My daughter is participating in a soccer tournament this weekend and is experiencing an extreme lack of confidence. She is guest playing with another team (a team she has actually played with several times) but when she's out there, she is tentative and it seems like an invisible hand is holding onto her, holding her back - NOT GOOD for a forward. I know exactly what she is capable of doing but for some reason when she is out of her comfort zone (her own team) she freezes up and does not look at all like the striker who scores most of the goals for her team. I am trying to use positive reinforcement, reminding her of great goals she scored and how she has battled back after a rough foul ... when we talked about it in the car, she actually realizes her problem. I just do not know what to say, is there anything I can say to help her get her confidence back? Or must I realize there's nothing I can do, she has to do it for herself?
There might not be anything you can do the day of the match except build her up the best you can. I personally think changing the environment with strong camps and and other clubs will help. If she is playing up, play her normal to reassure her skills.
has your daughter guested for any teams other than the one you posting about? if so, how did she do there? where is this team(skillwise) compared to her rostered team? could she be in over her head? how are the girls? some teams are welcoming while others are more reserved. if she is a really social kid and doesn't feel welcome, she won't play as well. the truely driven kids could care less. IMO, if she has guested with this team b4 and the coach keeps asking her back, then he thinks she contributes unless there is a "doing you a favor thing" going on. my daughter guests. i believe it should be a great confidence builder, no pressure and fun. she plays better that way. i am careful not to get her into a situation above her skill level. normally it is for teams that are equal to or lower flighted than her rostered team. she also plays up but i am even more careful there. getting in over their heads doesn't help the guest or the team. mine was given 2 opportunities to guest keep at PDA for teams she played last fall and one to play up. she turned them down. i was surprised. when i asked her why, she said "i get to play the field more at the smaller tournaments". last spring, that was very important to her since she hadn't been getting much field time as primary keeper for her team.
Thanks for your replies. The very next day after I wrote the post she scored a very nice goal. The last day was also better than the first two, I think she needed a bit of time to settle in. I understand what you meant about not being a pressure situation but this was more like an opportunity to play with girls who are equal if not better than her and collectively, a slightly more talented team than hers. And it was not with a different club, we are all part of the same club it was just with another location. Most of the girls know each other, they have played against and with each other over the past few years. I think she was a bit intimidated and needed to prove herself TO herself to be reminded of why she was asked to guest play in the first place. She is far too comfortable on her own team and needs to be challenged once in a while. Her role on a team will change depending on the circumstances and she has to be able to roll with it and accept the changes, in position as well if necessary. Again i appreciate both your comments.
I'm glad it worked out... Few thoughts: I've told my kids for years they can really only control their: attitude, effort, and preparation. They know they can make all sorts of physical mistakes and I could care less. And, I applauded risk taking, especially in dangerous (attacking third) places on the field. My boys listened to a coach/psychologist(?) from Duke talk about the 5 second rule. Basically, you have less than 5 seconds to recover mentally from a mistake. Obviously, you'd like to minimize this if there's an immediate chance to win a ball back that you've misplayed. But, you get my drift -- there are many kids who let a bad event influence the next several minutes -- this is not okay and kids need to have a short memory and really just try to keep their work rate high. I think it's a bit easier to get rid of initial jitters by playing simple. Try to link up with teammates one touch. Try to put yourself in places where you'll have some time (and space). Obviously, if she's a forward, she needs to check back to receive balls or look for dangerous space to run into... I'm not sure her age but I would also encourage attending tryouts or things like ODP. Experience in settings like this should help build confidence through experience...
This is an extremely common problem. Your approach is great. However, confidence is something that is between that individual and themselves. You cannot bring confidence out of your child as much as you want to try. You can provide the right environment for her to find her confidence. But in the end confidence is between you and you. Nobody can give you confidence. Except for yourself. I would tell her when shes on the field to remind herself that she is a great player and she can compete with anyone on the field as long as she believes in that. Remind her that she only has one chance to play that game. So leave everything out there. She doesn't want to drive home in the car thinking to herself she could have done more or played better. One chance. Play with No Regrets. Best of Luck. Keep me posted on your progress. [ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3oYHSCO31Lo"]How To Be More Confident In Soccer[/ame]
