto Moderator Staff Member

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    I have no issues with her explaining herself to the parent. these people need to know why they are being dismissed.

    I don't mind she is a bit confrontational. Surprising for someone that young. There are some people that are just asking for it. You warn them and they keep up with it.
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  18. uniqueconstraint

    uniqueconstraint Member

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    This guy was a jacka$$, and his friends on the audio are jacka$$e$ too. Period.
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  19. R.U. Kiddingme

    R.U. Kiddingme Member

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    Well she started off OK, but the guy was leaving, complying with her request, why on earth as a ref would you continue to engage with your back completely turned to the players, and no AR's.
    But hey, once she learns to control her emotions and learns to deal with such situations a bit more professionally, I don't think anyone is going to mess with her on the pitch.
  20. cleansheetbsc

    cleansheetbsc Member+

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    You can sort of tell which parents will be trouble. He was a classic:
    1. A U-10 game, he has more shit to pack up for a 50 minute game than I would take on a vacation. Clearly he will be distracted during the match.
    2. Any adult wearing full casual athletic gear head to toe with a company logo on it (and not that of a sport team). 'Under-Armour' parents are generally the worst. Good on him to keep it up that rep in my mind.

    She didn't need to continue the dialogue, but I sure as hell will be showing this to my 15 yo son tonight.

    As a coach, thank goodness I've never had a parent like this during my six years as a travel coach.
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  21. uniqueconstraint

    uniqueconstraint Member

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    #1 had me laughing out loud! Good thing I work at home, only have the dog to give me funny looks.

    I posted this on my Facebook page - too many times we talk about parent conduct to young referees in the abstract. In a sense it's great to have a tangible example to show, I think this happens more often than most of us care to admit - and goes unsanctioned.
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  22. COME ON REF!

    COME ON REF! Member

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    The underlying racist comments are what get me. He calls her "girl" a couple of times, and seems to have the support of the parents around him.
    I hope she sticks with it, but in that neighborhood will have to grow some thick skin.
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  23. R.U. Kiddingme

    R.U. Kiddingme Member

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    Personally, I'm quite thick skinned, parents and coaches comments really don't bother me at all, but as adult referees, we must think about the kids out there reffing.
    That is what I think about when deciding on when and how to act. If I let one guy get away with bad behavior, then he/she thinks they can use it on some poor kid just starting out.
    Nothing brasses me off more then some "tough guy" trying to influence the game thinking he can bully a kid into making the calls go his way.
    I'm not worried about this gal though!
    Collina RULES! BTW
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  24. Paper.St.Soap.Co

    Paper.St.Soap.Co Member+

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    I know, you gotta keep an eye on those U-littles or a fight might break out :D

    Of course that's a little tongue in cheek as your advice is good, especially at the older ages. Overall what struck me is the first thought that jumped into my head: I've seen worse. That's sad, it really is, because it is not acceptable to act like the parent did. If more of us would draw the line like she has I think we would see less of the extreme behavior. Hell, if more parents would police their peers we would be in a better place.
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  25. R.U. Kiddingme

    R.U. Kiddingme Member

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    You say that but after the first time that happens with your back turned, ya learn never to turn your back on the little buggers again! :)
    Just kidding, but spot on with your comment, that was my first reaction as well, "shoot that's nothing compared to...." , but you're right, adults shouldn't act like that at a u-little match, not even that little bit of sarcasm. I doubt that same person would dare converse at work or with other parents in that manner.
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