Let's open a thread for laughing, lhads! I was told that laughing keeps you healthy... I'm starting the thread with a funny clip and hope you'll follow with some nice jokes, pics & vids. Here we go: Did you know that Uncle George lapsed back into boozing? Here's the evidence! CLICK
C'mon, you Scots don't have a sense of humour? Let's see some funny jokes, pics or clips! Bonne nuit.
How are Michael Jackson and caviar alike? They both come on little crackers. I'll be here all week, thanks, thanks.
A couple of hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are rolled back in his head. His mate whips out his mobile and calls 999. He gasps to the operator: "I think my friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator, in a soothing voice says: "Take it easy. I can help. First, make sure he's dead." There's silence, then a gunshot rings out. The hunter's voice comes back on the line. He says: "OK, now what?" i thank you...
Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson go camping. They pitch their tent under the stars and go to sleep. In the middle of the night, Holmes wakes Watson up: "Watson, look up at the stars and tell me what you see." Watson replies: "I see millions and millions of stars." Holmes says: "What do you deduce from that?" Watson replies: "Well, if there are millions of stars, and if a few of them have planets, it's quite likely there are some planets like Earth and there might also be life." Holmes says: "No, you idiot. It means somebody stole our tent." and once again, i thank you ..
A magician worked on a cruise ship. The audience was different each week, so he did the same tricks over and over again. One problem: the captain's parrot saw all the shows and began to figure out how the magician did every trick. Once he understood, he started shouting in the middle of the show: "Look, it's not the same hat!" "Look, he's hiding the flowers under the table!" "Hey, why are all the cards the ace of spades?" The magician was furious but couldn't do anything. It was, after all, the captain's parrot. One day, during a fierce storm, the ship sank. The magician found himself on a piece of driftwood in the middle of the sea with, as fate would have it, the parrot. They stared at each other with hatred but did not utter a word. This went on for a day, then another and another. Finally on the fourth day, the parrot could not hold back: "OK, I give up. Where's the ship?"
Here's my joke for 2night. Biology Class The 10th grade teacher asks Jessica: "What part of the human body increases to 10 times it's normal size when excited?" Jessica responds: "That's disgusting! I don't have to answer that question!" So the teacher asks little Johnny, who responds: "That's easy...the pupil of the eye." "That's correct, Johnny. Very good!" And turning to Jessica, she says: "I've three things to say to you, young lady... first, you didn't do your homework; second, you have a dirty mind; and third, you're in for a big disappointment!"
A man calls 999 and yells: "Help! My house is on fire!" The emergency operator says: "Calm down. How do we get there?" The man says: "Don't you have those big red lorries any more?"
A man took his Rottweiler to the vet and explained: "My dog's cross-eyed. Is there anything you can do for it?" "Well, OK," said the vet, "let's have a look at him." So he picks the dog up by the ears and has a good look at its eyes. "Well," says the vet, "I'm going to have to put him down." "Just because he's cross-eyed?!?!" replies the man. "No," said the vet. "Because he's fu**ing heavy.
they're talking about a mirrored ceiling. albert: you wouldn't use it to comb your hair would ya... you think i'm bald don't you. rodney: well it had crossed my mind well i'm not. albert: well it's a hell of a parting you've got there.. what i mean is i'm not naturally bald. rodney: aaahhhh, you mean you pay someone to do that to you..
